He collared her throat, and she sucked in a breath, her body shaking in anticipation. “I want you in my bed, but tonight isn’t about sex. It’s about you and me talking and just being ourselves.”
She nodded, even though the disappointment of not having him inside her crashed into her. She wanted to hear his voice, feel his beard on her neck as he hugged her hard. He held her then, picking her up and cradling her to his chest. They laid in bed fully dressed, their legs entwined as they spoke of their days, starting with the small things and just listening to one another.
The major decisions would come and the challenges of being with a man who had a son he’d never met before would find their paths. Right then, though, her worries were voiced, and she could breathe again. It wouldn’t be easy, but she had Austin’s voice, his touch, and his body.
She just needed his heart.
Chapter 23
Shea paced Griffin’s living room, running her hands through her hair as she did so. They were leaving Denver in three days to head back home, and yet she didn’t feel like she was ready. In fact, she felt like everything had taken a turn for the worse in her heart, rather than the actual reason they had come north in the first place.
Shep’s uncle was doing okay, but not great and nowhere near out of the woods yet, but alive and breathing. That counted for something when cancer was involved. She’d met Shep’s family and friends and had been welcomed with open arms.
If anything, that made what was going on within her even worse.
She had a clear example now of what a family was supposed to be rather than the farce she’d lived with. Her mother had attacked and emotionally abused her for her entire life while her father had cheated on his family and had ignored Shea since she was a baby.
Baby.
Damn it. She couldn’t think about that. She couldn’t think about what was going on within her while there were more important things. She was being stupid and silly, and yet she couldn’t stop it. Shep was pulling away day by day because she wasn’t telling him what was going on inside her head and body, yet she couldn’t find the courage to actually tell him.
Maybe once they got back to New Orleans, everything would be okay and she’d be back to normal. That had to be the answer because, right then, she couldn’t think about what was going on. She couldn’t make decisions, and that was so unlike her. She’d spent her life doing what was expected her and following the path that others laid for her before she ventured out on her own. First with her job, then with leaving her ex—the same man her mother had chosen for her. Then Shea wanted a tattoo and found Shep.
Her happily ever after was supposed to be all roses and rainbows now.
Not pain, heartache, and nervousness.
“Shea?”
She turned on her heel quickly, almost falling in her haste. Shep put out a hand and held her steady, that ever-present worry in his gaze.
“You startled me.” And she couldn’t bear to look at him and keep this secret any longer.
“I can see that. Tell me what’s wrong, Shea. You’re killing me here. What did I do wrong? How can I fix it? I love you so fucking much, and you’re pulling away from me. Please. Please tell me what’s wrong.”
Oh God, she was doing this all wrong. She was ruining something perfect because she was scared. Scared that she’d ruin it all.
“I…I…”
He cupped her face, kissing her softly. She leaned into him, letting his taste settle on her tongue. He anchored her. He was her first love, her only love, and she needed to be honest and open. She shouldn’t be afraid of him; she wasn’t.
No, she was afraid of herself.
“Tell me, Shea.”
“We’re having a baby,” she blurted out, her body shaking. The relief that should have come from telling him what she’d kept secret for far too long never came. Instead, she wanted to throw up, and she didn’t think that came from morning sickness.
Shep opened his mouth two or three times like a fish out of water then grinned. “A baby?” He picked her up, twirling her around the room. She clung to his shoulders, wanting to run away rather than search inside herself.
“We’re having a baby! Oh god, Shea. I’m so fucking happy about this. All this time you were worried we were having a baby? That’s it?” His eyes widened. “Is something wrong? Do we need to go to the doctor? Let me get my keys.” He set her down like she was fine china then patted his chest and pockets looking for his keys. “Shouldn’t you be sitting down? Do you want water? Or how about crackers? How are you feeling?”
The way he acted should have been cute. Instead, she could hear only her mother in her head. Her mother who had told her that she’d never amount to anything. Who had belittled her for her entire life, making her want to run away or find another more permanent end to the way things had been.
Shep had saved her life right then, and she couldn’t think of how to stop the pattern.
To stop the torment that had plagued her for decades.
Shep cupped her face again, and she blinked back tears. “What’s wrong, Shea? You’re not speaking, and you look scared. You’re pale, baby. Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”
She hiccupped a sob then pulled away. “You can’t fix it, Shep. I’m having a child. A baby.”
Shep frowned. “I know, Shea. You just said it.” His face went carefully blank. “Do you not want this child?”
The idea of not having this baby made her body turn to ice. The implication of his words forced her to say what she was thinking, rather than going around it.
“I…I want this baby. I’ve always wanted our baby, Shep. But…but you don’t understand.”
“I won’t understand until you tell me, Shea. I don’t know why you hid it from me, why you were so scared to tell me.”
“If I told you, then it would be real,” she whispered.
“And what is so wrong with it being real? We love each other, and we had said we wanted children.”
She remembered them talking, but when they’d brought it up, it had seemed like a dream. Now it was a reality. A reality she wasn’t prepared for. She didn’t have the life experiences needed to be a good mother. She saw the way Shep’s cousin Meghan cared for her babies, how Marie cared for her grown children.
Shea had never had that before.
How was she sure she wouldn’t end up like her mother?
“We did this so fast, Shep.”
Her husband’s face set to stone. “Yes. We did. We both decided to marry quickly without a wedding. We both decided to have me go bare within you and deal with what happened if the Pill alone didn’t work. Now tell me why you’re so scared because you need to be clear.”
“I don’t want to turn into my mother.”
Shep’s face softened, and he took a step toward her. She pulled back, but he didn’t let her stay away. Instead, he tugged her close, crushing her to his chest. He cupped her face, kissing her hard.
“You silly, thoughtful woman. I fucking love you.”
Irritation warred with anger in her veins. “Don’t call my fears silly, Shep. You don’t understand. You have this perfect family. What do I have?”
“Me.”
Her heart thudded, and she sighed. “Shep…”
“No. You’ll listen to me now. You’re scared you’ll end up like you’re mother? Bullshit. You stood up for yourself long before I came along and grew a backbone. You’ve seen what damage your mother did and know that’s not how to raise a family. Fuck, you have my family to show you how to do it. Not saying we’re perfect because God knows we’re crazy assholes some days, but we aren’t cruel. You are going to be a wonderful mother.”
Tears poured down her cheeks, and she sank into him. She might know his words were right in her mind, but her heart was another matter.
“You have me by your side. I’m not going to turn into your father. I’m going to be by your side every step of the way. I’m going to watch you grow round with our child then cha
nge diapers and help our baby take his or her first steps. I’m going to let our child know that, no matter their choices, we will be by their side. They don’t need to conform to our expectations but, rather, find out who they are on their own. Now kiss me, Shea. Kiss me then tell me you love me.”
She kissed him softly, her eyes closed as her body finally relaxed. “I love you,” she whispered. “I’m an idiot.”
“Well, yes, but you’re adorable when you’re an idiot.”
She punched him in the shoulder. Hard. “Patronizing much?”
“You love me. Now, I know we’re in the middle of something else right now travel- and life-wise, but I need to tell you I’m so fucking happy we’re having this kid. If she’s a girl, we might need to lock her away from all boys until she’s sixty, but that’s just because I know boys. If he’s a boy, well, we might need to lock him up as well since I know my brothers.”
She snorted, hugging him around his middle. She’d kept the idea of the baby from him for a month because she’d been scared about her own reaction, not his. That had been selfish and horrible, but she couldn’t go back and fix it.
She had another seven months to prove to him that she could do this. Prove to herself. With Shep by her side, she could do it. There was no other option.
“You’re thinking hard again,” he said as he rubbed her back, his hand dipping lower until she gasped into him.
“I’m sorry for not telling you.”
“I’m sorry you felt you needed to deal with everything on your own. But that’s not the important thing anymore.”
“What is then?” she asked on a gasp as he kissed the side of her neck.
“The important thing is we’re going to have a baby…and Griffin won’t be home for hours.”
She rocked into him, closing her eyes, and he cupped her face with his magic hands. “Whatever shall we do?”
Shep pulled back, grinning. “Oh, I think we can come up with something.”
Shea stood on her tiptoes and kissed his chin. “Show me.”
“Always, Shea. Always.”
Chapter 24
“If you keep staring at the nail rather than pounding it in, you’ll be here for hours, man,” Austin said from Decker’s side, chuckling under his breath.
Decker growled then cursed as he slammed his thumb with the damn hammer. “Seriously, dude? You’re going to distract me while I’m fixing the freaking hole in your wall?”
“You talk to me while I’m doing a tattoo, so I don’t know what your problem is,” Austin said casually as he meandered back to his stool. Griffin sat in the chair, a grin on his face.
“Let’s keep the distracting of Austin on the low side, shall we?” Griffin teased. “He does have a needle in my skin after all.”
“You wouldn’t have this problem if I was doing it,” Maya said as she walked toward them.
Decker laughed at the familiar complaint. Maya and Austin were proprietary when it came to the Montgomery family ink. Come to think of it, they acted the same way about his ink as well.
Kind of nice.
“You have one side, Maya,” Griffin said, his voice calm even as Austin worked on his sleeve, doing the shading that sometimes hurt like a bitch. “Austin gets the other. Stop complaining that it’s his turn.”
Maya rolled her eyes even as she smiled. “Shut up.”
“You first.”
Ah, siblings. He was an only child and thankful for it. Though he’d been raised with the Montgomerys off and on during his childhood, when he went back to his birthplace, he was alone.
That was the way it had always been, and now that he was older, that was the way it would be. He wasn’t a Montgomery, and no amount of ink or wishing would make that true.
He cleared his throat, shaking his head before he got back to work. He needed to keep his mind on task instead of thinking about what was coming, what would never change. The churning in his gut didn’t make it easy, but he’d deal with it.
He had to.
Decker went back to work, trying to finish up so he could get back to his place and just be alone. He had come back to Denver, but he honestly didn’t know if he could handle all the Montgomerys all at once again.
The door opened, and he sighed. Hopefully it would be a customer, rather than another Montgomery. He didn’t know if he could deal with more family right then.
“Hey, family,” Miranda Montgomery said as she walked in. He turned quickly, caught by her smile and the way she winked at her brother.
Decker froze, his body tight like a spring, and he held back a curse. His dick pressed against the zipper of his jeans, and he wanted to run the fuck away.
He couldn’t get a hard-on for Griffin’s little sister.
No fucking way.
She was Miranda. Little Miranda who used to chase him around the backyard.
She wasn’t supposed to get his dick hard.
The object of his arousal and mortification turned to him and smiled. His dick perked up even more.
Traitor.
“Hey you. I didn’t know you’d be here.”
He blinked then cleared his throat. “I’m not. Here I mean.”
Brilliant, Decker. Fucking brilliant.
She snorted as the rest of her family laughed. “Um, Decker, honey. You’re here.”
He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. Or at least trying to. “I just meant I’m leaving.”
Austin stood up and frowned. “You’re not done yet. What’s up, Deck?”
Decker quickly gathered up his things. “I’ll come back tomorrow and finish up. It needs to dry, and I didn’t bring the last of the tools I need.”
Austin’s look told him he clearly didn’t believe him, but Decker needed to get out of there. Fast.
“Okay, whatever. Thanks for coming and doing at least half of it.”
Decker nodded then took his tools and ran, lifting his chin at the others as he scurried out the door, his toolbox in front of his crotch. The last thing he needed was for Miranda’s big brothers to see his hard-on. He’d seen the look of surprise on Miranda’s face as he left, and he didn’t want to think about it.
Fuck. She was his best friend’s little sister.
So off limits.
He just needed to get laid. As he put his things in the truck, he got out his phone. When the person on the other line picked up, he tensed, trying to clear his thoughts of the Montgomery he shouldn’t want and could never have.
“Colleen, hey, you free tonight?”
Colleen was safe. Pretty. And not Miranda Montgomery.
The perfect combination.
Sierra locked up Eden and made her way to her car. It had been a long day of customers who hadn’t known what they wanted, blaming her and the girls for it. During that time, the customers from hell made their opinions known. Often.
All she really wanted to do was to go home—Austin’s place—and relax. She didn’t know when she’d begun to think of Austin’s place as home, rather than her small apartment in Edgewater, but she’d take it. Things were going well for them. Really well. She and Austin talked and worked with Leif together. They were happy, and she was ready to actually tell him her feelings.
She loved him more than anything, and she wanted a future.
A future she never thought she’d have again.
There was that tingling in the back of her mind that told her that her ex’s parents would still be there, but she wouldn’t be alone in facing them this time.
Her phone rang as she started on the highway, and she answered using her car’s Bluetooth. “Hello?”
“Sierra, it’s Rodney.”
Speak of the devil.
Her hands clenched the steering wheel, and she swallowed hard. “Hi, Rodney. What’s going on?” She took the next exit and pulled off to the side of the road. There was a field around her since she’d gone north to Austin’s place, but it was safer than being at the wheel right then.
“They threw out the case,
Sierra. It’s over. For real this time. Marsha and Todd don’t have a leg to stand on.”
Sierra blinked, and she turned off the car but kept the battery on so her phone would still work. “What?” She couldn’t believe it. She must have misheard.
“Sierra. It’s over. The case was thrown out with prejudice, and this was their last chance. They can’t come at you again. You’re free to live your life the way you want to without having to look over your shoulder.
“Seriously?” she asked, her words raspy. After all these years, it was over?
“Seriously. Go home to Austin and celebrate. You won’t have this shadow over you anymore.”
Tears streaked her cheeks, and she bowed her head. “Thank you, thank you so much. God.”
“You’re welcome, Sierra. Live your life.”
After saying goodbye, he hung up, and she sat there, her body shaking.
She was free. Jason’s parents couldn’t hurt her anymore. She could love Austin freely and not worry about lawsuits and the past that wouldn’t take its claws out of her.
She was free.
Headlights blinded her from the driver’s side, and she turned, only to see a car coming right at her. She held up her hands, her mouth opened in a scream before the sound of crushing metal filled her ears. The darkness came over her as she thought of Austin one last time.
Austin ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “I hate math sometimes,” he mumbled, and Leif snickered at his side. “Don’t laugh. This is your homework after all.”
“Math sucks,” his son agreed.
He winced. Sierra wouldn’t like him teaching Leif to hate subjects in school. The fact that he thought of Sierra in a parenting position again scared him a bit, but he was working on it. Hell, the fact that he was a parent scared him.
“Math doesn’t suck. It’s just not the most entertaining thing most times.”
Leif raised a brow in a gesture so like Austin’s that he blinked. Damn, Leif looked just like what Austin had always pictured his son might look like. The DNA test might have been needed for the courts, but none of the Montgomerys had thought twice about accepting him into their fold.
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