by Tricia Goyer
“I know who he is, Marianna. Who isn’t familiar with Ben Stone?”
Marianna didn’t answer, but from the look in her eyes, Lydia saw that she still found it hard to believe her husband was so popular in the outside world.
“I know that story,” Lydia continued. “I saw him on television. I watched the press conference after he was arrested. And I read an article in People magazine that he fell in love with an Amish girl.”
Marianna gasped and covered her mouth with her hand.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know it bothers you.”
“It doesn’t bother me. I’m just always surprised to hear that people know.” Marianna folded her hands, and brushed her thumbs over each other. “I jest wonder what people think of me. I mean, I’m the reason he’s not doing concerts. I wonder too, if like that woman singer you spoke of, Ben needs to be using his talents to glorify God. It’s something that I struggle with every day.”
“God will give you the best answer, Marianna.” Lydia reached forward and grasped Marianna’s hands. “You might have never thought that you’d leave the Amish. And the truth is I never thought I’d return. But for some reason over the last few weeks, I’ve realized that God doesn’t have one life path for all of us—even if yer Amish. It would be too easy to find it and set off on it without Him. Instead He has a unique path for each of us, and the only way we’ll find it is by seeking Him, reading His word, and being open to His still, small voice.”
Marianna nodded, and Lydia could tell she was listening and trying to figure out what that meant for herself, her husband.
Even after she said those words, Lydia knew it was something she needed to write down later. Sometimes she discovered a truth and it took a while to sink in, but other times she didn’t realize she’d already embraced a truth until she spoke the words and felt the conviction radiate through her soul.
Lydia knew that for her, returning to the Amish was the right thing. Not because it was the only path to God. Not because she would be damned to hell if she chose a different way. But maybe because God knew she’d find Him better here than in the Englisch world.
“‘A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream,’” she found herself saying.
“Excuse me?”
“It’s a strange thought, I know, but even a dead fish can follow the easy way, the comfortable and known path. But it seems when we leave what’s most comfortable to us, that’s where we need God most. And when we need Him, and cry out to Him, then He comes to us, and it’s in the coming there’s life.”
“You’re a wise woman, Lydia.”
“I don’t think so.” She chuckled. “But the words sound gut to me. Maybe they’re something God’s speaking to me too.”
Lydia squeezed Marianna’s hands. “I’m glad yer here. Thank you for coming in today and offering to sit with Ellie.”
Marianna chuckled. “Ja, I offered, and I’m the one receiving your help. Danki.” She smiled. “I can tell we’re going to have a special friendship…if you don’t mind having an Englisch woman as a friend, that is.”
“Mind? I don’t think I’d mind at all.” Lydia winked. “In fact, I have a feeling I can teach you a thing or two about being Englisch.”
The school door slammed open. Little Julia raced in, her dark eyes wide.
“Miss Wyse, we have a problem,” Julia gasped, trying to catch her breath. “It’s Ellie. She was there just a minute ago on the swing, but now she’s gone!”
CHAPTER
30
Ellie’s gone?” Lydia tried to comprehend what Julia was saying. “Is she in the outhouse? Or maybe playing hide and seek?”
Tears filled Julia’s eyes as her lower lip trembled. “Ne, Miss Wyse. We checked the outhouse and all the kids have been lookin’.”
Lydia and Marianna rushed outside. Lydia’s eyes made a quick scan of the playground. “I should have been watching them. I’m usually out here.”
David ran up to his sister. “Last thing she said to anyone, Mari, is that she was going to be first to get all her leaves for our collection.”
Marianna grasped Lydia’s arms, and they both looked down the dirt road to the rolling hills in the distance. The hills filled with trees.
Lydia’s mind filled with thoughts of Gideon…and the danger of a child wandering off. “Do you think she went out there, by herself?”
Dear Lord, please don’t let this happen again.
Charlie ran up too. “I can run home and tell Dat and Mem.”
“No!” The word shot from Lydia’s mouth. “We can’t have any of the other children taking off.”
Marianna’s face was gray. “Lydia—Miss Wyse is right. It’s not a gut idea.”
Lydia hurried into the schoolyard. “In fact, everyone, please get up on the porch. Danki. I need to make sure no one else is missing. We’ll send for help.”
David stepped forward, straightening his frame so he stood the same height as Lydia. “I’m almost an adult. This is my last year of school. I can’t just sit here—”
“Ne, David,” Lydia interrupted, sending up another prayer for wisdom. “Marianna, can you run to the store and—”
“My phone!” Marianna reached into the pocket of her dress. “I didn’t want this phone, but Ben insisted…in case of an emergency.” Tears filled her eyes. “I’ll call Ben, and I’ll call the store too. Ben and Annie can round up people to come help search. I’ll have him tell my parents.”
“Yes, good idea.” Lydia placed a hand over her pounding heart. “And have him call the Carash house. Have Ben tell Gideon to come. I need Gideon to come.”
Mrs. Sommer showed up first. She’d been at the store grocery shopping when Marianna got ahold of Annie. Someone called the Log Works too—the small factory right behind the store. Within ten minutes the schoolyard was filled with men and women trying to figure out what had happened, but Lydia didn’t feel peace until she saw Gideon running up the road. He entered the schoolyard, and she hurried to him, resisting the urge to fall into his embrace.
“Are you okay, Lydia?” Gideon placed a hand on her shoulder. “I was on my way here for our lunch date when I heard what happened.”
Lydia nodded. “Ellie is…gone. Someone called the sheriff. He is on his way. Mrs. Sommer is here. Ben went to go get Mr. Sommer, Abe, who’s working on a house not far away.” She covered her face with her hands. “This is all my fault. I was talking to Marianna. I wasn’t paying attention.”
Gideon’s hands gripped her upper arms. “Listen, Lydia. She’s in God’s hands. He’s watching over her, just like He was watching over me. You have to trust that.”
She nodded and lowered her hands, and then glanced around. “But a few guys from the Log Works have already headed down the road. Anything could happen.”
Gideon’s jaw clenched. “It’s not. Do you hear? Nothing bad is going to happen today.” He swallowed hard and looked past her to the children on the porch. “You need to remain calm. Those kids are counting on you. They need your faith, Lydia. You need to be strong for them.” He released his grasp on her arm.
Lydia nodded. She prepared to turn but then paused. She took his hand. “Are you going out there—going to look for her?”
Gideon nodded. “Ja. You know I have to.”
Lydia swallowed hard. “Yes, I know. But be careful, ja?”
“Yes, Lydia. I’ll be careful.”
Lydia turned and hurried to the porch. Some of the children—the girls—were crying. She forced a smile. “All these folks have come to help, but we have a big job to do too.”
Josiah’s dark hair tumbled in the wind and his eyes grew wide. “What’s that?”
“We’re going to gather around inside and pray. Pray that Ellie is safe and that those searching for her will be safe too.”
Inside, they sat in a circle, holding hands, with their heads bowed in silent prayer. Lydia sat closest to the open window so she could see what was happening, so she could know that
something was being done.
A few sniffles here and there broke Lydia’s heart, but her attention was on the sounds from outside.
“Everyone gather around!” It was Gideon’s voice. “It’s important that we search for Ellie, but we need to be safe.”
“I’m not going to wait. That’s my niece out there.” Lydia recognized the voice of Ike Sommer, Abe’s brother.
“I know, Ike. I know your fear. But we need to set perimeters. We need a system for checking on each other.”
“I can’t just stand here,” another man said. Lydia lifted her head, noticing a dozen bachelors standing there, Micah and Amos among them. They turned and stalked off.
“Stop!” Gideon called to them.
They didn’t listen, but continued with quickened steps.
“Stop!” Gideon called, his voice full of authority. “Because the worst thing you can do is save Ellie but die yerself!”
The two bachelors stopped and turned. “It’s not going to happen,” Micah spouted. “Who put you in charge anyway? Just because it’s yer girlfriend who let her be lost in the first place.”
“Not only can it happen. It did.” Gideon strode over to them. “Twenty years ago. And you know it.”
Amos scowled. “How do you know what happened twenty years ago?”
“I know because I was here. I was a little boy lost in these woods—and a man died looking for me. I—” Gideon’s voice caught in his throat. “Can you guess how that makes me feel?” Silence fell over the group.
Amos’s jaw dropped. “I had no idea.” He turned to Micah, but Micah’s face showed no surprise. Instead it showed regret. Did Micah finally understand how Gideon’s past made him feel?
Gideon continued. “We will find Ellie. We will. We just need to do it as safely as possible. Understand?”
Micah and Amos nodded.
“Now gather up. It’ll only take a few minutes and we’ll get this figured out, but first…” Gideon looked back over his shoulder. His eyes met Lydia’s through the open window. “But first,” he continued, “we’re going to pray.”
Gideon scanned the crowd of those gathered. To his left Mrs. Sommer’s hands covered her face. The shaking of her shoulders told him she was trying her hardest to hold in the wails. Annie stood beside her, as did a few of the other women from the community—Amish and Englisch alike.
The Amish around Gideon lowered their heads. All his life he’d only known silent prayer, but as he stood there, the words couldn’t be contained.
“Dear Lord!” Gideon prayed out loud. Even though his eyes were closed he felt the other bachelors standing beside him shuffle uncomfortably. “I don’t know how to pray. I’m not sure what words to use, gut God. But I do know that You know where Ellie is. Please, Lord, keep her safe. And keep all of us safe.” A low moan escaped him. “And thank You for saving me. Amen.”
Somber faces focused on Gideon. Men shuffled from side to side, and he knew they were eager to get started. A truck pulled up, parked, and two men jumped out—Abe Sommer, Ellie’s father, and Ben Stone, Marianna’s husband.
“Has anyone found her yet?” The words rushed from Abe’s mouth.
“Ne.” Ruth shook her head. “We’re getting organized now.” She looked to Gideon.
“We need someone to check yer house. She might have gone home,” Annie commented.
“We stopped,” Ben said. “We didn’t see her.”
Gideon nodded. “Take the older boys and check again. Have them look in every spot Ellie uses in her play. And a few of you…” He pointed to the bachelors. “Check the woods just to the side of the roads on the path from the school to Ellie’s home. She’s only six. You’d think she’d walk the way she’d be more familiar with.”
Edgar walked into the schoolyard. He still had on his cashier’s apron from the store. Dave Carash pulled in next, parking his car, and the two men approached the school together.
“The rest of you men—I’d like us to circle around Edgar and Dave. These two know this place better than anyone. I’d like them to tell us how to split up and let us know how to check in. Edgar, you don’t mind, do you?”
Edgar’s shoulders straightened and a slight smile brightened his face. “Gideon’s right. I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t.” He looked to Dave. “We’re going to break up the search into four quadrants—consider the crossroad here as the boundary. We’ll do a one-mile sweep while we’re waiting for Search and Rescue, calling her name, and looking for any sign of a little girl. Then we’re going to meet back here in thirty minutes.” Edgar glanced back at Gideon, then pointed a finger at all the men one by one. “If yer not familiar with an area, do not go into it, do you hear? We don’t want anyone else in danger. No loss of life today, gentlemen. No loss of life.”
CHAPTER
31
Lydia watched the clock, scanning the roadway for the sheriff’s vehicle. It had been forty minutes already. She knew he had to drive up from Eureka, and she wished there was more that she could do than just wait. As she looked around, the other women and older men had the same look—a mix of anxiousness and helplessness.
Thankfully, all the parents had come to be with their children. Other women came from the community, too, and they huddled in small groups talking in low tones. Some mothers asked the children what they remembered—hoping to find another clue—but all said the same thing: one minute they’d seen Ellie on the swing, and a few minutes later she was nowhere to be found.
An Englisch woman approached. Lydia had only seen her around the store one or two times. “I knew something like this would happen.” She narrowed her gaze and focused it on Lydia. “This is why Amish schools should be regulated. I don’t understand how the government lets you people get away with this. One teacher—no helpers.” The woman looked around. “There isn’t even running water or an indoor bathroom in this place. And they claim to educate children here? It should be illegal.”
Tears filled Lydia’s eyes as she saw it from the woman’s point of view. She didn’t have a doubt that some of her Seattle friends would be saying the same thing. Instead of responding, Lydia only nodded. This wasn’t the time to discuss it, but that didn’t keep the words from adding another jab of pain to her heart.
Another Englisch woman, this one with cropped brown hair, approached Lydia, butting in. “Do we know why she left?” she asked. “Or could it be possible that someone took her?”
“I—Uh…I don’t know. I suppose…” She hugged herself. “I hope not.”
Why hadn’t she thought of that? If she’d still been in Seattle, that would have been the first thing she thought of. But here?
“Actually, I do think she left.” It was Marianna’s voice. She approached and stopped next to Lydia, placing a hand on her arm. “I stopped by to talked to Lydia—Miss Wyse—which is why she wasn’t outside. I also think my showing up is what triggered Ellie’s leaving.”
Lydia studied Marianna’s face. “What do you mean?”
“I bet Ellie saw me and assumed she was in trouble. After all, she has been acting up.”
Lydia nodded, running a hand down her neck. “Ja, I bet you’re right. Oh, poor Ellie.” She stepped closer and put an arm around Marianna’s shoulders. “Children do these things. They have so much to learn. We’ll just keep trusting that God is with her, and that He’ll lead the right person to her.”
Marianna sighed. “Ja, we’ll just keep trusting that.”
Gideon climbed over the fence and strode across the pasture. He looked behind him, and there was the school. Straight ahead—less than a mile away—he could see the Sommer house and the Carash and Wyse places beyond that. He’d never seen any children in the pasture before—Blue’s wild nature had made sure of that.
He resisted the urge to jog through the pasture. Instead Gideon walked with slow, even steps as his eyes swept from side to side. “Ellie! Ellie!”
Tension tightened his shoulders, grasped his throat. The fall day was warm—warme
r than it had been in a few days. The air smelled of sunshine and pasture grass, but Gideon had to push away the feelings of darkness that threatened to creep over him.
His stomach ached and he wrapped his arms around himself as a shiver ran up his spine.
“Ellie!” Suddenly he wasn’t Gideon the grown man. Inside he felt like Gideon the little boy. It had been dark, cold. He’d cried and cried, but no one had come. No one had been there. He’d wandered off. It was his fault. He deserved to be lost.
Gideon walked on, calling Ellie’s name. He searched the high mountain pasture, but in his mind’s eye he pictured himself alone.
Another prayer slipped from his lips. “Lord, be with this child. Watch over this child. Protect this child.”
Even as he prayed for Ellie, his mind took him back to another group of men, women, and children—families that no doubt had been praying for him.
Gideon stopped short. In his thoughts he still saw himself, but for the first time he saw another there too. He pictured Jesus, with eyes of compassion, looking down at him. Jesus didn’t point a finger or blame him for walking away. Instead He stood there, watching over Gideon, answering the prayers of the people of West Kootenai in unseen ways.
“You were with me.” A burden of pain released from Gideon’s shoulders as he said those words. “Jesus, You are with Ellie.” His steps felt lighter and hope radiated through his heart. “You are with me still.”
Something ahead caught Gideon’s attention. A spot of red in the brown wild grass. At first he thought it was a small red shoe, but when he bent down and picked it up, he saw it was a red handkerchief. One that he used to wipe his sweaty brow when he was in this pasture training Blue. He must have dropped it.
“Blue.” Gideon scanned the pasture. Where was the horse? He’d let him loose out here before heading to the school. Gideon looked toward the Carash house. Had someone put him in the corral? He wasn’t there. Fear leapt to Gideon’s throat again. Had Blue somehow gotten out?
Typically, Gideon couldn’t take one step into the pasture without the horse seeing him and heading his direction.
