by Amy Patrick
“Um, hi. Could I come in for a minute?”
Aric stood back and held the door out of my way. I stepped inside, and he followed me wordlessly as I climbed the stairs and walked into the living room. It was only one night after my first visit to his place, but the feel of it was so different. Last night it had seemed cozy and welcoming. Tonight it was dark and a little forbidding, with only the light of the muted television illuminating the room. For a minute I considered turning around and running back down the stairs.
Aric switched on a lamp and folded his arms across his chest. “So, what can I do for you?”
“I’d… like to talk to you. Can we sit down?”
He picked up the remote and turned off the TV then sat in the chair we’d so thoroughly enjoyed last night. He gestured toward the sofa angled next to it.
I crossed the room and sat down, grabbing the throw pillow next to me and pulling it onto my lap. Scotty dogs. Definitely Mrs. Deering’s decorating. As much as I’d rather have kept my vision trained on the pattern, I forced myself to look at Aric’s face. It was stoic, almost bored. He was going to let me have my say, but he definitely wasn’t trying to make it easy for me.
“So last night,” I began. “…that wasn’t about you.”
Aric said nothing, just waited, though his unrevealing expression had sharpened slightly.
“I told you my first… boyfriend, Josh, cheated on me, and that I hadn’t slept with anyone since him. But I didn’t want to go into detail because it’s so embarrassing—I worried you’d look at me differently if you knew everything. And I just wanted to forget about it. I thought I was over it, that I could move on… with you. But then I freaked out and ruined everything, and you deserve an explanation. That’s why I’m here.”
He nodded. “I’d really appreciate that.”
I took a breath and let go of the pillow, wrapping my arms around my middle to keep my trembling stomach from shaking me apart. My jaw trembled as well, though the room temperature was warm.
“I met Josh at a party a week after I got to Brown. He was funny, charming, too good-looking. He got me a drink, stayed close to me all night. My roommate and the other girls I came with were jealous because he was so hot and because he was a junior and obviously popular, like a big-man-on-campus type. Later on, I learned his dad was a diplomat and his family had a big apartment on Park Avenue and a flat in Paris.”
“I kind of hate this guy,” Aric said in a flat tone.
I nodded. “Join the club. Basically, I fell hard. Josh was so… I don’t know… so everything. I’d never met anyone with such…”
“Game?”
“Exactly. And, well, I told you I was a virgin.” I blushed at the word and looked down at my lap again. The perky little Scotties pranced across the pillow, oblivious to the impending death of my dignity. “Like I said, I had no intention of sleeping with him or anyone before I got married, but after two weeks of dating Josh, he told me he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. He persuaded me to sleep with him.” I swallowed hard. “He said it had never been like that for him before.”
Aric groaned and covered his eyes with one hand. “Shit.”
I shook my head and kept going. “I believed him. He was so sweet, he said all the right things. We were together every day, and it all seemed so… real. I was in heaven. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have met my soul mate so soon in life.”
“And then the bastard cheated on you. How’d you find out? Did you catch him with someone else?”
“Worse.”
Aric appeared to think for a second. “I can’t come up with anything worse.”
I took a deep breath. “One of my friends from my hall ran into my room with her laptop open, screaming for me to look at something. I thought she was going to show me some stupid You Tube video or maybe a shirtless picture of Chris Hemsworth or something.” I paused and swallowed before continuing, wondering if I’d actually be able to say the words. “It was a webpage, a blog. Josh had made it. It had pictures of girls, arranged like in a yearbook, with names and captions and some stats under each photograph. It looked like he’d copied and pasted the photos from our freshman directory. There were so many pictures. So many. My roommate counted, and there were fifteen. My picture was there, of course.”
Aric’s expression turned stony as he waited for me to finish my pathetic tale.
“The title of the page was Freshmen I’ve… Fucked.” I had to swallow a lump in my throat and blink back the threat of tears. “I hate that word now. I don’t even like to say it. He didn’t spell it out at the top—maybe you can’t have a blog with that word in the title—it was F and then those star thingies, asterisks? And then the letters E-D. All the pictures were of girls who were freshmen that year. Like, he’d already had sex with that many of us, and it was only October. So, he was, you know, sleeping with all or most of us during the same time frame. I don’t know if the other girls were one-night stands or if he was also making them feel all special and telling them they were the ‘love of his life.’ I didn’t know any of them, and I didn’t want to. At first I was in shock. I didn’t want to believe it meant what it had to mean. I kept looking at that word, looking at the pictures, willing it to be something other than what it was. Then I looked at the captions and numbers. He’d rated us, described our, um, assets and flaws. I guess as a public service to anyone who might have been interested in picking through his leftovers. Apparently I have a nice ‘ass’ but only so-so ‘tits.’”
Shaking his head, Aric exhaled harshly.
I tried to evaluate his expression. Did he pity me? Was he embarrassed for me? His face was serious, but otherwise unreadable. Undoubtedly he’d had many an unwanted lovesick girl follow him around. Would he see me the same way Josh had—worthless, pathetic, disposable?
Finally he spoke, his tone dark. “That is so fu—I mean, so—unbelievably messed up.” He leaned forward, grasping his knees. His gaze and voice sharpened. “What’s this guy’s last name?”
“Why?”
He rose from his chair, looking around the room as if searching for something to punch. “Because I’m going to track him down and drop his ass, that’s why.”
I blinked, surprised and, yes, a little pleased he’d feel a desire to avenge my honor, or whatever, especially after the way I’d treated him. “It’s ancient history.”
Aric paced the living room. “Not to me—I just found out about it.” He looked over at me. “So, that’s why you left Brown then?”
I studied the Scotties again. “Yeah. I mean, I felt like the stupidest girl in the world. I didn’t want to let him defeat me. I stayed in bed a few days, went through a few thousand boxes of tissues. But then, you know, I was going to try to go on with life. I got up and got dressed. I went to class. But everywhere I went, people stared at me. Sometimes they even pointed and whispered or laughed. The school made him take the website down, but it was already out there. People had gotten screen shots. All the anxiety didn’t do my grades any good. And I saw Josh all the time—it seemed like he was everywhere—like it was his campus, you know? He wasn’t sorry at all. He came up to me in the dining hall and told me he missed me. He actually asked if I wanted to come back to his room so he could ‘make it up to me.’” Here I squeezed my eyelids tight, too mortified to look at Aric. “The most humiliating part was… I missed him so badly I considered it. It was all too much. I couldn’t take seeing him anymore or being known as one of the Fucked Freshmen Fifteen.”
Aric blew out a long breath and came to the sofa, sitting down beside me. He reached over to cover my hand with his. His tone was calm now, though his free hand clenched into a fist on his thigh. “I don’t blame you for wanting to leave. What I can’t believe is he could get away with it. It’s not a crime?”
“No. My dad checked, believe me. He’s an attorney.” My face dropped into my palms. “God, that was mortifying.” I lifted my head and tented my hands in front of my nose and mouth, exhali
ng a shaky breath through my fingers. “Seeing his face when he found out… anyway… we were all legally adults, there was no pornography on the site, and there was no rape. As sad as it was, the sex was consensual. Fooling a stupid girl isn’t something you can prosecute in a court of law.”
He rubbed my back gently. “You weren’t stupid. You were trusting. And I completely understand how that would make you gun shy.” Shifting so he faced me straight on, Aric tipped my chin up, forcing me to see his eyes. “Thank you for telling me, Heidi.”
I felt my face flush at his low tone and utter sincerity. “I am sorry about running away last night. I know I acted awful. So… what now? Should I go?”
Aric stroked my hair back from my face, lightly grazing my cheek with his thumb. “I’d rather you stayed. If you want to. We don’t have to do anything. You could just sleep here tonight, let me hold you?”
I held his gaze for a long moment. He meant it. He wouldn’t push me to do anything I wasn’t ready for, although that in itself was kind of a turn-on. One thing I knew—I couldn’t imagine leaving him right now.
“Yes. I’d like to stay.”
Aric smiled and stood, taking my hand and pulling me off the sofa with him. He led me into the bedroom and went to his dresser. “Here,” he said, holding out a soft t-shirt. “You can sleep in this. And just use my toothbrush. The bathroom’s through there.” He pointed at a door on the other side of the room.
A few minutes later I emerged from the bathroom to see him sitting up in bed, shirtless, smiling, the covers folded down around his waist. And sugar, what a picture. He looked warm and rumpled like a little boy, but that’s where the childlike comparison had to end, because he was all man. That firm chest, that defined abdomen—God, he even had those V lines, those muscles on the sides that cut in just above a guy’s hips—and I had walked away from this last night? I’d never been more turned on by the sight of someone.
“Looks good on you.” His deep voice rolled across the room and washed over me.
I looked down at myself. His t-shirt was huge, hanging almost to my knees. I’d removed my makeup, and I felt more naked than if I’d stripped bare.
“You look like a little girl.” He smiled.
I padded across the carpet to the bed and climbed in. As soon as I got within reach, Aric pulled me against him, guiding my head to his chest. He reached over and switched off the lamp on the bedside table, leaving the room dark, but not pitch-black thanks to the moonlight filtering through the open shutters. I rubbed my palm over his solid chest, enjoying the various textures of his body, so different from my own.
One of his hands came up to hold mine. We laced our fingers together. “You ready to sleep?” he asked.
“Pretty soon, I think. I actually feel exhausted.”
“I’m not surprised. Lillemor says emotional experiences can do that to you.” He paused. “I’m glad to know what happened. It helps me understand you.”
“Thanks for telling me about your past, too, last night. I’m sorry I made assumptions.” I was quiet for a few minutes. There was a thought I couldn’t get out of my head. Finally, I had to ask. “So then … you haven’t called any of those numbers?”
“Numbers?” His other hand brushed my hair away from my face and petted it again and again.
“You said it happened all the time—girls giving you their numbers?” I hated the needy sound of my question, but I wanted the answer. It wasn’t really my business, but I couldn’t help but wonder.
“No. I haven’t called a one of them. Not since I’ve been in the fair state of Mississippi.” Aric laughed softly. “Want to know why?”
I nodded against his chest.
“Because I didn’t have the only number I really wanted to call. Can I get that from you, by the way? Do you think I’ve earned it yet?”
My cheek pressed into the warm, smooth skin of his shoulder as I smiled. “Hmmm, I’m not sure.”
Aric tickled me then rolled us to the side, pulling me back against him in a tight spoon. His voice was low and suggestive in my ear. “What will it take? Just tell me, and I’ll be happy to give you anything and everything you want.”
I giggled. “I thought you said we weren’t going to do anything tonight.” In complete opposition to my words, I pressed my hips back into him, gratified to feel a hardness growing against my bottom.
Aric sucked in a breath and pulled his lower body away. His hand went to the side of my hip, holding me in place. “And I meant that.” He snuggled his chin over my shoulder, his shadow beard scratching lightly against my face. “Seriously, are you ever going to give me your number? So many times I’ve wanted to call you—I guess I would’ve had to make up some stupid work-related reason. I just… I’ve been thinking about you. A lot. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve driven by that crappy little apartment building of yours.”
I lifted my head. “Hey.”
“Sorry. I mean that charming little dollhouse you live in.”
I laughed. “You’ve driven by? More than once?”
“Mmm hmm. Multiple times. See what you’ve done to me? You’ve reduced me to stalking. Some ladies’ man, huh?”
“Okay. You can have my number,” I said in my most generous tone. “And, not only that, but I’ll even give you my apartment number, so the next time you’re driving by my crappy little building, you can stop and come in.”
“Ooh. This is my lucky day.” He laughed, his breath warm and soothing against my ear. “Heidi?”
“Yes?”
He put on a stalker-ish voice. “Are we fraternizing now?”
I giggled and rolled to face him. “Oh my. What would Mr. Aubrey say?” I hitched one leg up over his hip, bringing our lower bodies into intimate alignment.
Aric’s breath hissed as he inhaled quickly. His arm automatically went around my back to draw me more tightly against him. His voice sounded pained, “Mr. Who?” Then the pressure eased. “Heidi, I don’t know if this is—”
I kissed him, and just like that, the irresistible urge to be close to him, to touch him and feel his touch, returned full-force.
Chapter Eighteen
What Are You Waiting For?
My hands went to Aric’s face, sank into his hair, glided down over his shoulders to his back, relishing the heat and incredible texture of his skin.
He kept his hands in safe territory, caressing my hair, my back, my upper arm. He kissed me slowly, with deep absorption, as if he was trying to read my thoughts. They shouldn’t have been too hard to figure out.
As we kissed with increasing hunger, I slid my hands down to his sides, finding that intriguing belt of muscle, exploring with every cell of my mind and body focused only on him. He felt so good. I couldn’t get enough.
When my fingers glided across his lower abdomen, he inhaled quickly, his breath hissing through his teeth. He grabbed my hand, pressing it flat against his hot skin. “Hold on. I need to slow down,” he said in a gritty voice on the edge of pain.
“I don’t want to slow down.” I pressed a wet kiss to his neck, working my way down to his collarbone.
He gave a little laugh-groan, loosening his grip on my fingers when I squirmed to be free. “I don’t think this is a good idea after what you told me. I made you a promise about tonight. And I don’t think you’re quite ready.”
“I think I should be the judge of that.” I kissed him in a way I hoped expressed just how ready I was.
Aric pulled away from my mouth again with some apparent difficulty. “I don’t want you to sleep with me so you can exorcise your demons or because you want to get it over with or something. We should only be together if you want me—me.”
“I do want you.” I swirled my tongue against his neck, speaking to him between kisses. “And if you reject me now, it’s going to be very bad for my fragile self-esteem,” I teased. I pressed my lower body against his, finding the evidence of his willingness to give me anything and everything I wanted, as he’d said earlier.
His eyes squeezed shut. “Heidi—what are you doing?”
I kissed his throat, the underside of his chin. “I’m doing what I should have done last night. I want you. I’ve wanted you since the night we met. You know that’s true, don’t you?” My mouth moved to the hollow of his throat.
Aric’s fingers delved under my hair and gripped my scalp. “If you felt anything like I did that night—then yes.”
“Then stop psychoanalyzing me and make love to me.”
Aric lifted my face and looked down at me as if he wanted to devour my flesh bite by bite. I saw the moment his self-control snapped. His mouth took mine again, and this time his kisses were harder, deeper. His hands roamed over me in a slow seduction as his mouth worked over mine hungrily.
Sensation sparked all over my body, everywhere he touched me, in a pleasure so acute I could hardly stand it. Stealing a line from the world’s worst ex, it had never been like this before. I pulled at my own t-shirt, trying to get free of it, desperate to feel him fully.
Aric stopped kissing me and helped me, pulling the shirt over my head and arms. His gaze roamed over my figure, and he shook his head. “Look at you. You are killing me.”
Seeing the undistilled desire in his eyes, I felt truly beautiful. I knew my body wasn’t perfect, but it seemed to be working for him, and it occurred to me this was the first time I’d let someone see me like this since Josh. Yes, Hale and I had fooled around. Early on, anyway. Gently, quietly, mostly clothed. And always stopping before it went very far.
After the first few months, we’d actually made out less and less often because we both knew it couldn’t go any further and it was easier to not even get started. We’d basically turned into friends who occasionally swapped saliva. Now that I thought about it, Hale must have been the nicest guy in the world to have put up with my spiritless approach to sex and my cautious attitude toward him in general. Poor guy—he deserved better.
But Aric. He made me forget myself. He took me out of my mind and into my body until all I could think of was his body and how much I wanted him. It was just… different. In every way.
