He cleared his throat. “That’s not really a discussion we’ve had yet. Uh. Assuming we’re still both on the same page about the forever thing?”
“We are,” I assured him. “Is it crazy that it’s not something I’ve given much thought to? I mean, part of me loves the idea of having kids with you. I can see it. But… we are who we are.”
“Yeah.”
“It would scare the hell out of me. I don’t know if that can ever be part of my life. I’d want to be good, you know? I’d want to make sure the kid had everything he or she could ever want. I don’t know if we could give them that, not if we wanted to keep doing this, even without all of the obviously terrifying parts of bringing a kid into the world being who we are.” My mind flashed to Jarvis. Jarvis, who was missing along with her three daughters, most likely because she’s a powered person who’s affiliated with StrikeForce.
“I’m with you. I like the idea of it, but… yeah.”
“How about we just say that it’s a maybe someday thing and we’ll play it by ear?” I asked him.
“That sounds perfect.” The relief in his voice was obvious, and I smiled.
“You were worried about what I’d say.”
“I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’m glad you’re not all gung-ho about it, but I’m also glad you didn’t flat out say no. Our life is gonna be nuts.”
“Already is, Ryan.”
He laughed, and we fell into a comfortable silence again as he flew the mini jet. I fiddled with the edge of my skirt and looked down over the cities we were flying over. Not much longer, and I could feel us descending. I looked out the window, but everything was dark. I could see a brick ranch, lights shining warmly from the windows. My stomach fluttered. When we touched down, Ryan jumped down out of the jet and reached up to help me step down.
“Such a gentleman,” I teased. “Remind me to thank your grandmother for your manners.”
He squeezed my hand and lowered his face to mine. He brushed my lips with his and murmured, “Just as long as you know I’m not gonna be so gentlemanly later.”
“Promise?” I asked.
“Mmhmm.” He took my hand and we started walking toward the back of the house. I could make out large garden beds, a patio with a table and chairs on it, a little structure that looked maybe like a chicken coop. It was so quiet and serene. The air smelled clean and healthy.
It was so damn weird.
The city girl in me didn’t know how to handle all the peace. I had a feeling I could maybe get used to it, though.
We stepped up onto the back porch, and as soon as Ryan’s foot hit the bottom step, I heard a shout from inside the house. The back door flew open, and a tiny woman launched herself into Ryan’s arms. He hugged her.
“Hey, Gran,” he said.
“It’s about time you got yourself over here,” she said. “Your grandfather has been missing you something awful.”
“Just Pops, huh?” Ryan asked, laughing, and the woman swatted at him playfully. Then she turned to look at me. The first thing that hit me was that now I saw where Ryan got his eyes. Same gorgeous, warm brown color, same luxurious dark lashes.
“And this must be Jolene,” she said. “I’m Tina.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” I said, wiping my sweaty palms on my skirt before holding a hand out to shake. Ryan’s grandma laughed and pulled me in for a hug.
“None of that among family,” she said, hugging me gently. I hugged her back and met Ryan’s gaze over her head.
“Ronald, get yourself moving. You want to meet the mother of your future great grandbabies, don’t you?” Ryan groaned and I knew my face was bright red.
“Gran… ”
“I’m not saying right this second, boy,” Tina said to Ryan, and he shook his head. “But, you know, we’re not getting any younger.”
“No pressure though, right?” Ryan said. He opened the back door and winked at me as his grandmother walked past him, into the kitchen.
“I’m just saying. It would be nice. It’s been years since we’ve had any babies around here.”
“Good Lord, woman, are you already on the boy about babies?” I heard a deep voice call from the other room. A moment later, Ryan’s grandfather walked into the room. He was just a smidge shorter than Ryan, same strong jaw, same dark brown complexion. “Nice to meet you, Jolene,” he said to me.
“Nice to meet you, too, sir,” I said. He shook my hand and looked at Ryan.
“Got a girl with nice manners, too? Now your Gran’s never going to let up about babies.”
“They’ll be raised right, obviously,” Tina called from the kitchen as Ronald led us into the living room. I stopped and turned around.
“Is there anything I can help you with?” I asked Ryan’s grandmother. She smiled and waved me back into the kitchen. I watched as she pulled food out of the oven, giant pans of scalloped potatoes, some kind of chicken in a cream sauce, rolls, and some kind of broccoli dish.
“I hope you’re here to eat,” Tina said when she saw me surveying the food.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Tina laughed a little, shook her head. “I have to admit, I did not know what to expect from you.”
“Ma’am?”
“He hasn’t said it, but I know my boy. He’s a workaholic, so I always knew that if he ever found someone to settle down with, it would probably be someone he met through work.”
She handed me the basket she’d filled with rolls, and I placed it on the dining room table.
“So this new hero, a girl hero,” she added, “joins StrikeForce, and eventually becomes partners with him, all of a sudden, boom, Ryan has himself a girlfriend.” She crossed her arms and studied me. “I’ve heard all about you on the news, miss Daystar.”
I nodded. “I’m not as bad as they say I am. But I’m not going to be winning any congeniality awards, either.”
“You’re belligerent, quick-tempered, rash, and often disrespectful.”
Conversation had come to a halt in the living room, and I knew Ryan could hear, probably waiting to see if I needed a referee.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said to her.
Tina nodded. “And yet, you’re also the kind of woman who flies repeatedly into a raging inferno to rescue people. The kind of woman who put the man who hurt my grandson into the hospital. The kind of woman who takes a beating that would destroy most of us mere mortals, and comes back ready to fight again.”
I didn’t answer.
“Your mother raised you right, Jolene,” she said quietly, taking my hand. “And I’m sorry for your loss. Ryan told us about it back when it happened.”
“Thank you.” I wasn’t sure exactly how well my behavior reflected on Mama, but Tina was putting it all in a good light, so I’d take it. It was a nice change of pace.
We finished setting the rest of the food out. Ryan and his grandfather’s deep voices started up again from the living room.
“This all looks so good,” I said to Tina.
“It should be. Ryan’s grandpa does his level best to keep meat on my bones,” she said with a laugh.
“He cooked all this?”
“Everything except the broccoli. The man cooks vegetables to within an inch of their life.”
“Ryan’s a good cook, too.”
She nodded. “Some of that he learned from me. I’m not half bad in that department. But Ronald’s the one around here always watching those cooking shows. He subscribes to food magazines and even took a class or two. He loves to eat, but I’m pretty sure he loves to cook even more.”
I smiled. This was more fun than I’d dared to hope. I loved getting these little glimpses of how Ryan came to be who he is. I’d known that his grandparents were the bedrock of who he was, but seeing the details like this meant a lot.
We all sat down to dinner, then had possibly the world’s best chocolate cheesecake for dessert. We spent a little more time talking over coffee, Ryan’s grandparents regaling me with stories from R
yan’s youth, mostly about times he’d gotten in trouble. By the time we were getting ready to go, my face hurt from smiling, and my stomach was so full I felt ready to burst.
Ryan’s grandparents walked us out. I shook hands with his grandfather again, and Tina pulled me into a strong hug.
“It was nice meeting you. Thank you for everything,” I said to her as I hugged her back.
“Thank you for making him happy,” she whispered. “He hasn’t had enough of that. Thank you,” she repeated. She pulled back and smiled at me. “You are welcome here any time. Okay?”
“Thank you,” I said. Ryan leaned down to kiss his grandma on the cheek and give her a hug, and then he took my hand and we started walking across the yard to the mini jet, his grandparents watching from their back porch.
“Don’t forget to get working on some babies for us!” Tina called, and Ryan’s head fell forward in resignation. I laughed and shook my head, and then he laughed too. He helped me up into the plane, and we both waved at his grandparents one more time before he started doing his flight prep.
A few minutes later, we were in the air, heading back toward Detroit.
“She really wants those great grandkids,” I said after a while and he laughed.
“Yeah, she does. You probably won’t stop hearing about it, like, ever.”
I laughed.
“They’re lovely, Ryan. Thank you for taking me to meet them. I can see both of them in you.”
“I wish I’d been able to spend more time with your mom,” he said, and I leaned forward and squeezed his shoulder lightly. “I had a feeling she was on your mind tonight, with all of this.”
“She was. And she would have loved your grandparents.” It was one more thing in the long list of things I loved about Ryan. Death makes some people uncomfortable, which is totally understandable. They want to pretend it doesn’t exist. They dance around talking about the dead as if that makes everything better for those who are left behind. But it made me feel better to talk about my mother, to remember her, and he seemed to understand that. He wasn’t afraid to mention her, and he didn’t expect me to just move on with my life as if her loss hadn’t affected me at all. In some ways, it had changed everything, and he knew it.
We flew the rest of the way home, and I was relieved, if a little nervous, when we landed on the flight deck.
“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Ryan said softly as we landed. “You’re nervous.”
“It should annoy me that you can do that,” I told him.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I don’t mind you knowing how I feel. Anyone else, I’d feel uncomfortable about that.” He landed the plane, and we got out. He spoke to the flight crew for a few minutes while I waited. Monster was there, hanging out with some of his old flight crew buddies, and I chatted with him for a minute. Once Ryan was finished, he walked toward me. Monster headed off with his friends, and Ryan and I stood there for a few awkward moments.
“Come on,” I said. I took his hand and pulled him out of the flight bay and toward the elevators. Once we were inside, I stood on tiptoe and kissed him, and his arms went around me immediately, his mouth warm, demanding, breathtaking as he kissed me back. He held me tight against his body, pressing me between his solid frame and the wall of the elevator.
My heart felt like it was about to pound out of my chest.
Ryan broke our kiss and pressed his lips to my neck. “We don’t have to do anything,” he said quietly. “It’s okay.”
“I want to.”
He pulled back and studied me. “You seem a little freaked out by this.”
“I’m not.” He gave me a look. “Okay, I am, but not because I don’t want to. I’m just… ”
“What?”
“I’m not super experienced. I’ve only done this twice.”
“Is that supposed to bother me?”
“It’s been a long time. That’s all I’m saying.”
“I bet it’s been longer for me,” he said. The elevator dinged, and we walked out and through the corridors toward the residence wing.
“I doubt that.”
“Okay. The last time I did this was three years ago. I don’t remember her name. Somebody I met when Alpha send me down to Chicago on some stupid assignment.”
“I totally have you beat,” I said, blushing.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
He glanced over at me. “So you and Killjoy?”
I shook my head. “I was twenty, and he was a guy in my history class and it was over before I even knew it had started. It’s been over five years for me.”
We got to my suite and I let us in. The second the door was closed, Ryan turned me around and backed me up to it, and then his lips were on mine again. His hands roamed my body. This, we’d done. His hands already knew my body, what I liked, what didn’t do anything for me. He’d put that same detail-oriented focus into learning how to touch me that he seemed to put into everything he did. So when he firmly squeezed my breasts, he knew it was what I wanted. When he tweaked and pinched my nipples through the thin satin of my bra, he already knew about the strangled moans it would elicit.
“Goddamn, I need you,” he growled in my ear. He started kissing and nibbling his way down my neck while his hands worked their own kind of magic on my aching breasts, while he pressed his body against mine, trapping me against the door in a way that made me feel vulnerable and needy all at once.
I knew he was waiting for me. He was giving me the chance to tell him to back off, to slow down.
I reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt.
“You’re sure?” he whispered as he ran his hands up my back.
“Yes.”
He unclasped the back of my bra. We had one another undressed in what felt like an instant, and still, he kept my body pressed against the door.
He was warm, solid, hard against me.
I shoved at him a little, backing him toward my bedroom door. He went, walking backwards, his lips and hands still busy playing my body in a way I thought only existed in the imaginations of the authors of some of my favorite romance novels. His fingers plucked and rubbed my nipples while his mouth ravished mine. I kept walking him backward until his legs hit my mattress, and then I gently pushed him back. He settled himself on my bed, legs dangling off the end of the mattress, and looked up at me.
God, he was beautiful. Hard, flexing muscle, dark hair across his chest, another light trail of it leading from his navel down to what was a pretty damn impressive erection.
“I can honestly say I’ve never had anything that big in me before,” I told him, and he laughed.
“I bet you can handle it, though.”
“Oh, I’m going to handle it. Often,” I told him. I reached forward and took him in my hand, and he groaned. I moved my hand over him, and he put his hand over mine.
“Harder,” he told me through gritted teeth, and I held him firmer, massaged him more firmly. I was mesmerized by the feel of him, the sensation of his strong thighs under my legs as I settled myself onto him, the way his breath hitched and he cursed, low and hoarse, as I worked him in my hand.
“Jolene,” he growled, and the desperation in his voice was like an aphrodisiac. I’d been worried. Nervous. I’ve never let myself be this vulnerable with anyone, this naked, this unguarded. It was like he knew that I needed this. I needed control, just for a little while. It’s just the way I’m wired, to want to be in charge.
Except with him. I’m willing to share control with him. Mostly.
“I want you. Now,” I told him, and in the next instant he had me flipped onto my back and was pushing my thighs apart, settling his big body between my legs. I was pretty sure that the sensation of his weight on me was something I’d never get enough of. It takes a lot to make me feel vulnerable, but this did it, naked beneath him, my legs spread, every part of me visible to his hungry gaze. It was terrifying in the same way a roller coaster is. Thrilling, terr
ifying, addictive. Who knew one person could make another feel all of that?
The only thing better was the moment he entered me, the moment his body and mine joined, and it felt like something I’d been waiting for my whole life.
He murmured my name, and everything after that was a heavenly, sinful mix of hard, deep thrusts, roaming hands and mouths, and whispered, filthy promises that I knew he’d keep. He sent me over the edge again and again, taking me harder, thrusting into me with such wild, needy abandon that in the end, all I could do was cry his name over and over again until he finally followed me over the edge. There was no him and me, there was only us, and it was perfect.
Afterward, we lay in my bed, a tangle of limbs and twisted bedding, our bodies cooling as our heart rates tried to make their way back to normal. He ran his hand up and down my spine as I rested my head on his chest.
“You know when you’re impatient and someone says some shit like ‘the best things come to those that wait?’” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Usually, that’s bullshit. This is the only time in my life that’s ever been true. And not just this, but everything we’ve been to each other. Waiting for you to trust me, waiting for you to give us a chance, waiting for the time when it would be right to do what we did tonight… the waiting made me feel like I was losing my mind, but every second of it was worth it.”
I turned my head and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his chest. “I am so glad you waited for me, Ryan.”
He rolled me onto my back and settled himself on top of me again, his gaze searching mine out in the dark room. “There was nothing else I wanted to do. If you’d never changed your mind about me, I’d still be waiting and hoping. You are everything I’ve ever wanted. And I keep waiting, expecting that I’ll eventually see something that makes you shine a little less brightly in my eyes, but it hasn’t happened yet.”
“Ryan.”
“Jolene,” he said, and I smiled.
“I just like saying your name sometimes,” I said. And then I laughed. “God, that is sappy.”
He laughed, too, and then lowered his lips to mine.
“Well, I very recently learned that I like it when you scream my name,” he murmured against my lips. “Let’s see if we can make that happen again.”
Strikeforce (Book 4): Day's End Page 7
