by Joya Ryan
His fingers dug into my ass cheeks and his head fell back against the edge of the couch.
Thought was gone. The past was gone. All the pain—Roman’s and mine—all the mistrust and hate. Gone. We gave everything we were to each other, slaking our mutual need for release. My body short-circuited like a scorched wire hitting wet concrete.
Sensations and emotions climbed with every move, every touch. He was right there with me, balancing on the brink. His tongue plunged between my lips, and I snagged a bite between my teeth.
We came together, Roman buried deep, filling me. His frame convulsed, and my whole body burst into flames of wildfire. Crackling and melting. Falling all around him. I let myself go. All of it. And I knew right then that this was different. The truth was between us. The trust established. The fresh start I’d been dying for since the night I’d met him awaited.
With my mouth hovering over his, I whispered the last piece of truth I needed to tell him.
“Roman…I love you.”
Chapter Nineteen
The glow of the morning sun knocked on my eyelids like an annoying neighbor. I groaned and reached out beside me.
The sheets were cold.
I opened my eyes to find Roman gone. But my cell phone lay on the pillow where he’d been. Sitting up, I opened it to find a new text message waiting.
I’m sorry I had to go. Early meeting. You’re beautiful when you sleep…and all the time. Last night was amazing.
I smiled at the screen and my stomach fluttered. Last night had been amazing. Roman had actually slept in my bed, and I had dozed off feeling taken care of and safe, wrapped in warm arms and strength. I tried—tried being the key word—to focus on all the good moments, and not to stress about the fact that I had admitted that I loved him, and he had said nothing back. He had just hugged me tighter, so I was hopeful that was a good sign.
I glanced at the clock. I still had an hour before I needed to head into work, but Paige and Hazel were probably already gone. The house was quiet, until a knock at the front door broke the silence.
Throwing my robe on, I rushed to the door. My first thought was that Roman had come back. I ran to open it, nearly giggling like a moron, and—
All the blood left my face.
“Warren.”
He looked livid, and his creepy glare made me tug my robe together at the collar.
“You got the governor to blow off a meeting with me for a piece of ass?” he sneered, and stepped inside.
I tried to shut the door, but he slammed it open. The doorknob punctured the drywall with a loud crack, making me jump.
“I don’t remember you being that good of a lay.”
The few times we had been together, no, it hadn’t been good. But what I now realized was it had had nothing to do with me. It had been because Warren was an inconsiderate, horrible man.
“Get out of my house, Warren,” I said firmly. “Now.”
I couldn’t afford to be scared. Wouldn’t. I drew on everything I had to remain calm. I was done feeling weak.
“You are supposed to be convincing him to support me!” he yelled. “Not canceling meetings on me!”
“I’m not convincing the governor of anything.”
He scoffed. “Fine. Then I’ll tell him about Lauren.”
“I already did.”
His face fell, and that moment was priceless. Watching him sweat and realize he no longer had control over me, no longer had the upper hand, was worth a million bucks.
“He knows the truth. I told him what happened and you know what he did?” I stepped toward Warren and he moved back. “He supported me.”
“You’re bluffing.”
“Why would I? Frankly, I don’t care what you do with your life. But you’re done trying to involve me in it.”
“You whore,” he growled. “You can’t take this from me.”
“I’m not taking anything, Warren. This is your doing. Man up and deal with it, because guess what? I don’t have to tell anyone that you’re an asshole. You let them know all on your own.”
He stepped toward me, and I thought for sure he was going to slap me. My breath was shaky, but I raised my chin and faced him. He wanted me to cower, and I’d be damned if I’d ever give this man a single ounce of power over me again.
“Get. Out.” I said.
He stared at me for a moment, and I knew he was debating how to end this. Whatever he was thinking, it involved bringing me pain, that much was painted clearly on his face. Never taking his eyes off me, he backed out the door.
“This isn’t over,” he grated.
“It is for me.” I slammed the door in his face.
Chapter Twenty
It was four days until the election, and Roman was looking like the frontrunner. I also hadn’t laid eyes on him since the night he’d stayed, but he’d made an effort to keep in touch with a few calls and texts. I knew he was bogged down with all kinds of things, so when he called me while I was on my way to work, I was happy to hear his voice.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so tied up, sweetheart.”
“It’s okay, I understand,” I said, walking up the steps to my office.
I wanted to talk to him about that night. About what I had said. It wasn’t lost on me that he hadn’t said he loved me back, and I was focusing most of my mental energy on not letting that uncertainty mess with my newfound self-esteem. The self-esteem Roman had helped me find.
Soon, once we were under the same roof, the issue would be addressed. I hoped.
“I’m going to be in several meetings today, but can you come by tomorrow? We can go to lunch and celebrate.”
“Celebrate?” I asked. “What is it we’re celebrating?”
“Are you at work?” he asked.
“Yeah, just got here.”
“Then I’ll let you go. See you tomorrow.” The line went dead before I had a chance to ask any more questions. I walked in, confused and wondering what he’d been talking about…
The entire office was buzzing. People were talking and laughing loudly and somewhere, I heard what sounded like a champagne bottle pop.
I wound through the crowd toward my cubicle.
“What’s going on?” I asked Cindy, one of the interns, who sat two rows down.
“New Beginnings got the funding!” she said.
“What?” A huge smile broke over my face and I rushed to my desk, dropped my purse, and turned to find Marcy.
“Indiana!” Silas called. He was in the middle of a crowd of people in the meeting room, drinking from a Dixie cup. “Can you believe it? We got the money for the new center.”
I smiled and nodded. “It’s great.”
“Yeah,” he nodded and took a sip of his drink. “It is. I can’t wait to get going on it.”
I frowned. “You’re helping with the new center?”
“I’m heading it up. Got the Level Two position!” His nice smile turned into a wicked grin. One that spewed victory and gloating.
Suddenly, the loud voices and chaos were overwhelming. I couldn’t have heard him right. How had that kind of selection been made without an application process?
I couldn’t think of what to say. Luckily, Marcy came up behind me.
“Can I talk to you for a moment, Amy?”
I nodded and followed her to her office. She shut the door, muffling the outside noise. She sat behind her desk and rubbed her forehead. “I’m so sorry, Amy.”
“So it’s true?” I asked. “Silas is heading up the new center?” My whole body felt chilled.
She nodded. “Not because I wanted to appoint him,” she said quickly. “You are the best person for the job. You worked on this from the beginning, have the most experience, and would make this new center a success.”
“Then why did you give it to Silas? I didn’t get a chance to apply.”
“There was no application process,” Marcy said lowly. “I didn’t have a choice. The governor’s chief officer informed me of the funding
approval and the specific stipulation that you could not be the one to head it up.”
Chief officer? I swallowed hard. Bill. Something very cold and uneasy ran through my veins.
“I yelled at him for a good ten minutes,” Marcy said. “I couldn’t believe he’d just walk in here and do something like that.”
“Wait, he was here?”
She nodded. “He just left.”
My heart rate spiked. “I’ll be right back,” I said, and hurried from Marcy’s office. Bolting for the front door, I was just in time to see Bill getting into his car.
“Bill!” I hollered.
He obviously saw me, but debated whether or not to acknowledge it. Taking his sweet-ass time, he finally got out of the car and stood on the sidewalk.
“Good morning, Miss Underwood.”
“I know you don’t like me, but why would you cheat me out of this job? I didn’t even have a chance to apply.”
He looked at me like he always did: Like I was lacking. “It is my job to think of the governor’s interests and get him reelected.”
“He’s doing great. What does that have to do with this center?”
“How do you think it would look if the governor’s girlfriend was miraculously chosen to head up a major project with state dollars behind it? Dollars the governor himself pushed for.” Bill held up his hand as I opened my mouth, cutting me off. “I’ll tell you: not good. It would look bad, actually, and I have enough on my plate to deal with.”
“Does Roman know you did this?”
He ground his teeth for a moment, looking like he was on the brink of walking away and ignoring me.
“No, he doesn’t. Look,” he said, stepping closer. “If you care at all about him winning, about anything other than yourself and this stupid job, you’ll keep your mouth shut. Because I guarantee you, Roman will take a hit in the polls if you head up this project. A bad hit.”
He paused long enough for me to take in his angry expression.
“It wouldn’t look good,” he repeated. “Do you understand?”
I nodded, though I didn’t understand.
“Good day, Miss Underwood.” Bill said and got into his car.
Before he drove away, I saw his scowl deepen as he looked me over one last time. I reminded myself that reality sucked sometimes, but Roman mattered more. If losing this job and not being able to head up the new center would protect his image, that’s what I’d do.
I’d consider his interests, just like I’d promised.
“How was your day?” Paige asked as I walked into the living room. I hung up my coat and tried not to lose my cool.
“Fine. What are you doing home so early?”
Paige had her Blackberry in her hand and was looking between it and her laptop, which was sitting on the coffee table.
“The office has been crazy. Figured I could get some things done from here, where it’s a bit quieter.”
I nodded.
She glanced at me long enough to take in my crappy mood and ask, “You want to talk about it?”
Something like pity and guilt marred her pretty features.
“You know, don’t you?” I asked.
She nodded. “I heard the funding came in and Silas got the job.”
“I assume you heard that from Bill?” My tone was sharper than it should have been, but it was hard to let it go.
“He’s right though, Amy,” Paige said softly.
My gaze snapped to her, and my lungs imploded on themselves.
“He didn’t even give me a chance to apply, Paige. I never assumed I’d be handed the job, but I thought I’d at least have a chance to prove myself.”
“You threw that away when you started dating Roman.”
My mouth dropped. “How can you say that?”
“I’m not saying it to be mean,” she said. “It’s just a fact. It wouldn’t look good to have the governor’s girlfriend head up a major project with state money behind it.”
“You sound like Bill.” Never before had I been so shocked or upset with Paige.
“Good! That means I’m doing my job,” she snapped back. “Sometimes it’s not about the best person for the job—it’s about the lesser of two evils. A lot of people work hard to keep Roman in office. You know why? Because Roman is a good governor. But if he were to lose because it looked like he was doing special favors for his girlfriend, just handing her state money and a job—”
“That’s not what he did. I work hard at New Beginnings. He put the funding on the bill, but the job itself is based on merit.”
“But that’s not how it would look,” she said again. “This could really hurt him. The competition would spin it in a way that would drop his approval rating quickly. All the gains he’s made in the polls over the past few weeks would be gone.”
I let out a long breath. Hating this. Hating that I was fighting with my best friend. Hating that despite my best efforts, I’d still created a situation that had potential to affect Roman’s job.
“I understand that,” I said. There was only one thing I could do. “I’m letting it go. I don’t want Roman to suffer because of me or how something may look. What’s important is that the center is going to be built, and people will be helped.”
Paige’s eyes softened. “I know this is hard. I know you wanted it.”
I nodded. “It’s just a job.”
“What will you do?” Paige asked.
I shrugged. “I guess I’ll need to find a new one.”
“Just like that? Just walk away?”
My other option was what? Fight? Tell Roman? No. There was nothing to fight anymore. The center would be built, and people with addictions and their families would have a place to go. The name of the place didn’t matter—the facility did. I had been letting go of many things lately and in the process, finding out what was really important.
It was time I let go of this too. Putting Lauren’s name on the building wouldn’t bring her back, and it wouldn’t make my parents love me. The center would help others, and that was enough. The rest I could figure out. I would try to find a different job, one that would enable me to stay in New York, because Roman was my choice, and I’d bet on him every time. That truth, bright and blaring in my face, made everything else seem manageable.
“I love him, Paige,” I said. “He’s honest and strong, and New York is better with him. I’m better with him.”
“Does he feel the same way about you?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. But I’ll find out tomorrow.”
I walked into my room and sat on my bed. I had lost the job and the chance to head up the project I’d been working on for more than a year, but somehow, it all seemed secondary.
I had Roman, at least for now, and that was enough. It would have to be.
The moment I entered Roman’s office, he walked right toward me, cupped my face, and kissed me so sweetly, so thoroughly, I couldn’t breathe right.
I moaned against his mouth.
“Damn it, I’ve missed you,” he said and kissed me again. Everything melted away. “You ready to go celebrate?”
After my talks with Bill and Paige yesterday, no, I wasn’t really in the mood to celebrate.
“Thank you,” I said. “I’m so happy the funding came in for the new center.”
He stepped back and looked at me. “You’re thanking me, but you look sad.”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’m not. I just…I didn’t get the job.”
He scowled. “What? That’s impossible.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” he barked. “I happen to know for a fact that you’re the most qualified. You spearheaded the whole goddamned thing.”
“And you pushed for the funding.”
“Amy, I wrote it down and the house approved it, but you are the one who’s been pushing.”
“But your anti-drug stance over the past couple of months—”
“Has been largely due
to you.”
I took a deep breath. He was fighting for me. He was on my side, without question, and I loved him for it. Loved him more than I’d thought possible.
The doubt that had been circling my brain for the last twenty-four hours started to drift away, because I had Roman. There. Ready to defend me, even to myself.
But this wasn’t about me. This was about him. I gave my best smile.
“I’m happy that the center is being built. That’s what’s important.” He examined my face as if he didn’t believe me, so I followed with, “Besides, it wouldn’t look good if I headed up the project, being your girlfriend and all. So it’s a good thing.”
I truly believed that. Paige and Bill were right. Roman worked hard, and I wasn’t going to be the cause of anything that could spur an assumption otherwise.
He crossed his arms. “What do you mean, ‘it wouldn’t look good’?” he said. Something in his voice was very, very scary. “Where did you hear that?”
“I…I just thought—”
Shit! I tried to backpedal. But when his eyes widened and his jaw clenched even harder, I knew he’d pieced it together.
“Fucking Bill!” he growled and yanked open his door. “Get Bill in here now,” he barked at his secretary, then slammed his door shut again and stomped toward me.
“Roman, don’t. It’s not him.”
“The hell it isn’t. I specifically told him to stay out of this. Now he has you thinking the same shit he does. It’s doesn’t matter that you’re my girlfriend, Amy. You are the right person for that job.”
“I disagree,” Bill said, entering the office. “Amy’s involvement in any way with the state funding you initialized would reflect poorly on you and your campaign.”
Roman opened his mouth, likely to yell at his chief officer, but I grabbed his hand.
“I agree with Bill, Roman,” I said.
His gaze snapped to me. It hadn’t been my intention to tell him about Bill’s maneuver, but I obviously couldn’t have lied to him and said I’d gotten the job. He’d have found out either way and if I’d lied, it would have jeopardized all that trust we’d built.
