“Because I want to stay more. Because you make me feel better about myself than anyone has made me feel in a very long time, and I can’t be close to you without wanting to get even closer. I like being around you, and the more time I spend with you, the more of you I want. I can’t seem to walk away from you. Do you have any idea how fucked up that is for me? Or how screwed that makes me?”
“Yeah, I do actually.” I felt exactly the same way. And…did she just confess that she has a thing for me? Fuck me. Knowing I had that kind of effect on her felt incredible. After hearing it, the need to clear the air between us became overwhelming. “Look, Chloe, there are some things I need to talk to you about.”
“I know. But will you do me a favor?” Her eyes pleaded with me. “Please?”
“Yeah.” I don’t think I’d be able to say no to those eyes even if I tried. “Of course.”
“Just wait. Until tomorrow. Spend the night with me.” She placed her hand on top of mine and gently squeezed, “Pretend there’s nothing to talk about, just for tonight. Please, Matt, we can make a memory tonight that we’ll never forget. Something we can look back on when it’s all said and done. Let’s save tomorrow for talking.”
A memory we’ll never forget… All said and done.
She meant when it’s over. Tomorrow.
What should’ve been a thrilling proposition sounded a hell of a lot like goodbye to me. A memory meant the past, and she was about to put me in it. In asking me to spend the night, to make it unforgettable, she was preparing to let me go—to make me a memory.
It hit me like a thousand needles stabbing at my chest that I had just gotten my answer to question number one. She may have feelings for me, but they weren’t strong enough yet to take things to the next level. And we didn’t have time to find out if they’d ever be strong enough.
She was already planning to let me go.
The thought of parting ways with her permanently made my stomach twist into knots. Tonight would be our last night together, and I despised the thought of it. But if it was going to happen, I’d damn well savor every last minute I had with her.
“Fine,” I replied. “But if we’re going to make it memorable, it sure as hell won’t be here.”
Her face scrunched up in resentment at the same moment I realized how offensive that must have sounded.
A laugh snorted its way out of me. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’ve got a great apartment, Pink. You just deserve a better place for the memory we’re about to make.”
Her smile radiated a mixture of relief and anticipation. It pulled at my heart and warmed it all at once. God, I’d miss that smile.
~Chloe~
Matt had stepped out of his truck to make a phone call in the parking lot of my apartment building, and when he returned to the cab, shutting the door behind him, he had the sexiest damn smirk on his face.
Without a word, he pulled back onto the street, driving toward whatever destination he had planned. With it being Christmas and the middle of a snowfall, we were the only ones on the road except for a few lone cars here and there.
Even though the roads were slippery, I felt safe in his truck, knowing that it had four-wheel drive. There was something so peaceful about being out here while everyone else in the city remained tucked securely within the cozy warmth of their homes.
“Where are you taking me?” I said with an undertone of nervous excitement in my voice.
“Patience, Pink. You’ll see.”
The ride from his parents’ house to my apartment had been filled with tension and worry, but the second he agreed to save the talking for tomorrow, everything between us changed. We were us again. Just the two of us…living only in the moment, not thinking about any outside forces that may affect us and not worrying about the enormous elephant-in-the-room that would ultimately tear us apart. We’d deal with that tomorrow.
Tonight, we’d make a memory. One that we could hold onto when whatever it was that he had to tell me would inevitably breach the fragile bond that we’d just begun to form. I allowed the thoughts of losing him to drift away because the only thing that mattered right now was this moment. A moment I had no intention of ruining.
As we drove, I noticed tail-lights of a vehicle flashing hazards in the ditch up ahead. I felt bad for whomever had slid off the road and into the ditch and hoped they had been able to call someone for help. But I didn’t think much more of it until Matt’s truck slowed down immediately after we passed the stranded car. He pulled his truck to the side of the road and backed it up to the car in the ditch.
I watched in confusion as Matt put his knit hat on, followed by his gloves.
“Sit tight, Pink. I promise this won’t take long,” he said just before exiting the truck and walking toward the car.
He spent a few moments by the driver’s side window, talking to whomever was inside the car, snow falling all around him. He pointed to the truck and appeared to be giving some sort of directions. The next thing I knew, he jumped onto the bed of his truck to open the silver tool chest that rested just behind the cab, pulling out a chain. He hooked the chain to the underbelly of the car, then hooked the opposite end to his truck. Then, he came back inside and grabbed hold of the steering wheel.
I couldn’t stop watching him—this man, who existed on an entirely superior level than me. This fascinating man, who lived by doing what’s right and helping others. The thought to help that stranded person hadn’t even crossed my mind. Yet, to Matt, it came second nature.
The engine revved as his truck slowly pulled the car up the ditch and onto the road. Once the car was in a safe enough spot on the street, he went back outside to unhook the chain and return it to his toolbox. He said a goodbye to the person in the car and finally joined me back inside the truck.
“She’ll make it home, fine. She just has to drive a little slower,” he informed me, as if I had actually been worried about the stranger’s trip home. It hit me again, that he saw me as being a stronger, kinder person than I actually was. Someone who cared about others. He didn’t see the selfish side of me. I wanted so badly to be the person he regarded me as.
As misplaced as it was, his confidence in me continued to give me the determination to want to try. Try to turn my life around. Try to be better, like him. For him. For me. Maybe it was time to let go of what happened in the past. Simply being around him made me think that maybe it’s time to stop punishing myself for things I had no control over and take responsibility for my future.
I just wasn’t fully convinced yet that change was possible. Only time would tell, I suppose.
“I don’t get it,” I blurted. “You’re tatted up like some kind of alpha-male, bad-boy. You’re ripped. You intimidate the hell out of people when they first meet you, and at the same time, you’re sexy as sin. But underneath it all, you’ve got a heart of gold. You’re an honest, good person. I swear, you’re a walking contradiction.”
He laughed, “I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, Pink, but a ‘walking-contradiction’ has never been one of them.”
“I mean it as a good thing. You’re a hard person not to like.”
“So stop trying,” he said, his voice playful.
“Stop trying to not like you?”
He laughed, “Yeah, Pink! You know you are. And you know you do. Why resist?”
When I choked on my words, paralyzed by his comment and unable respond, he recovered our conversation, as if he hadn’t just completely called me out.
“I don’t know…,” he said. “I wasn’t always like this. Most of my tats I got in high school, when all I wanted out of life was to party or just chill. I spent a lot of time back then with my lips glued to either a bottle or a joint. I barely graduated because I just didn’t care about grades. I’ve always had a good relationship with my parents, but they worked so hard back then that they were never around to keep tabs on me. So…I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. I was a thrill-seeker. I didn’t have a car
e in the world until…,” he trailed off.
I remembered our first conversation at Ricci’s. Remembered what he said about his ex. For some reason, I didn’t feel any jealousy toward her. If anything, I was grateful to her for having a part in transforming him to who he was now.
I filled the silence with her name, “Maya.”
“Yeah,” he replied, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, “I guess you could say she triggered a change in me. I knew I was a fuck-up, and I thought she deserved someone better. I wanted that someone to be me, but with my bad grades and even worse attitude, I couldn’t even get a job to save my life. Which meant I couldn’t get out of my parents’ basement, which meant I was incapable of providing a damn thing for either of us.”
“Wow,” I said. “Sounds like you were different back then.”
“Yeah. That’s one way to put it.”
“So, what happened?”
He kept his eyes on the road and continued, “I thought about attending the community college, but my family didn’t have the money to send me, and without a job, neither did I. My life was going nowhere, and I felt pretty damn worthless because of it. I saw a U.S. military ad on TV late one night while I was channel surfing. It sparked my interest, so from there, I Googled the Army and found out their benefits which made me fucking ecstatic because it seemed like the answer to all my problems. The next day, I went to a recruitment center and enlisted.”
He removed his attention from the road and looked apologetically at me. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”
His story intrigued me. I wanted to know more about it. More about him.
“No, you’re not,” I replied. “Please keep going.”
“There’s really not much else,” he finished, biting his tongue.
“But you lost the girl,” I pushed. “Do you regret it?”
He shrugged, “It didn’t work out with Maya, and yeah, that hurt.” He glanced at me again, trying to gauge my reaction. When I didn’t give him any feedback to work with, he continued, “It hurt for a long time. But looking back, I gained so much during the time I served that I’ll never regret joining. I am a better person now, and I don’t think it would’ve happened any other way. The only thing I regret is not talking to her before deciding to enlist.” He paused in thought for a moment. “I guess you could say I regret not giving her the chance to be part of the decision that would affect her life. I’ll never make a mistake like that again.”
Grandpa Jack’s words echoed in my mind. That boy won’t make the same mistake twice. Apprehension flooded my system as I thought of the thing that I had asked Matt to wait until tomorrow to talk to me about. What was it? Would he be re-enlisting? Was he going to leave town?
I shoved my assumptions to the back of my mind just as quickly as they appeared, reminding myself that now was not the time to jump to conclusions. I’d have my answers tomorrow.
“Do you still love her?” I asked, immediately covering my mouth, embarrassed at my lack of brain-to-mouth filter. He didn’t owe me any explanations.
The thing was, I didn’t ask it because of jealousy or because I was upset that his past included loving someone else. I asked it because the way he was talking about his past with me…it was like he was sorting it all out in his own mind at the same time that he said the words out loud. It was as if he had never talked about it before, and something about our conversation was therapeutic to him. Whether or not he still loved her seemed to be a question he had been wanting to answer but never had a reason to confront it.
I asked it because he needed me to. So that he could face it. So that he could decide to either hold on to it or move forward.
He didn’t answer out loud, and that was okay. I was partly relieved that he didn’t. Our conversation came to a halt just as his truck stopped, and he turned the engine off. When I took my eyes off him to see where we were, I smiled.
“You brought me to Rain?” I asked. “It’s open on Christmas?”
“Not exactly,” the playful glint in his eyes caused a thrill to shoot through me. “C’mon, I’ll show you.”
Chapter Seven
~Chloe~
Present (Christmas Night)
We stepped out of the truck and into the snow. A peaceful silence rested upon the normally bustling downtown area. The quiet seemed surreal for this part of town. Grateful for wearing my Uggs, I followed him through the powdery flakes that crunched with each step we took to the front door of the club. He entered a code into the outdoor security pad, and the door clicked as it unlocked.
He pulled on the handle, opening the glass entry door all the way and gesturing, “After you.”
It was pitch black inside. The door closed behind us, and I heard Matt enter another code into the indoor security pad. Then, he took my hand and led me into the darkness.
“Are we going to get arrested for this?” I asked as he pulled me forward. “How can you see where you’re going?”
“No. And, I’ve been here a few times… I know the layout. Watch your step right…about…” As if on cue, I stumbled down the only step to the dance floor. He caught me, chuckling at my clumsiness. “…there.”
“Matt!” I scolded, my voice echoed against the walls. “There must’ve been a light switch at the door. Why are we walking in the dark?”
“Lighting is everything, Sweetheart. You’re damn right, there’s a switch at the door, but that’s not the kind of lighting either of us wants to remember for tonight.”
I thought back to a few nights ago, when I waited in the upstairs loft for Matt to finish his shift. The horrid florescent lights that had turned on throughout the entire building at bar-close time were the kind of blinding lights that sobered you up in an instant. Those must’ve been the lights he was referring to.
He placed his hands on my shoulders and gently instructed, “Wait here.”
I could hear his boots against the cement floor, stepping further and further away until they treaded up the hollow wooden stairs of the stage. My eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness, but even outlines were still barely visible.
The first thing to light up was the DJ booth, in a faint white glow. Matt stood behind it, head low, brows pulled together, searching for something. More light switches maybe? Possibly some music? I didn’t really care what he was looking for because I was too busy trying to stop looking at him, stop wondering what kinds of strings he had to pull for us to be here together tonight, and stop thinking of how unfair it was that I had to feel such a strong pull to him, knowing it would only cause me to get burned in the end.
But damn, he was irresistible in that light.
Blue, flickering lights gradually illuminated the dance floor from above. I looked up to see the ceiling covered in icicle lights sprinkling brightness in a series of turquoise drops that traveled down each thin, long beam, giving the illusion of glittering rain falling from the sky.
I had seen the lights before but never like this. Each time I had come here in the past, when the club had been occupied by a thick crowd of people, pounding music, and bodies bumping, it was hard to notice details like this. But in this quiet, empty nightclub, the shimmering lights were nothing short of magical.
Next, the walls all around the dance floor lit up in blocks, each block a different shade of blue, outlined by a black border, and each block the backdrop to its own square-shaped, dark-leather, cushioned booth wrapping around a low-rise table.
The pound of bass suddenly sounded, so loudly I had to cover my ears. It vibrated throughout my body, shocking me, causing a scream to escape me. High-pitched electronic tones and beats immediately followed. All noise stopped a second later, and the nightclub went dead-quiet again.
“Sorry about that,” Matt called out, his voice reverberating against the walls. “I’ve watched this DJ thing be done. Looked easy enough, but I’ve never tried it. Until now. Let’s stick with auto-shuffle, shall we?”
I laughed, “Okay.”
“Here we go,” he sa
id. “Happy hour music.”
A soft Kings of Leon song came on, a little loud at first, until Matt turned it down to a level that would allow us to hear each other speak. He took a look around the room, appraising it, and nodding in approval, before his gaze finally landed on me.
“Perfect,” his lips mouthed, my ears unable to hear his voice over the music and the distance between us. I wondered when, exactly, he would be closing that treacherous gap. In a room as big as this, he seemed miles away.
In an answer to my silent plea, he left the DJ area and walked off the stage, unzipping his coat and flinging it at a booth as he walked toward me. Holy shit, he wasn’t kidding about lighting. Talk about setting the mood. The blue hues were just dim enough to cast exactly the right amount of shadows on his beautiful face.
He stopped just in front of me, and my head slightly tilted back to meet his gaze. I wanted so badly for him to take me in his arms and kiss me with so much intensity that I’d forget everything except the way his touch felt, but he just stood there, staring, his eyes wandering from my lips, to my hair, to my eyes.
“So,” he said, his voice deep, “our mission tonight is to make a memory. Am I correct?”
Our mission? I smiled at how ‘military-official’ that sounded.
“That’d be out-fucking-standing, soldier,” I replied, my voice soft and inviting despite the teasing comment.
He chuckled at the remark, then became more serious as he began to unzip my coat, bit by gradual bit. “That means we’re going to have to take things slow tonight. Do you think you can handle that, Pink?”
I shook my head, biting my smile. “I don’t think I can.”
One corner of his mouth lifted up slightly. He finished unzipping my coat and stood behind me, catching it as I shrugged it off. Once he had it in his hands, he flung it to another booth. He remained behind me as his fingers brushed my hair off my neck, his breath on my skin eliciting goosebumps. One warm, wet kiss behind my ear, and I knew I was done for.
The Fragile Line: The Complete Series Box Set: Parts One, Two, & Three Page 17
