“What are you thinking, Ree?” Kellin yells over the music as he pulls me over the blockade.
“I don’t know. I just had to get to you. You…screamed,” I say as I stare up at his face.
He’ll never forgive you.
“And what about that made you lose your mind to the point you’d push your way through a fucking mosh pit?”
I bite my lip as I suck in a breath through my nose. “You never scream.”
“I was pissed. I am pissed, but that doesn’t mean you should…” Kellin stops mid-sentence, biting his lip as he shakes his head. “Just the cherry on top of a pile of stupidity.”
“Kellin, come on!” I reply, grabbing his hand as he pulls away.
“I’m kind of in the middle of a set here. I already missed my first verse,” Kellin says, yanking his hand away from me. “Go all the way around, or stay there. I don’t care. Just stay away from the fucking mosh pit. My parents are probably traumatized enough. They don’t need to see you get your face broken.”
I stare at his back as he jumps back onto the stage, swings the guitar all the way around his body until it lands back in his hands and leans forward to sing. I swallow back the tears as I stare up at him before making my way around back and to where I left his parents.
“Are you okay?” Clary asks, rubbing my arms. I gasp as she hits where someone has obviously bruised me. “Reese?”
“Probably just a bruise…” or broken rib.
“What did he say?” Jim asks, eyebrows furrowed over eyes that match Kellin’s.
“He’s not very happy with me…He doesn’t usually scream like that,” I explain. “Normally, it’s just Schmidt.”
“Not that I know anything about this kind of music, but it sounded practiced to me,” Jim replies as he glances over his shoulder to where Kellin’s walking off the stage.
“What did you think?” I ask, sucking in a breath and grinding my teeth as it reaches my ribcage.
“He’s always been an amazing singer. It’s different to see him like this,” Clary replies, but I’m not sure what she means by it.
“Hey, Reese,” Temp calls from behind. I turn to face him, expecting Kellin to be with him, but he’s nowhere to be seen. “He left already.”
I drop my head back, swallowing as I look up at the ceiling. “He’s that pissed?”
“I’m not sure that pissed really covers it,” Temp replies, scratching his chin. “I just wanted to let you know he’d split.”
“I appreciate it.”
“You took a good one to your ribs, you okay?” Temp asks, cocking his head at me.
“I think my broken rib is the least of my worries.”
“Broken rib?”
“I don’t know,” I reply, rubbing my temples. “It hurts to breathe, but I’m not sure if that’s because of the way Kellin was looking at me or because someone did actual damage.”
“You might want to have it checked out either way,” Temp says, resting a hand on my shoulder. “I’d talk to Kell first, though.”
“He’s not going to be rational.”
“Were you being rational when you did this?”
I swallow as I wipe a tear from my nose. “There was no other way to get him to say yes to Fallout.”
Temp bites the inside of his cheek, and my body goes numb.
“We already told them no, Ree,” Temp says, and I swallow hard. “I guess Lindy didn’t tell you?”
I look down at my cell phone.
10 Missed Calls.
I’m going to lose Kellin, and he already lost his dream. I’m such an idiot.
Temp gives me a sad smile. “I hope everything is alright…including your ribs.”
I nod and watch him disappear into the crowd. I turn to face Kellin’s parents, standing awkwardly outside the crowd; a strange anomaly amongst the young kids milling around the place.
“Can you give me a ride home?” I ask.
“Of course,” Clary replies. “And I’ll check your ribs when we get there.”
Chapter 28
Silence fills the car as we drive towards the house. I stare out the window and each inhale shakes through my body, causing pain to shoot from my ribcage down to my toes. I deserve it. The pain in Kellin’s eyes flashes through my mind. I can’t even imagine what he’s thinking. A part of me knows it was the right thing to do, but another part of me tells me it wasn’t my choice to make. My heart and my brain can’t get in line with one another. I close my eyes and press my forehead against the glass as another shot of pain shoots through my body.
“You alright back there?” Clary asks, turning in her seat and staring at me.
I swallow hard. “I’m not worried about myself.”
Clary’s eyes drop, and she bites her lower lip. “Why didn’t he just tell us?”
I look down at the feather on my wrist, and when my gaze comes up, Clary is staring at it as well. She licks her lips and leans her forehead against her palm.
“Now don’t go getting all tattooed up,” she whispers, and it seems to be more to herself than me. Kellin’s dad reaches over and squeezes his wife’s knee. “We made him feel like a pariah.”
“He just loves you guys so much. He never wanted to disappoint you, or be…” I pause not sure if I should say it, but I’m afraid it might actually happen because of me. I breath in and then say it, “disowned.”
Clary makes a choking noise and she turns back around, her back rigid.
“Are we that bad of parents?” she whispers to Jim, and his eyes come up to mine in the rearview mirror.
I shake my head.
“I don’t think that’s it, Sweetie. I just think we never seemed that accepting of that sort of thing,” Jim replies.
“Doesn’t that make us bad parents?” she replies, and I can barely hear her.
We drive up to the house and my skin tingles. Jim puts the car in park and takes a shaky breath.
“I don’t know,” he says.
“I think he needs to hear it from you guys that you don’t feel any different about him,” I say before turning to get out of the car. I stop halfway out as my body doubles with pain.
Clary helps me stand up straight. “Let me look at your ribs first?”
I shake my head, and she smiles. “You know he’ll forgive you. I’m just afraid he won’t forgive us.”
I laugh and then instantly wince. “I’m afraid it’s the opposite.”
We walk into the house, and I call Kellin’s name, but he doesn’t answer. I look up the stairs and see his door is closed.
“Stairs might be painful,” Clary says, wringing her hands. “Are you sure you don’t want me to look at your ribs first?”
I shake my head. “He’s more important.”
Jim reaches out and puts a hands on my shoulder. “He’s lucky to have you.”
I contain the scoff knowing it will only cause pain to course through my body and then head up the stairs slowly. When I get to Kellin’s door, I raise my hand to knock and then think better of it, instead I open the door slowly. I don’t announce that I’m in his room, but I know he hears the door open. Kellin’s hands are entwined behind his head, and his muscles are tense as he faces away from me.
He turns, and his face is pale as he shakes his head. “Why?”
“Come on, Kell–” I start, stepping towards him.
“No, Reese. You don’t get it!” He sits down on his bed, placing his head in his hands.
My body begins to tremble as I stare down at him. “No, you don’t get it! I love you, Kellin–for who you are! And I’m sick of watching you tear yourself down into a hollow shell for them! You gave up something you wanted for the sake of vanity.”
“Vanity, Reese? Really?” Kellin says as he looks up at me. My stomach rolls. His green eyes are venomous. I know what he’s hinting at, and it makes tears prick at the corner of my eyes.
“This is me, Kellin. I hid behind baggy clothes for years. I tried to be invisible. I get it because I did th
e same thing, and it felt like crap. Someone had to force me to face that truth. I knew you’d hate me for this, but I still did it. Because you needed it.”
“Why now, though?” His voice cracks as he looks up at me, and it’s as if I’ve collapsed the world on him, and every part of me feels just as broken as he is.
“I’ve watched you do this for years, and I never understood it–but I didn’t think it was my right.”
Kellin stands, cutting me off and the anger on his face makes the tears slip from my eyes. “It still wasn’t your place, Reese!”
I look down at my hands as his eyes burn into me, replying through the tears streaming down my face, “I guess it wasn’t.”
“Kellin?” Clary’s voice comes through the door.
“Yeah, Mom?” Kellin replies, shaking his head at me as I step away from him.
“Can your dad and I come in?” she asks.
“Sure, why the hell not?” Kellin says and his voice is icy as he continues to stare me down.
I stand back against the wall as they come in and wipe my face, ignoring the smears of mascara that come off on the sleeve of my shirt.
“So…” his mom begins.
“Listen, Mom.”
“Kellin, stop,” she cuts him off. Kellin swallows. His hands form fists at his sides, and it causes his tattoos to stretch over his skin. Clary’s eyes race up his arm. “Where else are they?”
Kellin rubs his neck before pulling his shirt off and bowing his head. Every muscle strains as he looks at the ground and his mom and dad’s eyes race over his chest, to his rib cage and up and down his arm. My lip trembles as I look at each one, some part of me on him.
“So this is who you are?” she asks.
Kellin’s eyes rise to meet hers, and he runs his teeth over his bottom lip before nodding.
“Did Reese’s tattoo change who she was to you?” Jim finally asks. “Or the purple hair for that matter?”
Kellin’s brow furrows, causing the lines across his forehead to deepen as he shakes his head.
“Then why do you think your tattoos change you?” he asks.
Kellin blinks at them, and my breath catches in my throat.
“Your tattoos don’t make you a bad person, Kellin. If this is who you want to be on the outside, we don’t care. It’s ink,” Clary says.
Kellin looks between them, shaking his head. “And what about the music?”
“It’s your voice–just like it’s your body. It’s still beautiful whether or not you’re singing in a band like that or some other band. And the piercing in your lip–well, that doesn’t matter either,” Clary replies, and Kellin’s shoulders cave as he exhales roughly.
“All this time I thought you would hate me for it.”
“Each day I–we– wake up proud that you’re our son. Ink, some metal, and screaming music aren’t going to change that,” Jim says, stepping forward and placing his hand on his shoulder.
Kellin shakes his head, tears coming to his eyes and he pulls his dad into a hug, followed by his mom before mouthing the words, thank you to me.
I nod before looking down at my hands.
“We’ll leave you two alone,” Jim says as they pull away.
I give them a weak smile as they head out the door.
Kellin pulls his shirt back over his head, and I stay where I am, waiting for him to rip into me. He sits down on the edge of his bed, running his tongue over his lips.
“I get it if you want me to move out–” I begin, and when Kellin looks up the words spill out. I don’t want to lose him. “I just wanted you to be able to make a decision about the record without something as stupid as a few tattoos holding you back. I wanted you to be free. I wanted you to have what you gave me, and if that means you don’t want to be with me, I get it. But it’s worth it to know that you can be who you are now.”
Kellin’s eyes search my face, and the tears tumble down.
He’s not going to forgive me.
I turn to head out the door, and Kellin’s arm somehow snakes around my waist, turning me and pulling me into a kiss. His hands slip up to my face as he moves away.
“I didn’t know what to think…I was so afraid, but you must not realize how much I love and trust you if you think I’d give you up,” he says, and the only response I can muster is a choking noise. “I — the band — thought about taking the offer from Fallout, but in the end none of us wanted it. We’re all too old now — settled in our ways. Hell, we can hardly spend one drunken night together, let alone months on end. Although, I’m thinking I’m going to have to get used to Temp being around 24-7.”
I laugh, and his fingers wipe way the mascara lines before dropping to my waist. My body jumps in pained shock as I yelp. Kellin’s shakes his head as he weaves his fingers between mine.
“Turning down a record deal is one thing, but turning away a girl that would push her way through a mosh pit for me is pure stupidity,” he says with a laugh. “Let’s have my mom check you out, huh?”
Chapter 29
“Seriously?” Lindy says when she walks in the door and sees me with my shirt lifted so Clary can see my bruised ribs. “What the hell happened?”
“Mosh pit,” Kellin says with a shake of his head. “Pushed her way straight through it.”
Lindy drops down on the couch next to him. “She warned me about those things, so why did she go in one?”
I bite my lip as Clary hits a particularly sore spot. “The things we do for love.”
Lindy furrows her brow and then looks over at Kellin who shrugs. Her eyes fall to his lip ring and then his exposed arms.
“Ah,” she says. “Now I get it. I’m assuming they didn’t disown you?”
Jim lifts his hand from his eyes, which he’s been shielding even though there isn’t much more than my stomach showing. “You really thought we’d disown you?”
Kellin looks down at his hands, chewing on the inside of his lip. “I didn’t know what to think. You always said you’d throw us out if we got tattoos.”
“You’re an adult now, and you don’t live with us.” Clary points out as she lowers my shirt. “Just some really good bruises. You’re going to be sore for a few days, take some ibuprofen as needed for pain, and we’ll get some ice on them.”
“Thanks,” I say as I sit down next to Kellin and grit my teeth as I do.
“I’ll go get an ice pack,” Lindy says, going into the kitchen. We all sit in silence until she gets back and hands it to me. I wince as I press it against my ribs, but it does make them feel better. Kellin puts his arm around me and kisses the top of my head, causing my face to flush.
Another epiphany for his parents.
Clary’s posture stiffens as she looks at us. “Are you two?”
Lindy plops down next to her mom, and Clary looks over at her. “How did you not know?”
“Well,” Clary begins, and her brow furrows. “I figured when she said love, she meant like brother-sister.”
Lindy blinks at her mom. “Really? Their sexual tension every time they’ve seen each other since freshmen year has been palatable.”
I cough, and Lindy looks over at me as I shake my head, signaling her to stop. My face is on fire.
“It doesn’t bother you?” Jim asks, leaning forward, so he’s looking at his daughter.
She shrugs. “It did at first, but they’ve always been close, so I got over it. Plus, since they’ve been dating I actually see Ree more. Kellin makes sure she has time for me now since he’s not hogging her to try to make her fall in love with him.”
Kellin chuckles to himself, winking at me when I look over at him.
“I guess we’ve been quite blind,” Clary says, taking a deep breath and her lips purse down as she looks at Kellin.
Jim smiles. “Now the long-sleeve shirts in the summer finally make sense.”
“Oh,” Clary says, putting one her pointer finger up. “Does this mean we can reinstate family beach weekends?”
Lindy shrinks
back into the couch, and her mom narrows her eyes at her.
“What?” Clary asks.
I look down at my feet, and Kellin bounces on his toes.
“We’ve kind of still been doing them…without you,” Kellin replies quietly.
I let my eyes shoot up for a moment and see their mom’s mouth has dropped open.
“I’m pretty sure your parents will be disappointed,” Clary says to me, and I chew the inside of my cheek.
“Did they know?” she asks, and now she’s tapping her foot.
“Not exactly,” I reply, and an eyebrow arches up as she stares at me. This is the stare of derision that I expected when I dyed my hair purple. “They knew we were going. We just told them you weren’t able to go, so then they didn’t want to go and have no one to hang out with.”
Clary’s lips purse and she glances over at Kellin. “I’m fine with the tattoos, but the manipulation that happened because you were hiding them is unacceptable and the fact you dragged your sister and Reese into it!”
Lindy is practically twitching next to her mom. She scratches her neck.
“The beach thing was my idea,” she says, and her mom shoots her daggers. “And it had more to do with just wanting it to be us more than it did Kellin’s tattoos.”
Jim reaches over and squeezes his wife’s shoulder. “They’re grown-ups now.”
Rebel Cause (Boys of Fallout Book 3) Page 14
