by Lauryn April
Logan’s head tilted, his eyelashes fluttered. Then he leaned in and kissed me again. His lips brushed mine, and slowly his kiss grew heavier. Logan’s hand ran up my arm to rest on my shoulder and he pulled me closer. Our noses bumped, and for some reason that made me smile.
I pulled back, my forehead resting against his. We were both breathing heavily. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing. All I knew was that it felt right. Logan’s lips brushed against mine one last time. Then he pulled away and we stared at one another with wavering eyes.
My bedroom door squeaked as it was pushed open. Logan and I jumped back as Jo walked in. She smiled sweetly.
“Hey, sorry. Your mom wanted me to come find you. She didn’t want you to miss the fireworks.”
“Right, yeah. I’ll be right down.”
Jo nodded, then looked at Logan. She smirked at me before leaving and closing my bedroom door behind her.
Logan stood up. Running a hand through his hair, he gave me a bashful look. “I’ll um, meet you down there.”
“Yeah, I’m just going to change.”
He nodded then slipped out of my room.
CHAPTER
23
During the fireworks Logan had slipped his hand through mine. I let him lace our fingers together. We watched the rest of the show, and for a little while everything was perfect. Afterwards people started to leave. They trickled in and out of the house with tipsy laughter and goodbyes.
As we made our way back inside, my eyes locked on the man from my dream. John Doggett walked toward the street. Moonlight glowed through the smoke-filled sky, illuminating his white lab coat. When he got into a black sedan, I froze. Doggett drove away in the car with the tinted windows I’d been seeing on the street for the last few weeks. I wondered what that meant, if it meant anything. I didn’t want it to mean anything. I didn’t want to have another thing to worry about. So, even though an eerie feeling in my gut told me Doggett was someone to worry about, I decided I wouldn’t worry about him. I didn’t have time to worry about aliens, having brain surgery, and him. I decided my dream about being drugged in my own bed was just that – a dream – and let it go.
When I stepped inside Frank was offering to drive Bridget home, which was good since I think she had a few too many glasses of the red punch. Erica, Joey, and Randy left as well. After that Jo, Nikki, Logan, and I went up to my room to play cards while the few remaining adults hung out in the living room. I thought about telling them about John Doggett and my dream, but we’d been having such a good night that I didn’t want to ruin it.
I woke the next morning sprawled on my bedroom floor. My head rested on Logan’s thigh. He was asleep and using my stuffed panda bear as a pillow. I sat up. Beside us Jo and Nikki were curled up together and sleeping as well. Playing cards were strewn about my room, and soft morning light filtered through my window. I’d changed into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top the night before, but everyone else had passed out in their costumes.
My head lightly throbbed. My neck had a kink in it and I was a little hung over. Slowly, climbing to my feet, I went to crawl in bed for a few hours of decent sleep. As I started to pull the covers back, Logan rolled over and opened his eyes. He’d fallen asleep with his glasses on and they sat crooked on his face. I smiled, watching him adjust them.
“Morning,” he said in a groggy voice.
I held a finger to my mouth and pointed at Jo and Nikki, who were sleeping on the floor. “Morning,” I whispered.
I pulled the covers back and Logan twisted around on the floor, trying to get comfortable. Suddenly the thought of crawling into my comfortable queen size bed made me feel guilty.
“Logan,” I whispered.
His eyes shot to me.
I nodded toward my bed and lay down on the far side. After a moment Logan stood and hesitantly crawled in bed beside me. We lay on our sides at opposite ends, leaving a good foot of empty space between us. My eyes ran over Logan as I realized I’d invited him into my bed. My body felt tingly, like someone was tickling the bottom of my belly, and I pulled my comforter up to my chin.
“Can we talk?” Logan asked.
My mind immediately went to the memory of him kissing me. “About last night?”
He nodded. “Yeah, the thing is…I like you.”
I smiled. “I think I kind of like you too.” And I wasn’t sure exactly when that happened, but as I said the words it was as if some cosmic puzzle had its final pieces set in place. Everything with Logan made sense.
Logan smiled back. “Good. I was a little worried actually.”
A few hours later I woke again, this time to the sound of whispered voices. When I opened my eyes I saw Jo and Nikki were awake and quietly gathering their things. Jo picked her headband with the buns off the floor. She saw me watching her with sleepy eyes.
“Call me later,” she whispered. Then quietly she and Nikki slipped from my room.
Jo smirked as she shut my bedroom door behind her. After she left, I realized it was because somewhere, in the few hours after Logan and I had climbed in bed, we’d managed to erase the foot of space we’d left between us. Now I was basically lying on top of him. I thought about moving, but Logan was in a deep sleep, his arm wrapped around me. I decided to close my eyes instead.
When we eventually did get up it was still early. Mom and Dad were still sleeping. My nerves rattled as we tiptoed out of my bedroom and attempted to avoid the squeaky parts of the staircase. We hadn’t done anything but cuddle all night, but I still felt like I had something to hide. As we passed through the living room I saw the mess of scattered cups and unrolled toilet paper that awaited me. We had a cleaning lady who came by every Sunday, but I knew Mom would want me to help as well. This was more of a mess that she would be used to dealing with.
I sighed in relief when Logan stepped outside. We were in the clear. He turned around, standing on my front porch, and smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back.
“I’ll call you later, okay?”
I nodded.
Logan’s smile returned, then he leaned in and kissed me. That tingly feeling returned to the inside my belly. I sighed, watching him walk away. I shut the door and leaned against it. Closing my eyes, I took another deep breath and wondered when I’d let myself fall for Logan Reed.
He called later that night. We didn’t talk about our kiss, we didn’t talk about what possible changes lay ahead for us – we just talked.
Things had been changing for a while. I was changing, but it was Monday that truly set me on a different course. I pulled my English book out of my locker and shut the door. When I turned around Logan was leaning against the wall on the other side of the hallway. He waved but didn’t say anything. I got the feeling he was waiting to see what I’d do, waiting to see if I’d had second thoughts about the things that had happened between us over the weekend.
I hadn’t.
I walked across the hall and stood before him. My eyebrows lifted. “What? You’re not even going to say hi?” I smiled.
He smiled back. “Hi.” Then he looked away, and exhaled through his nose before turning back to me. “So, about this weekend, I–”
Logan’s words were cut off. “Well, if it isn’t Payton and her little band of losers.” Hailey’s voice rang out shrill and loud.
Logan snorted. “You know that might be more of an insult if it were more than just Payton and me standing here. Band of losers implies that there be at least three of us.”
Hailey rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She looked me up and down. “How the mighty have fallen.” She started to walk past me. For a moment I felt small. “You really have hit rock bottom.”
Just before she walked away, I took a deep breath and shook all my insecurities free. “You know what, Hailey?”
She stopped and turned around. My posture straightened. This time I looked her up and down.
“You’re just a sheep.”
Her blank expression suggested she couldn’t tell if
that was a compliment or an insult.
“You just follow what everyone else is doing, and then you turn around and say you did it better than they did. Here you are, mad at me because you believe some bullshit lie Jared told you, and you’re using that to make yourself look good. Saying whatever you have to say to make everyone like you because that’s what I used to do. It’s what you think it takes to be like me. See, Hailey, even as you make fun of me, you’re still just trying to be like me.
“But I’m not like that anymore. I’m not going to say mean things about people just to make you or anyone else feel good about themselves, and I certainly don’t need to put anyone down to make myself feel good. I’m not going to not be friends with Logan because you think he’s un-cool. And I don’t care if you and Melissa believe Jared or not. He’s lying, and I’m sorry I lied to you about stuff in the past, but I’m not lying about this, and you can believe me or not. It doesn’t matter.
“I say what I want to say. I do what I want to do, and I’m not a sheep because I don’t do it for your approval. Logan is my friend, and he’s not a loser.”
Hailey’s mouth dropped open, but nothing came out.
“Come on, Logan,” I said, grabbing his hand. “We have class.”
I turned and walked down the hallway, pulling Logan along with me. He let out a low laugh as we went.
The rest of my day seemed to get progressively better after that. Classes went by easily, people said hi to me in the hallway. Any social stigma that Hailey had attempted to cast over my head had melted away. Not even any of the other cheerleaders seemed to be holding a grudge. Things felt normal again.
At lunch I even saw one of the girls on my squad wave me over to my usual table. Hailey’s face grew red beside her. News of my calling Hailey out had already gotten around the school, and somehow gained me back the respect I’d lost when everyone learned I’d lied about losing my virginity to Jared. I was back on top of the social food chain. I took two steps toward my old table, planning to take my usual seat. Then I stopped. I looked at the girls sitting there, laughing, talking, and in the corner of my eye I saw Logan sit down alone at his usual table at the back of the room.
Jo walked up beside me. “Hey, so where are we sitting today?”
I smiled.
Jo and I took seats at Logan’s table. As I sat down I saw Erica and Bridget headed our way. They carried their lunches, appearing nervous as they neared. After asking if they could sit with us, and telling them yes, I realized a lot of things were changing. I’d disrupted the entire social order of things. The hierarchy I’d established so long ago was crumbling, and what was growing out of its ruins was a lot better than it was before. I met Logan’s eyes from across the table. Things were coming together in a whole new way.
CHAPTER
24
Logan and I didn’t have a chance to talk the rest of the day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Things were different now, and not just because I’d stood up to Hailey at school. We’d kissed. This colossal change had happened to our relationship, and we hadn’t even talked about what it meant. All through the rest of my classes I wondered what would happen next. We’d both said we liked one another, lips had locked, and yet it felt like this cloud of uncertainty still hovered above us.
I’d had a few boyfriends in the past, but with each one falling under those labels, boyfriend and girlfriend, had been easy. They’d ask me out and I’d say yes; there wasn’t anything to it. But with Logan everything had more weight. It wasn’t as simple with him to assume that we’d end up dating. It wasn’t like how things had been with Ian. It was different. For a moment I wondered if maybe that was because my feelings for him were different than they’d been for anyone in the past.
When I pulled into my driveway after cheer practice, I stared at Logan’s house for a long moment. I thought about walking across the street and knocking on his door, but his mother’s car was in the driveway. I figured if Logan wanted to talk to me he’d call, or maybe I was just too nervous to put these feelings into words.
I relaxed some after I took a shower. Mom and Dad had left for a dinner with some of my father’s business associates, so I had the house to myself. With my hair still damp and dressed in my yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt, I curled up on the couch. I pulled out my school books. After cracking the spine of my English book and barely glancing at the page, I picked up my phone and stared at the screen. No text messages, no missed calls. Part of me wished that by staring at its empty screen I could somehow force it to ring, and I wanted nothing more than for Logan to be on the other line.
I sighed and set my phone down. I could call him, I thought. Unless he hadn’t called me for a reason. Maybe he didn’t want to call me with his mom at home, or maybe he just didn’t want to talk to me. I chased that thought away. It was obvious Logan liked me; I knew I shouldn’t be thinking things like that. It wasn’t like me to be so insecure. Maybe I should call him. Except I didn’t want to appear desperate or clingy. I should stop thinking about it; he’ll call later.
The doorbell rang. I jumped in surprise. I didn’t want to get my hopes up that Logan would be at the door, but I couldn’t help thinking that maybe it was him. I swung the door open without bothering to peer out the peep hole or peek out a window. It was Logan, with his hands thrust into the pockets of his jeans and his glasses sitting a little crooked on his nose.
I smiled. He adjusted his glasses. Then I realized what I must look like. My hair was still a little wet. I didn’t have any make up on. Logan had seen me in my comfy clothes before. I ran across the street in nothing but my pajamas only a few weeks ago, but in that moment it mattered.
“Hey,” I said, trying to put a little body into my hair by running my fingers through it. I wished I was wearing make up. I wished I was wearing the cute top I bought when Mom and I went shopping, and my favorite push-up bra. I wished I was wearing any bra.
“Hey, can I come in?”
“Yeah.” I shut the door behind him.
Logan walked into the living room, looking around as if he were trying to figure out if anyone were home.
“My parents are out,” I said. It was only to let him know that he could talk and say whatever he wanted without my mother overhearing, but suddenly the realization that we were home alone hit me, and I felt tingly all over.
“I think we should talk.”
I nodded, feeling nervous as I sat on the couch. After a moment Logan sat down beside me.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I mean I think so, it’s just….” Logan sighed. “This is all just new to me.”
I shook my head, not understanding.
“Payton, I’ve never really even had friends before. Not like how you’ve been my friend. No one’s gotten to know the real me until you, and now Jo too, and all of that’s great, but…I really like you, and I’ve never had a girlfriend before, and I just….” Logan sighed. “Things were easy with you before. You’d say something snarky and I’d bicker back, or we’d just talk, and I got that. I was good at that, but I kissed you and things are different now, and I don’t know how to do any of this.”
I smiled, much of my anxiety melting away. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m not exactly as experienced as everyone once thought I was.”
Logan laughed. “No, but you’ve dated before.” He shook his head. His next words came out soft. “What if I end up doing it wrong?”
“So far you’re doing just fine,” I said.
Logan smiled. His eyes flickered to my lips and he leaned in. As his lips met mine I felt this rush of adrenaline surge through me. The kiss was soft, but still I felt the need to gulp down air when I pulled away. We were both breathing heavily when Logan’s hand cupped my face and pulled me back in. His kiss was firmer this time, more confident. As I leaned in he wrapped his other hand around my waist. For someone who claimed to be new at all of this, he sure kissed pretty damn well.
There wasn�
��t anyone to interrupt us this time, nothing to worry about. I leaned back, pulling Logan with me, and fell into the cushions of the couch. After a hesitant moment his form melted into mine and we lay like that for some time, making out.
Eventually he pulled away and propped himself up on his elbows. Staring down at me through the thick frames of his glasses, Logan said, “So, you are like….”
“Like what?”
“My girlfriend?”
I smiled. “Yeah.”
Logan smiled. “Good.”
He kissed me again.
It was strange. At any moment I could be abducted, taken away from my home, from my family and friends. I could be stolen from my life and brought to some desolate alien planet. But somehow I’d managed to put that to the back of my mind. Maybe I’d just surrendered to the knowledge that there was nothing I could do until Friday. Then I’d hopefully have the alien chip in my head removed, forever preventing them from finding me again. Then again, maybe it was easier not to think about it because I had other things to distract me.
Logan came over after cheer practice on Tuesday and Wednesday. Somehow neither of my parents said anything when we vanished into my room and ignored the house rule of leaving the door open. Our activities had been relatively tame – second base – and Logan never made an attempt to push it to third.
It wasn’t until Thursday that I started to feel shaky and unsure again. I wasn’t as concerned about being abducted as I was about meeting with this doctor. Friday I would be having brain surgery, actual brain surgery. Just thinking about that blew my mind, and what scared me most was that I’d never even met this doctor, not to mention my appointment with him had been set up by crazy Frank. What if the results of trying to remove the chip are worse than leaving it in? What if it kills me?
“What are you thinking?” Logan asked. His mom was at work so we were at his house after class.
