“You’re training to be a cage fighter?”
I laughed once. “Just the training part.”
“A fighter that doesn’t have any fights.” He stretched a pair of latex gloves onto his hands, and began wiping Tanner’s shoulder with disinfectant. “Do you have any tattoos?”
“Not one.”
“She’s interested, though,” Tanner chimed in. I noticed his leg was bouncing nervously as John placed the sketch onto his arm.
“Look through those.” John gestured to three thick binders sitting on the table beside me. “Maybe you’ll see something you like.”
I picked up a binder, but it remained closed on my lap. The sound of the needle sounded like the dreadful dentist’s drill, and I cringed as it dug into Tanner’s skin for the first time.
Tanner’s eyes tightened, and his jaw tensed under his skin, though I knew he would never admit to the pain.
“The outline is the worst part,” John murmured, deep in concentration.
For the first thirty minutes, I was completely engrossed in watching John’s steady hand as he followed the lines he had sketched. After that, I began flipping through the binders of artwork, searching for something to peak my interest. Pictures of roses, skulls, and hearts all blurred together. John’s work was incredible, but nothing jumped out at me.
Two hours later, Tanner’s shoulder piece was finally done. Tim’s tombstone was etched onto his arm, surrounded by clusters of small roses on either side.
“Wow,” I said when Tanner stood up. “That’s beautiful.”
John wiped the excess ink and blood from Tanner’s shoulder, and lightly dabbed the ointment on top. “Keep this covered for a couple of hours.” He walked us to the register in the front of the shop, and rattled off care instructions.
“Do you love it?” I asked once we were inside Tanner’s car.
He was grinning from ear to ear. “I do.”
“I wonder what your mom will say.”
He shrugged. “Too late now.”
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
When I got home, I called Chase. I needed to hear his voice. I needed to know that he was still there – still in love with me. The days were adding up, and soon it would be two months since we had seen each other. The more days that passed, the harder it was to remember how it felt to be held; to be kissed; to look into his eyes; to fall asleep wrapped up in his arms. I called him, knowing he would not answer.
The conversation with T.J. occupied my mind. I had never thought about what I needed in order to feel loved. For so many years, I had forgotten what it felt like to be loved by someone – by anyone – until Chase came into my life. I did not have a list of prerequisites needed to date me. All I knew was that Chase loved me, and in whatever way that was, it was exactly what I needed.
Chapter Thirteen: He Deserves Better
Monday morning, I was eager to get to work. I knew Tanner was, too. Charlotte would be starting her first day of training with Beverly, and my plan would commence.
“You look nervous,” I whispered to Tanner as we walked to the front door of the shop. “What’s your plan?”
“I haven’t decided yet. I’ll know when I see her.”
I gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “All you have to do is smile and say hi. It’s only the first day. Ease into it.”
He did not respond as he held the door open for me.
Charlotte was already sitting behind the counter with Beverly. Her long blonde hair was curled at the ends, cascading down over her shoulders, and her makeup was perfectly done. I noted her efforts, and took them as a positive sign. I saw her eyes light up for a split second when Tanner stepped inside, right before they quickly averted to a pile of papers in front of her.
“Morning, ladies.” I waved as I grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator.
“Good morning,” Charlotte said, overly cheerful for seven o’clock in the morning.
“Your hair looks great curled like that.” I hit Tanner in the arm. “Doesn’t her hair look nice?”
He barely looked up at her. “Her hair always looks nice.”
Charlotte’s pale cheeks turned bright pink within half a second, but she was smiling.
I felt like Shelly as I stared at the two awkward lovers before me. I now understood the enjoyment she got out of matchmaking, as I could feel my plan working already. I winked at Beverly, whose amused expression mirrored mine, before walking into the garage.
My happiness turned to longing as I set my tools up for the day ahead of me. Tanner and Charlotte did not know how lucky they were to be in the presence of each other – to be in the same town, in the same state, on the same coast. My buzzing phone in my back pocket startled me out of my thoughts, and when I looked at who was calling, my smile spread from ear to ear.
“A phone call in the middle of the day? To what do I owe this honor?”
Chase laughed. “I had a few minutes to say hello. How’s your day?”
“My day is okay. The past week has been fine, as well.”
“I know it has been a while since we talked. I’ve been sleeping every free moment I get. I’m exhausted.”
“I know the feeling. Work has been crazy. So, listen to this: I hatched a plan to help your mom out, and get Tanner and Charlotte back together at the same time. I am a mastermind.”
“What do you mean help my mom? What’s wrong?”
“She’s just stressed with work. She is trying to run this business alone, and she won’t let me or Tanner help her. I got Charlotte on board, though. I really think it’s going to help.”
It was quiet on the other end of the line.
“You should try to call her more. She misses you.” I paused. “I miss you.”
“I’m trying to juggle everything as best as I can, you know. I don’t need the guilt trip right now.”
“Babe, I’m not trying to give you a guilt trip. I know how hard you are working over there. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Just tell me that you miss me,” I laughed. “That’s all I need to hear.”
“Of course I miss you,” he snapped. “You left me, remember?”
We were both silent as the smile disintegrated from my face. I had always felt comfort in our silences. Now, I only felt sadness.
He sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I have to get back to work.”
“Okay. I’ll try to call you later. I love–”
“Yup. Later.” I pressed the red button before he could finish his sentence, and tossed my phone onto the toolbox. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe through the mixture of emotions swelling up into my chest. I paced back and forth as I tried to regain my composure.
“You okay over there?” Tanner called.
I shook my head.
“Save it for T.J. later.”
I stuck my ear buds into my ears, and turned up the volume on my iPod. I rolled under the car that needed work, letting the music drown out my thoughts for the remainder of the day. I worked straight through lunchtime, and did not even notice it was time to close the shop until I saw a pair of black slip-on shoes standing beside me.
Charlotte waved when I looked up.
I took out my ear buds, and managed a smile. “How was your first day?
“It was good. Beverly is amazing. I don’t know how she’s doing it all by herself.”
“She’s Super Woman.”
“I just wanted to say thank you for getting me this pseudo internship.” She glanced over her shoulder at Tanner, who had his back turned to us as he packed his tools away. “I thought it would be weird working with him, but it was fine.”
“Have you guys talked at all today?”
She shook her head. “He stayed out of the office, like you said he would.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“It’s the first day. We’ll see how it goes, I guess.”
I tilted my head in Tanner’s direction as I stood. “He has a good heart, Char. I’m not
saying you should give him a second chance, because I don’t know what you’re even mad at him for… just keep in mind that he has a good heart, and he loves you.”
She looked down at her feet, twirling a strand of her blonde hair around her index finger. “Thanks again, Merritt. For everything.”
I waved goodbye and left the two alone in the garage. If they would talk, at the very least, it was a start. I checked my phone as I got into my car: no missed calls or messages from Chase, but I had three from Shelly. I called her as I started driving to the gym.
“What took you so long to call me back? Did you get my messages?”
“I was working, Shell. What’s up?”
“Have you talked to Chase today?”
“Briefly. Why?”
“I sent you pictures. Check your texts.”
“I’m driving. Can you just explain what’s going on? I don’t want to be late for T.J.”
She sighed. “I woke up this morning, and did my usual scrolling on Facebook while I ate breakfast. Chase was tagged in a few photos from some random chick. It looked like he was at a show.”
“So?”
“So, it looked like he was hanging out… with this girl.”
Acid trickled into my stomach, but I tried to remain calm. “What did she look like? Was she blonde? Maybe it was Brooke. Maybe he went out with the guys and their girlfriends last night.”
“It wasn’t Brooke.”
I exhaled the breath I had been holding. “I’ll look when I get to the gym.”
“Merr, he had his arm around her in almost all of the pictures. I’m not trying to make you upset, but I thought you should know. You’re not on Facebook, so you wouldn’t see these things.”
“Thanks for looking out, Shell. I gotta go.”
“Call me later, okay?”
“Sure. Bye.” I raced the rest of the way to the gym. When my car screeched to a halt in the parking lot, I opened Shelly’s texts. The girl Chase had his arm around in the pictures definitely was not Brooke. I recognized Philip, and the rest of his bandmates, but did not know the other girls that were with them. I knew it was normal for fans of the band to snap pictures of them. I did not think he was cheating on me, or at least I hoped he wasn’t. What upset me more was the fact that he was either too tired or too busy to talk to me, and when we finally talked earlier, he had given me an attitude. I didn’t get so much as a text most days, yet this stranger got to have his arm around her. I could feel my cheeks getting hot as I stared at Chase’s smile.
T.J. startled me out of my thoughts, leaning into my open window. “You coming in, or are we training in your–” he stopped when he saw the tears in my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I held up the picture of Chase and the blonde.
He took my phone from me to get a better look. His eyes were soft when he handed it back to me, but his voice was firm. “Get out.”
I rolled my window up, and stepped out of my car. He held the gym door open for me, and I walked inside towards the ring.
T.J. pulled my arm. “We’re going over here today.” He motioned to the large black punching bags that were hanging in the far corner of the gym. Positioning himself behind one, he turned his baseball cap backwards. “Go ahead.”
Without a word, I began hurling my fists into the bag, each punch landing harder than the one before it. Instantly, I began to sweat, all of the anger and heat coming to the surface of my skin. The picture of Chase and the blonde was burned into my mind. My arms were burning, but I did not stop. T.J. held the bag steady for me as I attacked it with all of my might. Droplets of sweat began dripping down my face. It took me several minutes to realize that the drips were not sweat, but tears.
“Okay,” T.J. said gently. “You can stop now.”
“No.” My voice came out like a sob. My arms and shoulder felt weak, but I did not let them fall. I used every ounce of strength in me to muster another punch as the tears overflowed.
“Merritt, enough.” T.J.’s voice was louder. He pulled the bag back when I did not listen, and I stumbled as my arm swung into the air.
“What are you doing?” I growled, the tears streaming down my face.
He stepped around the punching bag, and wrapped his arms around me. My body stiffened at first, unsure of what he was trying to do. His embrace felt warm and inviting, and my muscles began to relax as I buried my head into his chest.
“Did you ask him who the blonde was?” he asked.
“Shelly sent me the pictures. I just saw them before I got here.”
“You should talk to him before you get upset. I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation.”
“He was very short with me on the phone today. We barely talk. He has no time for me. The longer we’re apart, the easier it will be for him to forget about me.”
T.J. gripped my shoulders, and held me away from him so that he could look into my eyes. “He won’t be able to forget about you. You’re pretty unforgettable.”
I frowned. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”
“When have you known me to blow smoke up your skirt?”
I crossed my arms over my chest, failing to think of a comeback.
“Exactly. Wipe your eyes, doll face. I’m going to teach you a new move today.”
My eyes widened as I followed him. “The Ninja Turtle spinny thing?”
“Not yet. Have patience, grasshopper.”
We left our sneakers on the floor before stepping into the ring. Once inside, T.J. peeled off his t-shirt, and I flung my sweatshirt over the ropes in our daily ritual.
“I’m going to teach you what to do after you get your opponent on his back.” T.J. lunged forward and took me to the floor. His movements were quick, and before I knew it, he was sitting on top of me full-mount with his legs on either side of my hips. “Did you get that?”
“Uh…”
He laughed. “Once you slam the other person to the ground, you need to move quickly so they don’t succeed in getting up.” He stood and pulled me to my feet.
“You’re going to have to walk me through this.”
“Get in position, right before you knock me over.”
I bent down, hooking my arm around his leg, and pushing my shoulder into his abdomen.
“Now, once I hit the floor, your left leg is going to come forward, and you’re going to drop your knee on the outside of my hip.”
I pushed into him, lifting his leg, and flipped him onto his back. My knee dropped down as he said it should, and I swung my right leg onto the other side of his body. It was exhilarating to be able to execute these maneuvers.
T.J. was laughing below me. “You’re a natural at this.”
“Damn right I am!” I lifted my arms above my head in victory, pretending to smile at the invisible crowd.
“The only problem with a full mount,” he began. In one swift motion, he flipped us both over. I was whirled around onto my back, and now he was on top of me. “If you’re not careful, the tables can be turned in the blink of an eye. You always want to make sure you’re on top. From this position, you can do anything you want to your opponent.”
“What would you do?”
“I like to take my time on top. This is my opportunity to weaken my opponent. He will tire out from trying to defend himself, and as soon as I see that, it’s over. That’s when I make my move.”
“Show me.”
His eyebrows lifted. “You want me to put you in an arm bar?”
I nodded feverishly.
“It might hurt a bit,” he warned. “But I won’t sink it in all the way.”
“I can take it.”
He smirked. “That’s my girl.” He grabbed my left arm, and swiveled around onto his back. His knees squeezed together, trapping my arm between them, as he lifted his hips up to lock my elbow. It was quick, and smoothly executed, and it hurt like hell.
“Ow!” I cried.
T.J. released my arm immediately, chuckling as he sat up. �
��Hurts, doesn’t it?”
I rubbed my elbow. “You could break someone’s arm like that.”
“If you’re trying to break someone’s elbow, you could. The point is to bring your opponent to the point of surrender. He taps, and you win.”
“Can you get out of an arm bar, so you don’t have to surrender?”
His eyes narrowed as he grinned. “I like that question. What do you say we save that for your next session, and go grab some dinner?”
“I won’t be very good company.”
“Eh, I’ve had worse.”
“Gee, thanks.”
He chuckled, amused with himself. “So, pizza?”
“Pizza.”
We walked next door, ordered the same food and sat in the same booth in the back as we did the last time we were here. T.J.’s high school fan club perked up as soon as they saw him.
“How old are you, anyway?” I asked while we waited for our food to come out.
“Twenty-five,” he replied.
“You seem so… established.”
“I’d like to think I am.”
“That’s so impressive. You’re so young to have your life set.”
“I wouldn’t say it’s set. I have a business that I’m thankful for, but there’s more to life than just work.”
“What else do you do with your time?”
“I said there’s more to life than work. I didn’t say I did anything else.” He laughed.
“Now I see why you don’t mind hanging around me so much. You have no life!”
“Curly haired girls in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”
I took my crumpled straw wrapper and tossed it at him and grinned.
The young girls bounced to our table with our food. “Hi, T.J.” they said simultaneously.
“Hi. Thanks.” He wasted no time in taking a mammoth-sized bite from his chicken sandwich. The girls scurried back behind the counter, whispering to each other.
“Okay, Curly Sue. You’re halfway through training. Tonight, I’m giving you homework. You’re not going to like it, but you need to complete it.”
“What kind of homework?”
“You need to call your mom.”
My stomach dropped. “Why though? How is talking to her going to make a difference?”
Avoidance Page 16
