“It’s time. Take care of yourself, Gray.” She hugged me, then pressed a soft kiss to my lips. As soon as our lips touched, it was like someone was tearing my heart in two.
“Anna, please don’t go,” I begged as she drew back.
“Remember what I said tonight.” Her eyes were beseeching—as if she was desperate for me to remember this conversation. “Goodbye, Gray.”
She turned and started to walk away. When I tried to follow her, she moved faster, even though she walked at the same pace the whole time. When I began to run, it was like being stuck in thick mud. No matter how hard I tried to catch her and how fast I ran, I couldn’t keep up to her.
“Anna!” I screamed. “Anna!” I yelled until I was hoarse, but she never turned around. She simply disappeared.
Thrashing in the sheets, I jolted awake with my fist drawn back. The poor nurse was wide-eyed and holding her hands out defensively. “Mr. Adams, I’m sorry, but you were yelling and I didn’t want you to wake up your daughter.”
Chest heaving, I ran a shaking hand through my hair. “It’s okay, I didn’t know. I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“Do you need anything?” she asked timidly.
“No, I’m good. Thanks.”
“Okay, well, I’ll be leaving soon, but the day shift nurse will come around with me before I leave.”
“Sure.”
She left, and I looked over to the bed where my daughter slept. I hated seeing all the tubes coming off her, but I was thankful for her being there. Alive.
Unable to fall back asleep, I went to get a crappy cup of coffee from the nutrition area they’d pointed out. I’d added enough shit to disguise the taste and was heading back to the room when the elevator dinged.
“Hey, Smoke. I expected you to be sleeping,” Styx said as he stopped in front of me. “Mats doing okay?”
“Yeah, bro. She actually woke up and talked to me briefly when we got to the room. And I was sleeping, but woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.” Grimacing as I took a sip of the coffee, I looked up at him as he laughed.
“Want me to run over to the coffee shop to grab you a decent coffee?” He chuckled.
“That would be fan-fucking-tastic. I’d be grateful as fuck. I need to call Lock to see how Check is doing. ” Not even waiting for him to leave, I returned to the nutrition area and dumped the sludge they called coffee down the drain.
“No problem. I’ll get that for you, then I’m going home to crash.”
“How much longer will you be on nights?” I asked him as we walked toward Mattie’s room.
“It was only for two weeks while one of the night shift nurses is on leave. I only have another two shifts. Thank God, because Gwen hates it,” he grumbled.
“Only Gwen?” I chuckled.
“It’s not too bad. Not my favorite shift, but it’s okay. But when Momma ain’t happy, nobody is happy.” We both laughed.
“All right, I’ll be right back.” He gripped my bicep, then patted it before turning back to the elevator.
By the time I returned to the room, the nurses were done giving report and the day shift nurse was doing an assessment on my daughter. Mattie stayed still as the nurse was listening to her chest, but her gaze met mine.
Taking her stethoscope out of her ears, she looped it over her neck and gave me a bright smile. It was impossible to miss how her eyes trailed me from head to toe.
“Hello, are you Mr. Adams?” she asked. Her cheeks flushed as she absently smoothed her scrubs.
“Yes.”
She nodded and introduced herself. An aide brought in Mattie’s breakfast, and the nurse moved on to her next patient.
Mattie’s lip curled and her nose wrinkled up as she peeked under the covered plate. “I don’t suppose you could go get me a breakfast taco?” she implored.
“I’ll see if Styx will grab you something from the coffee shop. Eat what you can.” I shot off a text to Styx. He replied with a thumbs-up emoji.
“Dad?” she asked as she poked at the food that smelled good to my starving stomach.
“Yeah?” I replied as I grabbed a piece of the turkey bacon from her plate.
“I dreamed that Mom came to see me.”
My heart lurched and my eyes darted off to the window.
“Oh, yeah?” I tried for nonchalance though my chest was about to implode.
“She said it was the last time she’d come to me but that she’d always be checking on me. It was so real. I miss her so much, and I never even knew her.” Her eyes welled with tears.
A ragged breath escaped me. “I know, baby girl. I know.”
Lost in our own thoughts, we sat there holding each other’s hands.
“Nothing Left”—Seether
“Ms. Stewart? Your appointment is here.” My secretary peeked her head in the door.
Giving her a confused but humored look, I shook my head. “Ms. Stewart? Why didn’t you just call me?” I asked with a grin. She never called me Ms. Stewart.
“Oh my God. Have you seen him? Who in their right mind would divorce that? He’s freaking gorgeous! And you can see his whole package through his jeans. Good gracious, that’s a lot of heat he’s packing,” she said in a scandalized whisper as she fanned herself.
“Brenda, go drink some cold water and send him back.” I laughed. If only she knew I’d seen that “package” on numerous occasions.
“You need me in here to take notes for you?” she asked with a sly, teasing smile.
“You’re terrible. Go get him. I have another appointment after him, so I have limited time.” Brenda and I had hit it off from day one.
She shook her head solemnly at me. “You are a mean person, Nova.”
My laughter followed her down the hall.
When she brought Toby back, she walked backward to the door as he came forward to shake my hand. When she shamelessly acted like she was licking him, I had to cover up my laughter with a discreet cough.
“Toby, good to see you again.” I shook his hand, and he held mine a little longer than was proper.
“You too, Nova.” Thankfully his focus was all on me, so he missed Brenda biting her knuckle at the low rumble of his voice.
“Was there anything else?” I asked her with raised brows as I tried not to laugh.
“Nope,” she squeaked and scurried to close the door.
“She’s cute.” Toby grinned.
“She’s married.” I laughed.
“Happily?” he questioned.
“Toby! You’re getting divorced and she’s married. Behave. I know it’s difficult for you.” I glared at him.
“Aww, babe, are you still pissed about me fucking with your boy toy, Smoke?” He gave me that beautiful, panty-melting smile that had reeled me in all those years ago.
“He’s not my boy toy, and yeah, I’m still a little pissed. You had no right saying that shit,” I grumbled.
He leaned forward in his seat to rest his forearm along the front of my desk. “Why? You said you weren’t his ol’ lady, and I told you I was interested. What’s wrong with me staking my claim?” He laughed, and I gave him an exasperated stare.
“Because I’m not yours to ‘claim.’ That’s why. You retained me as your attorney. That means we,” I pointed back and forth between us, “cannot have anything other than a professional relationship.”
“Pfbt! Who would need to know?” He slouched back in his chair, stretching his impossibly long legs in front of him.
“I would know! That’s all that matters.”
“Such a stickler for rules, Nova. Don’t you know rules were made to be broken?” He smirked.
Rolling my eyes, I pulled out my notepad from Monday. “Okay, so did you bring the things I requested?”
He handed over a folder I hadn’t noticed with all the drama bouncing around the room.
We spent the next hour discussing our plan of action.
As I walked him to the front door, I informed him of what I’d be doing first.<
br />
“Thanks, Nova,” he began, but I cleared my throat. “Ms. Stewart,” he corrected with a leering grin.
We shook hands, and again he held on to mine longer than was proper. It amazed me that as gorgeous as he was, and with the history we had, he didn’t stir the same lust in me as he had before.
“I’ll be in touch,” I assured him.
With a tip of his head, he grinned at Brenda, making her blush profusely, and left my outer office.
I greeted the next client and spent the next hour going over her situation. By the time I got out of the office, my lunch was halfway over. Thankfully, I didn’t have another appointment until two. I could extend my lunch a little.
Checking my phone, I saw a message from Mattie. She been released from the hospital yesterday but Grayson hadn’t told me; she’d called me. Today was her first day back at school since she’d been discharged.
Mattie: Thanx again for everything u did for me. I broke up with my BF 2day
Me: Good. If he encouraged you to sneak out, then he’s not a stand-up guy
Mattie: I know. Gotta get to class. Lunch over
Me: Okay. If you need anything else, let me know
Mattie: Will do. Thanx
My lips curled into a smile at the fact that Mattie was in my life again. Well, sort of. If Grayson told me to stay away, I’d be forced to abide by his wishes as her father. I wasn’t going to undermine him as her parent, but if he allowed me to be in her life, I’d snatch that opportunity.
There was a little diner in the middle of the block that Brenda had introduced me to that I headed toward. The old-fashioned bell tinkled over the door as I entered.
My heart jumped in my throat when I saw the familiar patch on the broad back leaning over the counter talking to Lisa, the owner. When she waved to me, he looked over his shoulder, and his soft green eyes locked on mine.
Shit.
“Sit anywhere, hon,” Lisa called. The place wasn’t super busy, since the lunch rush was dwindling down. Ignoring the man who had me losing sleep, I beelined for a back booth.
With every step, I could feel his eyes scorching over me. Tucking my skirt under me, I slid into the booth with my back to him so I wouldn’t be tempted to look. I was getting tired of his hot-and-cold attitude. It was too hard on my heart and mind. Not being able to see him would prevent the temptation of drooling over him the way Brenda had been over Toby.
Trying to distract myself, I sent a message off to Heidi. She’d gone radio silent and I wondered what she was up to lately. My eyes stayed focused on my phone as I waited to hear the bell over the diner door. Hopefully he’d leave soon, at least I prayed he would.
Imagine my dismay when he set a paper bag on the table and slid in across from me. Inwardly, I groaned.
“Grayson.” I went for no-nonsense.
He looked disheveled, and the dark circles under his eyes spoke of his lack of sleep. Even with his hair sticking up in that haphazardly sexy way and his shirt slightly wrinkled, he was beautiful.
“Nova, I owe you an apology.”
I snorted in an incredibly unladylike manner. Lisa placing a glass of water in front of me had me holding back my tart reply.
“What can I get you, love?”
“My usual.” I smiled up at her. “Where’s your help?”
She blew her bangs out of her face. “Sick baby, and the part-timers are all in school. Joys of owning your own business. I’ll have your lunch right out.” She grinned and shrugged good-naturedly.
While he stared at me, I tried not to drown in his eyes by drinking my water and staring at the table.
“Are you going to talk to me?”
“What’s to say, Grayson?” I asked as my shoulders dropped and a defeated sigh slipped out.
“Mattie told me what happened. I just want you to know I’m sorry for being a dick Saturday. I’ve had a lot on my plate.” He tapped the tabletop in nervous gesture.
“Just Saturday?” I arched a brow as I crossed my arms defensively.
He had the nerve to look confused. At which I rolled my eyes and huffed out in disgust. “You don’t get to embarrass me just because you wanna go all caveman. We are nothing, remember? So you have no right to piss all over me any time you see me with a guy. Whether it’s a client or a date.”
Understanding dawned, and a scowl furrowed his brow. “Torque is a dick. I don’t know what you’re doing with him.”
Lisa dropped off my plate with a smile. She refilled my water, then skedaddled as if she could tell our conversation was tense.
“Oh my God, you’re unbelievable!” I furiously whispered as I leaned across the table. “I told you he’s a client!”
“Yeah? Well, he sure didn’t act like any client I’ve ever seen. How often do your clients refer to you as their girl?” he snidely spat.
My face flamed because he was right, Toby had also been a prick. In all fairness though, I’d chewed his ass too. Then I reminded myself that even if Toby and I were fucking, it didn’t matter. I was a grown woman and I owed the man in front of me nothing.
“You know what? You need to back the hell up. Though my plan was crazy, you didn’t want a part of it. You also were the one who told me you didn’t have the time or inclination to be in a relationship. Then you decide you want to be CSPs—” He cut me off.
“CSP?”
“Casual Sex Partners,” I huffed. “but then you ghosted me, again, because you saw me out to dinner with a client. You are giving me goddamn whiplash with your bullshit. So if that’s going to be your modus operandi, then count me out and stay out of my life.” If he chose to do that, it would eviscerate me, and it meant I’d never get to see Mattie again, but I couldn’t keep up with his inability to make a decision where I was concerned.
Not trusting myself to say anything else, I began to eat. He pulled his out of the bag and began eating too. I had to roll my eyes at the audacity he had to invite himself to eat with me after our conversation.
He finished before me, and I ignored him watching me eat. Well, I ignored him the best I could. I was taking my last bite when he suddenly said, “Okay.”
“Okay? What is okay?”
“You want a baby. I’ll give you a baby.”
My fork clattered to the plate. Words eluded me, and I could only blink at him. Everything in me shook with emotion.
Anger.
Hope.
Denial.
Happiness.
Fear.
Resignation.
It all bombarded me. Swirling within me like a molten whirlpool, it ripped at me. Burned me. Shredded me.
“Why?” was all I could get out.
“Because everything around me seems to be going to shit. I feel like I’m failing at everything I touch, and that’s not a common experience for me. I’ve been an asshole to you when you didn’t deserve it, and I want to make amends,” he said quietly as he stared at me.
Even though it had been my plan, I knew now that it was crazy. It was a desperate plan by a desperate woman teetering on insanity. There was no way I could ask that of him.
Sadly, I shook my head. “Grayson, listen to yourself. That makes no sense at all. Besides, I can’t ask that of you. I’ve come to my senses, and I won’t use you like that. You can’t make amends by giving that big of a part of yourself. Not only that, but what would I tell the child? Lie and say they came from a sperm bank? Maybe that his father agreed to make him but wanted nothing to do with him? Or that I don’t know who her father is? And what about Mattie? She and her sibling never know the other exists? No. I won’t do that to a child or to you. Being a mother probably isn’t in the cards for me. Or if it is, then I guess it will happen when it happens.” I shrugged in resignation.
Holding back the tears at a dissipating dream, I dug in my purse for money. Then I stood, looked down at him, and made the decision to let him go. The crazy childhood crush I’d carried nearly all of my life was never going to materialize into anything, and it was
time I faced it.
Each step away from him was agony. I handed my cash to Lisa and told her to keep the change.
Without looking back at him, I walked out of the restaurant with my head held high.
And my heart shattering.
“Legacy”—Motionless In White
Watching her walk away did something crazy to me. It hurt. Bad.
Hurt in a way I hadn’t hurt in a long damn time.
Despite that, I sat there and didn’t go after her. Telling myself it was for the best wasn’t really helping.
“Now what’d you go and do?” Lisa stood next to the table with her hand on her hip. I’d been coming here for years and she’d never let me get by with any shit.
“Fucked up, I think.” I leaned against the back of the booth.
“Then why’d you let her walk away?”
“Good question.” I slid out, and she backed out of my space with the corner of her lips tipped up. With each step, I told myself I was a fool, but I kept going.
Barging out of the diner door, I looked both ways. Her blonde hair was nowhere to be seen. Digging out my wallet, I looked for the business card she’d given me. My phone rang before I could find it, so I answered and resumed digging.
“Yeah, Smoke here.”
“Prez, you need to get down to the hospital. It’s Check.” Without hesitation, I shoved my wallet back into my pocket and climbed on my bike.
“I’m on my way.” I hung up on Lock and roared off in the direction of the hospital Check was still at.
The trip was a blur, and I rushed up to his room in time to see the room filled with people and a flurry of organized chaos. My brothers were either standing in the hall or arriving shortly after me.
Lock looked ill, and the rest weren’t much better.
“What the hell happened?” I barked.
Lock had his hand held over his mouth, but he dropped it to fill me in. “I have no clue. One minute I was sitting there talking to him about anything I could think of, the next he was having a seizure and his alarms were going off. Then the nurses were running in. They asked me to step out, and I called you, then sent out a mass message.”
Smoke and Mirrors: A Demented Sons MC Texas Novel Page 12
