by Susan Meier
He stopped and peeked at her. “Here?”
“I don’t mean here in this house. I mean, would you have danced with me tonight?”
“Yes.” He paused, then said, “Maybe.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “No. Probably not.”
“Because you don’t like my dad?”
Sighing, he leaned back on the sofa. “Rayne, even you know your dad is a problem.”
She shook her head. “A problem is when you don’t have enough money to pay the rent or the neighbor’s cat leaves rodents under your back porch. My dad is my dad. My family.”
“And he’s not here right now, so it seems stupid to have this discussion.”
“Not really,” Rayne said. Despondence washed over her. She’d thought he liked her, but he didn’t. Forced to really dissect what he had said at his brother’s wedding reception about wanting to settle down, she suddenly saw that what he liked was the idea of getting married. His family now loved her because she’d driven Tia to the hospital when she was in labor. Plus, without her father she was a successful businesswoman, someone growing in popularity in the town in which he was chief of police. In a sense they’d be the perfect couple. She’d even thought the same thing herself in the church when she realized they held a sacred trust to the town.
She swallowed hard. “You don’t like me.”
Jericho chuckled. “Yes, I do.”
“No, you like the image I’m creating around town. But you don’t like me just for me.”
He stared at her. “What are you talking about?”
“Let me put it to you this way. Do you think about me when you get up in the morning and wish you could be with me?”
His expression became so puzzled that Rayne didn’t have to wait for a verbal reply. She squeezed her eyes shut. The pain of embarrassment mixed with the pain of realizing that she didn’t have the love of the one man she’d really, honestly, given her heart to and she almost couldn’t say what she knew she had to say.
But she also knew she had to say it.
“You know what the funny part about this is? I think when my dad first left, when I was struggling with money, you really did like me. We were honest and straightforward and sometimes even argumentative.” She drew a shuddering breath, shifting away, cool air pricking skin that had been warmed by his embrace. “I can’t forget my past. I most certainly won’t forget my dad. And I’m not going to turn into the perfect woman just because you decided that’s what you want me to be.”
Jericho shifted on the sofa, facing her, and caught her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. “You’ve got this all wrong.”
She shrugged free. “No, you’ve got this all wrong. You want somebody who is perfect and that woman doesn’t exist. I think I understand why. You don’t want to be hurt. But what you don’t understand is that we’d both be hurt more by committing to a relationship dishonestly.” She drew a quick breath. “I think you better go.”
Jericho nodded. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”
The next morning Jericho awakened in the bed in the room he was using in his parents’ house and, oddly, his first thought of the day was of Rayne. Which was ironic considering she’d dumped him the night before because he couldn’t say she was the first thing he thought of in the morning.
He rolled over to get out of bed, but stopped and squeezed his eyes shut. He did like her. He liked her a lot. He’d lusted after her for years. She’d grown into a beautiful, smart, savvy woman, somebody he could talk to, but she didn’t think he was being honest with her—
Well, that wasn’t precisely true. She thought he had been honest with her when her dad first left, but that he had stopped being honest because he didn’t want a real relationship. Apparently, she was convinced he wanted a “fake” relationship. Whatever the hell that was.
The anger from that memory stoked his adrenaline enough that he did roll out of bed. He had no clue what she wanted, but he was glad that he hadn’t slept with her the night before.
He frowned. Maybe he wouldn’t go that far. But he was glad that he hadn’t committed to her. She was a constant bundle of emotion. A determined, pushy, sexy, typically happy woman who seemed to like living her life in emotion-land and he was a normal guy who thought a life like that was chaos.
So she was right. They were better off not getting involved.
He showered, dressed in his police uniform and, in the kitchen, refused breakfast.
His mother groaned, “You can’t skip breakfast.”
“I’m already late. Besides, I like to get something at the diner.”
“You’re not late and I think that diner is part of your troubles,” Elizabeth said, forcing him back to the table. “That place is full of gossips. A day away will do you some good. So grab a piece of toast and cup of coffee.”
Ruthie’s cry came through the baby monitor his parents had sitting on the counter. Elizabeth undid her apron. “Rick’s going to be here any minute to retrieve Ruthie so I’m going upstairs to dress her.” She pointed at him, then the four pieces of toast and platter of scrambled eggs on the table. “You. Eat.”
He sat, knowing that she was right—he not only had enough time to at least drink a cup of coffee and eat a piece or two of toast, but also a day away from the diner would do him good. Let Rayne wonder where he was for a change. He poured himself a mug of coffee from the carafe on the table and took two slices of toast. On a whim, he put eggs on his plate.
He had just picked up his fork when Rick walked in. “Where’s Mom?”
“Getting Ruthie,” Jericho said, spearing some eggs with his fork as Rick came to the table. “I’m a little surprised to see you today. I expected you to be on your way to your honeymoon.”
“I am. I’m grabbing Ruthie and then we’re off to the airport and the Bahamas.”
Knowing Ashley’s father had recently relocated to an island on the Bahamas, Jericho frowned. “You’re spending your honeymoon with your baby and Ashley’s dad?”
Rick laughed. “No. We got a hotel about twenty miles away from Ashley’s dad. Gene and his fiancée want to spend some time with Ruthie, so they’re taking her for a few days. Then we’re all going to spend some time together.”
“Sounds breathtaking and romantic.”
Rick smiled and turned the chair across from Jericho so he could straddle it. “It’s life. And I’m very lucky I found someone who accepts me, problems and all.”
Rick’s words reminded him of what Rayne had said about her dad. Rick’s “problem” was a baby. A child he was honor-bound to raise. A child he loved. Rayne’s “problem” was a dad who was trouble. Always had been. Always would be.
Though now that Jericho thought about it, no matter what Mark did, he was still Rayne’s dad. And she did have a right to want him in her life. Jericho couldn’t expect her to behave as if the guy didn’t exist.
Jericho groaned. “Damn.”
Rick grabbed a piece of toast. “What?”
“I think I might have made a huge mistake last night.”
“What?”
“I think I insulted Rayne.”
Rick smiled slowly. “Yeah. I saw you two together. What’s up with that?”
“She’s actually a very nice woman,” Jericho said, jumping from his chair and grabbing his hat and jacket as he ran to the door. “And I like her a lot.”
He didn’t give Rick a chance to reply because now that he’d wasted time eating toast he might not have enough left to stop and see Rayne. Even though it was Sunday, she still went to work because the paper was due at the printer on Monday. Now that she had an employee, he couldn’t really talk to her in the office anymore, so he had to catch her while she was still at home.
The drive to her house took about five minutes. It took another two minutes of knocking before she answered her door. Sleepy-eyed and with her hair tumbling around her sexily, she said, “Jericho?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“We had a disagree
ment last night, remember?”
She made a move to close the door. “We didn’t have a disagreement. I realized that we have different kinds of feelings for each other. And it’s not a good idea for us to see each other anymore.”
He caught the door before she could close it. “I talked with Rick this morning and he told me he was lucky that Ashley loved his baby and things you said last night began to make sense. I was being short-sighted. I shouldn’t have said that your dad was a problem. He’s not a problem. He’s your family. I get it.”
Squinting as if she were trying to see him without her glasses, she shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think you do get it. My dad’s just a symptom of what’s wrong with us. I love you. And you don’t love me. You love an image. A woman with a clean slate, so to speak. No parents. No real past because with my dad gone and trying to turn the paper into something different I’m a fresh start.” She took a long breath and her voice softened. “I think you like the blank slate, not me, and difficult as it is for me to refuse you, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
“Rayne—”
She shook her head. “Goodbye, Jericho.”
She closed the door and Jericho fought the urge to pound on it until she opened it again and would listen to reason. But he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t open the door again. She’d given him a real chance. Several chances, now that he thought about it. And he’d failed.
He’d lost her and the sudden, unexpected pain of that realization took his breath, but he forced himself to draw in air again. He swore he’d never let another woman hurt him and he wouldn’t. He would survive.
Because that was what he did. He lost, picked himself up by his bootstraps and survived. This time would be no different.
So she was right. They really were over.
Chapter Eleven
Rayne spent that Sunday in tears. Though she knew she had done the right thing, she also knew she had thrown away her one chance. Jericho wouldn’t approach her again. He’d told her he didn’t want to be hurt and she’d hurt him. Probably not as much as she’d hurt herself, but she’d nonetheless hurt him. He wouldn’t come back for a second helping. Still, in her heart she knew it was the right thing to do. She’d been in one relationship of convenience. It hadn’t worked. She couldn’t close her eyes and pretend this one would, simply because she so desperately wanted it. She had to be smart and step away and stay away.
Glad to go to work on Monday, she skipped going to the diner, afraid she would see Jericho. It would be difficult enough to go through the rest of her life knowing that she’d had a real chance with him, but she hadn’t taken it. She could comfort herself with the knowledge that marriage to a man who didn’t want her wouldn’t work. No woman wanted to be married to a man who didn’t want her. Every woman longed to be desired. And somewhere out there she was sure there was a man who would desire her and love her. But that didn’t mean she had to see Jericho every damned morning. In fact, if possible, she wasn’t going to see him at all.
That day she threw herself into explaining a new project she’d devised to increase advertising sales to Pete Forwalt. Tuesday she and Pete drove to Tucker where she introduced him to all the new contacts she had made for the place mat ads. Wednesday she let him go alone to the next town down the interstate.
Two days behind in her regular writing for the newspaper, she was so absorbed in the births, obituaries, anniversaries and social events that she skipped lunch. At two o’clock the rumble of her stomach reminded her that she needed food. Too hungry to hike home, she rose from her seat, slid into her peacoat and walked to the diner with her head down.
Passing the hardware, fewer than three steps away from the diner door and safety, she bumped into Jericho.
He caught her by the shoulders. “Whoa!”
She didn’t even bother to look up. “Sorry,” she mumbled, trying to shift out of his hold, but he held her fast.
“Rayne?”
She peeked up, catching his gaze, then wished she hadn’t. She could see very real sadness in his eyes, and she darned near succumbed to it. But she couldn’t. He wasn’t in love with her. He was in love with the idea of settling down. She appealed to him because the towns-people were beginning to like her and she was really kicking butt at the paper now. So she was socially acceptable. She should punch him for being so cool and calculating about her when she was nothing but a bundle of emotion about him.
Instead she took a breath. “I’m okay.”
Two or three seconds ticked off the clock before Jericho said, “Really? I slammed into you pretty hard.”
“I’m fine,” she said, still talking about their little runin because it was a safe topic and she didn’t want to venture into any of the unsafe things like how she felt about him. This close she could see the smoothness of his complexion, the stubble of his beard, the way the sunlight brightened his hair. She liked his voice. She loved his intensity. She needed someone with his integrity. But she also needed somebody who loved her, and he didn’t.
“Look, I’ve got to go.”
This time she succeeded in shrugging out of his hold and she raced into the diner before he could catch her. But being in the diner didn’t stop the pounding of her heart, help to strengthen her breathing, or even make her feel slightly better. She loved him and he had absolutely no clue of how he affected her. If she didn’t stay the heck away from him, one of these days she would either throw herself at him and tell him it was okay for her to settle for less than what she needed…
Or one of these days she would be walking down the street and that time when she ran into him, it wouldn’t just be him. It would be him and another woman.
For a long time Jericho stared at the diner door, his heart in his throat. She’d told him she loved him, yet she could walk away. Three times. Part of him wanted to believe that she didn’t understand what love was to be so flip about throwing it away. The other part knew that wasn’t true. He saw real affection and emotion shining from her eyes when she looked at him. Nobody had ever looked at him the way she did. And he couldn’t believe she would just throw all that away.
She’d said he didn’t love her, but he did. He loved her enough that it hurt him more to see her pain than to endure his own. But she was strong and she was stubborn. She didn’t believe him when he said he loved her and no argument he’d made changed her mind.
He’d lost her. And though it sounded foolish, he hurt more for her than he did for himself. But there wasn’t a damned thing he could do.
Working late Saturday night, Rayne almost didn’t hear the knock on her back door. At first the faint sound confused her, but when she finally identified it, she stopped working. There was only one person who knocked on her back door. Jericho. But now that she thought about it, even that was insulting. Right from the beginning he’d never entered through her front door, which was on Main Street, where people would see him.
She stormed to the back door, ready to be strong and tell him one final time that she didn’t want any contact with him because every time she saw him it hurt. But as she navigated the boxes in her back room she suddenly realized that her real mistake was staying in Calhoun Corners. She could move up the road to Tucker and still do business exactly the way she was now. Pete could gather the information for articles for the Chronicle. All Rayne had to do was sell this stupid building. She’d tried to be brave but she could not go on living in the same town with Jericho and not be anything to him.
She angrily jerked open the door, but before she could open her mouth to say anything, Jericho grabbed her and kissed her. He kissed her hungrily, greedily and so sexily she melted in his arms, then he pulled away.
“I love you.”
Dazed, she stared at him.
“I really, really love you, and before you tell me why I don’t or how I can’t, let me tell you that I found your dad.”
She blinked. “You found my dad?”
“Yes, I needed to prove
to you that I love you and I realized talk was cheap. I could tell you from here to tomorrow that I accepted your dad but it wouldn’t mean anything. I knew the only way you would believe me would be if I proved it. So I did, by finding your dad.”
“How did you find him?”
He grimaced. “I got the phone company records for your house from the night he called you.”
“He didn’t use a pay phone?”
“Nope. So I ran down the number of the incoming call and there he was, bigger than life, living in Omaha. We had a little chat and I brought him home.”
“He’s here?”
“At the diner. Ready to talk to you. Ready to work for you if you want him to. Or ready to leave again once the three of us spend some time getting to know each other.”
Tears filled Rayne’s eyes and she swallowed. “You do love me.”
He nodded and enfolded her into his arms. “It appears I do.”
“I love you, too.”
He clung to her and, feeling his desperation, Rayne pulled back to look at him. “You weren’t sure this would work.”
He whispered, “No. I didn’t know if I had pushed you so far I could never get you back.”
She saw the hurt in his eyes and smiled at him. “You could never push me that far. I never stopped loving you. In fact, just tonight I decided the only way I could keep my sanity would be to move to Tucker so I didn’t have to see you every day. It hurt that much to see you and know you didn’t care about me.”
“I do care about you.”
“And I will never leave you. I will never hurt you. I will be the one person you can always depend on.”
“And I’ll be the person you can always depend on.”
“Good because I’m not going through this courting stuff with anybody else.”
“Me neither,” he said, then he hugged her again. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody else. If I had lost you, I never would have come back from it.”
