He shot me a look before turning the corner.
“You fell for the wrong brother,” Tina murmured. “That boy is pure fire.”
“You know what happens when you play with fire.” I held up my empty shot glass. “Another.”
She smiled. “Atta girl!” She poured us another round, and we slammed them back.
I immediately felt better as the tingling sensation began to flow throughout my body. If Chase was going to ignore me, then there was nothing I could do – except drink until I forgot about him.
Tina tugged on my wrist, motioning to the dance floor back in the living room. I looked down at her colorful arm of tattoos as I followed her out of the kitchen. She had a tough looking exterior, and an even tougher interior. I often wondered how she was able to be so detached from everything. She wore a cropped top with low-sitting torn jeans, and combat boots. Her black bob atop her head now had a bright red color streaking through it.
“I love the red in your hair,” I yelled into her ear as we took our spots on the makeshift dancefloor. “It suits you.”
“Thanks. Let me know when you want to spice up your look.”
I laughed. It was a foreign, yet natural feeling all at the same time. The loud music helped drown out any thoughts that tried to threaten my good time. Tina and I danced until there was sweat glistening on our chests. Several partygoers tried dancing with us, but we danced away from them. I felt angry again when I saw Tanner watching us from the other side of the room, as if he perched himself there to keep lookout for Chase.
“I’ll be back,” I shouted to Tina. I stomped over to Tanner, who was now wearing an amused expression on his face. “Did they promote you to supervisor here, or are you just watching me so you can report back to your brother?”
He laughed once, ignoring my question. “So, I came by earlier to see if you wanted to come boxing with me.”
I scrunched my face up. “Boxing?”
“You’ve got fight inside of you. You just don’t know how to channel it yet. Come to the gym with me tomorrow. I’ll introduce you to my coach.”
I rolled my eyes. “Is this where you give me the I-used-to-be-you speech?”
He shrugged, unfazed by my attitude. “I don’t need to give you a speech. When you’re ready to see what I’m talking about, you can let me know.”
“I’m glad you like the gym membership I got you for Christmas, but I don’t really think boxing is for me.”
“Suit yourself. Just know that drunk isn’t really a good look for you.”
“I am not drunk.” I spun on my heels, and stomped away from him. I was going to return to dancing with Tina, but I decided to make a quick left into the kitchen. I poured myself another shot of tequila, and downed it quickly. When I arrived back on the dance floor, Shelly and Brody were dancing alongside Tina.
“Where were you?” Shelly asked.
“Talking to Tanner.”
“Has he heard from Chase?”
“Yup.”
Her face crumpled when she realized what that meant. “Oh, Merritt,” she began.
I held my hand up. “Don’t. I’m over it.”
“Have you been drinking?”
“I’m pacing her,” Tina interjected. “Relax, gingersnap.”
Shelly opened her mouth to protest, but thought better of it. Instead, she wrapped her arms around Brody’s neck and continued dancing. Tina was the only person Shelly would bite her tongue for.
I had snuck a fourth shot a little while later, and by the end of the night, I had thrown back a fifth. By the time Shelly realized what I was up to, it was too late. She was furious.
“Why don’t you guys get out of here,” Tina suggested. “I’ll take her home.”
“You’re just trying to make me go home so she can continue to drink!”
“Look at her. She’s not continuing anything.”
I put my hands on my hips. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I slurred.
Tina and Shelly exchanged glances. “Fine,” Shelly said. “But you’re going to have to hold her hair back when she starts to puke.”
“I’m not gonna puke.” I held onto Tina’s arm. “Just stop rocking – you’re making me dizzy.”
“Let’s go.” Tina motioned to the door. “You’re done.”
“No!” I yelled. “I don’t want to be done!”
“You’ve had enough for tonight,” Shelly yelled back.
I crossed my arms in defiance. “I’m not leaving.”
All of a sudden, Tanner appeared beside me. The next thing I knew, I was being lifted into the air. “Hey!” I screamed. Then, everything turned upside down. His hands held on to my legs as we moved towards the door. “Tanner! Let me go!”
“If I let you go, you’ll crack your head open on the floor.” He swung the door open with one arm, and walked down the stairs outside.
“You know what I mean!”
I saw an upside down Shelly running after us, with Brody and Tina not far behind. “Are you taking her home?” she called to Tanner.
“Yup,” he responded.
“Maybe you shouldn’t hang her upside down,” Brody called.
“I’ve got this,” he said. “You guys have done enough for one night.”
“Hey!” Shelly snapped. “You’d better watch your tone!”
Tanner spun around to look at her.
“Wee!” I laughed as I flew around in the air.
“Oh, for God’s sake,” Tina muttered.
“You are the one who took her to a party,” Tanner growled. “Do you really think that was a smart idea?”
Brody looked like he wanted to say something, but hesitated. He was a peacemaker, and Tanner was known for knocking guys out with one blow to the jaw. “Are you going to stay with her, or are you just dropping her off?”
“I’m not gonna puke. Don’t you guys listen to me?” I repeated.
“I’ll watch her tonight. I’m taking her to the gym with me in the morning.” Tanner turned back around and continued walking to his car.
“Night!” I waved goodbye to my friends. “Wait, you know I’m not going to the gym with you, right?”
“Can you just shut up right now?”
I balled my hand into a fist and punched his left ass cheek, which was the only thing I could reach while hanging from his shoulder. “Oh, that’s firm.”
I heard him chuckling as he swung open the door to his Mustang, and tossed me into the back seat. His smirk faded when he looked down at me. “If you puke back there, I’m going to leave you for dead on the side of the road.”
I burst into laughter, and watched as he shook his head and slammed the door shut.
We were home within minutes. I was feeling less giggly after being knocked around due to Tanner’s reckless driving.
“Let’s go,” he motioned once we arrived at the house.
I groaned. “You drive like a maniac. How does Charlotte get in the car with you?”
His eyes dropped from mine. “She won’t be getting in my car anymore, so it doesn’t really matter.”
I gasped as I jolted upright. “Oh, no! Did you guys break up, too?”
His gaze returned to mine. “You and Chase broke up?”
“I left, and now he won’t talk to me.”
He sighed. “Charlotte won’t talk to me, either.” He held his hand out for me. “Come on. I’m freezing my balls off.”
I slid out of the car, and Tanner scooped me up in his arms.
“Why won’t she talk to you?” He kicked the door shut with his foot and made his way up the driveway.
“I screw everything up. It’s what I do.”
I rested my head against his shoulder while he carried me up my apartment stairs. “You screw things up because you’re scared. If you know you love her, you don’t have to push her away.”
He set me down on the top landing, and turned the key in the door.
“Hey, how did you get my keys?”
“Get inside.�
��
I searched for pajamas while Tanner made himself comfortable out on the couch. I tossed my hair into a bun, and stumbled into the living room. “Where’s my purse?”
He held it up. “Go get some rest.”
“I just want my phone.”
He shook his head. “You’re not getting it tonight.”
I put my hands on my hips, swaying from the unsteady feeling inside me. “I said I want my phone.”
“And I said you’re not getting it tonight.”
I felt anger burning in my stomach, and it began to make its way up into my chest. My hands were in fists, and my jaw clenched under my skin. “Why can’t I have my phone?”
“Because you don’t need to text Chase in the state you’re in right now.”
“You’re not in charge of me. I can text him if I want to.”
“He’s not answering you. Do you think drunk texting him will make him change his mind?”
We remained in a stare down. Suddenly, I realized that it wasn’t anger churning inside of me. My eyes widened.
He sat up and pointed to the bathroom. “Go!”
I ran to the toilet, and flipped the lid open just in time. The tequila that burned going down hours before burned even worse coming back up. I felt Tanner’s hand on my back in an attempt to comfort me, and I was thankful to not be alone. The waves of vomit lasted what seemed like forever. When I felt like I had nothing left inside of me, I hovered over the bowl to catch my breath.
“How many shots did you have tonight?” Tanner asked, crouching on the floor behind me.
I held up five fingers, spitting into the toilet.
I heard him exhale as he leaned against the bathtub.
I clutched the sink, pulling myself up. I swished my mouth out with mouthwash, and plopped back down beside him. Tears began spilling down my cheeks, as all of the emotions I had stuffed down inside began to surface.
“Please don’t do the drunk girl crying thing.” Tanner closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead.
“I’m sorry,” I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “I just don’t understand why my life has to be like this. My mother ruined everything! Everything was fine before she left us. My dad was happy. I was happy. When she left, everything went to shit! Then, Chase came along and everything was great again. Chase and I were great, and then she knocks on my door to ruin everything all over again. She must have radar or LoJack on me or something. Every time I’m happy, poof! There she is!”
“You can blame her for everything if you want to, but eventually you have to take responsibility for your own actions. You are the one who chooses to let her consume your life. You are the only one who can make it stop.”
I looked at his blurry face through my puffy, tear-soaked eyes. “Why is everyone in your family so insightful?”
“I can’t take the credit for that one. My boxing coach helped me with a lot.” He looked down at his lap. “And Charlotte.”
I covered his hand with mine. “You will get her back. If she loves you, she won’t be able to stay mad at you for long.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because no matter how mad I am at your brother, it’s always worse to be without him.”
He looked down at my hand, and his face suddenly twisted in disgust.
“What?”
He picked my wrist up, holding my hand up to my face. “You have puke on your hand, and now it’s on me.”
I pointed. “The soap’s on the counter.”
He stood, frantically scrubbing his hands in the sink.
I laughed, until I felt another eruption make its way up my throat.
In between heaves, I heard Tanner sigh as he sat back down on the tile. “It’s going to be a long night.”
Chapter Ten: The Fighter
The tile felt cold under my face when I woke up. I picked my head up, and looked for Tanner. He had made a bed inside the tub with my pillow and comforter. His bulky body looked funny crunched inside the small space. I would have laughed if my head didn’t hurt so badly.
I stood, looking at my reflection in the mirror. Black mascara streaked down my cheeks, and my eyes were almost swollen completely shut from crying so much. I wanted to take a shower, but I did not want to disturb Tanner, no matter how uncomfortable he looked. He had stayed up listening to me cry for the duration of the night. I felt sad for him that Charlotte was not speaking to him, but knew in my heart that she would come around soon enough. Though he was a self-proclaimed screw-up, he had a good heart. Like his brother.
Walking into the living room, I searched for my purse. I needed aspirin and my phone, in that order. Swallowing the pills, I chugged an entire bottle of water. I swiped open my phone to find a plethora of texts from Shelly, Brody, and Tina. I did a double take when my eyes settled on Chase’s name. He had texted and called me at around ten this morning. It was now noon.
I immediately called him, as my heart pounded in my chest, hoping that he would answer.
“Where the hell have you been?” he asked as soon as he picked up.
“Me? You’re the one ignoring me for days.”
“Are you okay? Tanner stopped texting me last night, and I haven’t heard from him since.”
“He’s asleep in my tub right now. He’s fine.”
“Why is he in your tub?”
“Is that why you called me? To find Tanner?”
It was quiet before he responded. “I wanted to find Tanner because…”
“Because he was keeping tabs on me for you?”
I heard him exhale, and I wondered if he was running his fingers through his hair. “It sounds bad when you put it that way.”
“What way would you put it?”
“I miss seeing your face when you’re annoyed with me.”
My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. “So, you don’t hate me?”
“No, I don’t hate you. I’m sorry I never responded to your texts. I just miss you so much. It’s killing me.”
“So why ignore me if you miss me? How is that going to help anything?”
“I don’t know. I was just trying to get you out of my head.”
“I don’t want to be out of your head. Keep me in there.”
He chuckled. “How are you doing? I heard you had a rough night.”
I closed my eyes. “I did. But only because you weren’t talking to me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Tanner wants to take me boxing today.”
He sounded amused. “You’re going to box?”
“He said his coach helped him a lot with his anger. I figure it’s better than a shrink.”
“I think you’re going to be glad you did this. Maybe not right away, but in the long run.”
“I’d like to tell you about it afterwards… if you’ll actually answer.”
“Of course you can call me after.”
“I never heard from my mom for eight years. You can be mad at me all you want, but please don’t ignore me like that. It’s too much for me to handle.”
“I promise I won’t do that again. If I don’t respond right away, it will be because I’m in a meeting or recording.”
“How’s that all going?”
“It’s great. I just wish you were here with me. This place is lonely without you.”
“It was lonely when I was there, too.”
“This isn’t how I pictured everything.”
“Me neither.”
“Dave is pissed, by the way. Brooke, too. They’re mad you never said goodbye.”
“Just tell them that I don’t do goodbyes very well. I’m sure I’ll see them again one day.”
“When?”
“I don’t know. My plan is to help your family out at the shop. I will give Tanner a chance with this boxing thing. Whatever will help me, at this point.”
“How are they doing?”
“Your mom’s holding it all together. Khloe is her usual self. Tanner’s in a fight with Charlo
tte, but I know they’ll work it out. He’ll be fine.”
“What are they fighting about?”
“He didn’t say. She’s not speaking to him, so he probably did something dumb. I told him she’ll come around.”
“How do you know she will?”
“Because when you fall in love with a Brooks brother, there’s no alternative. Once you know them, you can’t ever go back to life without them.”
It was quiet on the line. The silence reminded me of how our relationship was when it started; we always found comfort in our silence, as long as we were together.
“You know, the hardest part wasn’t saying goodbye to you. It has been waking up every day without you, realizing that it wasn’t just some bad dream. You’re not here, and there’s nothing I can do.”
I covered my face with my hand, willing the tears not to surface. My head was pounding too much to cry. “We will be together again.”
“I love you.”
“And I love you.”
“Call me later.”
“Don’t ignore me.”
“I won’t.”
“Good.”
“Bye.”
I listened for the click on his end, and took a deep breath. I was happy that we got to talk, but that didn’t change the pain radiating from the hole in my chest. The hole would remain empty until I was in Chase’s arms again.
Tanner emerged from the bathroom, his hair smooshed up on one side, like Chase’s often was when he woke up. “I don’t recommend sleeping in a bathtub.”
“I told you to sleep in my bed last night. You’re stubborn.”
“Chase would have killed me if I let you choke on your own vomit and die in your sleep.”
“You’re the best little brother a girl could ask for.”
“Yeah, well… this was a one-time thing. Don’t think I’m going to continue carrying you out of harm’s way every time you put yourself in front of it.”
“Thank you, Tanner. Seriously.”
“Do you plan on showering before we leave?”
“What’s wrong?” I patted the octopus of curls on top of my head. “You don’t think this is a good look for me?”
“Sure, it is. On Halloween.”
I held up my middle finger and grinned. “How much time do I have?”
Avoidance Page 11
