Chase looked at me with pain in his eyes. “That is not how I saw you. Not once.”
“It’s how I saw myself. I was my own worst enemy for a while.”
“So, what changed?”
“I met with my mother again, the night I booked my flight to come see you. I hugged her, and I told her that I forgave her for everything. She admitted to me that she regrets her decision to leave every single day. Knowing that my father is gone, knowing she lost all those years with me – she made a mistake that can never be undone. I felt so sad for her. That has to be the worst pain in the world, to know that you will never be able to have a second chance.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life knowing that you’re the one wrong I can’t make right. If I love you, then I have to stop being the person that doesn’t deserve you, and start being the kind of person you deserve – the person I deserve to be for myself. I was so stupid to think that letting you go was the right thing to do. You’re supposed to fight for what you love, and I will fight for you every single day.” Tears spilled out of my eyes as I envisioned Chase, unconscious on the floor just hours before. “I thought you were gone when I found you last night. I thought I had lost you forever.”
“You didn’t lose me. You will never lose me. I will always be right here with you. I told you – you are the only one for me. I don’t ever want to be with anyone else.” He stroked my cheek tenderly. “When you left to come back home, I was angry at first. I was so frustrated with myself that I didn’t know how to fix your problems, and I was even more frustrated that you didn’t want my help. In a way, it hurt to hear how great you were doing with T.J.’s help. It felt like he had something that I didn’t. You trusted him to help you; you trusted him enough to let him in. Yet, you always pushed me away. It was really difficult for me; but, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn’t about me. It was about you. The most important thing to me was you – your health, your happiness. I wasn’t alright knowing that you weren’t alright. So, I told myself that if you needed to do this, I was going to stand by you, no matter what the consequences were for me.
You can give me your worst; you can push me away, and tell me that I deserve better, but you will never be able to convince me of the lies your fear tells you. I know you. I know who you truly are inside, and I know that we are exactly the kind of people we deserve to be with. You are so strong, you are capable of anything. I just want to show you that I could be strong enough for you – that I could be good enough for you.” He stroked my cheek. “I’m in awe of you, Merritt. I always have been. When you came back to California, I wanted to pack my things and leave with you instantly.”
“You did?”
“You came back for me, and I knew that was all I needed. I spent the past few months chasing after my dream, but without you in my life – it just didn’t seem worth it. For a moment, I had the woman of my dreams and the career of my dreams, and I felt like I was on top of the world. When you left, the world came crashing down. My heart wasn’t in it anymore. Nothing means anything if I don’t have you.”
“But you were so happy performing.”
“I was happy, but I wasn’t as happy as I was with you. I had fun, but it wasn’t as much fun as it was when you were there. What is the point of building the life you’ve always wanted if the girl you love isn’t there to share it with?”
“We can go back together. Once Donnie fixes up the bar–”
“No,” Chase interrupted. “I don’t want to go back. All I want is my old life back. I want to see you every day, to help my family out with the shop, and live a normal life. Between being in the bar all hours of the night, and almost losing you in that earthquake,” he shook his head. “I don’t want to put our relationship in danger ever again. If I lost you, I would never have been able to forgive myself.”
“You’ll never lose me. Besides, I think we’ve hit our quota on life-threatening situations, at least for a while. Look at all we have been through: you saved me from a burning car crash, and I saved you from an earthquake. I think our relationship can survive anything now.”
He flashed his brilliant smile, and I felt an aching in my heart. How I had missed that face staring back at me, showing me what forever could look like in his sparkling eyes. Life was about making choices, and as long as we chose to be with each other, nothing else mattered. I pressed my lips against his, running my fingers through his hair as if I had never felt its softness before. His tongue parted my lips, and I welcomed it home. He removed the towel from around my body and let it fall to the floor, letting me know what he wanted. Sitting up, he leaned his back against the headboard while I straddled my legs on either side of him. I set the bag of peas on the nightstand, reminding myself that he was an injured man as I pulled open the drawer for a condom. The months without him had felt like years, and after everything we had been through, I needed to feel as close to him as possible.
I drew him into me, and our hips rocked back and forth in a slow and steady rhythm. My arms and legs were wrapped so tightly around him that there wasn’t an inch of space between us. Both of his hands were entangled in my hair, his kiss becoming more intense with each passing second. Soon I heard his familiar groans.
I leaned back to plant my hands behind me on the mattress, deliberately slowing my hips down so that the moment would last as long as possible. He watched me, his eyes filled with desire.
“We should take it slow,” I breathed. “You’re hurt.”
He smirked, and with that, he flipped me over onto my stomach. I propped myself up on my hands and knees as he pushed himself inside me again. I gripped the sheets when I heard his moan echo in the room; I shivered when I felt his hand slide down in between my thighs; and I cried out as I felt his fingers glide against me. The way he touched me made me feel such intense pleasure, every nerve ending in my body was tingling from head to toe. He met my mouth with his and took my bottom lip in between his teeth as he drove himself deeper into me with long, slow strokes. His left hand cradled my jaw as he kissed me with more passion than I had ever felt before. The way he made love to me, Chase made sure that I understood exactly how he felt: I was his, and he was mine, and we would never be apart again. All of my fears and insecurities melted away. I knew it was true.
I moaned and hummed and called his name, unable to contain what I was feeling. Without letting me catch my breath, Chase flipped me onto my back.
I giggled, looking up at him. “I guess you’re feeling better.”
He hiked my knees up to my chest and plunged inside me. “It feels like it has been so long,” he said, half-groaning and half-whispering.
I took two handfuls of his ass and squeezed as I lifted my pelvis up to meet his. Sweat was dripping from the small of his back and I knew he was fighting his mounting urge. I spread my legs as far as I could so I could feel every inch of him inside me. He growled louder and his thrusts only lasted a few more seconds until his fingers dug into my skin. His entire body tensed, and he exhaled as he collapsed next to me on the bed.
“God, I missed you,” he panted.
I curled my body around him, resting my head in the crook of his neck. “You don’t ever have to miss me again.”
“I don’t plan on it. You’re stuck with me forever.”
I smiled. “Promise?”
He held up his pinky, awaiting mine. “I promise.”
Chapter Nineteen: Endings Are Just New Beginnings
Walking through the gym doors, I felt anxious. I had not spoken to T.J. since the night before I left for California. I also had not fully finished my last week of training, and was hoping we could pick up where we had left off, despite his revealing confession. When I told him that I was coming in today, he replied with everyone’s favorite text: “K.” I didn’t know what kind of mood he would be in, but I still breathed a bit easier when I saw him waiting for me in the ring.
He gave me a slight smile when we made eye contact. As I got into the ring,
his eyes tightened when he saw the scabs and bruises on the tops of my hands.
I stuck my hands into my pockets, thankful that my shorts were loose enough.
T.J. held out his hands. “Show me.”
Reluctantly, I removed my hands from my pockets, and held them out in front of me.
“I saw what happened on the news. When Shelly showed up at the gym, I thought… I thought the worst.” He stepped back to look at the cuts on my knees. “What happened?”
“I was asleep when the earthquake started. The shaking kept knocking me onto the floor, so I had to crawl over all the broken glass. That’s why my knees are cut up.”
“And your knuckles?”
I exhaled, not wanting to revisit the terrifying experience. “I couldn’t open the door to get out of my apartment. Something was blocking it from the other side. I had to break the door down so that I could get to Chase. He was crushed by a big piece of wood.” I laughed nervously. “I heard your voice in my head the entire time.”
One of his eyebrows arched. “What was I saying?”
“You told me to get up and keep fighting. Every time I would start to panic, every time I felt helpless, you came into my mind. I survived because of you.”
He shook his head. “You survived because of you.”
“You taught me how.”
We stood there in front of each other, unsure of what to say or do next. I wanted to hug him, but I didn’t know if it would be crossing the line. Before I knew how he truly felt, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. I didn’t want things to be different between us, though I was not foolish enough to believe that they wouldn’t be.
“T.J.,” I started.
He held up his hand. “Please don’t. It will only make it worse if you say it out loud.”
“I won’t say anything ever again. I just need to say this. I need you to hear it.”
He pulled the brim of his hat lower, almost covering his eyes. “Fine.”
“You have become such an important part in my life in such a short amount of time. You were able to cut through all of my bullshit, and you helped teach me things about myself that nobody else could. I know I can’t be what you want me to be, and I’m so sorry for that, because you deserve to have everything you want… but I hope that we can still be friends. I hope that I don’t have to say goodbye to you. That would be a huge loss. Your friendship means the world to me.”
After thinking for a moment, he folded his arms across his chest. “What are your plans once you finish training?”
“I’ve thought about it, and I would like to continue coming here. I know I won’t be training every day with you, but I like it here. I think it’s good for me to be here.”
“So, you’re not going to back to California?”
“No. I’m here to stay.”
“Well,” he sighed, pausing dramatically. “I can’t have you warm up with punches if your hands are injured. I guess it’s time I showed you how to do that Ninja Turtle spinny thing.”
My eyes widened. “Really?”
“It’s only fitting on your last week of training.”
“Right now?”
“Right now.”
I threw my hands around his midsection and hugged him tightly. “Thank you!”
“For what?” he chuckled.
“For everything.”
“Alright, alright.” He stepped back, pulling me off of him. “You ready, Curly Sue?”
I squared my feet, taking my stance in front of him. “Ready.”
* * *
With my drinking and the earthquake now a couple of months behind me, and Chase by my side, everything was better than it had ever been. Some would say my life was back to normal, but normal for me was loss, death, and pain – that was the average standard that I was used to. My life now was not normal – it was fantastic. Though I was still learning and healing, I was stronger than I had ever felt before, and I had a newfound sense of confidence to go with it. Clawing my way out of the trenches of my former life was the most difficult thing I had ever done; yet I was finally able to appreciate everything I had been through. It had all lead me to where I was today.
Today, our family and friends were coming together to celebrate Chase’s birthday. After surviving a natural disaster, it was truly a celebration of his life – and our lives together. When I asked him what he wanted for his birthday, his response was: “To relax with my family and friends in the pool.”
I surveyed the Brooks’ backyard. Shelly had helped me decorate with balloons and streamers along the fence. Tanner was standing in front of the barbecue in his swim trunks and his aviator sunglasses, with Charlotte at his side in her striped bikini. Khloe was taking her job with the veggie platter very seriously, making sure all of the vegetables were lined up perfectly.
My eyes settled on Chase, who was floating in the pool as the strong August sun reflected off the water. His arms and legs were spread wide, dangling off the float and into the water; his blonde locks shimmered in the sunlight; his bronzed skin accentuated the cuts in his muscular stomach. He lifted his head when he noticed me watching him, and grinned from ear to ear. I felt my cheeks pushing up as I smiled back.
I had almost lost him. I was reminded of that every time I looked at him – not because I was wallowing in sad, old memories; but because I wanted to always be aware of how precious our lives were. I had spent so much time holding on to anger, so much time worrying about the what-ifs. Tim had given me a second chance at life by saving me, and now I had returned the favor by saving his son. We were going to live out our second chances together, and I was determined to be the person he deserved to be with – the person I deserved to be.
“Brody is on his way with more ice,” Shelly called from the far side of the yard.
I held up my thumb, and jogged to open the sliding glass door for Beverly.
“This place looks amazing,” Beverly said as she set two bowls of chips on the patio table.
“It’s easy when you’ve got a yard like this. Thanks for letting us have the party here.”
She waved her hand. “Of course. I’m just thankful that everyone is here. Together.”
“You and me both.” I checked the time on my phone. “Is there anything else I’m forgetting?”
Shelly walked up beside me, draping her arm around my shoulders. “You’ve taken care of everything. Go get changed so we can jump into that pool!”
“I second that!” Chase called.
“Okay, okay! I’m going.”
Tina and Kenzie were coming through the front door as I walked inside.
“Hey, guys! Everyone’s in the back. I’m going to run up and get my suit on.”
“Holy balls!” Tina exclaimed. “You finally got the tattoo!”
Kenzie’s eyes were wide as she reached out and ran her fingers over my arm. “It’s beautiful.”
I smiled proudly. “Thanks.”
“Didn’t it hurt?”
“I’ve been through worse.”
“You liked the pain, didn’t you?” Tina asked, jabbing me in my stomach.
I smirked, taking the bowl of fruit from Kenzie. “Thanks for bringing this.”
“Well, I wanted to bring jello shots, but Kenzie decided fruit would be better,” Tina said flatly.
I laughed. “You always were the smarter sister, Kenz.”
Tina shoved me playfully. “I can still kick your ass, you know.”
“Very doubtful!” I called as I began trotting up the stairs.
I quickly tied the strings of my bikini around my neck, and shimmied into the bottoms. I grabbed a towel from the linen closet, and made my way out to the backyard again.
Chase whistled when I stepped onto the patio. “That’s my girl!”
Shelly was in the pool, her arms and legs wrapped around Brody as they floated together.
“Hey, Brody. Thanks for bringing the ice.” I sat at the edge of the pool and dipped my legs into the cool water.
&nb
sp; “No problem. I told the guys to text me when they were on their way in case we needed more, but we should be good.”
“Should I start throwing the burgers on now?” Tanner asked.
“Are you guys hungry?”
“Starved,” Shelly shouted. “Fire it up!”
“Yes, ma’am,” Tanner replied.
Chase slid off the float and swam over to me. “Aren’t you coming in?” He ran his fingers up my legs, raising goosebumps all over my skin.
“I will once everyone gets here.”
“You don’t have to feel anxious.” He sat his sunglasses atop his head. “You made this party amazing. All that’s left to do is enjoy it.”
I leaned down to kiss his soft lips. “I just want you to have the best birthday.”
“I’m so proud of you.” His eyes sparkled as they looked up at me.
“We all are,” Shelly agreed as she and Brody floated past us. “I never thought I’d see you get to the point that you’re at now. I should send T.J. a fruit basket to thank him for fixing you with his voodoo fighter magic.”
I kicked water at her with my foot. “You’re an idiot.”
She giggled as she hid behind Brody to avoid the splash.
“Speaking of T.J.,” Tina interjected. “Will he be gracing us with his shirtless presence today?”
“He couldn’t make it,” I lied. I never invited him. I wasn’t sure how Chase would feel about T.J. if he knew he had developed feelings for me while Chase was on the other side of the country. I didn’t want any drama, especially not on his birthday.
Khloe came running out of the house in her pink and white polka dot two-piece. Her belly stuck out like a miniature Buddha, and she was wearing pink heart-shaped sunglasses.
“Where are your swimmies?” Tanner called as she ran past him.
“I don’t need swimmies anymore!” she yelled over her shoulder. She stopped next to me at the edge of the pool. “Can you catch me, Chasey?”
Avoidance Page 23
