by Kari Lemor
* * * *
Jack took one last look at the precious boy sleeping peacefully on the bed. His heart twisted knowing it could be a long time before he saw him again, at least in real life. Seeing him on a computer screen didn’t always do it for him. He wanted to hold his son in his arms and kiss his beautiful face. Running his fingers through the thick, dark strands he noted they were so like his own. He blinked a few times at the emotion clogging his eyes, then stood and moved away, his heart cracking and crumbling once more.
After taking a second to splash water on his face in the upstairs bathroom, he went downstairs to say good-bye to Callie. One more thing to chip away at his already damaged heart. How much longer can you handle the loneliness? But what choice did he have? He couldn’t abandon his son completely, leaving Callie to raise him alone. Although isn’t that what she was doing now anyway? It wasn’t like he had any say in his day-to-day care or helped with any of the parental chores.
The information Callie provided on what his son was up to was great, but he made no decisions regarding what Jonathan did. They hadn’t sat down together to discuss what school he would go to or who to invite to his party or what to get him for his birthday. The most he got was talking to him via computer once every week or so for too brief a time. Hardly satisfying. At least not for him.
There were a few guys who worked at the construction site whose kids lived in another part of the country so they only saw them a few times a year. But at least when they did, they didn’t need to hide and keep out of sight. They could take them to the park, movies or out for ice cream. The kids could acknowledge who their father was. Jonathan would never be able to do that, not as long as Victor was around.
He moved toward the kitchen where Callie stood holding his jacket. Was she that eager to get rid of him? Her eyes were closed as she held it to her face, a frown marring her lovely features. Memories of how her scent used to cling to his clothes, especially after she wore his shirt all night, floated through his mind. That’s what she was doing. Remembering.
Taking a few steps back, he made some noise as he entered the kitchen. He didn’t want her embarrassed that he’d seen her. She’d always been proud and that hadn’t changed. Reminiscing would be seen as a sign of weakness in her eyes.
“He’s sound asleep,” Jack said, his voice low and gruff. “I guess I should go. I’ve bothered you enough.”
Patting the jacket she’d dropped on the chair, she shook her head. “You haven’t bothered me. Jonathan absolutely loves having you here. We never do much on Sundays except hang around the house. I like to have some down time before he goes to playgroup the next day. I usually go into the office for a few hours on Mondays. That way he has a bit of time without his mom underfoot.”
Jack leaned against the kitchen table and took Callie’s hands in his. She stared at them like they might detonate. He wasn’t sure they wouldn’t. His feelings for Callie had always been a bit explosive. It’s how they had ended up with Jonathan. He could never regret it though. Two of the best things he’d ever had in his life were Callie and his son.
“I’m sure Jonathan loves every second he has with his mom,” Jack assured her as he squeezed her hands. “I know I do.” He didn’t clarify whether he was talking about his time with Callie or his time with Jonathan. He wasn’t sure she’d want to hear it with the way she kept her distance. Always sweet and polite but certainly not the passionate little Calico Cat he’d enjoyed during their brief time together.
Was she still in there? What would she do if he tried to find out? Pulling her in a tiny bit closer, he placed his hands on her shoulders. “I apologize for what happened this morning. I never expected Victor to come back here. I’m sorry you had to deal with him by yourself, and for the worry we caused by not being here.”
Her shoulders trembled slightly. From his touch or remembering Victor?
“I’ve had to deal with Victor for the last three years, Jack. I think I have it down pat by now. Having Jonathan away from me and not knowing where he was, that was a little different. But he had to be with you and I know you would do anything you could to keep him safe. You might not be around much but I know your love for our son is strong and deep.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat then cleared it. “I would do anything for Jonathan, including staying away from him. It’s what I’ve had to do his whole life. I wish things could be different but nothing has changed since he’s been born.”
He’d tried to change things. His contacts with the FBI were tenuous at best and he didn’t know who he could trust. Victor had too many friends in high places, legal places, and every time he had gone to find out information, he’d been discovered and nearly killed. Callie didn’t need to know how many close calls he’d had in the last few years. She’d never let him near Jonathan again. His mind told him he should stay away from them, but his heart, yeah, his heart couldn’t do it.
Right now his heart was telling him to pull Callie closer and hold her. Maybe even kiss her. The urge was so strong he tugged on her hand. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he settled her against his chest. No struggle at all. That gave Jack hope. For what, he didn’t know, but maybe she still cared for him enough to allow him this privilege. Could he take another?
“Thanks again, Calico,” he said, into her ear as her soft body relaxed against his. “Every second I have with Jonathan means more to me than you can know. It needs to last me for a while. I like spending time with you too.”
She looked up at him. Her eyes were confused and maybe a little scared but the longing and passion that used to be there remained. It was hidden under the pain and desperation of their circumstances, but it was there. He could see it. And it spurred him on to do what his heart had demanded earlier.
He lifted his hand to push into the brown curls, seeing the highlights shimmer from the sun streaming in through the kitchen window. Her eyes widened when he lowered his face but she didn’t pull away. Give her time to object. Don’t rush her. When she didn’t say anything, his other arm curled around her back to mold her tight against him and his lips whispered near hers.
“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll go away, Calico.” His breath caressed her face.
Her eyes softened and her lips parted, though no words came from her mouth. No need for any. He’d heard her loud and clear. Touching his mouth to hers, it was like coming home after a long absence. The taste and feel were so familiar he almost cried with the joy of it. He flicked his tongue against her lips then skimmed the bottom one. A soft cry escaped from her throat and he captured it with a kiss.
Sliding her hands around him, she ran them up his back and clenched in his t-shirt. Their mouths opened and closed in rhythm as they rediscovered the desire that had been dormant for too long. Intense emotions welled up inside him, knowing this was his Calico, his sweet Calico, melting in his arms. Just like she used to.
Deepening the kiss, he thrust his tongue inside her parted lips, wondering if she would pull away at the intimacy of it. Instead, her tongue grew bold and parried with his. He pulled her even tighter, allowing his hands to roam her back. Her loose shirt shifted and he took advantage by slipping one hand underneath the soft cotton. Her skin was like silk.
The memories of all the times he had touched her silky skin caused him to grow hard. It wasn’t simply her back he’d explored then but all of her. From the tip of her freckle-dusted nose to the ends of her polished toenails. Last night, they’d been pale pink peeking out from her sandals. In the past, it had been delicious sharing a bath with her and sucking on every one. What they’d done after had been freakin’ wonderful too.
Grinding his hips into hers, he skimmed his tongue down her neck, stopping at the hollow of her throat. She grabbed his head and held it close, running her fingers through his shaggy hair. Focusing on the one spot he knew would send her spiraling out of control, he licked and sucked. Sure enough, her mo
ans escalated, sending him into a passionate frenzy too.
He slid one hand down her back to sneak under her waistband, feeling the soft curve of her backside on his roughened fingers. His dick was so hard all he could think of was pushing her back on the table and sliding into her warm center. Oh, she’d be wet and ready for him. Always had been whenever he’d needed her. And he’d needed her often. Not that he’d admit to needing anyone. He’d been a hardened FBI agent. But undercover work was lonely and she’d given him warmth and companionship when no one else could.
Now more than ever he needed it. His life the last three years had been exceedingly lonely. No visiting friends, seeing his cousin was sporadic, and every part of the life he’d known had been taken away from him. The few moments he got to interact with Callie and Jonathan were hardly satisfying. But if he connected physically with her now, would it be enough to get him through the next few months? It might make him want her, need her more.
Callie seemed to come to the same conclusion at around the same time. Pushing at his chest, she eased back though kept her hands resting there. Her tear-filled eyes gazed at him, her lips turned down trembling. She lifted one hand to brush aside a lock of hair on his forehead.
“We can’t, Jack. We shouldn’t…”
He stroked his thumb down the side of her face, his own eyes reflecting hers. “I know. It’s not fair to either one of us, but God…I want you, Calico. Don’t ever doubt it.”
She covered his hand with hers, nodding. Leaning down, he kissed the top of her head, inhaling her floral scent. Lilacs, she always smelled of lilacs. Maybe he’d get himself a lilac-scented candle for his trailer. But the reminder of her might be too hard for him to take when he knew he couldn’t be with her.
“Take care, Calico. Make sure you tell Jonathan how much I love him and miss him. We can talk on the computer tomorrow night. I’ll have a story to read to him.”
He backed away. If he didn’t leave now, he might lose it right in front of her. As he started for the back door, she pulled on his arm. When he turned, she held out a paper bag and a water bottle.
“Something to eat along the way. I put extra pickles in, too. You know I won’t put them in my sandwich so you might as well have them.”
Her smile wobbled as he took the bag and said, “Thanks. I’ll text when I get back so you won’t worry.” Then he walked out the door. He didn’t say good-bye. He never did. Didn’t want to think it ever would be good-bye. The screen door closed behind him and he stood there for a few moments trying to get his emotions in check. This leaving thing sucked.
Taking another deep breath, he started for the few stairs down to the yard but glanced back before he left. Callie sat at the kitchen table, her head lying on her crossed arms, her shoulders heaving up and down. Sobs drifted out to him and he almost went back in. No, don’t. You’ll only prolong the inevitable. He wanted to offer comfort but he’d still have to leave. There was no other choice for him.
He crept through the backyard to the tree line then disappeared into the woods. When he got to his bike, he secured the bag of food in the storage container and slipped his helmet on. As he started up the bike and eased onto the road, he thought of what life would be like if he didn’t have a price on his head. Heaven.
Thoughts rolled through his mind as the miles passed. Maybe it was time to try again to get evidence that would put Victor away for good. No one had been able to get anything incriminating enough to stick. The man had too many people in his pocket. But if Jack could find out the names of a few of them, maybe it would be one step closer to getting his life back. It’s not like he had a life right now, always running and hiding. What did he have to lose?
Chapter 8
Jack kept his eyes trained on the tall, dark-skinned man returning his tray to the take-out booth. The late September weather was still warm, allowing the diners a choice of eating outside. Lucky for him, Steve Bishop, his former partner, had always liked the outdoors. He scanned the crowd, hoping Steve’s new partner would stay inside where he’d gone. Most likely to use the men’s room. Move quick.
Leaning against a pillar near the entrance to the shopping plaza, Steve lit a cigarette. As he drew it into his mouth, Jack slid out from between two large bushes next to the pillar. “I thought you were trying to quit.”
Steve’s head whipped around fast and his mouth opened wide, the cigarette almost falling from his lips. He grabbed it at the last second, moving it down to his side.
“Jack. Holy crap. What the hell are you doing here? Where the fuck have you been?”
The foul language was minor compared to what his friend was capable of.
“Where do you think I’ve been, Steve? Hiding in a friggin’ hole somewhere. I thought it was time I crawled out to see if the department has made any headway in getting me out of this fucking mess I’m in.”
Letting out a huge breath of air, Steve closed his eyes. Jack interpreted that to mean no. Damn. He was hoping some miracle had happened in the last six months and the Bureau was ready to put Victor in his own hole. A nice hole with steel bars across the front. Should have known better.
“We thought we had something recently but the evidence presented was thrown out due to technicalities. It’s the same story over and over. We get good, solid evidence, and it gets thrown out or misplaced or the witness gets whacked or goes missing. Cabrini’s got too many hands in his pockets. No idea who though. Covering his tracks is his specialty.”
“We need to find out who’s on his payroll, especially the fucking traitor from the Bureau.” Jack scowled, hating the fact one of his former colleagues was working for the mob boss.
“I don’t know, I wish I did. But whoever it is hasn’t ratted on you being FBI. As far as Cabrini is concerned, you probably worked for some rival syndicate trying to take him out and got Angelo instead.”
“We have a turncoat with ethics, nice. How did you find that out?”
“Our man on the inside said Cabrini still refers to you as ‘Matt Waters’ not Jack Holland.”
“So you still have a few men on the inside?”
Steve’s face twisted. “We’ve got one but he’s not in a position to get much in the way of information. Cabrini’s too careful when it comes to hiring people to work close to him. Too bad we didn’t still have the little cutie you were chauffeuring around working for us. She sees Cabrini quite a bit lately. Did you know she had Angelo’s bastard kid?”
The insults hit him like a gale-force wind and Jack had to rein in his control and squelch the urge to pop his friend in the mouth. “Shut up, Steve. Bit harsh for an innocent child.”
Steve rolled his eyes and frowned. “Sorry. I’m a little surprised. She made it sound like she wanted nothing to do with seeing Cabrini. One of the last times I saw her, when we arranged that meeting for the info she had, I thought she seemed a bit smitten with you. Guess money won out over looks, huh? Didn’t realize she was still doing Angelo.”
“She wasn’t,” Jack ground out, his jaw like granite. No one talked about Callie that way. He didn’t want them thinking she’d sleep with a dirt bag like Angelo Cabrini. “Never had been.”
Steve’s eyes were skeptical. “What are you talking about? She had the kid eight months after Angelo died. Who…”
His eyes widened as he figured it out. Shit. He should have left well enough alone. But no one called his son a bastard or implied Callie was a tramp.
“Damn.” Steve exploded then looked around cautiously. “The kid is yours? How long have you known? You never told me you and she were…you know…doing the nasty.”
“Yeah, well it wasn’t exactly professional of me to be sleeping with an informant. But trying to keep her protected, things …escalated, you know. It’s how Angelo ended up dead. He found out Callie was pregnant and planned to cause her to miscarry. He suspected I was the father and wanted me out of the way. I’ve had
some people keep an eye on her and when she had the baby, I went to see her in the hospital. She named him Jonathan.”
Steve’s smile widened and his eyes twinkled. “Named the kid after his old man, huh? Congratulations. I think. Have you seen him since he was born?”
“A few times. Nowhere near enough. But, Steve, listen, you can’t breathe a word of this to anyone. I have no idea who in the Bureau is in Cabrini’s pocket but we know someone is. It could be more than one person. I don’t trust anyone.”
“You’re trusting me, Jack. I guess I should be honored. I won’t say anything. Too much crap has been going down for me to tell tales. I don’t want to be responsible for getting you killed.”
“The worry shouldn’t be for me. Callie and Jonathan are in as much danger if Cabrini were to ever find out the boy isn’t Angelo’s son. Can you imagine what he’d do?”
Steve grimaced but stayed silent. Yeah, he knew.
“It’s been six months since I last heard from you. Why did you pick now to come and see me?” Steve asked, keeping his eyes open for trouble. The man was good at his job and being observant was one prerequisite.
“I’m sick and tired of running. I wanted to know what’s been done to get Cabrini put away for good. I was hoping you could give me any new info that might help me. I want to do some digging myself. After a few too many close calls, I stopped for a while. Kept moving from place to place. But this time I don’t plan on letting anyone in the Bureau know what I’m doing except you. I trusted too many people last time and it almost got me killed. One bullet missed me by less than an inch.”
