by Melissa Hill
At this Tara’s heart twisted, and she closed her eyes.
“And I did care deeply about you, Tara. I never lied about that. The closeness we shared over all those summers was real and it should have . . . I should have stood up for that. But I didn’t, and by the time I realised that I couldn’t leave you to your own devices, it was too late. I phoned your house one day and your sister told me that you’d moved away somewhere with the baby, moved away on your own. And when I asked her for your contact details she said she didn’t know them – said that it was somewhere in Dublin but she didn’t know where. And when I asked to speak to your parents, she told me that there was no point because they wouldn’t want to speak to me.”
Upon hearing this, Tara’s eyes narrowed. Emma had spoken to Jason, he’d phoned the house looking for her and she’d never said a word! How could she? How could her little sister have so much hate and badness in her that at fourteen years of age she’d conspire to keep them apart? But then again, Emma was only young so perhaps she’d forgotten the conversation almost as soon as it had finished. And she wouldn’t have known Tara’s exact address at that stage either. So, she supposed she had to give Emma the benefit of the doubt. If she didn’t, Tara didn’t know what she’d do, and in truth, she’d had enough to deal with over the last few days never mind discovering that her little sister had a part in it all.
“I didn’t know that.”
“Tara, I’ll admit that I was stupid at the beginning, that my reaction was wrong and very hurtful. But you have to believe me when I tell you that I never meant for this to happen. I truly, honestly cared about you, and I don’t know if we could have made it work, but now I really wish that I had tried. That I had tried to help you raise our . . . raise Glenn. You don’t know how much I regret everything that happened back then. I know it affected your life in an immense way, and I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but it affected me too. I’ve never forgotten you or the baby. I always wondered about you and every time I went back to Ireland I used to imagine I’d bump into the two of you on the street some day. Yet at the same time, I was afraid that I would come face to face with you again because I knew you’d probably hate me for what I’d done. But you were my first love, Tara, and I’ve never forgotten you.”
Tara felt an immense lump in her throat. He sounded the very same as he had all those years before, all those summers when they were falling in love. She wanted so much to believe that he was being sincere, that he was telling the truth when he said he’d never forgotten them, that he’d regretted not trying harder to find them, that he’d wished he’d had the courage to try and make it better. But no matter how convincing he might sound, Tara knew deep down that if Jason had really wanted to find her and Glenn, he could very easily have done so. So, she really couldn’t let him persuade her otherwise. OK, so at the time he was only a teenager, and it was a relief to know after all these years that he had really cared about her and wasn’t the heartless cad everyone had believed him to be, but still, this didn’t change what had happened.
“At the beginning of our relationship,” he went on, “Natalie asked me why I’d never married and I told her it was because I’d never found the right woman. But the truth was I’d never really got over what had happened with you, and how I’d made a mess of it all. You know how close the two of us were back then, how close we’d become during all those summers I came to Castlegate. And then I ruined it all – I ruined our relationship and, by abandoning you like that, I ruined your future too. And as I got older, I began to realise even more the damage I’d done and how much I’d hurt you. And I really did care for you back then, Tara. I know that probably sounds crazy to you now, but it’s true. But we were young, and I was stupid and I didn’t know what to . . .” His voice trailed off then and he took a deep breath. “Remember when we used to talk about being soul mates, and how the universe had conspired to bring us together?”
Tara nodded, but then remembering he couldn’t see her, she croaked, “Yes.”
“Well, if you believed in that then, don’t you think that maybe the universe just might have conspired to bring us together once again?”
Tara swallowed as Jason continued, his tone gentle.
“That there was a reason that you and Natalie met in Egypt, perhaps so she could eventually put us in contact again, and we could have this conversation. So that I could tell you how sorry I am about everything and how I wished things could have been different.”
“Is Natalie there with you now?” Tara asked, wondering what the other girl was making of all this. She didn’t want Natalie hurt – she didn’t deserve that.
“No, she went out for a while to give us some privacy.” There was a brief silence. “I know I said I never found anyone to live up to the closeness I had with you, Tara, but with Natalie, I think I have.”
Tara closed her eyes, unsure how she was feeling about the whole thing. She didn’t want Jason back, of course she didn’t, but the emotions she was feeling just then were all-consuming and she hadn’t felt like that in a very long time.
“I’m pleased for you both,” she said eventually. “Natalie is a wonderful person, and I know you’ll be very happy.”
“Thank you – it means a lot to hear you say that.”
“Jason, I appreciate you telling me that you at least tried to contact me. And maybe you do have your regrets. But it doesn’t change the last seventeen years of my life, and it doesn’t change the fact that Glenn has no idea who you are, nor does he want to.”
“I understand that.”
“And I’m not going to tell him I met or have spoken to you recently. He’s got too much going on in his life right now.”
“I understand that,” Jason said politely. “And I don’t blame you. I would hate to stir things up for either of you.”
“But . . .” Tara said then, and she could almost hear Jason hold his breath, “one of these days I will tell him about you. To be honest, up until now, strangely, he’s never been too bothered or terribly inquisitive about you. But that might change once he has a child of his own. And when I do tell him who you are and where you live, it’ll be entirely up to Glenn what he wants to do. I won’t hold sway over him either way. If he wants to see you, well and good; if he doesn’t, I won’t force him.”
“Thank you, Tara,” Jason breathed, relieved. “I know I don’t deserve that much.”
“No, you don’t,” she said seriously, but then she smiled. “But I think I’d like you to meet him one day all the same. He’s an honest, decent and very special person.”
“Then he most definitely takes after his mother,” Jason replied quietly, and for a long time after that, the two of them just stayed on the line saying nothing because – Tara realised, tears streaming down her cheeks – after that there was nothing more to say.
Chapter 36
A few weeks later, Glenn arrived home for dinner with a visitor in tow.
“Tara, this is Abby,” he said, his cheeks colouring slightly as he introduced a petite and timid-looking dark-haired girl.
“Pleased to meet you, em, Mrs Harrington,” the girl said, limply shaking Tara’s hand.
“Call me Tara,” Tara said with a friendly smile, although inwardly she wondered how on earth a girl this young and harmless-looking was going to deal with a pregnancy. Then again, she’d done it herself, hadn’t she? “Mrs Harrington sounds so old!”
“Abby was asking why I always refer to you by name,” Glenn said, casually picking out bits of vegetables from Tara’s stir-fry, “but I’ve been doing it for so long now, I hardly notice it. I don’t think I’ve ever called you Mum, have I?”
“If you do – I know you’ve done something wrong!” Tara said, with a playful wink at Abby, who blushed deeply.
Tara turned back to the cooker and smiled. He had indeed called her “Mum”, and only very recently, when she’d returned from London and they’d talked some more about his situation.
“The last thing I w
anted was to disappoint you, Mum,” he’d said, and to her surprise, Tara had felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. Hearing him call her that for what must have been the first and only time made her understand how truly affected he was by all this, and made her doubly resolved to help him through it whatever way she could. And by the looks of this timid little creature, he’d need it!
But gradually over dinner, Abby began to come out of herself and, judging from the calluses on her fingertips, it seemed she was as much as a computer freak as Glenn. “Abby’s one of the best hackers I’ve ever met,” Glenn enthused, his mouth open as he ate. “She kicks my ass when it comes to Linux!”
“Really,” Tara said, smiling brightly and trying to conceal her worries about the sort of child these two would produce. It would either be Bill Gates or Forrest Gump!
Much later that evening, over a cup of tea at Liz’s house, Tara aired her thoughts on the subject. She’d travelled home to Castlegate, leaving Glenn and Abby alone in her house to “discuss things”.
“For the life of me, I can’t understand how they ever got round to any funny business in the first place,” she laughed, referring to Glenn and Abby. “You should have seen the two of them plonked in front of the computer when I was leaving – the house could have been burning to the ground around them and they wouldn’t have a clue.” She sighed. “They’re such kids, really.”
“They’ll be fine,” Liz reassured her from where she sat on the sofa, “and when they run into any problems, they’ll always have you to fall back on and give them a helping hand.”
“I know. Speaking of a helping hand, any word on a full-time job for Eric yet?”
Since coming clean about his employment circumstances, Eric had asked around the village and was currently keeping busy by doing some carpentry work locally. He was still working his bar shifts in Dublin, but with any luck he would soon be in a position to give those up for good.
“Not yet, unfortunately, and I think he’s finally coming round to the fact that he might have to retrain. He doesn’t want to stay working in Dublin anyway, and after everything that’s happened recently, I don’t want him to either. We need to be together as a family. But lately he’s been doing a lot of work for Luke next door.”
“Really?” Tara looked up.
“Yep. He’s trying to give him a hand with much of the heavy work that needs doing in the house. Can you believe it? And our place practically falling asunder? The two of them are putting in a new kitchen next door at the moment. But then Luke in turn is planning to give Eric a hand with some work here so . . .” She shook her head. “I’m pleased they’re getting on so well, actually. For some reason, I got the impression that Luke didn’t really take to Eric initially.” She frowned. “But they certainly seem fine now.”
“I’m so glad you and Eric managed to work things out – and I’m especially glad that . . .” The rest of her sentence trailed off. “Well, you know . . . that none of my family was involved in it.”
“Thank you,” Liz said, a guilty smile on her face.
“Thanks for what?” Tara asked, reacting to the smile.
“For not vocalising my own suspicions back to me. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it if you’d told me you had the same idea I had – that Eric could be the father of Emma’s baby. Convincing myself that it was all in my own head was what kept me sane, so you really don’t know how much I appreciate that.”
Tara smiled back. “Well, the mystery has now been solved once and for all. I was going mad trying to figure who it was. Believe it or not, I’d started to wonder only recently if she might have had a bit of a thing with Dave McNamara but wouldn’t say anything because of his getting engaged to someone else. And what with him being a councillor and a pillar of the community and all that.”
“Interesting theory,” Liz agreed, nodding thoughtfully, “but well off the mark as it turns out.”
“I nearly fell down dead when she told us, Liz,” Tara went on. “I knew Emma had a thing for unavailable men, but honest to God! Still, apparently Colm is determined to give her all the support she needs, so . . .” She shook her head. She’d known that her sister had always had a bit of a soft spot for Colm Joyce – as had lots of women in this village over the years – but had no idea that it had been anything more than that. Was it because the guy – due to his ongoing confusion – was the ultimate challenge? Or did she really have true feelings for him? Poor Emma – in this case, it seemed that Colm was the one man she truly never could have. And because of this, she felt for her sister and was annoyed that Colm had messed around with her feelings like that. “Liz, can you imagine what’ll it be like around here when the news finally gets out?” In the end, her poor sister had been right to keep it all a secret for as long as she could. “The gossips will have a field day!”
“I certainly don’t envy her. It’s tricky one to take in at all, let alone try and explain. But Emma seems a very resilient girl – when it does all come out, I’m sure she’ll cope with it.”
“Resilient?” Tara repeated, wryly. “That’s a slightly different description to the one you used for her that night she was here, isn’t it?”
Liz grimaced. “I know – I feel awful now about calling her a tramp like that. But at the time, I was so angry I had to lash out at someone.”
“Well, Emma’s a big girl and from what you were telling me, she was messing with your head anyway. She seems to like doing that.” Tara had told Liz all about Jason’s telephone call to the house shortly after Glenn was born and how Emma hadn’t mentioned anything about it. “She’s a strange one, Liz, and as much as it pains me to admit it, it’s true. While I do feel sorry for her with this whole Colm situation, there’s no getting away from the fact that she really needs to grow up once and for all. I just hope that when she does have this baby, she’ll stop all her silly games and start behaving like an adult.”
“Well, at least the child will have two more sensible parents to rely on if Emma isn’t up to the task,” Liz said, unable to resist a giggle as she referred to Colm and Nicky’s promise to help with the childrearing.
“Less of the sneering at my family, Liz McGrath!” Tara joked. “You’ve only been living in this town for barely a year, and already you’re sounding like one of the natives!”
“Yep, with all these secrets and lies, I think I’ve just about qualified as a true Castlegater,” her friend laughed. “And speaking of which, are you ever going to make the move?”
“Where? Back here?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t know. I’ve thought about it a lot lately, you know that – especially now after all this with Glenn and Abby – but I just don’t know.”
“I know someone who’d be happy,” Liz said, her eyes dancing.
“Who?” Tara looked at her in surprise.
“Well, my favourite next-door neighbour for one. As I’ve told you a thousand times before, he’s always asking for you. Every time I meet him he manages to bring the conversation round to you.”
Tara snorted. “He probably just wants some more mice removed.”
Liz rolled her eyes. “Bloody hell, woman, can you not see something when it’s staring you plain in the face?”
“What are you on about?”
“Luke’s crazy about you! And I know you’re a bit partial to him too – I saw you with him that night in the pub. So you’d want to get up off your backside and do something about it before someone else snaps him up. I know I would, if I were single, which I’m not of course,” she added primly. “In fact, I’m very happy with my man.”
“You and Natalie both then,” Tara said.
Natalie had phoned her again a couple of days after her conversation with Jason.
“I’d love us to stay friends,” she’d told Tara, “but I know it’s not ideal. Especially not as it’s getting serious with Jay and me.” Then she added, almost apologetically, “He’s asked me to move in with him.”
“Natal
ie, I’m so happy for you, really I am,” Tara said truthfully, “but you don’t need me now. Yes, we were friends of sorts but you no longer need me to help you out with your love life. And don’t apologise for that,” she added quickly, before Natalie could speak. “You and Jason . . . Jay . . . are obviously very much in love, and you deserve that. You both deserve it.”
“Tara, I don’t know what to say,” Natalie said tearfully. “I never thought something like this would happen.”
“It’s OK, and I’m sure we’ll keep in touch and ring one another from time to time to see how we’re getting on.”
But of course that wouldn’t happen, and sadly, they both knew it. It was a pity but, Tara thought, such was life. And she couldn’t help but be reminded of Jason’s comment about how the universe conspired to keep people together or apart. Maybe she shouldn’t think too much more about it and instead just leave it all up to the gods.
“I’m telling you – you’d better do something about Luke,” Liz was saying. “Only the other day, I saw that young Slattery one chatting him up in the greengrocer’s!”
Although, on the other hand, Tara thought, smiling to herself as she thought about it, maybe this time, she should just bite the bullet and take destiny into her own hands.
Chapter 37
A week later, Tara walked up to the front door and rang the bell. Despite herself, she swallowed nervously as she heard him come out to the hallway to answer it. What the hell was she doing here? And why had she let Liz talk her into this?
“Hi there.”
“Hi.” When he opened his front door, Luke’s blue eyes lit up, but when he looked down and saw what Tara was holding in her arms, he quickly took a step backwards. “What . . . what’s that?”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Tara tried to sound nonchalant. “Wow, the place is looking great!” She looked past Luke’s bulky frame into the front hallway.
Eric had obviously done sterling work in the few weeks he’d been working on this place for his neigh-bour. The walls were freshly painted, there was a new wooden floor and skirting in place of the old worn lino and, from her vantage point, Tara could see that he’d redone some of the kitchen too.
