I drew a breath. This was stupid, who cared what these people thought of me? They were my family.
How had I done it before? Ford’s heartbeat slowed under my hand and panic laced through me, tightening my chest.
I leaned my head forward and pressed it against his side, moving on instinct. He was part of my pride, he was my enforcer and my friend and maybe . . . maybe something more. I dug my fingers into his fur as if I could hold him to this world.
“Don’t leave me, Ford. I need you still,” I whispered as I clung to him.
The connection between him and me flared to life. A tingle started down my arm and slid into him. I kept my eyes closed, ignoring the pull on my own energy as I fed it into him. Was this right? I didn’t know.
“You are doing well,” Ollianna said from what felt like a long, long way off. “You can direct the energy to his wounds, follow the echoes of his pain.”
I didn’t argue with her, just tried only to do what she said, using his connection to my pride as the map to his pain. There in his ribcage, that was the worst as it punctured through both lungs and nicked the bottom of his heart. That was the death blow. How the fuck he’d stayed standing so long was beyond me.
Lion hearted. That’s what he was. As strong as they came. I let myself sink farther into him, into his wounds, using my energy and strength to do it.
I smoothed the fibers of his body, knitted the muscle together and his heart pulsed harder, stronger, as I worked my way backward, healing the messy track from the arrow that led through his lungs. Each moment that I worked this strange magic through him I could feel his life strengthen under my hands.
And I could feel his soul seeping into mine. His heart thumped stronger, and his skin warmed under my fingers. My head was pressed against flesh now, not fur.
Tears pooled in the corners of my eyes, because I could feel an emotion I didn’t want from him showing itself to me. There was no chance for him and Kiara, or him and Ollianna, and I think I’d known it all along.
Pure and clean, he loved me for who I was, and I . . . couldn’t give that back to him. A teardrop fell and landed on his skin, sliding down because I could feel everything he was, and everything he wanted. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“I can wait,” he whispered back.
“That is the worst of it,” Ollianna said softly. “You can come out now, Zam. We need you whole too.”
I blinked as she pulled my hand off Ford and I lifted my head, wiping my tears and pretending I was just scrubbing my face. Ford grinned at me, back to two legs, naked and covered in mud as if we hadn’t just had the most intense heart to heart in my life.
“Thanks, boss.”
I opened my mouth to say something, what, I’m not sure. Something snarky and offhand, no doubt. But there was nothing left in me as I slumped where I was.
Ford scooped me up into his arms and set me back up on Balder. I gripped at the saddle, barely able to balance, but I stayed upright.
“Let’s go find the others,” Lila suggested, landing on the saddle in front of me. She tucked the sapphire into one of my pockets, her eyes darting away from it. “Even if the gorcs won’t come back, we can’t stay here. It’s a stinking mess.”
I nodded. She was right.
“How long was I out?”
“An hour, little more,” Ollianna said. “That was an intense healing. If you’d waited any longer he would have died.”
It took a few minutes to gather up the rest of the supplies, Batman and . . . “Where did Flora go?” I asked.
Shem held out an envelope. “Here.”
Flora had left me a note in the middle of a rainstorm and battle? “You read it,” I said. “I’ve got one hand now and I intend to keep it on my saddle so I don’t fall on my ass.”
Shem did as I asked and peeled it open. “Dear Zam. You have your pride around you, and with Ollianna helping you, I believe she will be a better guide to your abilities than I ever could be. And I fear that Merlin may be in trouble, so I will go to him. No doubt we will cross paths again.” He looked up. “Flora.”
I sighed. “Why am I not surprised that Merlin is in trouble?”
Shem grinned. “Well, he is related to you.”
“Shut it,” I grumbled. “That means he’s related to Ollianna, too, then.”
Ollianna sniffed. “Yes, he is. Idiot half-brother that he is.”
I urged Balder forward, and the others mounted up around me. “Let’s get the rest of them.”
Fatigue washed through me. We’d faced down the gorcs, and fought for what felt like hours, nearly lost Ford, and Flora had left us. Don’t get me wrong, those things all on their own would be tough, but none of them would hold a candle to what was about to go down.
I was going to have to face Steve once and for all. And I did not see it going well. Not for one stinking minute.
20
After the battle with the gorcs, we moved as quickly as we could, racing to catch up to our pride members. The desert was rough here with stones, but the hard pack meant the horses could move easily.
We found the others by the end of the day, and it was Kiara who saw us first. To be fair, she was the only one we saw at first. She carried Frankie in front of her on the saddle, and she’d twisted around. She saw us, spun her horse and galloped back our way.
“Zam!” She called my name as she slid to a stop, and I managed a smile for her. She was grinning and tears streaked her cheeks. “I thought we’d lost you all—”
“I know. I thought so too,” I said. “But luck was on our side today. Luck and a rather large dragon.” I tipped my chin up as Trick swept overhead, blinking his eyes at us like a double wink. Lila beamed up at him from her perch.
Kiara’s jaw dropped and Frankie reached for the sky. “Oh, pretty! Can I pet him?”
Lila laughed. “Yes, he is pretty, isn’t he?” I half thought she was going to say only she could pet him.
Oh, I was so going to tease her about that later. “The others?” I asked. “Where are they?”
“They are ahead of us.” Kiara turned her horse so she rode beside me. “Zam, he’s trying to take the pride from you. He’s told them all that you are weak, that you aren’t a real lion shifter, that you’ll get us all killed. That it was your fault that the gorcs found us. I told him not to go into the blasted lands, but he wouldn’t listen.”
I was not surprised, and yet it still hurt. It still dug into the old wounds I’d carried for years. To hear him say again that I was useless. Weak. Too small to be of any good. A girl. I held my broken arm and made myself take a slow breath. “And what do you think?”
She didn’t hesitate, and for that, I loved her even more. “He’s wrong. He’s not our alpha, Zam. You are.” Her golden eyes swam with tears. “For the first time, I believe in our pride. I believe in my alpha. I will follow you anywhere you lead, into hell itself if you ask it of me.” Her words caught and she sniffed back tears. “I . . . you’ve saved me more than once, Zam. You’ve always looked out for me, even when you didn’t have to. I believe in you.”
My throat tightened and my vision swam, her words meaning more to me than I’d have thought, more than she knew. “Goddess, Kiara, you aren’t supposed to make me cry.”
She grinned. “I wish I’d listened to you before. He’s not a good man, Zam. I was a fool to believe him.” Her smile slipped with that last bit. “You can’t let him take the others. He won’t protect them. He wouldn’t even stay to fight at your side to protect them! He ran away like a coward!”
“I know,” I said softly. “But I also know that I’m riding deeper into danger with every passing day.” I looked at her and Frankie. “I can’t possibly take a child where I am going.” The thing was, I’d planned on splitting everyone up at this point anyway. Maybe not like this, but I would have to do what I would have to do.
Ahead of us, Steve, Darcy and the others had stopped, turned, and were watching us approach. Steve dismounted his horse and threw t
he reins at Darcy. She frowned at him and I wished she could see past her own insecurities to see that he was a dirty, rotten, douche who deserved to rot all by himself for the rest of his miserable life.
He flexed his arms from side to side, stretching himself out. Although I expected him to challenge me, I really thought he might wait at least until we were all safe. Because that was the responsible thing to do.
“You are not my alpha,” he growled, his golden eyes flickering with anger, frustration, and the need for power. Yes, I could see that all in him. Or maybe I just knew him well enough to know what he wanted. Fuck, if I didn’t know better, I’d say he had one of the jewels with him.
Trick landed behind us. “Want me to eat him?”
Steve took a few steps back, his face paling. “That . . . is against the rules. You can’t let him hurt me.” His words were breathy with fear and I laughed as I stopped Balder in front of him.
“Steve, I will follow the rules even if you are a cheater, cheater, dirty ass eater.” I grinned through the throbbing of the bones in my arm. Fuck, I was going to have to shift and that was going to be a bitch and a half. I’d waited long enough that the bones would be slow to realign themselves.
Darcy’s face twisted with anger, and I could only imagine what was going through her head. Maybe she was angry on his behalf. Or maybe she was angry that I dared to call him a bad name.
“You do recall Steve’s sheep incident, don’t you? Dirty ass eater is the least of what I could call him right now.” I smiled at her and her frown deepened. I slid carefully from Balder’s back. “Look, you want to challenge me? Then let me shift and heal first. Let’s get everyone to safety where they need to be. Otherwise, you’ll always be known as the alpha who took on a cripple and won.”
He opened his mouth and then thought better of whatever he was initially going to say. No doubt something stupid. “Fine. Shift if you think that will heal you.” He smirked. Of course, he didn’t know that I could heal myself via a change.
I didn’t wait for any other encouragement. I shifted, pushing my body through the transition from two legs to four. I screamed as the bones in my arm reset themselves, cracking and snapping as they locked into place. My body shook as I lay in the mud, my thick black fur soaking up the water. Shem picked me up and held me loosely in his arms. “She’ll need time to be ready to—”
“I challenge you, Zamira Reckless Wilson, for the leadership of this pride!” Steve roared. “You are of sound body. Four legs against four legs.”
He stripped off his shirt and shifted into his lion form, ripping his pants as though he were that green superhero my father had comics about. Idiot. I stared at him from my place in Shem’s arms. Safe. With my family.
There was only one answer to this.
“Steve, take who will go with you. The others stay with me. You know I can’t fight you right now, you cowardly piece of shit.”
He roared and took a step toward me.
Of all the people I thought would stand between him and me, the one who stepped forward shocked me the most.
Kiara leapt between us, a snarl ripped from her throat. “Back the fuck off, Steven.”
He flinched as if she’d hit him, but he shook it off. “Kiara, get behind me,” he commanded.
She widened her stance, Frankie on her hip, the other hand pointing a finger in his face. “I said . . . back . . . the . . . fuck . . . off!”
Chills swept through me. Gods be damned, I’d never been so proud of anyone in my life.
His lips curled into a snarl. “You’d stay with her?”
“A thousand times over,” she said. Ford made a move as if to join her and I shook my head. This was her moment. She needed it.
And I didn’t want anyone to steal it from her.
To stand against someone who’d used and abused her, to put him in his place was beyond powerful. It would help heal wounds she didn’t know she had, and I didn’t want anyone to water down the moment.
Steve made a move as if to get around her at me and she matched him. “If I put this boy down, I will come at you with everything I have,” she warned. “I will fight you to the death if I have to.”
He stared at her, shock written all over his big stupid face.
“And she won’t be alone,” Benji said softly. He stepped away from Asuga and Nell and came to what I realized was our side. Our side and theirs. Two prides.
“You are not the Bright Lion Pride!” Steve roared. “I will not let you take that!”
I couldn’t help the snort. “You mean to tell me you want the name? You want the fucking name?”
He blinked, confusion on his face so thick I could have scooped it off. “Of course, I want the name. There can be only one Bright Lion Pride.”
“Have it,” I said. “It’s just a name.” I gave it away easily, despite it being what my father had created. A name was not worth the safety. Maybe I’d have fought for it in the past, even a few short months ago, but not now. Not when I was finally beginning to see what was truly important.
Steve stepped back, and Darcy put a hand on him. Asuga and Nell stayed with them. Funny, but neither were lion shifters. I knew that Steve wouldn’t care. He’d fuck them both and break all their hearts.
Asuga looked at me. “I felt you fighting my brother. And then he died.”
I blew out a breath and nodded. “I didn’t kill him. He said to tell you that he loved you. To stay safe.”
She covered her mouth with her hands and turned, Nell wrapping an arm across her shoulders.
Steve didn’t shift as he backed away. “We aren’t done, Zam. Not by a long measure.”
“I beg to differ. You go your way, Steve, and I will go my way with those who I will protect with my life.” I felt their connections strongly, even Benji and Frankie, the threads of their life tied to me as surely as the threads of a quilt held it together, and Steve no longer could keep them from me.
Steve rounded up Darcy, Nell, and Asuga and herded them away from us. His three. He could have pushed the boundary, could have pushed to keep all of them.
But not with a dragon on my side. And I didn’t mean Trick or Lila. I looked at Kiara.
“Kiara,” I said.
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it.” She turned with her head down.
“Knock that shit off. You were fucking amazing,” I said. “Don’t ever be sorry about standing up for your family. For yourself.”
Her head snapped up and her spine straightened. “Yes, Alpha.”
I closed my eyes. Damn leaking things were going to make me look soft. Who the fuck was I kidding anyway? “We need to make camp. Lila, can you and Trick scout ahead for that river?” I made myself open my eyes. Lila was in the air before I’d even finished speaking.
“On it!”
“Follow them,” I said softly, the fatigue of healing both Ford and myself slamming me between the shoulder blades.
I passed out in Shem’s arms, breathing deeply and dreaming the only thing I wanted, the only place I wanted to be. Maks waited for me in my dreams as he so often did.
Only it wasn’t the dreamscape.
And it wasn’t Marsum dressed up as Maks.
It was just Maks.
He grinned at me, blue eyes soft and full of longing. I ran to him and he caught me up in his arms as I wrapped my legs around his waist. I didn’t even kiss him, I just held him with all I had as if the strength of my arms would be enough to hold him to me forever.
“Miss me?” he whispered.
“Damn you, Maks, why did you do it?” I buried my face in his neck, breathing him in. This moment, whatever it was, was ours. There was no Marsum, no Ford, nothing but us.
“I couldn’t let you carry this burden,” he said. “I couldn’t let you struggle like this when you have so much still to do. You’ve got to stop the Emperor, save the world, be happy.” He buried his hand into my hair. “I need you to do something for me. To trust me.”
My c
hest heaved. “Don’t ask me that.”
“Yes. You know what it is. You have to let me go,” he said even as his arms tightened around me. “To preserve what’s left of my own soul, I have to go quietly. I have to go to sleep. There will be nothing of me when you see my body from now on. It will be all the others. Not just Marsum. But all those before him. The violence is too much for me and I can’t fight it and win.”
A sob rippled through me. “No. Please.” I didn’t even know what I was saying please for. For him, for me, I’m not sure.
“Yes. I have to.” He kissed the crook of my neck. “I love you more than my own life. You are every bit my mate, the one I’ve looked for my whole life.”
I lifted my head, tears streaming down my face. “I hear a ‘but’ in there.”
He smiled, tears on his own cheeks. “It’s my job to protect you too. This is the only way I can do it.”
“And it’s mine to find you a way back,” I said, and kissed him lightly on the lips.
“There is no way back. Ford is good. Let me go and let your heart follow him,” he said.
“There’s a way back for Bryce,” I said, ignoring his advice, “so there has to be a way back for you.”
His body slid out from under me. “I have to go, Zam. I love you, so go. Live your life. Find someone to have cubs with. Lila would like that.” The sorrow in his voice cracked what was left of my heart.
“Not without you, Maks.” I swallowed around the lump in my throat as he faded, his words echoing through me. He was gone for good. Forever.
I woke, still in Shem’s arms, and wasn’t even fully awake before I spoke. “The Oracle will have a way to bring Bryce back, right?”
Shem glanced down at me. “That is what we are going for, is it not? Is it not what the Emperor said?”
The Emperor. My grandfather. I could almost hear the old bastard’s laughter as a realization settled over me, one I didn’t like, but I felt it in my bones.
If the Oracle wasn’t able to help me save Bryce, then I wasn’t out of aces up my sleeve.
Oracle’s Haunt: Desert Cursed Series Book 4 Page 17
