I stood there, eyes closed, and reached outward. If there was ever a time for a miracle, this was it. I was vulnerable and bare. I couldn’t strip myself down any further than this precise moment.
My heart began racing at the distant sound of footsteps, but I was alone with a ghost of the past. Even my newfound relationship with God couldn’t produce the one thing I wanted most in the world.
“I need her. I know she doesn’t need someone like me, but for a brief moment, things were really good . . . blissfully good. She helped me feel less like a thief for stealing her away and more like the man I’d once believed I could be.”
A twig snapped behind me and I held my breath.
“Owen?” I asked, terrified to turn around in case it wasn’t him. The disappointment would be crushing.
A hand slipped into mine—a familiar one. I’d know her touch anywhere.
“I need you, too, Cooper. I’ve just been waiting for you to realize it.”
She was here. My god, she was somehow here and still I couldn’t turn to face her in fear she was a mirage.
“Is that really you or have I officially lost my mind?” I whispered, my chest constricting painfully. “Because if I’m imagining this, I don’t think . . .”
She tugged at my hand. “Turn around, Cooper. See for yourself.”
Everything seemed to still, growing silent, as I slowly changed directions, my back now to Owen’s headstone.
Open your eyes, I chanted inwardly, terrified I was wrong.
Fingers stroked the side of my face, tracing the outline of my jaw. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so unsure. Trust me, sweetheart. Look.”
It was that word—sweetheart—that caused me to banish my fears and obey. It was the word I used with her, one that I knew made her insides melt and pulse quicken. She’d shared that one night after making love, her cheeks flushing a gorgeous pink.
It had been one of the most breathtaking sights I’d ever seen.
“Caylee,” I breathed, stunned. That feeling was immediately followed with confusion. “What? How? What?” I repeated.
It was her—every glorious inch of her. Gone was the hurt that had filled her eyes, the pain I’d put there. She was smiling, practically glowing from the inside as she peered up at me.
She was here. My God, she was here . . . at the graveside of her late husband, cradling my cheek lovingly, tenderly.
“Your mom,” she answered, her gaze never leaving mine. “She called and I came.”
“But why?” I knew how undeserving I was of this gift.
“How could I not, Cooper? After everything we’ve been through, after everything you’ve accomplished the past three months . . . coming here . . . facing the one thing you’ve tried so hard to ignore . . . how could I not come?” Caylee’s fingers traced upward, her nails brushing through my hair. I’d missed her touch.
“So, what you’re saying is I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth?” I countered, cringing a little at my small joke. It didn’t seem fitting considering the occasion, but she didn’t withdraw.
Instead, she laughed, and it was like the heavens opened and angels began singing.
“I don’t know about the horse part but . . .” She lifted up on her toes and moved her mouth until it hovered just over mine. Her breath fanned across my lips. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to show you.”
My hands gripped her waist, anchoring her to my body. Whether it was to stop her from fleeing or from me toppling over, I didn’t know.
I didn’t care, either.
“Are sure you?” I murmured.
“That I want to kiss you? That I want you to kiss me in return?” I could feel the sexy smirk I loved in her voice.
“What about Owen?” I blurted out, aware that this wasn’t exactly the best place for a reunion.
“I’m sure he approves, Cooper. In fact, I’m positive he does.” She couldn’t have timed the soft breeze that swirled around us any better. Strands of her hair danced about, buoyed by the sudden wind. “Any more questions?”
Caylee was teasing me in that flirty way that drove me crazy, giving me the hope and sign I needed to make my next move. We still had things to discuss and I had plenty of begging to do before I was satisfied I’d proven I could be trusted again, but that all took a backseat to what I truly wanted.
Her.
This.
Cupping her face between my hands, trusting that neither of us would fall, I captured her lips and kissed her like she was the most precious thing in the universe.
And she was.
In my universe, she would always be the melody in my heart. She was the song that inspired me to be better.
Deepening the kiss, my arms lowered until they wrapped around her waist again, and, with a sweeping gesture, I swung her around until we were both a little breathless.
Hell was worth drudging through when this was the homecoming at the end.
“I love you, Caylee Sawyer,” I declared, unable to keep it inside a second longer. “You don’t have to say it back. Not yet. It’s enough that you’re here and that I can hold you . . . touch you . . . feel you.”
She nodded, her lips parting as if she wanted to argue, but thought better of it. I think she realized the wisdom in waiting. Not that she didn’t love me back—at least I hoped she still did and I hadn’t ruined our relationship—but that there was a certain order to things.
That kiss, though.
It screamed of promise and that perhaps I hadn’t completely screwed up.
That even me, with all my flaws and weaknesses, could find redemption.
“What are you thinking?” she finally asked after watching me, waiting for me to speak.
“Honestly?” I answered, knowing she would always want the truth. “I’m ready to go home.”
With one last look to where Owen lay, Caylee nodded. “Me too. Let’s go.”
I’d told myself that there was no such thing as happily ever afters.
I fooled myself into thinking that somehow I could change my fate by pretending everything was normal, that I was untouched by trauma, acting as if I didn’t care that my world crashed and burned around me.
At night, I’d whisper that nothing lasted forever so why not take advantage of opportunities while I could? I stumbled through life with a false sense of bravado.
Until her.
She was someone I hadn’t seen coming.
As we left the cemetery hand in hand, reunited and hopefully stronger than before, I recognized one last truth.
Forgiveness came by being brave enough to follow your heart, wherever that journey took you.
When I eventually surrendered and did that . . . it led me to her.
After living in Hell, she became part of my Heaven.
I was back.
I was finally home.
A PERSONAL NOTE FROM BELINDA
“You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You’re human, not perfect. You’ve been hurt, but you’re alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also a lot of beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us around the bend.”
~ UNKNOWN
You survived the book! If I could I would hug you right now and offer you some chocolate. Bittersweet Symphony marks the fourteenth book I’ve written and published, but it’s also the story that holds so many pieces of my own heart. Why? Because just like Cooper, I’ve experienced trauma in my life that resulted in PTSD. One thing I’ve carried from the years of therapy I’ve gone through is that trauma is trauma. Pain is pain. Abuse is abuse. It’s not so much about what the situation was, but about how deeply it affects each of our lives. In Cooper’s case, his grief over Owen’s death twisted into an unrelenting battle of guilt and blame. He couldn’t let it go—wouldn’t let it go
. He felt he deserved to suffer and it tainted everything in his life.
Does that sound familiar? It did for me. Thankfully, I’m now on the other side of that pain, but my heart still hurts for those currently enduring it. Whether it’s from PTSD, anxiety, self-harm, depression . . . whatever it is that’s weighing heavy on your sweet spirit, please know that you’re not alone. I know that darkness. I understand the precise moment when it feels impossible to keep breathing. You’ve held on for so long and you’re just so tired. Like Cooper, I’ve been in that place where I believed those around me would be better off if I simply ceased to exist. I couldn’t see my own worth. I was blind to my own innate light.
Please know I see you. We see you. If you don’t think you can hold on, reach out to someone—anyone—and hold on to them. There’s no shame in needing help. You’re too important to the world to disappear. We need you. There’s no one else like you.
I wasn’t always this brave in sharing my own personal story, instead choosing to thread my truths through the characters I write. It always felt safer to hide behind the Cooper’s and Mason’s of fiction. But then along comes someone who is also treading the same path and they let us all know it’s okay.
It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay to be afraid. Just don’t give up. In the words of Jared Padalecki, someone I love and adore from the TV show Supernatural, ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING. Never forget that YOU ARE ENOUGH. And despite what you think, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
If you don’t think you can talk to family or friends, reach out to professionals—those who can be reached via hotlines and behavioral health centers. If things become too dire, please go to your local ER and let them help you. If you can’t get there, call 911.
You are important.
You are needed.
You are loved.
Gentle hugs to you, my friends. Let me leave you with some wise words from someone familiar . . .
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of time if one
only remembers to turn on the light.”
~ Albus Dumbledore, J.K. Rowling
Be a light.
Belinda xxx
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK / 1-800-273-8255
About The Author
A homesick Aussie living amongst the cactus and mountains of Arizona, Belinda Boring is a self-proclaimed addict of romance and all things swoon worthy. It wasn't long before she began writing, pouring her imagination and creativity into the stories she dreams. Whether urban fantasy, paranormal romance or romance in general, Belinda strives to share great plots with heart and characters that you can't help but connect with. Of course, she wouldn't be Belinda without adding heroes she hopes will curl your toes. Surrounded by a supportive cast of family, friends and the man she gives her heart and soul to, Belinda is living the good life. Happy reading!
You can find Belinda Boring:
Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/Belinda-Boring-Author/200626723318915
Twitter: https://twitter.com/BelindaBoring
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/BelindaBoring
Official Website: http://www.belindaboringbooks.com
Other books by Belinda Boring
The Mystic Wolves series
The Mystic Wolves (#1)
Forget Me Not (#2)
Testing Fate (#3)
Forever Changed (#4)
Savage Possession (#5)
Darkness Unleashed (#6)
Last Wolf Standing (#7)
A Very Mystic Christmas (A collection of memories)
The Damaged Souls series
Bittersweet Melody (#1)
Bittersweet Symphony (#2)
Other titles
Broken Promises (#1, Brianna Lane series)
Enchanted Hearts
Loving Liberty
Angel Kissed (#1, The Story of Us series, coauthored with Lacey Weatherford)
OTHER AUTHORS YOU MIGHT ENJOY!
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NEVER LET ME GO (Part 1) by JESSICA GIBSON
One night. That’s all it was supposed to be. No strings. No complications . . .
Grace DeLeo had never been that girl. Relationships made her feel secure, and one-night stands had no place in her life. All of that was smashed to pieces the second Logan sat down next to her.
Logan McFadden liked his no strings lifestyle. He loved his rules. Everything had a place, and there was no space for a relationship or feelings.
One night. That’s all it took to change things forever.
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ALLURE by LACEY WEATHERFORD
Six Jagger has had a thing for Brooklyn Hall since the first time he laid eyes on her a year ago. However, after finding out her age, he wiped her off his list of possibilities. That should’ve been the end of it, but for some reason, he can’t stop watching and admiring her from afar. Happy that he’s successfully maintained his distance, all that changes on the night Brooklyn walks into Inked Edges, asking him for an illegal tattoo. After that, all his carefully constructed barriers come tumbling down, taking them on an explosive ride of lust, passion, and desire.
All’s well that ends well, right? Too bad that wasn’t the end, but merely the beginning . . .
Bittersweet Symphony (The Damaged Souls series Book 2) Page 34
