by Leah Fleming
I didn’t reply. I disagreed with his words but had no handy riposte. Better not to engage in this conversation, knowing Ellinor would disapprove, but he was eager to walk with me back to where she was lying.
‘Where are you from and why do you take such a risk upon yourself, Miss?’
‘I am not alone in the mission to build a free settlement among Friends. The Lord will protect us in such a worthy undertaking.’
He stared at me. His eyes were very blue, I thought, forget-me-not blue and then he laughed. ‘I never took you for a preacher, a tub thumper. Forgive me, I thought they were usually wild firebrands and old men.’
‘In Christ there is no male or female, bond or free. We are all equals in this calling.’
‘And your friend over there . . . is she of the same persuasion?’
‘Oh, she is the best of us women ministers, with the sturdiest of hearts. I can’t hold a candle to her when the spirit is upon her.’
‘Pardon me, but from where I am standing she’s in need of some good physicking. There is a doctor on board. You should let him bleed her.’ He knelt down to examine her further but I put myself between them.
‘I thank you but we take care of our own. It’s nothing that a bit of cool breeze and salt air won’t cure,’ I replied, backing away from his attentions just as Jacob arrived.
‘I gather Ellinor is unwell.’
‘Get that young lass to a doctor,’ the soldier refused to budge. ‘She has spots on her cheek and her skin is as yellow as a quince.’
Jacob nodded and peered down at her. ‘I’m afraid he’s right. She has a bad humour about her and there’s a rash.’ He touched her hand. ‘She’s burning hot even in the shade. Perhaps we might have another opinion?’
I didn’t like the look on his face as he spoke.
‘Thank you for your concern, friend,’ he acknowledged the soldier. He turned to me with a scowl on his face. ‘You should have warned me how sick she was when we gathered for silent prayer.’
‘I didn’t see the rash. How can you see anything in that dark pit they’ve put us in?’ I answered, suddenly afraid. ‘I thought it was the heat.’ I knew Ellinor was not strong in the flesh but in the spirit and will. We were going to minister around the farmstead meetings together. It was all planned.
‘I will go and find the doctor for you,’ offered the soldier.
‘To whom are we indebted for this assistance?’ Jacob replied.
‘Captain Thane of the Dragoons. Captain Jordan Thane and you, sir . . . ?’
‘Jacob Wrathall, and this is Rejoice Moorside and Ellinor Holt, my betrothed.’ I heard the tremor of fear in his voice as he looked down on her.
‘I’ll stay by her side. I can nurse her fever.’ Never for a moment did it cross my mind that we might be separated except on the day they were wed.
Shortly there arrived a man with a grizzled beard, spectacles and tobacco breath. He peered down at her, examining hands, neck, face, unwound her coverings to see her chest and shook his head.
‘Another one with the pox. That’s four already this day. She must be put aside from the rest of the passengers. Once this catches on who knows how many will be stricken. ‘You,’ he turned to me. ‘Have you had cow pox on the skin?’
‘Aye,’ I nodded. ‘I lived on a farm. I have the marks still.’
‘Good, then come with her. There’s a space at the end of the bows set apart for such but it is filling up fast.’
‘But I have charges to attend, the Emsworth boys, and there is a baby. What if they . . .’ I protested, fear surging through me.
The doctor shrugged his shoulders. ‘It’s in the Good Lord’s hands who lives and who dies when you risk this voyage.’
‘If it’s only the cow pox, she’ll recover, won’t she?’ I wanted to be reassured.
‘This is the smallpox and when it takes hold there is no saying who survives and how pock-marked they might be.’
Jacob turned his back on me to talk to the doctor without me hearing, although I listened to them nonetheless. ‘We are travelling as a group together. Is it certain all will become diseased?’
‘Not if you keep the sick apart, but I fear it is too late now. Living in such a crush who knows what foul air and bad humours are on board even before we set sail. Keep well away, young man, if you want to arrive unmarked.’ With that he left us staring down at Ellinor who opened her eyes, already glazing with fever. How much of this had she heard? ‘Fret not, it’s just the heat,’ she croaked.
Jacob carried her down to the place set aside for the sick and turned to me with a look of desperation in his eyes. ‘You must see to her. She is not to be left to die among strangers but be restored back to us in good health. How can she come all this way to fail at the last? I will warn the others. The Emsworths must look after their own children for the moment. Save her for me,’ he pleaded.
I looked around at the stricken faces, the fevered bodies and their relatives and carers like me sitting helpless by their sides. I sat numb, afraid, trying to summon everything I knew about the smaller pox that could cover a body. There must be salves and remedies in my Herbal to bring her back to us but my own knowledge was scant. This was not how it was supposed to be.
21
My hands tremble still as I recall every hour of those agonising days spent by Ellinor’s side, willing her to fight for life and breath. There was so little knowledge then to aid recovery. I forced infusions of feverfew, marigold leaves, willow-bark tea between her parched lips. She submitted to leeches and elderflower salves to soothe the terrible marks over her skin. I watched my dear friend fading before my eyes, the light flickering out of hers, knowing all we could do was pray for a miracle, but none came.
‘Look after Jacob for me,’ she whispered. ‘He’s not so strong as he would have us believe. Let nothing hinder his ministry in the promised land . . .’
To the end she thought of others. I was ashamed that my thoughts were all of despair, knowing that I would be travelling on alone.
There was no comfort in her last hours lying among the other dying passengers, struggling to breathe in the foetid air. I watched her to the end and wrapped her within her woven cloak for the last time, blind with tears and weariness. They bound her body with cords and carried her above to be cast over the side.
There were other bodies to be buried at sea. A young soldier that Captain Thane had often visited in the sick bay lay beside her. Jacob then insisted that no Prayer Book ceremonies took place over Ellinor. ‘It is not our way,’ he said, so the group of us stood in silence, the wind whipping our clothing, beating our cheeks as we made our silent farewells.
My heart was sick with rage. Why did she leave us, the best of the whole bunch of settlers, when I was in need of her rocklike strength, her convincement that ‘All will be well’? How could I carry on? And how could we part with her without some words of recognition? If no one would speak then I must.
‘My dearest friend was a faithful servant of Truth and gave herself to spend and be spent in its service. She was an able speaker, her words dropping soft as dew or rain on tender grass, never harsh even in admonition. Her company was pleasant to all. Much can be said in praise of Ellinor Holt. She may not have reached the promised land we seek but now she has passed into a far better reward, relieved of all the trials and sufferings of this weary world.’
The words spun from my tongue like silken threads but my heart seethed with selfish confusion. How would I survive without my friend and guide?
‘Spoken well, Friend.’ Jacob nodded. ‘It is good to honour her sacrifice. She was never strong in body. Perhaps in His wisdom, the Lord saw fit to gather her home before she failed.’
‘But she was to be thy life’s companion,’ I replied.
‘All things happen for a reason. Perhaps He has other plans in that regard. It was an arrangement made in ignorance of what we are undertaking in making this passage.’ He was staring at me, examining me as if for the first time, those coal-black e
yes looking over my person like a farmer inspecting cattle for strengths and defects. ‘There’s the makings of a good preacher within you. I see the sturdiness of your constitution and a toughness, if a tending to obstinacy at times.’
Was this some sort of compliment? I did not reply at first, staring out into the cold grey water, shivering. ‘I will be glad to be off this doom-laden ship onto dry land. There’ll be much to do before winter comes. My obligation now is to the Emsworth family as their indentured servant. They’ll have to give permission for me to preach abroad so it is good that I am not burdened by any amorous binding to another.’
‘Friend, we Seekers do not look for that sort of attachment but only the sober sort of love among men and women that is sensible and worthy.’
‘No servant can bind themselves to another until they have served their time. Ellinor’s circumstances were different to mine, but now I’m nothing without her guidance,’ I sighed.
‘Then let me guide you further as she would have done.’ He moved closer, with a look on his face that puzzled me.
‘I thank thee but I think I am meant to plough my furrow alone, learn to stand square now and wait for the right path to open up to me.’
‘Suit yourself. The log that leaves the fire soon cools. Be not too proud to take advice when it is offered in sincerity.’ He looked hurt by my rebuff but I was too weary to care. How could a man who had just seen the body of his betrothed consigned to the deep be making suggestions to another so soon?
How eagerly had I once sought his approval and envied Ellinor winning his special favour. I felt nothing for him now, nor for anyone else, lost in my own sadness. There was only one way to address this despondency and that was to throw myself into busyness, to find ways to endure the rest of the journey.
As we turned away I saw Captain Thane hovering as if to pass on his condolences. Jacob brushed past him but I nodded in his direction, knowing he had just buried one of his men.
‘I wonder if I could have a word of warning,’ he offered. ‘If the sickness spreads as I’ve seen on other vessels, keep apart as best you can. Some say it is better to stay upon deck and let the rain water soak over you. I am sorry for your loss. I saw you by her side to the end.’
I was too upset to speak but bowed my head as he continued. ‘This is no paradise you are coming to, believe me. The shores are infested with biting flies that bring another kind of sickness so make sure you settle further inland by a river or fresh springs. The town of Philadelphia is growing fast and we’re going there to train militia men.’
‘Why? Is it not a peaceful place?’
‘It was, but lately there are unruly rogues and drifters who upset the native Indians and cause raids on isolated farmsteads. You must know how to defend yourself should danger suddenly appear in the night.’
‘We do not hold with violence,’ I replied with sharpness.
‘Then I pity you, for you will be in peril through ignorance.’
‘We look to a Higher power for protection, but I thank you for thy concern.’
‘What concern might that be?’ Jacob was tugging at my sleeve, ushering me back down below with the others. ‘Come along. We don’t want you talked about any more than is necessary.’
‘What have I done now?’
‘Some of the elders think you take it upon thyself to speak without permission and some are afraid that you may now carry the contagion on your person.’
‘How can they say that when all of us are crushed together like animals in a pen? It’s a miracle of Grace that more aren’t sick already.’
‘Enough of this talking out of turn, tempting Providence. Who knows what lies in store for us before this terrible voyage is over?’
‘Captain Thane is concerned for our welfare when we make shore. It might be good for our elders to talk with him and take advice.’
‘That’s not necessary since we have correspondence from other settlers telling us what to expect on arrival. We don’t talk with unbelievers, however well meant.’
‘He said there might be danger from attack,’ I continued.
‘Our future’s in higher hands than our own,’ Jacob repeated, impatient for us to be out of sight of the soldier party.
‘That’s what I told him.’
‘Good, so no more ungodly discourse with a man of the sword.’
We clambered down the ladder to be met with the Yorkshire group beckoning Jacob to their side and pointing at me. Joseph Emsworth was among them.
‘She can’t stay with us, not with the sickness,’ he said out loud. ‘It won’t do, Friend. Happen she must be kept apart until the voyage is over and after that, I’m not rightly sure.’
Jacob turned in my direction, shaking his head. ‘Our sister is clean, unmarked and she is bound in service to thy family. It was agreed.’
‘What’s done can be undone,’ Joseph continued. ‘It is but a bit of paper. My wife no longer wants her around our children. I heard as how her last mistress died in childbirth. She’s known for trouble. We can’t take the risk.’
Everyone was looking at me, arguing in low voices. To his credit, Jacob was right to warn me of this change of heart. If I lost my post how would I then pay my passage? The gold hidden in my waistcoat would hardly cover it. Who would take me into their service? Suddenly I felt sick with panic. Was I to be set adrift on this cruel sea to fend for myself? Who among them cared if I lived or perished?
22
There is a common saying amongst us that often when one door is slammed in our faces, another opens elsewhere and so it was for me on that bitter night. I sat huddled in a corner out of sight knowing that my presence in the women’s bay was no longer welcome. It felt an unfair punishment, like the shunning given to unruly Friends who disobey the teachings of our Society, who drink to excess or fornicate with the ungodly. I had done nothing but nurse my friend in her last hours.
But they were afraid and rightly so, for the sickness raged through the hold. You could smell death in the vomit, flux and sweat of deadly fevers. My head understood their caution but my heart ached with this rejection, cut off from those I thought were my friends.
Between my sobs I was aware of another woman crying, rocking herself in an agony of tears. Her evident grief needed no translating. She was one of the passengers from the Low Countries I had seen walking above deck with her child. They were a group of Protestant Dissenters who joined ship in London. Like us they kept separate but on stormy nights they sang psalms in rich harmonies to comfort us all.
I edged towards her, moved by the woman’s wailing, tears I knew meant only one thing: ‘Rachel weeping for her children’. I reached out with my hand to touch her. I couldn’t converse with her but I felt her pain as she felt mine.
She looked into my face. ‘Thank you. You are one of the English.’
‘Aye,’ I nodded.’ My name is Joy.’
‘Sabine Boyer,’ she whispered in broken English. ‘Mon petit enfant is gone . . .’ I noticed she was clutching a little linen cap in her palm.
‘My friend is dead.’ I replied, hoping she would understand as I banged my fist into my chest. We hugged each other in the darkness and spoke no more, just sat holding hands. In the morning there was no sign of her when I woke stiff, red-eyed and wondering if the encounter had been a dream.
It was when I walked on deck that I saw her coming towards me with a limping man with white hair and beard, leaning on a stick. He raised his hat.
‘My daughter is grateful for your kindness in the night. She would like you to walk with us. We have heard that you are being kept from your Friends but surely the contagion is passing now. Alas too late for our precious little Paul who has been taken from us. Sabine says you have lost a sister. Come, we can console each other. My name is Henri Boyer. We are merchants travelling to Philadelphia. My son is out there preparing for our arrival but it be sad news we must bring to him.’
‘You speak so well in English,’ I smiled in awe.
&nbs
p; ‘It is nothing. We settled in London for a while selling cloth to dressmakers. Sabine speaks a little but would like to learn more. Speak slowly and I will share your words with her.
I spent the morning in their company. After terrible persecutions in France when his wife was murdered by the dreaded Dragonades militia, they fled to Leyden and then on to London to start a new life. Now they were bound for America as we were, Sabine’s husband having gone ahead. I told them about Ellinor and how we had sought permission to travel as servants. ‘Now the family no longer want me so I shall have to stay on board until someone hires my services, I am told.’
‘They may change their minds.’ Sabine smiled, her green eyes flashing with concern.
‘It is fear that makes them wary,’ Henri added. ‘Your leader will find work for you. I have met Brother Jacob, the firebrand preacher. He has already bent my ear about the heresy of our beliefs,’ he added with a twinkle in his eye. ‘But he is a sincere soul.’
‘He was to marry my friend Ellinor who died but now I fear that he . . .’ How could I express my fears to strangers? But Henri was quick to see my hesitancy for what it was.
‘You fear you will be expected to take her place, am I right?’
I blushed and looked away. ‘It is too soon for such thoughts, but if it is my duty . . .’
‘We have a saying in our country, that he who weds only for duty or money may have pleasant enough days but endure nights of sorrow. Better to be sure and wait upon the Lord’s good mercy. He will provide in due course.’
His words were kind enough but I felt disloyal to Jacob in sharing my misgivings. Yet a morning in their company and I felt refreshed and strangely hopeful.
Then Jacob himself came striding down on us. He took his leave of them politely and drew me aside to talk privately.
‘They’ve had a meeting to discuss your position. The Emsworths have released you from their service. I think they are being too hasty but they agreed to fund thy passage, to be repaid in full when you have found another position. Once we establish our town, you will be indentured there.’
