Sunday we spend on Lake Erie, riding along with Tiffany’s friend, Sean, on his boat. Three other friends of theirs join us. I’ve never been to the Great Lakes, but I don’t think I could have imagined them. Sean drives us out onto the Lake where we go tubing, water ski, and swim in the lake. It’s beautiful out here, and I’m stunned that once we reach the middle, the shoreline disappears.
A day of sun and fun is nice, and Sean is sort of hot, too. For the first time since I met Tyler, I’m attracted to another guy. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but hell, Tyler slept with Rachel, and I’m just looking.
Tiffany said one of the guys, Henry, rents a house with his two brothers and they’re having a party tonight. I find myself looking forward to a little fun, and seeing Sean again.
Tiffany and I fall into her apartment when we return, worn out from the sun and water. Tiffany takes a shower first, leaving me to think about Sean.
He’s not Tyler, but he’s also not committed to a woman he got pregnant after they split up. At least, not that I know of. Sean is cute, and he lives here, so there’s really no hope for a future, but flirting is harmless, right?
I shower and paw through my suitcase to find something cute. Tiffany sees what I’m doing and asks if I want to borrow something of hers. I browse through her closet and find a pastel pink belted dress. It feels a little dressy for a backyard party though, so I keep looking.
Tiffany pulls out a sea-foam green strapless shirt with elastic around the top, but loose and flowing at the bottom. It’s gorgeous. I grab my chocolate shorts and ask Tiffany how I look. She pants at me, pretending to be a lovestruck boy. I guess that means I look good.
I dab on some lipgloss and mascara then pull my hair into a loose ponytail. I slip on my sandals and am ready to go.
The driveway is crowded when we get there so Tiffany parks on the street. She leads me to the backyard where I see Henry at a huge grill. There’s a fire pit in the center of a concrete pad and people scattered throughout the large yard. Music is drifting up from near the deck and voices come from every direction.
Tiffany wanders off to talk to someone and I look around, feeling very out of place. A beer appears in front of me and I turn to see Sean standing next to me. I smile and thank him for the drink. He twists the top off before handing it back to me.
Sean motions to a pair of chairs next to the fire pit and I follow him, realizing the air is quickly cooling off. I shiver before sitting down, but the heat from the flames wraps me in a warm blanket. I guess I’ll be here for the rest of the night.
“Is this your first trip to New York?” Sean asks me.
I hate small talk, but know it’s inevitable when I’m surrounded by people I don’t know. “Yeah, it is. I’ve always wanted to see Niagara Falls, and New York City, of course, but this is my first trip.”
“I love your accent,” Sean tells me.
I screw up my nose, I never hear my accent, but have to admit that I sound different than everyone else around here. In college Tiffany and Paige would pick on me, but since we were in the south I always reminded them that they were the ones with accents. Now, I’m the one that’s odd.
“It’s funny, I don’t notice it. But you certainly have one.” Sean laughs at me, but I know it’s a friendly laugh. “So, which one of these lucky ladies is your girlfriend?”
Sean meets my eyes and I know I’ve crossed a line before he answers. His gaze holds me steady, “I’ve been holding out for a sweet southern girl.”
My breath catches in my throat. It’s strange having him flirt with me, but also a little exciting. After all, just a few hours ago I was picking out something that would draw his attention. “Too bad I’m not sweet,” I tell him, leaning toward him.
Sean closes the gap between us before I can react and his lips meet mine. He reaches up and brushes a hand across my cheek.
I forget where I am and what is going on for a second as I kiss him back. Then my brain re-engages and I pull back from Sean. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I’m seeing someone. I mean, I think I am.”
Sean sits back in his seat, looking foolish and upset. “I had no idea. You were flirting with me so I just thought...”
I sigh, feeling like an idiot, but force myself to look at him. He’s staring into the fire, poking at it with a stick. “It’s not your fault, it’s mine. Things are really complicated with me right now. You don’t want to hear my sad story, but it felt good to have a hot guy flirting with me. I’m sorry I got carried away. It’s not fair to you.”
Sean’s eyes sparkle in the light of the fire, “You think I’m hot, huh? I knew I wasn’t crazy.”
He laughs and the tension evaporates. I still feel bad for leading him on, but I realize Tiffany has a great friend in him. “Why don’t you tell me about the someone you think you’re seeing? I could use a good story.”
I wince, unsure if I can talk about Tyler, but I see something in Sean’s eyes. “You had your heart broken, didn’t you?” I ask him. I shouldn’t be probing into his life so much, but I see a familiar pain in him.
Sean nods and drops his head. When his eyes meet mine, I know I’ll tell him all about Tyler, even if it’s just to help him feel better. I jump into the story of how Tyler and I met, getting together before the cruise and seeing him there with Rachel. He listens patiently when I relay the basics of our time together after the cruise, and the bombshell Rachel dropped into our lives.
When I finish the story he asks why I’m sitting here with him.
“What do you mean?” I ask him, unsure of what he’s really saying to me.
“I mean, you love him, right?” I nod. “So why are you here? You should have gone to Texas with him. Tell him you love him. Figure out a way for the three of you to work things out for the baby. Don’t sit around and wait for him to figure it out, go tell him.”
“He needs to figure out what he wants. He needs to decide how things are going to go with him and Rachel. I can’t be a part of that.” I drop my hands to my lap and pick at my nails.
Sean sticks his finger under my chin, forcing my head up to meet his eyes. “Fight for him, trust me. Men, we’re pretty dense. If you don’t tell him that you want to be a part of his life, he’ll just assume you don’t want him. Call him and tell him how you feel. And when he gets back from Texas, ask him about the trip. Better yet, fly straight there from here, don’t even go home.”
I smile but know it’s not going to happen. Then I get it, “That’s what happened to you, isn’t it? You didn’t fight and she found someone else?”
Sean nods and returns his focus to the fire. “And I live every day wishing I had fought for her. Don’t make my mistakes. Go fight.”
Sean and I sit staring at the fire for a while. I know he’s right. I need to fight for a life with Tyler. I’m not going to let this ruin what we have. It might be hard, but we need to figure it out, together.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Tyler
Rachel asked me to be here today. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come, but I’m glad I did. I’ve been home for a little over a month, but Rachel is going in for an ultrasound today. I’m nervous and a little excited.
I pick Rachel up from her parents’ house. She is staying with them until the baby comes and then plans to find a job and a place to live. She hadn’t gotten a job when she found out she was pregnant and her parents offered to help her out until after the baby arrives.
We drive in silence to the doctor’s office, except for the directions Rachel gives me. It strikes me as odd that only a few months ago we imagined a life together. Now, we’re wrapped into a life neither of us wants.
I pull into a parking space and Rachel climbs out of the truck. I follow Rachel into the waiting room and find a seat while she signs in. She falls into the chair next to me, just barely beginning to show a belly under her fitted shirt. I came to her appointment a month ago, just after I got to Texas. It was fairly boring, and I was kicked out for half of it. Today, Ra
chel tells me, I’ll be in the room the entire time.
The door opens and a nurse calls Rachel’s name. I follow the women, pausing for Rachel to use the bathroom and weigh in. The nurse makes notes while I shift uncomfortably in such a private setting. Then she leads us to a small room and asks Rachel to sit on the table. She indicates a chair in the corner where I can sit.
The nurse closes the door and leaves us alone.
I look at Rachel and she gives me a timid smile. I can’t tell if she’s anxious about this or about me being there. I ask her if she’s okay, but the door opens before she can answer me.
A blonde woman walks in, dressed in the same purple scrubs as the other nurses. Her hair is pulled into a tight bun that stretches her face, making her look older than she probably is. She looks tired, which also adds to the age she’s portraying.
The nurse extends her hand to Rachel introducing herself as the radiology tech, Brooke. She turns to me and shakes my hand, asking if I’m the daddy. I nod, but my words are caught in my throat. Nothing like bringing up Brooke at a time like this.
My mind shifts away from Rachel and our child for a moment and drifts to another time, when I’m sharing this moment with Brooke. I’m not even sure if we’re still together, but I dream about making babies with her.
I called her a few times over the last two weeks, but we haven’t had much time to talk. She went to visit Tiffany a few weeks ago and came back sounding like she’d changed. At first I was relieved because she seemed interested in being together, but now I’m not sure. When I call her she talks for a few minutes before claiming she has to go. And she doesn’t call me anymore. I don’t know what’s happened.
Thankfully I’m going home, to South Carolina, in a few days. Once I’m back in the same town as her we’ll get back on track. I know it.
Brooke, the technician, is pulling Rachel’s shirt up to reveal her belly. She produces a towel from an unseen basket below her computer and tucks it into Rachel’s unbuttoned shorts before sliding them low on her hips. Brooke squirts gel on Rachel’s belly and lowers the instrument to her.
I watch the monitor instead of looking at Rachel’s body. She’s a beautiful woman, but she’s no longer mine, and never will be again. I’m happy about that, but it puts me in a strange position right now when she’s exposed.
I search the screen for something that makes sense. Technician Brooke is clicking and moving around, typing on the screen. She’s making me nervous and I look to Rachel. She has a look of terror on her face. Instinctively I reach down and take her hand in mine. Rachel looks up at me and smiles but the anxiety doesn’t leave her eyes.
“Brooke, can you tell us if everything is okay?” I finally ask her, not knowing if this is normal or if we should be worrying.
“Oh, yeah, everything is fine. I’m just measuring the size of your uterus, the amount of fluid in the sac, and the length of the baby. Right here,” she points to a small flicker on the screen, “is the baby’s heartbeat. It’s very fast, but that’s normal.”
Rachel squeezes my hand and I look down at her. There are tears in her eyes as she watches the screen, captivated by our child.
Technician Brooke continues, “We can’t tell the gender this early, but we’re really only looking for a heartbeat and that the sac is in tact. So far, everything looks good.”
Brooke pulls the instrument off Rachel’s stomach and wipes the gel off. She hands Rachel a box of tissues “just in case” and leaves the room.
My eyes don’t leave the screen as I stare at the frozen image of our child. Rachel buttons her shorts and lowers her shirt, wiping the last of the gel from her skin and tossing the tissues away. She picks up the pictures technician Brooke handed over and gives me one.
“Are you sure?” I ask her.
“Yeah, you are the baby’s father, after all. You deserve to have pictures, too.”
Relieved, and much more relaxed, Rachel and I leave the office.
“Are you up for lunch? I’m starving and would rather eat before I head home.”
Rachel nods and looks at me, agreeing to lunch.
I follow Rachel’s directions to a local favorite. She isn’t supposed to eat much seafood so it’s been hard to find places to eat in southern Louisiana. We sit opposite each other in a booth and order steaks, carrots, and broccoli, both with water.
Rachel sips her water and looks out at the river flowing past us. Awkwardness has settled in around us again as the excitement of the baby is wearing off. I try to think of something to say when Rachel interrupts my thoughts, “Are you happy, Ty? I mean really happy? With Brooke?”
Rachel hasn’t mentioned Brooke since our last morning on the cruise. During all of this stuff with the baby, she hasn’t asked if we’re together, or anything about Brooke. I feel like she’s intruding on my life, but it’s Rachel. And of all people, she has a right to ask me questions about my life.
“Yeah, Rach, I am. She’s great, you know. She makes me laugh, and lets me cry.” I wince at the words, not meeting Rachel’s eyes. “We understand each other, and she’s the best part of me.”
Rachel nods, turning her focus to the water again. “Is she okay with all of this?” She gestures between the two of us, letting me interpret her implication.
I can’t lie to Rachel, but the truth isn’t easy to say. “Honestly, no, not really. This has been really hard for us to figure out. I guess we’re still trying to see what it means, for us and whatever future we might have.”
Rachel’s eyes show sympathy I never expected to see. “I’m sorry I put you in this mess.”
I hold up my hand to stop her, knowing it’s not her fault. “Rach, you didn’t do anything wrong. Yeah, I was drunk, but that doesn’t mean I don’t own the responsibility for what happened. Don’t blame yourself. Brooke and I will figure it out.”
“And what about us, will we figure it out?” There’s a bite to her words. She tried to hide it, but it slipped out.
“Figure what out? How to raise a child when we’re not together? People do it all the time.” I feel a little defensive and know that it’s going to be the talk, the one we need to have, but that I couldn’t bring myself to mention.
She lets out her breath in a huff, “It’s not how I wanted to raise my kids. I wanted to give them a home with two loving parents, not a split home with their father living 1000 miles away.”
I sigh, this is going to be worse than I thought. “Rachel, I’m sorry this worked out the way it did, but our child will always know how much I love him or her. And I don’t know where I’m going to end up. I might be right back here when I finish school next year.”
“What happened between us, Ty? Was it Brooke?”
I don’t know if I can tell her the truth, but I know I can’t lie to her either. “Yes,” I whisper, knowing she’s likely to blow up.
A tear streaks down her cheek. Her head bounces up and down multiple times before she steadies it. Her green eyes pierce mine, “You told me there wasn’t anyone else. I thought, if anything, we would always be honest with each other.”
“I know,” I pause. We’re going through this now. “I realized after I met Brooke that being with her was what love was supposed to be like. I mean, I loved you, Rachel, but it was different. I should have told you, but there wasn’t anything going on when we broke up. Even if Brooke never wanted to go out with me, I knew being with you wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair to you, and you deserve love.”
“I loved you, Ty. I thought you loved me, too. I was blindsided when you broke up with me, and it ripped my heart out. I thought the cruise was going to be a good time for us to figure things out, get back together. If I had known how it all would have ended, I don’t think I would have gone.”
Rachel is openly crying now. I’m not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones or me, but I know better than to ask. Of course, this is when the waitress brings our food over. If the look she flashes me is any indication there’s a side of spit in mine.
&
nbsp; I reach for Rachel’s hand but she pulls it out of my reach. I take a deep breath, knowing I’m going to spend the rest of my life catering to her emotions. If I want a life that involves my child, I need to make sure Rachel knows I care about her and our child.
“I know this is hard for you, but Rachel, I don’t regret the cruise. I don’t regret our child. This life is a gift, and we will love this child. I’ve never felt love like I did today looking at that swirling little thing on the screen. I love our baby.”
Rachel stops crying while I talk, meeting my eyes, trying to figure out if I’m being honest. She knows me well enough to know I’m telling her the truth. She finally closes her eyes and sighs, a sign that I know means she’s giving up the fight.
She looks back up at me and says, “Okay.”
That’s it. One little word. I know we still have a lot to work out, but at least now I know Rachel, the baby, and I will be okay. We’ll figure it out.
Now, I have to figure it out with Brooke.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Brooke
I still don’t know what I should do. Talking with Sean was insightful, but I haven’t been able to act on it. Tyler is coming home tomorrow. I couldn’t go to Texas to find him. I wanted to but couldn’t stand to see him with Rachel. I know I’ll see him soon. Then again, I haven’t heard much from him so maybe he’s worked things out with Rachel.
My phone rings and interrupts my thoughts. I look around and realize I left it in my bedroom. I rush in and slide to answer my phone, knowing it’s Paige. She’s supposed to call me today so we can plan a weekend to search for her wedding dress. Tiffany is going to fly down so we can all go looking for wedding and bridesmaid dresses.
“Hi!” I say.
“Brooke?”
I suck in a deep breath. It’s not Paige, it’s Tyler.
“Oh, uh, hi Tyler. I’m sorry, I thought you were going to be someone else.”
I smack my forehead, knowing how he’s going to take it. Before I can retract my statement he says, “You’re not happy to hear from me. I’m sorry.”
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