I took a few steps forward and an even younger boy appeared and reached for my dishes, then disappeared without looking up. I watched the door he vanished through for a moment, in surprise.
“Thank you, Harlan, for suggesting such a wonderful treat.” I tipped my head to him as he bowed with his shoulders. “And thank you, Marcel, for making food so wonderful it causes me to forget my manners.”
He tried to hide a grin as he bowed.
Griff introduced me to three new boys who did dishes, and reminded me of the names of the three who had moved up to food preparers, one of which was Harlan. Then we went into a back room where several young girls and an older lady were in various stages of bread making. They all paused and curtsied to Griff and bowed to me as we entered.
“My lady, would you like to sample today’s work?” the older woman asked. A memory flashed in my mind of Anaya speaking her name.
“Oh yes, thank you, Lisal.”
Griff gave me a quick glance. I knew I responded with too much enthusiasm, but I could not help it, fresh bread was my favorite.
Lisal gave me a suspicious look as she handed me the bread, avoiding eye contact. Anaya must have been really horrible to these people. If I was stuck in this position, and of any influence, then that was a practice I was going to change.
~o~
The walls all looked exactly the same. I was glad I required an escort everywhere. I was unlikely to memorize the identical curves of the ship any time soon. With no markings to indicate where anything was, I would be lost.
“Griff, I know I am not supposed to be wandering the ship, but do you think we might stop by my garden on the way back to the room?”
He gave me a startled look, his eyes widening with what looked like panic.
“I think that would be fine.” His tone did not match his words.
“I do not want to get you in trouble.”
“You are the Keln, this is all yours. You can go anywhere you wish.” He sounded proud. I touched his outstretched arm.
“The room will do just fine.”
He held his arm out for me to take like a proper gentleman rather than a guard.
“Come on,” he said, with a mischievous smile. “I have something I would like to show you.”
The glass enclosure was frosted so I could not see inside. I looked to Griff for some clue. He looked pleased with himself. He pressed the wall next to the glass. There was no tinkling bells or circular openings. A long slit opened, then expanded to his height and width. He disappeared through it and it closed immediately behind him.
I fought down the panic I felt and pressed my hand to the same place he had. An opening my size and shape formed. I slipped into it. There was a cool tingling sensation all across my body. When I stepped out on the other side, I gasped.
“I know, it is always empty at this hour,” Griff answered my awe.
In front of me was a perfect pond, complete with fog hanging gently over the crystal water. As I approached the water, the purple tint of the ship reflected in the pond making it seem magical.
The beauty of it erased the shock caused by the wall changing my clothes from the form fitting leathers to revealing swimwear.
I dipped a toe in. The water was warm enough that I did not need to wade in slowly to adjust to the temperature. I turned to see Griff watching me with interest.
I spun back around and waded in before he could see my blush. The water was like salve, washing away all my fears and doubts about what I was doing there. I almost felt guilty because I was actually enjoying myself.
Griff swam past in the water below me. Not to be outdone, I dove under and chased after him, but he was like a fish with his long arms and legs.
~o~
I hated to leave the freedom I felt in the pond, but as soon as Griff mentioned lunch, I realized I was actually starving.
There were no clothes to dry off with. Griff stepped through the wall completely wet. I followed and was greeted by a warm tingling. When I stepped out on the other side, I was dry and fully clothed, only my hair remained slightly damp.
The lighter than air feeling vanished as soon as we entered the dining room. Griff led me to my place at the head of the room. Every eye tracked my movement across the hall, while working hard not to acknowledge me.
A young girl appeared the moment I was settled, holding water and a steaming cloth to wipe my hands with.
“What shall I order for you, my lady?” she asked, then dropped her eyes.
“What would you have?”
Her eyes popped up immediately. “Me?”
“Yes.”
“The Sansifar is delicious, and you love the lamb, or a fruit platter—”
I held a finger up and she immediately fell silent. “I would like to know what you would eat if you could have anything.”
She stared at me, surely frightened to say the wrong thing.
“You will not get in any trouble, this I vow.”
“I have always wanted to try the lamb,” she said in a rush. Her eyes widened like she could not believe what she had done.
“Good. I will have two orders and I would like you to bring them to me.”
She nodded, bowed, and turned to Griff, whose expression was unreadable. I turned away, sure it was disapproval I saw.
I expected a scolding the minute she disappeared into the kitchen but he was silent, though his look was appraising, judging maybe? I busied myself sipping my water and pretending to survey the room.
“Do you enjoy it?” His question startled me.
“What?”
“Making people nervous.”
“No, I do not mean to. They are all so afraid of me.” I glanced in the direction of the kitchen. “I would like to change that.”
“I did not mean her.”
I looked over at him.
“You are so unpredictable. I never know what you are going to do next. It is a bit unnerving.” He was smiling, though his tone implied he was serious.
“I fear you know far more than you let on.” I looked away unable to keep the color from my cheeks. He made no attempt to deny it.
The girl returned with our food. She laid Griff’s plate in front of him then carefully placed both plates of lamb in front of me. I pushed the second plate to the side.
“Sit.” I patted the seat next to me. She froze and stared at me with an expression of horror. The corner of Griff’s mouth was turned up in a grin, but he kept his eyes on his plate.
“Sit with you?” she asked.
“If you would be so kind.”
She slowly walked around the table and sat, looking uncomfortable.
“Eat.” I motioned to the plate. She hesitated but scooted forward and took a bite.
“I am sorry, I have been so rude. I have forgotten your name?”
“Katy,” she replied.
“Is it everything you imagined, Katy?” She nodded enthusiastically. I could tell she was sincere by the slow way she chewed and occasionally paused to close her eyes, like she was savoring the moment.
“May I return to work, my lady?” she asked when she was finished eating.
I nodded. “Thank you for eating with us, Katy.”
She bowed, took her plate and disappeared. With her gone the glares were no longer easy to ignore.
“They really do hate me?” I asked, nodding in the direction of the room.
“They do not know you.”
I choked a little on my lamb. Griff patted my back lightly. “They have had a thousand years with me, how could they not know me?”
“You do not let people see you.”
“You see me. Jaxson sees me?”
He looked at his hands. “You let Jaxson in the least.”
I thought about what he said as I finished my food. What a terrible arrangement they had. I could feel Anaya bristle and push back against my thoughts.
“You look tired.” Griff’s eyes looked too kind. How could he look at me like that after liv
ing with Anaya for so long. “I should get you back,” he pressed.
“The garden?”
I clasped my hands together in response to his hesitation. He fought the smile I could see forming. I did my best doe eyed, pleading look.
“Fine, we can go if you stop that.” He grinned. I nearly clapped my hands in excitement, then I remembered where I was and tried to act dignified.
He led me in a big circle back past what I thought was the kitchen. Was he trying to keep me confused? We stopped just before a large curve. He put his hand to the wall. Instead of a tinkling of bells there was a low whine.
“It is locked,” he announced, with genuine annoyance. “I will check with SI.”
I nodded, pretending I understood what that meant.
We continued on, stopping just around the corner. He opened the wall to my room.
“If you would like to relax.” He held his hand out toward the opening.
“Thank you,” I responded, knowing he was only following orders.
“Jaxson will be back for dinner, call if you need anything before then.”
I stepped inside and watched through the closing wall as he turned and walked back the way we had come. Was he heading back to the garden?
The room seemed both enormous and claustrophobic at the same time. I placed my hand on the bureau. I could not help the squeal that escaped when a drawer slid open. Though I had watched it done so often in the past few days, I had yet to try it.
The drawer slid closed of its own volition when it was clear I was not using it. The novelty of it did not wear off quickly. Next I tried Jaxson’s drawer. I was no less pleased when it slid open revealing his clothing.
I stared at them for a moment, unprepared for the emotions a drawer of clothing belonging to him next to a drawer of mine would elicit. Growing up with the uncertainty of life in the City, I never actually imaged what life would be like if I were to make it past the Choosing, eventually pairing with a man.
I sat on the bed and looked at the drawer. Each time it closed I quickly opened it again so I could stare at the contents. As I was returning to the bed after many times re-opening the drawer, I noticed the bed. Nothing was my own. It too, was a symbol of the life I now shared with a man. Everything in this room was a symbol that I shared myself with him. There was no me or him, there was we and us now.
Suddenly the room seemed tiny and suffocating. I pressed my hand to the wall and as it opened, remotely I registered that it still thrilled me to be able to command the walls. I stumbled out into the hallway and stood helpless for a moment, staring back into the room that was both a prison and a sanctuary.
I did not know of anywhere to go. I stared at the room feeling safe close to it but free just outside its walls. Where would I go? I had no idea how to get anywhere, not the kitchen, nor the pond? Would I even want to be there if I could get there? I knew the answer and it was the reason I stood staring back into the room.
No, I did not want to be anywhere near those people. Not without Jaxson. He had a way of making them seem tolerable. Even Griff couldn’t manage that. I only felt unthreatened with him present, but not comfortable. Not like I belonged at the head of the room, like I did when I sat next to Jaxson there.
The room was even less acceptable now that I had admitted such things to myself. I hated him, but I felt safer with him than I ever had. Safety was an intoxicating seductress. I had to be more careful around him if I was to retain who I was.
The door closed, freeing me of the safety of the room. I lifted my hand to open the door when I remembered how close the garden was.
Glancing back and forth, I set off toward the curve in the hallway. Just around it was safety and freedom. I peeked around the corner. No one was in sight. I pressed my hand to the door, hoping Griff had checked with SI.
I was rewarded with the tinkling of bells. The hole slowly opened. Griff turned as I stepped through the wall. He froze mid turn.
“Anaya!”
My mind registered his shock but it was quieted by the reverence I felt.
“Did you—” I spun in a slow circle. “Did you do this?” I asked finally able to form the full question.
“I was only following orders.”
I walked over to a large concentration of Easter Lilies that now peppered the entire room, inhaling deeply as I touched the silky petals. There was no scent like that of an Easter Lily.
“Thank you, Griff.” I kept my face turned toward the flowers, smelling each one as I walked around the room, the tears spilling silently. “This is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
Chapter 7
The bells announced Jaxson’s arrival. He peered in at me through the widening hole. I was so happy I did not even mind the look of adoration that seemed to be increasing in frequency and intensity.
“Hungry?” he asked, holding his hand out.
“Starving,” I said, standing to join him. His eyes widened then swept over me, lingering on places that made me blush.
“I will have to compliment the tailor. He has a perfect eye.”
He took my hand to help me through the wall. I tried not to notice how he continued to watch me like he was just now discovering the joy of infatuation.
“How was your day?” he whispered, leaning close as we walked.
“It was perfect.” I thought of the pond and the flowers and the lamb. “How was yours?” I asked, remembering myself.
“It was also perfect.”
The way he said it made me want to find out why, but I did not want to have to share my day with him in return.
Curiosity got the best of me.
“Oh? What made it perfect?”
He seemed genuinely surprised by my question and took a moment to speak.
“I got to do something different today.” His face brightened. “Something special.” There was a far off look in his eyes. I squeezed his hand and he snapped back to reality. “And I went outside.”
“You went into the City?”
“Well, not the City.”
“You did not go into the woods did you? And without Griff?” I stopped. “Are you limping?”
I turned and stared forward, crossing my arms. It was real concern I was feeling for him and not just the kind you have for strangers. It was the proprietary kind you gain when you care about someone. I wanted to run.
“Are you angry?” he asked.
“What if something happened to you? You cannot think only of yourself. You have responsibilities.”
“I am aware of my responsibilities. This ship would survive just fine without me.” His tone was harsh.
I turned away. “I am not talking about this ship.”
The silence was suffocating and I could not bear to look at him, feeling like I did. So I started walking without him. He caught up quickly and grabbed my shoulder, turning me to him.
“Everything I do, I do with you in mind.” He pulled me into an embrace and I hated how safe it made me feel.
Less than a week I shared his bed, and I could not imagine life without him, even though I wanted to be free of him, of them all. Internally I pleaded with Anaya to help me hate him.
I felt nothing from her, not even the normal little things. Why was she absent when I needed her most? Was she really so angry with me that she wasn’t going to help? All I needed was her reassurance, but she remained silent.
The light squeeze of my hand reminded me that Jaxson, however, was here for me.
Maybe this was what she wanted, someone else to be his focus, but it did not make sense for her to push me to rely on him. Eventually I would die, then what?
“Are you hurt?” I finally broke the silence.
“I am just tired.” I examined his face trying to see the truth there. He stopped trying to hide the limp. “And just a little sore,” he added.
As we approached the dining room, he straightened and walked normally.
They really were like sharks, and they could smell blood. I d
id not want them to know he was injured. Even though I wanted to continue hating him, I hated them more.
Just outside the entry way where I knew everyone could see, I pulled his hand and he stopped to look at me. Worry colored his face, which helped. I drew him close so my body was pressed tight against his. I breathed in deeply, noting how pleasant his musky scent was. He looked confused. His body was quick to interpret my actions though and he leaned in, his face close to mine. I wrapped my hands around his neck and with an urgency that surprised even me, I kissed him deeply.
When I pulled away, he looked happily stunned. The look I was hoping for. He trailed along behind me, and rather than the looks of hungry predators, we received averted eyes and flushing cheeks.
The satisfaction I felt, I was sure was reflected in my face. Maybe I was not as needy as we both thought.
As we waited for our food I tried not to let the ramifications of what I had committed myself to taint my momentary triumph. And like he could read my mind Jaxson reached out and took my hand.
“Thank you.” His voice was so soft I more read it on his lips than heard it. He leaned forward and his eyes dropped to our clasped hands. “Maybe you are not quite as delicate as I have worried.”
I looked up, but he did not meet my eye. He saw through my charade and was letting me off the hook. Why?
As dinner went on, I could see how cruel what I had done was. Was I becoming one of them? Using people with no regard for their feelings?
I spotted Griff at the same time Jaxson did. Jaxson motioned for him to join us. Griff bent close and whispered something in Jaxson’s ear. He went rigid and his jaw clenched.
Griff looked up at me and nodded in response to Jaxson’s question. His look made me uncomfortable, like I was the subject.
I was not hungry after their exchange. A young boy, Tiberius I believe, seeing that I was done, took my plate.
“Ready?” Jaxson’s breath was warm on my ear. I braced for the false display of affection I expected to follow. He pressed a feather light kiss to my neck instead. It was this kind of tenderness that made me feel monstrous.
I offered my hand and he led me back to our room. As soon as the wall closed, he turned on me.
“You promised, Anaya!”
Children of the Gods - A Chosen Novel Page 4
