“Mom?” Rick parrots. I can see the wheels ticking behind his eyes. Oh fuck, this is not good. This is so not good.
“I can explain,” I say, my voice quiet. “But not now.”
“Mom?” Rachel asks suddenly, realizing the room is not a friendly one.
“It’s okay, honey,” I reply, hoping she doesn’t make any sudden movements, but I also don’t want to trigger a fear of her own father, a man she’s never met before and shouldn’t be afraid of.
“You have got to be shitting me,” he bites out. “How could you? Is this some kind of a sick joke?”
“No,” I reply adamantly. God, the last thing I want is for him to think I did all this on purpose. I had no idea when I met Grace that she would end up dating his best friend. But then again, why should he believe me? “No, you know me. I would never do that.”
“I don’t think I know you at all,” Rick snaps before turning on his heels. “This is fucking bullshit.”
And then he’s gone.
“That was….” Jake trails off as we all think the same thing.
“My husband,” I admit before turning to Grace. “I think we should be going. I’m so sorry, Grace.”
“Don’t worry,” she tells me. “We’ll talk later. It’ll be okay.”
“I don’t know about that,” I say before chewing on my thumbnail. It’s a nervous habit I’ve never been able to break.
“Why don’t you go to dinner and a movie on me?” Jake says. “I think you’ll both feel better after some fun.”
I feel my face go soft. God, he’s just a nice guy. Even after knowing I fucked over his friend in the worst way, he wants to do something nice for me and my kid. “That’s very kind of you, but I don’t know.”
“It’s nothing,” he says. “Joe will take you.”
Jake made a decision, and Rachel and I pack up the last of my kit before the cute secret service agent from before carries it back down the stairs for me with a sweet smile on his face.
“Well, shall we?” he prompts as he holds out his hand to Grace before leading her to their car. He’s so attentive with her that it makes my heart ache. I’m so glad she has this, but at the same time, I’m a little sad I had it and it slipped through my fingers. But I got the best gift out of the whole thing. I got Rachel.
And just like that, Rachel and I are off to dinner and a movie in a senator’s town car, all while my brain is whirring a mile a minute, wondering if he’s going to ruin my life like I ruined his.
Or worse, what if my demons come home to roost once and for all?
• • •
A ruthless pounding startles me awake.
Rachel must have asked a thousand times tonight what was wrong. I’ve never been one of those moms who unburdens themselves at the expense of their child, so I told her everything was fine and we should enjoy the movie. Which, of course, she chose the movie about the dog that is reincarnated over and over to find their person, and every time the dog died, I only cried harder. I’m sure it was an outlet for the fact that my world is imploding just when it seemed like everything was finally on the right path, compounded by the fact that our dog died a little over a month ago and we still weren’t totally over it. But still, never trust a person who doesn’t cry during a dog movie.
We splurged and bought all the snacks, drinks, and hot dogs to eat during the movie. At one point, I was sobbing so hard that I shook the popcorn bucket and it rained buttered globs over our laps. Rachel thought my show of uncontrolled emotion was hilarious, so she started laughing. So of course I had to throw a handful of popcorn at her, which only made my beautiful girl laugh that much harder. Her laughter is like music to my ears and always contagious, so I started laughing too. That is, until the dog died again, and I started crying all over.
Finally, the movie was blessedly over, and I could go home and mourn a fictional dog. It was late by the time we made it back to our small home in New Jersey. When I decided to come home, I knew it was going to be to Jersey. New York is wonderful, but New Jersey is where I spent my formative years. This is where I wanted to raise my daughter. I hustled Rachel off to get ready for bed and tucked her in not long after. My girl isn’t one to dawdle. She’s always set her mind on something and seen it through right away, no matter how big or small the task. She’s a lot like her father in that regard.
Unfortunately, then I was left alone with my thoughts. Would he take her away from me? Could he cost me my business? Could Rick send me to jail? Would he? He was so angry—and rightfully so. I can’t help but wonder if he would feel the same way if he knew why. Would Rick still hate me? Or would he understand? But he can never know, because that would put us all at risk and void the sacrifices I made for all of us, to keep us safe—Rick included.
I must have paced the house for hours before finally deciding I couldn’t solve the world’s problems as they stood right now. The exhaustion of a full day topped with emotional upheaval finally sank in. I put on a pair of plaid pajama shorts and a tank top. I washed my face of all of my makeup and brushed my teeth before twisting my heavy mass of dark unruly curls on top of my head and slathering my hands and face with moisturizer. And then I curled into bed and finally, finally drifted off to sleep.
But not for long, because someone now pounds on my front door.
I grab the baseball bat I lean in the corner next to my bed and quietly creep down the hall. Everyone who knows me knows I have a young daughter, and they shouldn’t be waking up my house at two in the morning. The neighborhood Rachel and I live in is a quiet one, but it’s also not free from crime. This can only mean trouble has decided to darken my door.
I slide the lace curtain that covers the window in the front door back so I can peek at who is on the front step. Yep, I was right. Trouble is here and in the form of one angry ex-husband. I take a deep breath, flipping the locks on the door before pulling it open. Rick takes one look at me before he starts yelling.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“I could ask the same of you,” I reply, raising an eyebrow. “What are you doing here in the middle of the night?”
“I could have been anyone, and you answer the door like that,” he says as he points to my attire.
“I looked out the window and saw it was you,” I answer, raising my hand that’s holding the old bat so he can see it. “Besides, I’m armed.”
“Are you out of your mind?” he snaps as he grabs for the bat, effectively knocking it out of my hands. “This isn’t going to protect you from someone like me.”
He leans into me as he issues his threat. He’s breathing hard, and so am I. We’re so close our noses are almost touching.
“Should I be afraid of you?” I ask softly. I raise an arm to touch him almost against my will. It’s as if the limb has a mind of its own, and it’s on Rick, as I lay it softly on his hard chest.
“You should be,” he says before he grabs me by the back of my neck and crushes his mouth to mine.
When we were together, Rick was a sweet and tender lover, and that man is clearly long gone. He used to touch me gently, reverently, and he always got me off, but it was nothing like this. He devours me without so much as a concern for anything else, his focus solely on me, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on.
He backs me up against the front door and presses his hard body against mine, and it feels like I can’t get close enough to him. I drive my fingers into his hair as he thrusts his tongue into my mouth and pull on the strands, making him growl.
Rick presses his palm flat against my stomach and skates it upward toward my breast. He molds my breast to his hand and squeezes it as he rocks his hips against mine. I want to wrap my legs around his waist and feel his hardness where I need it most, when he pinches my nipple between his thumb and index finger. I let out a whimper.
It’s been far too long since I was with a man—this man—and I feel like I’m on a runaway train. I just hope I don’t get caught under its wheels.
/> Rick drops his hand between my legs and dips a finger under the hem of my pajama shorts where he finds me wet and wanting. Oh how I want this man if just for one more time.
He pulls the front of my tank top down roughly to expose my breasts, and the material bunches up under them, lifting them up. He bites and licks his way down my neck, not stopping to soothe the sting as he goes, but it only ramps up how much I want him. Rick draws the hard tip of my breast into his mouth and sucks hard as his fingers pump in and out of my center. The combination of the slick slide of his fingers and the stinging nips at my breast has me gasping for breath.
Before I know it, Rick is shoving my sleep shorts down to the ground, and I’m stepping out of them. I hear the clank of his belt as he unbuckles it, and he unzips his slacks, freeing his hard length. His large hand is firm and strong on my thigh as he lifts it high on his waist.
And then he’s there.
He’s right there.
At the very center of me.
Slowly, ever so slowly, inch by inch, he enters me, he owns me, possesses me with a fierceness that before was just an echo of what this is now.
Rick lets out a groan as he fills me and drops his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. I force myself to keep my own eyes open and on his brutally handsome face. I know with aching clarity what it feels like to have everything one day, and it’s all taken away from you the next.
When he finally opens his dark eyes, they sear me where I stand wrapped up in him. He dips his mouth to mine and licks across the seam of my lips. I whimper and open underneath him, letting him lick inside.
And then he begins to move.
Slowly, at first, he tips his hips back and slides almost all the way out of me before plunging back inside in one long, sure movement. His hand flexes on my thigh as he slides out and back in. I’m lost to him. I’m lost to the slick push and pull of our bodies, to the biting grip of his hand on my thigh where he holds me just a little too tightly. I’m lost to it all.
He holds me tighter as he pumps harder, faster. I can’t catch my breath. There are no words spoken between us, and there don’t need to be. Everything to be said between us right now is in the physical. Back in the day, Rick would worship my body with his, and I knew exactly how he felt without words.
His mouth hovers over mine—it’s almost a kiss but not—as he moves faster and faster, his hips erratically meeting mine. And then he plunges in one more time, and I tip my head back as I fall over the edge. Rick thrusts once… twice… and then he growls as he finds his own release.
I hold him tight in my arms as he holds still, rooted deep inside me. I think this is it; maybe everything happened just the way it was supposed to. Maybe, after everything, Rick and I have finally found our way back to each other by chance and we’re going to be okay. Maybe I can trust him with the truth once and for all.
“Why?” he asks softly. When I don’t answer him right away, he hits the front door with the flat of his hand. “Why?”
“I can’t tell you,” I whisper.
“I just need one good reason why you would take everything from me,” he says, and the words sounds tortured, like they’ve been ripped from his chest. He pulls out and lets go of me faster than I was prepared for, and I stumble to keep my feet underneath me.
“Rick,” I plead as I take a step toward him. I can make him see reason; I have to make him understand.
“I loved you,” he says quietly as he tucks himself in his pants and zips them up. “I would have given you everything.”
“Rick, please.”
“But not anymore,” he growls before pointing to the stairs. “I’ll see to it that she has everything, but you will never have anything from me ever again.”
And then he skirted around me, slamming my front door behind him without a single backward glance. I flip the locks on the door before tumbling to the floor, where I hold my face in my hands and cry and cry. I cry for Rick and me, and I cry for Rachel and all the things that were taken from us all those years ago.
When the early-morning light starts to seep through the curtains, I pick myself up and slide my pajama shorts up my legs. I make my way up the stairs to my room and climb under the safety of the covers of my bed. But nothing feels like it will ever be safe again. I close my eyes, but I can’t find sleep. I do find an acceptance in the way things are, and will always be, because of the path I’ve chosen.
And then I let every hope I ever had shatter into a million pieces and drift off into the wind.
“President and Staff Hit the Ground Running—Big Changes Coming”
Chapter 2
Take it Off
Washington D.C.
Present Day
“May I have this dance?”
My breath seizes in my lungs at the sounds of that whiskey-smooth and all too familiar voice that leaves an afterburn in its wake just like the drink. All night, I’ve been standing in the corner like an old-fashioned wallflower. I don’t belong here. I’m friends with the new First Lady, so I was invited, but I don’t belong here with the political elite of our nation.
I watched as Rick worked the room, moving from one important person to another. People want to be in his good graces, and when he found someone he was happy with, his smile was blinding. I haven’t been on the other end of that happy expression for almost a decade, and I probably won’t be ever again, so when I heard him speak, I figured he was asking a woman who was standing near me as punishment. Ever since Rick crashed back into my life, he’s been punishing me for leaving, for keeping his daughter from him, and—what seems to be my worst offense—not telling him why I did what I did.
He clears his throat. “Cara?”
God, I hope this isn’t a new level in the game we’re playing, where I ignore his attempts at public humiliation, and he calls attention to it so I can’t avoid it. There’s a lot of things I can take, obviously, or else I wouldn’t have run away from the only man I’ve ever loved while I was carrying his baby. But I’m not sure I can take much more where Rick is concerned. Part of me thinks I should have elected to keep Rachel and me in Jersey instead of following my main client and my baby daddy to D.C., but Rachel wanted to get to know her dad, and who am I to deny her anything when I’ve made so many mistakes myself?
So I packed up our lives and followed him here. He made sure Rachel lives in a nice house and attends the best school. He’s involved in her life like I always knew he would be if given the chance. Life would be perfect if he didn’t hate my guts. Oh, he wants me, and he has me, because I’m a sucker still in love with a man I can never have, so I take him in whatever way I can when he’s willing to give it to me. But every time he fucks me, he walks away hating me just a little bit more. And one day, these games will destroy me once and for all.
I squeeze my eyes closed and take a deep, steadying breath before I turn around. I’m expecting to find him in an embrace with a woman and he’s just apologizing for it happening right next to me. Part of me knows I deserve no less. But part of me wants to demand so much more. So I’m surprised to see him looking absolutely dashing in a custom tux with his medals pinned to his chest and his hand outstretched toward me in offering.
Grace told me that Jake and Rick decided to wear their medals as a nod to their time in service. Rick had only been on the teams for a few years when we were together. He was young and carefree. Quick to smile, he always had a joke at the ready. Now he’s older, more mature. He doesn’t look like he laughs often—or at all—anymore, and he’s feared by most people in Washington. It’s hard to balance this angry man with the sweet sailor I knew and loved. But when he smiles at me like this and holds his hand out to me, inviting me to dance with him at a ball, I take it. I take his hand and jump.
Rick leads me out onto the dance floor and pulls me into his arms. Earlier, I watched Jake lead Grace down onto the dance floor for their celebratory dance, looking like a fairy princess. And she’s got her fairy-tale ending too. The two of them are so in l
ove, and they are going to change the world together. It’s a magical thing to watch, and I love just being in their orbit. But it’s also bittersweet, because my story isn’t the kind with a happy ending—it’s a nightmare.
“You look beautiful,” he says as he twirls me around the floor, and I realize the song playing is “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars. It’s our song. It was playing on the radio the night we met, and we danced to it in the hotel room after we got married. It takes me back to a different time and place, when we were different people.
• • •
“Can I buy you a drink?”
I look over my shoulder, and the hottest guy I’ve ever seen is standing just behind me. He has hair that’s almost black, and it’s cropped shorter on the sides than the top. His eyes are like dark coffee. They heat me up while the corners around them crinkle in a smile.
“Cat got your tongue?” he asks me, knowing full well he’s too beautiful for me to be able to speak. What is this good-looking god doing here with us mere mortals?
“Yeah,” I answer in a breathy voice before I can enable my brain-to-mouth filter. “I mean no.”
“Good to know.” He laughs. “So what’s it gonna be, beautiful girl? Can I buy you a drink?”
“Okay,” I tell him. I shouldn’t, but the way he’s smiling at me makes me go stupid. It should be illegal for a man to look that good. I’ve never seen him here before, and I wonder where he’s come from.
“What are you drinking?”
I feel my face heat in a blush, not wanting to admit I’m drinking the most embarrassing drink ever. Why is it in this moment that the most gorgeous man I have ever met is asking to buy me a drink, maybe engage in a little conversation, who knows, and I chose tonight to be cheeky and order something funny-sounding instead of my usual 7 and 7 with a ton of limes.
“Umm…” I start.
“Umm…” the good-looking guy repeats.
“A Skip and Go Naked.” I cover my face with my hands, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “I swear I’m cooler than this normally.
Caught by the Chief of Staff (A Presidential Affair Book 2) Page 2
