by M. Malone
"Hey, are you looking for Zack? He went back to the house already."
Paula regards me with shrewd eyes. She tries to look around my shoulder but I lean against the doorframe, effectively blocking her.
"I know. He's the one who told me you were here. I was coming to invite you and your friend for dinner at our house."
I groan under my breath. If Zack told her I have a girl here, there's no stopping her. Paula is relentless when on the hunt for information. I move back and allow her to push past into the office. As soon as Paula sees her, her eyes swing back to mine. She's practically beaming.
I am going to kill my brother.
"Sasha, this is Paula. Paula, this is Sasha Whitman. She's friends with Finn and Tank."
"It's so nice to meet you. Zack told me that you were stranded here. If you're stranded, you might as well stay for dinner."
My eyes close and I have to take a deep breath. This is going too far. Zack has no idea how he's tormenting me. He thinks it's funny but he wouldn't laugh if he knew how hard I was struggling to keep my hands off this girl. I'm pretty sure our new relationship with our brothers won't withstand what will happen if I get involved with Sasha and things go sour.
"She's not stranded, Mom. I was going to take her home." I'll take her home and then that'll be the end of it. Now that I know she's friends with Finn, I can be prepared to avoid her in the future.
"This is your mom? It's so nice to meet you, Mrs. Marshall."
Paula guffaws. "Oh, I'm not Mrs. Marshall. I never was. Neither was Gabe's momma. Neither of us wanted that bastard's name."
Sasha's mouth falls open. Her lips open and close several times before she finally says, "Oh. You're not Gabe's mom? I'm sorry, I must have heard wrong."
"I'm one of his moms. Technically I'm Zack's mom but I might as well be Gabe's as well. Now you come along and tell me all about how you met my boy."
Paula hooks her arm through Sasha's and she has no choice but to move with her or get yanked off her feet. She looks back at me for help and I just shrug. She's already on board the train to crazy town and there's no getting off now.
She's about to see firsthand just how screwed up my family is.
* * * * *
When I was in high school, I had something I called the asshole test. Meeting new people always came easily to me but keeping friends was a bit more difficult. But the first time I invited someone to the house was my litmus test for whether we'd be friends or enemies.
It wasn't easy being the kid with two moms before that kind of thing was done. Zack and I always knew our home life wasn't typical. The way Paula tells it, she and my mom were best friends until they found out they were dating the same guy. Then they were enemies until they realized they were both pregnant. They decided to ditch the guy and keep the friendship. They’ve raised us together ever since.
I sit across the table from Sasha and watch as her head volleys back and forth between Paula and Debbie. Ever since Paula dragged her out of the shop, she hasn't said much. I'm not sure whether she's appalled or just in shock from information overload. My family can be a lot to handle even for me on some occasions. Surprisingly, Sasha seems to be handling it really well. When I introduced her to my mom, Debbie, she offered to help her with dinner. The three women seem to have bonded over organic cooking while they were in there.
"Would you like another helping of quinoa, Sasha? It's a new recipe I got from the man at the store. He was so helpful." Debbie holds up the bowl and at Sasha's nod, plops another spoonful on her plate.
"He's probably trying to get a date. They always hit on her when we're grocery shopping. It's like I'm not even there," Paula laments. Sasha giggles and looks over at me.
"Actually he did ask me on a date. We're going out next Friday." Debbie holds up her hand and Paula gives her a high five.
Sasha's fork hangs in midair and I can tell the moment she figures it out. "Oh, you're not … "
"They're not together," I finish. "Most people make that assumption. They never have been."
Debbie laughs. "I have to give it to you honey, you've handled things better than most of the birdies they bring around. Our situation is unusual and it tends to bring out the worst in people."
"So Gabe's other girlfriends were rude? That's awful." Sasha looks over at me as if it's my fault.
"Gabe doesn't bring girls home. Zack hasn't for a while. But I remember back when they were in high school, there were some kids who teased them a lot. Called us names. I'm sure you can imagine. Then when people would see us out with a man, they decided we were immoral harlots running some kind of prostitution ring out of the house."
"I'm sorry."
Paula shrugs. "West Haven has gotten a lot better but I remember how things were about twenty years ago. This is a small community and some people can be closed-minded. But we weren't going to let them run us off. This is our home. My family has lived in this part of Virginia for ten generations."
"You're actually the first girl Gabe has introduced to us." Zack shovels another bite of mashed potatoes in his mouth and smirks at me.
I'm going to kick him in the shins as soon as I get the chance.
"Really?" Sasha looks over at me in shock. "Well, Gabe has been nice enough to help me out with some business questions."
Paula glances over at me. "Is that right?"
My mom doesn't seem to have picked up on the undercurrents of the conversation yet and I can only hope to get Sasha out of here before she has both of them interrogating her.
"That's right. Sasha is a singer and she's opening up a jazz lounge soon."
My mom pipes up, "You know Paula once dated a bass player in a jazz band."
I let out a breath but when I look up next Paula is still watching me.
* * * * *
Sasha gives both Debbie and Paula a hug, then waves to Zack. "Thanks for dinner. I had fun."
"We did too, honey. I'm sure we'll be seeing you again."
Sasha doesn't reply to that. I follow her out and we walk silently down the path leading from the house to the driveway. She looks over at me finally, a mischievous look on her face.
"I'm glad I stayed tonight. I thought about making up some excuse and going home but I would have missed out by not getting to meet your family. They're awesome."
"Yeah, they are. I guess you understand now why I said I've never cared what anyone thinks. I learned at a young age that it doesn't matter. All that matters is what I know."
"And you were lucky to learn that so early." She glances behind us at the house. "They are super proud of you. I can see it in the way they look at you. The way they talk about you. My dad has always been proud of me and I'm lucky to have that. But I wish my mom and my sisters didn't think of me as such a screwup."
"I know I'm lucky to have them. I wonder sometimes what my life would be like if Paula hadn't come up with the plan for them to stick together. If she'd taken Zack and raised him on her own. I might have known that I had a half-brother but I probably wouldn't have seen him often. He'd be as much of a stranger to me as Tank, Finn and Luke are. Which would suck."
"Yeah. I guess I didn't really think until now how messed up it is that you guys didn't know each other before.”
We've reached my car and we both pause. I can tell she doesn't want to end the evening any more than I do. I look up at the stars. Out here, away from all the lights in the center of the city, it's so easy to see them. It's one of the main reasons I chose to stay in West Haven. I can't imagine living somewhere that I can't see the stars.
I look over at Sasha and she has her face turned up to the sky as well. The bright lights are reflected in her eyes and she looks like she's glowing. I lean down and our eyes meet. Then I place my lips on hers. Her mouth softens under mine, accepting, savoring. It's a sweet, simple kiss, nothing like the hot, passionate, claw-your-clothes-off kiss she laid on me the night of the engagement party. That kiss was about desire. This kiss is about longing. It would take an army to stop me from t
aking the sweet comfort she's offering.
When I lift my head, we're both panting. I rest my forehead against hers while I catch my breath.
"I guess you have to take me home now." She folds her arms across her body, like she's preparing for a blow.
"I wish I didn't. But you are way too good for me."
She laughs softly. "You confuse me so much. I've never felt chemistry like this with anyone. Maybe that's what makes this so difficult. That thing, whatever it is, every time I see you it hits me right between the eyes. I know you feel it, too."
I blow out a breath, searching for the best way to tell her my story. She'll never understand what I meant when I said she was too good for me until I tell her.
"I used to be a thief."
Startled, she drops her arms. "A thief? Like you used to stick up people in the streets and take their wallets?"
Even in the middle of a serious moment, Sasha can make me laugh. "Nothing so obvious." I chuckle, relieved to see her smile again. "Or so violent."
"Oh, now I get it." She makes a face. "When you said thief it threw me off but I already figured things out at the party, Gabe. You told me you could have gone to jail and since you own an auto garage, it seems obvious. You used to be a car thief." She doesn't seem particularly concerned about it.
"I did steal cars. Among other things. I could have gone to jail.”
Sasha nudges me with her arm. “People make mistakes. Sometimes they change their ways and get better. I mean, look at you. I’m not saying it was right but this doesn’t change how I see you, Gabe. You were a misguided kid but you weren’t out there hurting people.”
I clamp down the unexpected swell of emotion her words bring. Her understanding wasn’t what I was expecting. Most people, even those who are openminded, usually show a little hint of disdain when they find out about my past. Even though she doesn’t know the full extent of the things I’ve done, her words give me hope. Maybe she could one day truly accept me, all of me, including the less than honest urges I still struggle with every day.
“It's only sheer luck and the intervention of people who cared about me that saved me. Without them my life would look very different right now." I stick my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out and tugging on the stray curls flying around her face in the wind.
She tilts her head. "Well, that's pretty depressing. What I was going to say doesn't sound nearly so bad now, so thanks for that."
I can't help but laugh at that. "I guess it is."
"I used to have so many dreams. I always thought I'd get a recording contract, fall in love and travel the world. But so far my plans aren't working out so well and I can't talk about it with my family because they don't understand why I can't live life the way they do. My sisters want to fix me up with their friends or men from church and I know why they're doing it. They think that I'll marry one of those guys and then I'll suddenly want the same things they do: a white picket fence and a ring on my finger. They just don't get it and I don't know how to explain it to them."
The last part comes out as a whisper.
"What do you want?" She's watching me with those big beautiful eyes and suddenly it seems vital that I know the answer to that question.
"I want to live. I want to be challenged. And I don't want to settle. Ever again. But I guess the joke's on me since I haven't achieved any of the things I thought I would."
She suddenly looks over at me and lets out a little nervous laugh. "I'm sorry. You've had to worry about things like going to jail and I'm over here lamenting all the family and friends who are so worried about me."
"You have every right to want to live your life your way."
She looks up to the sky. "Maybe I should give up on all these impossible dreams and marry a nice guy with a good job and benefits. But just the thought of that makes me feel like I'm dying inside. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"I do." Her eyes swing to mine and I open the driver's side door before I finish. "You, Sasha Whitman, are bored."
I get behind the wheel and wait until she scrambles around the car and climbs into the passenger seat. I put the car in gear and start backing down the drive while she struggles to fasten her seat belt.
"That's not what I am. I have a very exciting life. I have great friends. I go out and party sometimes. I teach my music students and I perform. My life is not boring."
I pull out onto the main road. She's still staring at me from her side of the car and I can feel it.
"Don't be mad. I'm not trying to insult your life. I'm sure there are many interesting things around you but they're all things you've been doing for years. And maybe that's okay for some areas of your life but a woman like you, no, you can't settle when it comes to your personal life."
She finally relaxes against the seat. "No, I can't. Not anymore."
"I've seen you in action and I've seen that fire inside you. You want excitement. You want adventure. You want to wake up every day and wonder what new and glorious thing is going to happen. You want passion and until you get it, you'll be bored. I should know. I'm bored, too. But we're going to fix that."
"We are? How?" She looks over at me with interest.
"By being friends." I grin at her and then gun the engine.
chapter seven
SASHA
This is a business meeting, not a date. I repeat the words to myself as I prepare to meet Gabe for lunch two days later.
I hold up a basic black dress and then switch arms to hold up a maroon sheath adorned with festive gold designs. My love of texture and willingness to experiment with color is one of the mainstays of my personal style. But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and be a businesswoman so I might have to tone things down a little.
After Gabe drove me home Saturday night, he came back the next day to return my car, Zack following him in his Audi. Before they left, he told me to plan for lunch on Monday so we could go over my budget.
Apparently he's decided that since we're friends now that he's going to help me with my business plan. This is a business meeting. I know that I should just tell him that I'll find another mentor. I'm only torturing myself by continuing to lust after a guy that I know isn't the staying kind. But I can't help it. There's something that draws me to him and I can't seem to cut that invisible tie.
I hold up the black dress again and make a face at the mirror. It works but it's so plain. I don't want Gabe to see me like that even if it's not a date. Then I remember that I was planning to do some cleaning today. I can't be too cute because I have work to do. I settle on a satin blouse in different shades of rose paired with my favorite jeans.
He suggested meeting at one of the nicer restaurants in town but I asked to meet at The Rush. Not only because I feel more comfortable keeping things casual but also because it's so close to the club. After our meeting, I have to go wait for my first furniture delivery.
Luckily Gabe didn't seem to care about the change. I remember the way he looked at me that night under the stars. The things he told me about his past. He didn't have to do any of that. I think he really does want to help me.
Which he can't do if I'm not prepared.
I focus on the task at hand. Most of my paperwork and notes for the business are in this big, purple file folder I've been using to compile everything. But I can't show up to a business meeting with that. Gabe would probably laugh in my face.
I transfer everything into a plain manila folder and then fasten the notes together with a binder clip. If I'd had more time, I would have typed up all my handwritten scribblings. But I’ll just have to make do.
I don't have time to think about it anymore because my cell phone reminder goes off, which tells me that I'm about to be late. I step into my favorite pair of four-inch nude heels and then grab the manila folder. I tuck the folder, my notes and my phone into an oversized tote bag and head out the door.
Just as I open my car door, my eyes stop on something across the street. There's a guy walking to
ward me on the opposite side. He's wearing a leather jacket and a ball cap pulled low over his eyes but despite his relaxed pace, he doesn't seem to be out for a friendly stroll. He's not doing anything but something about the way he's walking sets my instincts ringing. He looks tense, like he's walking with a purpose but trying to look like he's wandering aimlessly. It's how I imagine it would look when someone was casing a place before they come back to rob it.
After all those safety lectures from Eli, I'm probably paranoid. There are definitely benefits to being someone he considers a friend, such as the amazing security system he installed here that I couldn't have afforded on my own. But he tends to view everyone as a potential criminal and clearly his warped viewpoint has started to rub off on me. This poor guy is just taking a stroll, minding his own business and I've got him pegged as a felony in progress.
This is a pretty safe neighborhood but still, it doesn't hurt to be mindful. I climb into the front seat of my car and watch his progress behind me in the rearview mirror. Once he's out of sight, I start the car and back out of the driveway carefully.
The entire drive over, I mentally review what I plan to accomplish today. If Gabe can review my operating budget, then at least I'll know if I'm on the right track. Then I can move to the second stage of my plan today which is to start tackling some of the items on my action list. Cleaning is the number one thing on the list I can do without help.
I park in front of The Rush, looking around at the other cars in the parking lot. Maybe this wasn't the most professional place to meet but at least if Gabe reviews my plans and tells me they suck I can get a chocolate shake to console myself.
Inside, I grab a booth in the back. Miss Doris isn't on shift today so I give my drink order to Patsy, a middle-aged mother of two who also works over at the library part-time. How do I know all of that? Because she tells me in between explaining the specials and asking what all "that stuff" is for when I pull out my file folder.
I can't help but laugh as she walks away. It's going to take a little while to readjust to small town life.
