by Lucy Lennox
Was this some kind of last-minute panic? Like a manifestation of my unwillingness to give up my life for the crown? Maybe I was clinging on to a man in hopes of not having to face my real life. As long as I was seeing a guy, I couldn’t take the throne.
I was so much in my head that I didn’t hear what Felix asked me until he nudged my leg with his toes.
“You okay, Lio? You’ve been super quiet all afternoon. I think Hen is worried about you.”
There had been at least twelve of us for the meal, including three to four royal guards. I’d noticed Henriette talking Felix’s ears off from her spot between him and Jon. She’d told him about growing up in the palace with nannies and tutors until we were old enough to go off to boarding school and have a somewhat more “normal” childhood. Not that it was ever normal by any stretch of the imagination. Arthur had piped in several times and left Felix in stitches telling “teenage Lio” stories.
My eyes moved from the golden glow of the fire to Felix’s worried gaze. I’d intended to give him a smile of reassurance, but he continued speaking before I had a chance.
“Is it me? It’s okay. I should probably give you some space anyway. I feel like I’ve been monopolizing—”
“No,” I blurted. “Stay. Please, Felix. That’s not the problem. You’re not the problem at all.”
I ran a hand through my hair and looked back at the fire. Felix shifted, standing up quietly from his chair and stepping over to mine. I looked up at him and saw his sweet face in the light of the fire. Without even thinking about it, I reached out my hand to him and pulled him onto my lap until he was straddling me with his knees on either side of my hips.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “Just have a lot on my mind. It’s not you at all.”
Felix’s hands smoothed up my chest to my neck. “Do you want to talk about it? I mean, you don’t have to, of course, but if it would help…”
The divot between his eyebrows had returned, and I reached up to rub it with my thumb.
“Soon it’s going to be my turn on the throne,” I said quietly, as if anyone could hear us from our hidden space inside a semideserted castle on a sparsely populated island in the middle of the North Sea.
In winter.
I moved my hand to cup his jaw before continuing. “And I don’t want it, Felix.”
There, I’d said it. I’d confessed my deepest secret thought to a practical stranger.
Well done, Lior.
Felix didn’t say anything immediately, just studied me. As if I hadn’t just said something explosive and monumental.
“Say something,” I breathed. “Tell me I’m being a spoiled brat. Tell me to suck it up.”
Instead of saying either of those things, he just leaned in and hugged me.
Felix’s hands came around my neck and pulled me to him until I felt like his entire body was holding me in unspoken support. I turned my face into the side of his neck and inhaled the comforting scent of him. There was something so soothing about the man. He radiated calm unlike anyone I’d ever met before.
When he pulled back to meet my eyes, I saw the twinkle of mischief in his eyes.
“You’re just having cold feet, Lio. You’re going to make a wonderful king someday.”
I realized he didn’t understand how imminent my reign would be. Of course he didn’t. That information was a massive secret. One that, if it got out, would throw the media into a frenzy.
“What if it’s sooner rather than later, Felix? I’m gay. I can’t be gay when I take the throne.”
Felix snorted. Actually snorted with laughter.
“It’s not funny,” I cried. “It’s my fucking life, Felix.”
His eyes shot wide, laughter dying immediately as his face dropped. “But, Lio. You are gay. Which means you will be gay when you take the throne. There is absolutely no way to stop being gay. We both know that. Plus, it’s the twenty-first century, Lio. The world can handle it.”
“No. The world can’t handle it.”
“But Luxem—”
“Stop. Please. I know all about the prime minister. That’s not the same thing as a hereditary monarchy reaching back hundreds of years. Can you even imagine if Prince William were gay?”
I noticed his jaw clench and his nostrils flare. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I can. I think it would be fucking fantastic if Prince William came out. Someone needs to be the first.”
“Well, it’s not going to be me.”
So what if I sounded like a child?
Felix paused for a beat before trying a different tactic. “Then what’s your plan, exactly? Be celibate for the rest of your life or try and stay hidden in the royal closet?”
And there it was. The story of my fucking life reduced to one simple question.
Chapter 20
Felix
It wasn’t my place to interfere with how he made his life decisions. And, quite frankly, it wasn’t even like me to get involved in discussions about someone’s personal business. I tended to keep myself to myself, but for some reason, it rankled me to see Lio so upset. It was almost like an itch under my skin. I sensed his discomfort and frustration and wished like hell I could fix it for him.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to push. It’s really none of my business.”
Lio’s hands snuck up the back of my shirt, and I felt my skin prickle at the touch of my bare skin.
“No, Felix. I’m the one who’s sorry. It’s just a shitty situation, but it’s nothing new. I’ve known this was coming for a long time. I’m having a hard time accepting it; that’s all.”
“So, what’s your plan, then?”
He shrugged and looked past my shoulder to the fireplace. “Go home, grow up. Marry a nice woman who’ll make a fine mother to my children.”
I felt my stomach pitch into my throat. The very idea of him marrying a woman just to appease tradition made me want to throw up.
“Seriously? You’d do that?”
Lio’s forehead leaned against my chest, directly over my heart. I brought my hands up to brush through his thick hair.
“I don’t have a choice, Felix,” he murmured. It was so soft, I almost didn’t hear the words over the snapping of the fire. “It’s what I was born to do. I’ve always known that was my path.”
“That’s not exactly fair to the woman involved,” I grumbled, grasping at straws.
“Maybe not. But whoever signs up for this will obviously be getting a lot out of the bargain.” His voice held sarcasm, and I knew he’d spent hours upon hours in his head trying to justify his future actions.
“I guess so.” It was all I could think of to appease him and let the subject drop. I wondered if there was a way I could get him out of his head and out of the funk he’d fallen into. “Will you take me to bed, Lio?”
When he lifted his head, there was a sexy smirk on his lips and a hint of relief in his eyes.
“Hell fucking yes.”
Before I even had a chance to crawl off his lap, the panel to the red salon slid open and his sister stepped into the room.
“There you are. I should have known,” she said. “Been looking all over for you.”
I shifted to get off Lio, but his arms tightened around me to keep me in place. My cheeks flamed in response to Henriette seeing us that way.
“What’s up?” Lio asked.
Before Hen could answer, Jon stepped through the doorway as well. The four of us filled the small space to the brim. Hen’s eyes flicked between Lio and me.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You were awfully quiet this afternoon.”
Lio’s hands tightened almost imperceptibly where they rested on my hips.
“Just frustrated. That’s all.”
Hen moved forward to take a seat in the chair I’d been sitting in. “Is it the thing with Dad? You and I haven’t had a chance to talk about it yet, but I knew you’d be upset.”
I squirmed and shot a glance at Lio before speaking. “Plea
se let me leave you two in peace. Clearly you need some time to catch up.”
Lio’s dark blue eyes met mine. “Will you wait for me in my room? It’s the one with the stained glass in the bedpost.”
He’d shown me the room the night before when we’d “snuck” into the royal apartments upstairs. I’d gone apeshit over the glass bedpost. Of course that was his room. Jesus.
I felt my nerves kick up at an external confirmation he was, in fact, the royal personage in this castle. “Yes. But please take your time. I’m going to call home first and wish Grandpa and Doc a Merry Christmas.”
When I stood up, Lio grabbed my hand and pulled it to his lips for a kiss before winking at me. My heart did stupid shit, so I turned to leave the room as quickly as possible. Before I got to the doorway, however, Hen stood up and pulled me into her arms for a hug.
The gesture shocked me.
Her smooth voice whispered into my ear. “Thank you for being here for my brother. Merry Christmas, Felix.”
I gave a sort of freaked-out nod before hotfooting it out of the room like my ass was on fire. What had she meant by that? It was weird enough to even meet the sister of a hookup, but to have her thank me for… what? Having sex with her brother? Fuck. What was that about?
I made my way back to my guest quarters and pulled out my laptop to do a video call back home. While I didn’t have cell coverage at Gadleigh, I did have access to their Wi-Fi.
After the call was answered on their end, I saw a clear image of Doc and my cousin Saint in the background. Before Doc even had a chance to greet me, I spluttered. “Saint! Holy shit, what are you doing home? I thought you were still overseas.”
The big guy turned and grinned at me. Despite the muscle-bulked frame, his face was all baby, and I felt a wave of relief pass over me to see him safely home.
“Otto and I decided to pack it in once and for all,” he said into the camera. I could see they were in the kitchen and assumed Doc had kept the laptop set up in hopes I’d call.
“What do you mean? Like, retirement? For real?”
He nodded, and I could see Doc’s grin grow wider. Doc slipped his arm around Saint’s waist. “Can you believe it? They got in late last night as a surprise. Didn’t tell a soul they were doing it.”
I felt a small tick of homesickness niggle at me. Saint and Otto had come home from the Navy, and I hadn’t been there to celebrate with everyone.
“I’m so happy for you. What are you going to do with yourselves now?”
In the background, I could see the familiar hunched shoulders of my cousin Otto as he grabbed a beer from the fridge before approaching the computer and edging Doc out of the way.
“Hey, Felix. Sorry we missed you, but Grandpa and Doc said you’ll be home soon,” Otto said with a kind smile. God, how I’d missed those two guys during their deployment. They’d both been in for several years, and I’d always imagined at least Saint would be a lifer. I wondered what had caused him to change his mind.
The reminder of my dwindling time at Gadleigh left a hollow in the pit of my stomach, but I tried to hide it with a smile.
“Yep. I’ll be home soon. Hope you’ll still be there in Hobie when I get back?”
Otto glanced at Saint before nodding at the camera. “Yeah, buddy. We’ve got some job leads in Dallas, but in the meantime we’re staying here in the bunkhouse with the pups. I think Grump has officially fallen in love with Saint here.”
I laughed. My grandparents’ coonhound was a sweet old thing with long ears and a grizzled face. “Don’t let Sweet and Salty see you guys playing favorites, or Salty will bite your ankles off. She’s a bitch.”
Doc came back in the frame with a mock glare. “Hey now, that’s my sweet baby you’re talking about.”
“Sweet baby, my ass,” Saint muttered under his breath. “Damned thing near took my feet out from under me this morning on my way over here for breakfast.”
Seeing them all acting like their normal selves made me happy. I realized I really had missed being there for Christmas even though I wouldn’t have wanted to leave Gadleigh for anything.
“Was everyone there for Christmas today except me?”
Grandpa leaned into the frame, his chin resting on Doc’s shoulder. “Mostly. But we missed you. Especially when Hudson’s girlfriend gave him a Christmas ornament made out of stained glass. You should have seen how red his ears got.”
“Darci was there? I thought they broke up.”
Doc’s eyes glanced up as if looking at something off-screen, and I realized maybe Darci was still there and had heard me.
“Oh shit,” I said quietly. “Is she… are they still there?”
“No,” Doc said quickly. “They left a little while ago. I just thought I heard Pippa crying and realized the monitor isn’t turned on in here. I’m gonna go check on her. Love you, son.”
“Love you too,” I said before watching him disappear down the hallway toward the bedrooms. Grandpa watched him go before turning back to me.
“Darci and Hudson are still going out. That poor girl looks at him like he’s the last pint of ice cream at the grocery store,” Grandpa scoffed. “If it weren’t for him being in Dallas and her being here, I think she’d have wrangled a commitment out of him already by sheer force of will.”
I thought about how it could be worse for them. “Dallas to Hobie isn’t that far apart. Compared to, say… if she was in Europe or something.”
Right on cue, my face heated up like a solar flare. I hadn’t meant to be so specific, and Lord knew Grandpa never missed a beat.
“Something going on there, Felix?”
Saint and Otto had wandered off to join Hallie in an argument about something in the background. It was just Grandpa left on the call with me.
“I met someone.”
Somehow, he knew when to keep his jokes to himself.
“Sounds serious. Where does this someone live? There on the island?”
“Monte Carlo.”
There was no way in hell I could tell him who it was. Obviously I trusted Grandpa, but his house was probably full of friends and family members, and who knew how much everyone had been drinking at Christmas dinner.
“Damn, Fee. How’s that supposed to work?” Grandpa’s face was creased with concern, and I felt his love for me across the ocean.
“It’s not. He’s not in a position to start something,” I admitted. “I’m just feeling sorry for myself.”
“Is he already in a relationship?”
I blew out a breath. “No. That’s not it. More like… more like the deepest closet possible. A closet he’ll never come out of and one that wouldn’t have room for me in it even if I wanted to squeeze in there with him.”
Grandpa was silent for a moment. No doubt, he was trying to figure out how to solve the unsolvable problem, and I loved him for that.
“It is what it is, Grandpa. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
He peered into the camera at me. “I love you, Felix. We all love you. When you come home, we’ll make sure to distract you, all right? I don’t know what else to say.”
I felt my eyes prickle and my chin tilt in a nod.
“Love you too, Gramps. Tell Doc the same. Gotta go.”
Once I disconnected the call, I sat back on the sofa and closed my eyes to think about the situation I was in with Lio. Talking about it to my grandfather had clarified it for me. There was absolutely no future for me with Lio. I knew that now.
Lio clearly had no plan to be the first openly gay king, and who could blame him? Talk about a life in the media crosshairs. I couldn’t even imagine the scrutiny he’d be under if he tried to make history that way.
So I had two choices. I could cut it off now and spend my remaining days trying to focus on the glass, or I could accept the thing with Lio was a temporary fling and enjoy it while it lasted.
I stood up and turned toward the door of my guest apartment. There was a stained glass bedpost calling my name. For tonight, a
t least, I could have both.
Chapter 21
Lio
I knew something was up with my sister. She had that look about her that sisters get when they’re getting ready to lay down some truth. I wasn’t sure I was in the mood for any of her truth, but I was definitely sure she was going to lay it down regardless.
“He’s cute,” she began.
I couldn’t help but smile. “He’s fucking gorgeous and adorable as hell. And it goes without saying, I call dibs.”
I noticed Jon’s eyebrows quirk up as he glanced at Hen, but Hen only chuckled. “No worries, Lio. I’m not shopping around at the moment.”
The fire crackled as quiet descended. I thought about my father and his pregnant mistress. No wonder Hen was put off looking for someone. Falling in love was dangerous business in our family. Not that I was in love, of course. Because going down that road was a nonstarter for me. I couldn’t even consider the possibility of falling for someone I really wanted. Even if Felix had been the right gender for my life’s plan, I still saw how many relationships ended in disaster. I wondered if Hen did too. If so, I hated that my father’s lack of responsibility to this family would cause my sister to lose her hope of finding love.
Between the two of us, at least she had the chance to go for it. Maybe once the scandal came out and subsequently died down, she’d try again.
“How did you get here?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“I swam, Lio. What are you going to do about Felix?”
I blinked at her in the firelight. Her dark hair was caught up in a messy knot, and her dark eyebrows bunched together in concern.
“What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely confused. “What is there to do about Felix?”
“You like him.”
“Yes.”
She twisted the fingers of her hands together. “He likes you.”
