‘Well, I can’t really be sure about that.’ Gunnar hesitated. ‘But he said that he wanted to go out and visit Nathalie, so I assumed that …’
‘If he didn’t borrow the boat, then when was the last time you saw it?’
Peter had gone back inside the cabin to continue working on his equipment, so Gunnar and Patrik were alone on the wharf.
‘In that case, it would probably have been last Wednesday. But we should just ask Nathalie. Haven’t you talked to her yet?’
‘We were planning to go out there tomorrow. I’ll ask her then.’
‘That’ll be good,’ said Gunnar, tonelessly. Then he gave a start. ‘Good Lord, that means that she doesn’t even know yet. We didn’t think about phoning her. We didn’t …’
Patrik placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him.
‘You and Signe have had other things on your mind. I’ll tell her when we go out to the island. Don’t worry.’
Gunnar nodded.
‘Can I give you a ride home?’ asked Patrik.
‘Yes, I’d be very grateful,’ said Gunnar, sighing with relief. Then he followed Patrik to his car. Neither of them spoke all the way out to Mörhult.
FJÄLLBACKA 1871
The ice had started to break up. The April sun was slowly melting the snow, and on the island tiny tufts of green were venturing out of the crevices. She had only a vague memory of what had happened. She recalled the spinning ceiling, the pain, and glimpses of their faces. But sometimes the terror came back to her so vividly that it made her gasp for breath.
None of them had spoken of the incident. It wasn’t necessary. She’d heard Julian tell Karl that maybe now his father would get his wish. It wasn’t hard to understand that the whole episode had to do with the letter that had arrived, but that did nothing to diminish the shame and humiliation she felt. It had taken threats from her father-in-law to get her husband to fulfil his marital duties. No doubt the old man had begun to wonder why she and Karl had no children.
In the morning she had awakened feeling stiff and frozen. She was lying on the floor with her heavy black woollen dress and her white petticoats hitched up around her waist. Quickly she pulled them down, but the house was empty. No one else was there. With a pounding headache and dry mouth, she had hauled herself to her feet. She felt an ache between her legs, and when she later went out to the privy, she saw the blood that had dried on the inside of her thighs.
Many hours later Karl and Julian came back from the lighthouse, both of them acting as if nothing had happened. Emelie had spent the whole day frenetically scouring the house with soap and scrubbing-brush. Nothing had interrupted her work. Even the dead were keeping strangely quiet. Then she had started preparing the evening meal so that it would be ready by five o’clock, but she seemed hardly aware of her movements as she peeled the potatoes and fried the fish. Only a slight trembling in her hands when she heard the footsteps of the two men as they approached the front door betrayed the emotions churning inside her. Karl and Julian came in, hung their heavy jackets in the front hall, and sat down at the table without paying her any attention. And that was how the winter days had passed. With hazy memories of what had happened, and the cold spreading a frozen white carpet over the water.
But now the ice was beginning to crack, and occasionally Emelie would go outside and sit down on the bench next to the house, lifting her face to the sun. Sometimes she found herself smiling, because now she was certain. At first she wasn’t sure, since she didn’t know her own body very well, but finally there was no longer any doubt. She was with child. The night that she remembered as a bad dream had led to something good. She was going to have a baby. Someone she could take care of, someone she could share her life with here on the island.
She closed her eyes and placed her hand on her stomach as the sun continued to warm her cheeks. Someone came and sat down next to her, but when she opened her eyes, no one was sitting beside her. Emelie closed her eyes again and smiled. It felt so good not to be alone.
11
The morning sun was rising above the horizon, but Nathalie didn’t notice as she stood on the dock and stared out across the islands towards Fjällbacka.
She didn’t want any visitors. She didn’t want them to force their way into the world that she and Sam had created here on the island. It belonged to them and no one else. But she couldn’t say no when the police called. Besides, she had a problem and needed help. There was practically no food left, and she couldn’t bring herself to phone Mats’s parents. Since she was going to have visitors, she decided to ask them to bring her some groceries, just the essentials. It seemed a bit cheeky to ask someone she’d never met to do her grocery shopping, but she really had no choice. Sam wasn’t yet well enough to make the trip to Fjällbacka, and if they didn’t fill up the refrigerator and pantry, they’d soon starve to death. She wasn’t planning to allow the officers to go any further than the dock. The island belonged to her; the island belonged to them.
Matte was the only person she’d been willing to invite here. She continued staring out at the water as her eyes filled with tears. She could still feel his arms wrapped around her, and his kisses on her skin. His smell, which had seemed so familiar and yet had changed – belonging to a grown man now, not a boy. She hadn’t known what the future might bring, what their reunion might mean in terms of how they would live their lives. But for a brief time their encounter had carried with it a possibility. It had opened a window and let a little light into the darkness in which she had lived for so long.
Nathalie wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. She couldn’t allow herself to surrender to the yearning and pain. She was already holding on to life with her bare knuckles, and she could not loosen her grip. Matte had gone, but Sam was still here. And she had to protect him. Nothing else – not even Matte – was more important. Protecting her son was her most important and sole task in life. Now that other people were on their way over here, she needed to focus on that.
Something had changed. They never let her be in peace. Anna could still feel someone’s body pressed close to hers. Someone was breathing next to her, radiating warmth and energy. She didn’t want to be touched. All she wanted was to disappear into the desolate but safe shadowland where she had now dwelled for so long. Everything outside was too painful; her skin and her soul had grown too sensitive after all the blows she had suffered. She simply couldn’t stand any more.
And they didn’t need her. She brought nothing but misfortune down upon everyone around her. Emma and Adrian had been subjected to things that no child should ever have to go through, and she found it unbearable to see the sorrow in Dan’s eyes over the loss of their son.
At first they seemed to understand. They had left her alone, allowed her to simply lie in bed. Sometimes they tried to talk to her, but they gave up so easily that she realized they felt the same way she did. That their grief had been caused by her, and that it would be best for everybody if she just stayed where she was.
With Erica’s last visit, however, something had changed. Anna had felt her sister’s body close to her own, felt Erica’s warmth dragging her out of the shadows, pulling her closer to life, trying to make her come back. Erica hadn’t said much. Her body spoke for her, making the warmth spread through joints that felt cold and frozen even though she was lying under a blanket. Anna had tried to resist it, concentrating on a dark point deep inside, a point that couldn’t be touched by a warm body.
When the warmth from Erica’s body disappeared, it was replaced by another. Dan’s body was the easiest to resist. His energy was filled with so much sorrow that it practically reinforced her own, and she didn’t have to make any real effort to stay in the shadows. The children’s energy was the most difficult to hold at bay. Emma’s soft little body pressed against her back, her arms reaching around her waist. Anna was forced to muster all her strength to fight against it. And then Adrian, smaller and less confident than Emma, but his energy was strongest of all. She didn’t have to o
pen her eyes to know who had come in to lie down next to her. Despite lying on her side, unmoving, with her eyes fixed on the sky outside of the window, she knew whose warmth was pressing against her.
She wanted them to leave her alone and allow her to lie in bed undisturbed. The thought that she might not have enough strength to fight back made terror rise up inside of her.
Now Emma was here. Her body stirred slightly. She must have fallen asleep, because from the shadowland Anna could tell that her daughter’s breathing had changed, growing deeper. Then Emma changed position, pressed closer, like an animal seeking comfort. And Anna could feel herself being drawn from the shadows again, towards the energy that crept into every nook of her body. She needed to keep focusing on that point, the dark point inside of her.
The door to the room opened. Anna felt the bed sway as someone climbed on to it and curled up at her feet. Small arms wrapped tightly around her legs, as if they would never let go. Adrian’s warmth seeped into her, and it got harder and harder to stay in the shadows. She could resist the children one at a time, but not when they were both here, not when their energies combined to get even stronger. Slowly she felt herself losing her grip as she was pulled back towards what was in the room and in life.
With a deep sigh Anna turned over. She looked at her daughter’s slumbering face, those familiar features that she hadn’t been able to look at for so long. And for the first time she fell into a sound sleep, with one hand cupped over her daughter’s cheek, and with the tip of her nose pressed against Emma’s. Adrian had also fallen asleep, curled up at Anna’s feet like a puppy. His hold on her legs slowly loosened as he relaxed. And then they all slept.
Erica laughed until the tears ran down her face as they stepped aboard the boat.
‘Are you telling me that you took a bath in seaweed?’ She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and then laughed again, which prompted a fit of hiccupping when she saw the offended look on Patrik’s face.
‘So? Shouldn’t men be allowed to pamper themselves once in a while? From what you’ve told me, you’ve tried out plenty of strange things. I distinctly remember you saying not so long ago that you were smeared with mud and then rolled up in plastic wrap at some spa you went to.’ He backed the boat away from the dock at Badholmen.
‘Yes, but …’ Erica succumbed to another fit of giggles.
‘I think you’re displaying some rather outmoded prejudices here,’ said Patrik, glaring at her. ‘A seaweed bath is actually super healthy for men. It draws the toxins out of the body, and since men obviously have a harder time getting rid of that sort of stuff, we have an even greater need for the treatment.’
By now Erica was clutching her stomach, so helpless with laughter that she couldn’t speak. Patrik decided to ignore his wife and concentrate on steering the boat out of the harbour. Of course he was laying it on a bit thick to wind Erica up, but the truth was that he and his colleagues had really enjoyed the spa treatments they’d received at Badis.
At first he’d been extremely sceptical about getting into a bathtub filled with seaweed. Then he realized that it actually didn’t smell as bad as he’d imagined, and the water was nice and warm. When he sat in the tub and leaned forward while his back was massaged with bunches of seaweed that were rubbed against his skin, he was converted. And he couldn’t deny that his skin felt like new when he got out of the tub. Softer, smoother, and with a new glow. But when he tried to tell Erica about it, she’d started laughing hysterically. Even his mother, who had come over to babysit for Maja and the twins, had sniggered at his enthusiastic report.
The wind was picking up. He closed his eyes, feeling the gusts against his face. There weren’t many other boats out on the sea, but in only a few weeks there would be dozens of them heading in and out of the harbour.
Erica had finally stopped laughing, and her expression had turned serious. She put her arms around Patrik as he sat at the helm and leaned her head against his shoulder.
‘How did she sound when you phoned?’
‘Not exactly overjoyed,’ said Patrik. ‘She didn’t seem too keen on having visitors. But when I said that she was welcome to visit us on the mainland instead, if she preferred, she decided she’d rather have us come to the island.’
‘Did you tell her that I’d be coming with you?’ A swell made the wooden boat rise, and Erica wrapped her arms more firmly around Patrik’s waist.
‘Yes. I told her that we were married and that you’d like to come along so you could see her. She didn’t really react to that, although it sounded as if it would be okay.’
‘What are you hoping to learn by talking to Nathalie?’ Erica let go of Patrik and sat down nearby on the thwart.
‘To be honest, I really have no idea. We still don’t know whether Mats went out to visit her on Friday. I suppose that’s what I want to find out. And we also need to tell her what happened to him.’
He corrected the course to make way for a motorboat that was heading towards them at high speed.
‘Idiots,’ he snarled, glaring at the boat as it passed a bit too close.
‘Couldn’t you have asked her about it on the phone?’ Erica was also staring at the boat as it sped away. She didn’t recognize the occupants. A bunch of young guys in their late teens. Probably an early group of holidaymakers – the kind that would soon be filling Fjällbacka.
‘Yes, I could have done that. But I prefer to ask my questions in person. I get more productive results that way. What I really want is to form a clearer picture of who Mats was. At the moment he seems like one of those life-size cardboard cut-outs, flat and one-dimensional. No one seems to know anything about him, not even his parents. His flat looks like a hotel room. There are hardly any personal items. And then there’s the matter of the assault … I need to find out more.’
‘But from what I understand, Mats and Nathalie haven’t been in contact for years.’
‘That’s what his parents say, but we don’t really know that. At any rate, she seems to have been an important person in his life, and if he did go out to visit her, he might have told her something that we’d find useful. She may have been one of the last people to see him alive.’
‘Okay, I get it,’ said Erica, but she sounded doubtful. She’d come along out of sheer curiosity. She was curious as to how the years had changed Nathalie and what sort of person she’d become.
‘So that must be Gråskär,’ said Patrik, squinting.
Erica craned her neck to peer at the island they were approaching.
‘Yes, that’s it, all right. The lighthouse is wonderful.’ She shaded her eyes with her hand to see better.
‘I don’t think I care for the looks of that island,’ said Patrik, though he had no idea what made him say that. Then he had to turn his attention to pulling the boat up next to the small pier.
A tall, slender woman was standing there, waiting for them. She reached for the line that Erica tossed up on to the dock.
‘Hi,’ said Nathalie, giving them a helping hand as they climbed out of the boat.
She’s beautiful but much too thin, thought Patrik as he took her hand. Her bones were clearly visible under her skin, and although she seemed to be a naturally slim person, she must have lost a good deal of weight recently because her jeans were too big, needing to be held up with a belt cinched tight around her waist.
‘My son isn’t feeling well. He’s asleep in bed up at the house, so I was thinking that we could have some coffee and talk out here on the dock.’ Nathalie pointed to a blanket that she had spread out on the wooden planks.
‘Fine, that’s no problem,’ said Patrik, sitting down. ‘I hope it’s nothing serious.’
‘No, he has a slight cold, that’s all. Do you have kids?’ She sat down across from Patrik and Erica and started pouring coffee from a thermos. The pier was relatively sheltered from the wind, the sun was shining, and the air was warm. It was a lovely spot to have coffee.
‘Oh yes, we certainly do,’ replied
Erica with a laugh. ‘We have Maja, who will soon be two, and Noel and Anton who are twins and almost four months old now.’
‘You must have your hands full.’ Nathalie smiled, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. She handed Erica a platter of rusks.
‘I’m afraid this is all I have to offer you.’
‘Oh, right,’ said Patrik, getting up. ‘I brought the groceries you asked for.’
‘Thanks. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble. With Sam being sick, I’d prefer not to drag him into town to shop. Signe and Gunnar helped me out before, but I don’t want to make a habit of asking them.’
Patrik had hopped down into the boat and now set two full bags of groceries from the Konsum supermarket on the pier.
‘What do I owe you?’ Nathalie reached for her purse, which was lying next to her.
‘I’m afraid it came to a thousand kronor,’ said Patrik apologetically.
Nathalie took two five-hundred-krona bills out of her wallet and handed them to him.
‘Thank you,’ she said again.
Patrik merely nodded and sat back down on the blanket.
‘It must feel rather isolated, staying out here.’ He gazed at the small island. The lighthouse towered above them, casting a long shadow over the rocks.
‘No, it’s great,’ said Nathalie, taking a sip of her coffee. ‘I haven’t been here in years, and Sam has never seen the island before. I thought it was about time he did.’
‘Why now?’ asked Erica, hoping she didn’t sound too nosy.
Nathalie didn’t look at her. Instead, she fixed her eyes on a distant point on the horizon. The small gusts of wind that reached them caught hold of her long hair, which she impatiently brushed out of her face.
‘There are a few things that I need to think about, so it just seemed natural for us to come out here. There’s really nothing here. Nothing but thoughts and time.’
‘And ghosts, from what I’ve heard,’ said Erica, reaching for a rusk.
Patrick Hedstrom 07: The Lost Boy Page 19
