by Lauryn April
“And I think Darren is planning to ask me,” Hailey added. “We need to go dress shopping before everything gets cleared out.”
I nodded in complete agreement. “There’s that new dress shop in town. They have a huge selection, and once you buy your dress, they won’t sell the same one to anyone else at your school.”
“No way,” Hailey said. The first bell rang and we started to make our way to our classes. “How do they do that?”
“I don’t know. They make you fill out a form or something. I’m free tonight. We should talk to Jo too.”
Hailey shrugged. “Think anyone will ask her?”
Surprised by her question, I nearly stopped walking. “What?”
“Well, you know, since she and Paul broke up she hasn’t tried to get on anyone else’s radar…and she’s not, least from what I hear.”
Feeling the need to defend Jo, I almost blurted her secret. Then I remembered how serious Jo had been about keeping that private, and I bit my tongue. Although, the more I thought about it, Jo had been less interested in going out with us lately. That would make sense though, if she was seeing someone. I wondered how long she’d been dating this guy. Who is he? Suddenly, I realized there was this thing about my best friend that I didn’t know anything about. The fact that I didn’t know bothered me.
“Someone will ask Jo,” I said. Then Hailey and I went our separate ways.
As I walked into English, Logan’s penetrating stare greeted me. It was as if he couldn’t help but gawk at me. His gaze made me feel uneasy, but even though my skin crawled, I refused to look away. I stared back at Logan, forcing him to look away. This whole exchange only lasted seconds, but for the rest of the hour, I wondered what the hell was going on with him.
After class, I noticed Jo checking her phone. She had a text message, but instead of telling me who it was from she rushed out, mumbling something about talking to Mr. Fredericks before class. I watched her leave. Before I could gather my things, I had this sinking feeling, like I was being left out of something.
Trying to ignore the fact that my best friend was keeping a secret from me, I gathered my books. I threw my bag over my shoulder and almost bumped into Logan. He glared at me before walking out. Irritated, I followed him into the hall.
“Logan,” I shouted.
He turned around. Logan looked surprised, and maybe a little uneasy. He waited in the middle of the hall until I caught up.
I crossed my arms and looked Logan straight in the eye; we were about the same height.
“What is your deal?” I asked, not caring that we were standing in the middle of the hallway. Our classmates walked by on either side of us, some staring as they passed.
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
My eyes narrowed. “I’m talking about your creepy, stalkerish staring, and showing up at cheerleading practice yesterday. It’s freaking me out. So, what’s your deal?” My eyebrows rose as I waited impatiently for an answer.
Logan was silent. He looked around. When his eyes met mine again, their intensity couldn’t be fractured by even the thick lenses that rested on his nose.
“Are you crushing on me or something?” I asked. “If you are, that’s sweet and all, but–”
Logan’s harsh laugh cut into my sentence. Despite the fact I had no interest in him, I felt a little offended.
“No,” he said in a serious tone. “I….” He looked around, then in a softer voice he asked, “Have you ever wondered if maybe we’re not alone?”
“What?” I had no idea what he was talking about. “Alone, like woe is me, I’m a teenager and no one understands me?”
“No, not like that.” Logan sighed. “Like, maybe there’s…something else out there?”
“Something like what?”
Logan shook his head. “Never mind.” He turned and started walking away.
“Okay,” I yelled after him. “So will you quit staring at me?”
A group of girls walked by and giggled, glancing between Logan and me.
Logan didn’t look back; he waved a hand and continued down the hall.
I rolled my eyes. “Freak,” I mumbled.
CHAPTER
5
At lunch I pushed all thoughts of Logan and our cryptic conversation out of my mind. My friends and I talked about dress shopping. Jo was busy that night, so we made plans for Friday. Even though she said she was excited, something about her expression told me she wasn’t as thrilled about it as I was. At the end of the day Jo and I made our way out of the building together, and I tried to get her to open up to me.
“I wonder how Ian’s going to ask me?” I said.
“To Homecoming?” Jo shrugged. “Are you expecting something special?”
“I don’t know; flowers would be nice though.”
Jo laughed.
“So, what about you, think you’ll end up going to Homecoming with this mystery date guy?”
Jo shook her head. “Probably not, no.”
I frowned, and a moment of silence passed. “So…did you just not like him that much?”
“No, that’s not it at all…it’s just…it’s complicated.”
I was frustrated. “Jo, I don’t understand why you won’t tell me more about this. I mean, you don’t even want anyone to know that you went on a date, and now I’m getting like zero details. That’s just not how things used to be with us.”
“It’s not you, Payton,” she said, but I couldn’t help but feel like that’s exactly how it was.
“What’s the big deal with not telling anyone that you had a date?”
“It’s just, my parents can’t find out; they wouldn’t…approve.”
Jo had strict Baptist parents who pretty much frowned upon every boy Jo dated, but it hadn’t stopped her before.
“So what is he, like Jewish or something? I mean I know your parents are big with the whole find a nice church boy thing, but they’re still your parents, Jo – they would understand. They liked Paul. Your dad would probably just say something like, ‘Well, it’s not like she’s gonna marry him.’ Then your mom would chill….”
A heavy sigh passed Jo’s lips. “It’s not like that, Payton, just trust me, they wouldn’t understand….Look, I’ll tell you when I’m ready, I swear, but not right now.”
With that Jo and I went in different directions.
At dinner I poked at my mashed potatoes, pushing them around with my fork. I was lost in my thoughts, wondering if I was losing my best friend. I didn’t hear a word of the conversation my parents were having. It wasn’t until my father said my name, twice, that I finally looked up.
“Lost in the clouds, Payton?” Dad asked. “Your mother asked you a question.”
I turned to Mom. She looked dismayed by my inattention and adjusted the chain of her necklace, as it’d gotten tangled in her long blond hair.
“Are you alright, sweetie?” she asked. “You seem distracted.”
“I’m fine,” I said.
Mom smiled as if fine were any kind of answer. “Well, anyway, your father and I were discussing having a Halloween party; wouldn’t that be fun?”
“Yeah, sure.” I tried to sound excited, and although I doubt I did, my mother didn’t care. She went on talking about hiring someone to cater and what she should wear for a costume.
It was then that I felt an itch behind my ear. At first I thought nothing of it. I moved my hair behind my ear and scratched my scalp, but the feeling grew. It started to tingle and burned a little. When I felt the first spark, I pushed away from the table. Both of my parents turned to me with alarmed expressions.
“Excuse me,” I said, as I stood.
Before I was even a few feet from the table, I felt another shock beneath my skin and winced. I rubbed at it, again worried I had a brain tumor. In the bathroom I pulled out my compact and held it so I could see behind my ear. The skin there was smooth, but I saw a thin red line marring its surface. I traced my finger over it, then looked behind m
y other ear for comparison. The mark was only on the side where I felt the itching and shocks. More than a little freaked out by this, I left my compact on the bathroom counter and went to my bedroom.
My head was spinning. It was hot in my room, and I needed some air. I went to the window to tug it open. As I did my hands felt the rough edges of the scratches in the window frame. For a second I remembered screaming as I was pulled through it. Flashes of my dream filled my mind: white light, that uneasy sensation of weightlessness.
I closed my eyes, willing the images away, and took a deep breath. When I opened them I felt calmer. I looked out the window and saw Logan sitting on his roof. His back was against the white siding of his house. He looked at me. Once again irritated with his gaze, I slammed the window shut and closed the blinds.
I had a hard time falling asleep that night; it was as if subconsciously I knew what awaited me in my dreams, and I knew I didn’t want to see them. Eventually I did drift off, and the dreams did return. Images filled my mind like film projected onto smoke. I floated above my bed, I stared into the white light, I screamed and thrashed out, clawing at the window sill. I was dragged into the dark sky. The light was blinding, and I was crying. Then I saw their faces.
When I woke the next morning, the only thing I could think about were those dreams and why I kept having them. Why did I keep dreaming of bright lights and being sucked out my window? Why did I keep seeing big, reflective black eyes? Images of those grey, alien-like creatures haunted me, and I didn’t understand why. I hadn’t watched any science fiction movies lately. Maybe I was losing my mind. Then I thought about what Logan had asked me: Do you ever wonder if maybe we’re not alone?
The next day Logan did a better job of not staring at me like I was some kind of freak, but there were still passing glances. I tried not to think about him as I walked to my seat. I’d arrived before Jo and sat down in my usual spot, staring at the door. Tapping my pencil against my desk, I felt this restless feeling slither through my body. A minute later she walked in, and the sight of her was a welcomed distraction.
Jo had cut her hair. It sat just above her shoulders with side swept bangs. “Hey,” she said with a nervous smile.
“You look great.”
Jo took her seat beside me. “Mom hates it.” She laughed.
“She’ll get over it; it looks good.”
“Thanks.” Jo was quiet for a moment, then she turned back to me and said, “Hey, think after we go dress shopping on Friday, we could get coffee or something?”
“Absolutely.”
Jo smiled as the bell rang.
My mind wandered during class. Occasionally I’d feel Logan’s eyes on me. I’d look back and he’d look away. Once again I remembered what he’d said the other day. Have you ever wondered if maybe we’re not alone? I thought about the grey beings from my dream - the alien-like creatures. Could Logan have been talking about aliens? Was he wondering if I thought we might not be alone in the universe?
I shook my head. Why would he ask me that? I had to be imagining things. Logan was a weirdo. Maybe there’s…something else out there. That could mean anything, but suddenly I wanted to know what. I thought about talking to him after class, but Jo started up a conversation with me about some project she had to do in her bio class, and I didn’t get the chance.
I wouldn’t normally see Logan the rest of the day. We didn’t have any other classes together. But that day at lunch I spotted him. He was emptying his plastic tray into the garbage and set it in the bin beside it. One of the jocks elbowed him as he walked past, laughing as Logan stumbled. Logan looked like he wanted to say something, but held his tongue. The conversation at my table faded as I stood to follow him. I told Jo I’d be right back and walked off without giving her a second look. Logan left the lunch room and turned down the hallway. I was steps away from catching up to him when someone called my name.
I turned around. Behind me Ian stood with a nervous grin and his thumbs looped in the pockets of his jeans. I smiled, but inwardly I was disappointed that Logan had slipped away.
“Hey,” I said as he approached. His smile grew more confident, and all thoughts of Logan melted away.
“I was thinking, would you like to get dinner with me on Saturday?”
“Absolutely,” I said a little too quickly and bit my lip. “Um, yeah, that’d be cool. What time?”
“I’ll pick you up at seven?”
I nodded. “Sounds good.”
“Good,” Ian said.
He smiled at me as he walked away. I watched him go, mesmerized by the way his muscles moved beneath his shirt. Then I shook my head and snapped out of my daze. I remembered I’d been following Logan, and that maybe I could still find him. I walked into the empty hall. I didn’t see him at first, but when I came to an intersection, I found him off to my right, digging through his locker.
The painted grey metal of his locker door blocked his face, but I recognized the dark plaid button up he wore. I called his name as I walked closer. Logan shut his locker and looked me up and down. Feeling uncomfortable beneath his gaze, I crossed my arms and stood straighter.
“What did you mean when you asked if I ever wondered if we aren’t alone?”
Logan shook his head. “Forget it, Carlson, it’s not important.”
He moved to walk by, but I stepped in his way. “Yes, it is.”
He raised an eyebrow, and I took a breath.
“I just want to know what you were talking about, that’s all.”
Logan looked away, his shoulders slumping. “I was asking…I was asking if you believe in aliens.”
Aliens. Logan wasn’t supposed to say that. Terror rushed through my veins like white hot light, and in a flash I saw their black eyes and grey faces. My arms flung out and I pushed him.
“Why would you ask me that?” My voice was louder than I’d intended.
Logan raised his hands and took a step back. “Whoa, calm down.”
“Why would you ask me about aliens?”
“I didn’t think you’d get so upset.”
“Tell me why you asked me that?”
Logan’s lips thinned, and his brow creased.
Flashes of memory as disorienting as a dream and quick as a strobe light burst through my mind. Black eyes, floating, screaming, calling for help, feeling frozen and fearful – all of it was there at once, but none of it was anything I wanted to believe. This was crazy. I pushed my thoughts aside, refusing to believe what Logan was suggesting.
“God, you really are a freak,” I said, storming off.
CHAPTER
6
Logan’s words echoed through my head the rest of the day. I couldn’t help but connect them to my dreams. I was asking if you believe in aliens, he’d said. Aliens – how absurd was that? Like tiny green men from space came down, abducted me, and implanted something in my skull, as if my life were some SciFi movie. I laughed aloud at the thought, but a tiny part of me was saying, They’re not green; they’re grey.
“Something funny, Miss Carlson?”
My head shot up. I’d been so lost in thought that I’d completely zoned out of Mr. Richardson’s lecture.
“No, sorry.”
He stared at me for another moment, then turned back to the board and continued his history lesson. I did my best to at least try to pay attention to the rest of my classes.
Cheer practice was short that day, which was good because my head hadn’t been into it. Thoughts swarmed within my skull like biblical locusts consuming any rational thought and leaving behind paranoia. I reminded myself that aliens do not exist. They do not exist, they do not make crop circles, and they certainly do not abduct people. God, was that really what I was thinking, that I’d been abducted?
“Payton?”
“What?” My head snapped to Jo and Hailey.
We’d just left the locker room and were walking to the parking lot. They stared at me with concerned expressions.
“What is up with you
?” Hailey asked. “You’ve been zoned all day.”
I sighed. “Sorry, I’m just out of it I guess.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Hailey said.
“Everything okay?” Jo asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine, really.”
Jo didn’t seem convinced, but after a moment she let it go, and I was sucked into a conversation with Hailey. She distracted me with gossip for a little while, but my thoughts about aliens still remained.
By the time I fell asleep that night, I wondered if maybe I had been abducted by aliens. Had they ripped me from my bedroom window and taken me to their spaceship? Had Logan seen it all from his bedroom window? Was that why he stared at me like I was some science project every time I walked by, or did I just have a bad dream and a neighbor with a crush that made me uncomfortable?
I tried to convince myself that it was the latter as I pulled the blankets to my chin, but when the dreams returned again that night, it was hard not to think that aliens really did exist.
The next day I wasted no time finding Logan. I waited outside our English room until I spotted him walking down the hall. When he neared I stepped in his way, forcing him to stop.
“I need to talk to you,” I said.
Logan shook his head and let out a short laugh. “I thought I was a freak and you didn’t want to talk to me?” He tried to walk past me, but I blocked him again.
“That was yesterday. Today, I want to know why you asked me about aliens.”
Logan’s face tightened; he narrowed his eyes. I thought he was going to tell me to screw off.
Instead he said, “If you want to know then meet me at my house after school.”
Logan started to walk away as I thought over his request. “Wait,” I said. He stopped, turning back to me. “I can’t. I have practice.”
He shrugged. “Then come after practice.”
