The Fight Within

by Laveen, Tiana

  “92!”

  “I am well aware of that, Sean,” he said coolly. “I see college has given you some food for thought… Where did you learn that stuff? Surely not on the streets.”

  “And that’s the other thing, Kyle, glad you brought that up. Remember when I told you I was goin’ back to school? How interesting that you told me college degrees were overrated, even though you had one!”

  “Yeah, and someone that has one should know! I just didn’t want you to waste your money!”

  “Yeah, waste my money because God forbid I actually get a degree and better myself; that would have messed up your whole world. The whole time I’ve been in school, you’ve not given one encouraging word!” He held up his finger. “You’ve not told me good job on my exams, nothing! All you’ve had to say was either negativity, or you were completely silent. I did have a complex, Kyle. I’ll admit that. You knew I had it, and you used it to your advantage.”

  “Here you go again, Sean, not taking accountability for your own shit. That’s the biggest thing that irks me about you.”

  “You must be hard of hearin’. I took accountability, said I had the complex. I am so self-aware right now, Kyle, that I have x-ray vision of my very own soul! It’s one thing to know you’re a fuck up, but quite another to never do a damn thing about it!”

  “93!”

  “That day in school when I came to your aid, I didn’t even want to because you were one of the cool kids and I was an outsider, but I did it anyway, because it was the right damn thing to do.”

  “94!”

  “Funny how I overlooked that the reason you were being jumped on in the first place was because you ran your mouth with that Brazilian kid, called him trash, and he beat the goddamn brakes off ya!” He jammed his finger in his face as he moved closer to the motherfucker, wanting to beat his ass, too. Kyle turned away, avoiding eye contact.

  “95!”

  “I didn’t even put two and two together that you were smellin’ yourself, even at that young age. Maybe if I wouldn’t have interjected and saved your ass, you could have spent some time in the hospital and thought about that slick mouth of yours, and how you use it to hurt people in order to make yourself feel big and tall.”

  The man rolled his eyes and swung his little red basket back and forth in his hand.

  “96!”

  “You are always giving to charities, right? Always saying the right stuff, acting very kumbaya my Lord…it’s all a big act! Here you were, hanging around poor little ol’ Sean, right? Being a helping hand. Sean’s a garbage man, I feel so much better than him! Sean grew up with parents that didn’t have much, poor guy needs my help! Sean’s apartment is a dump, maybe I can slide him some bills so he can make it, buy himself a washcloth or two. I got news for ya, Kyle, you needed me way more than I ever needed you. You’ve pretended to be this good, caring guy but you—”

  “I don’t have to listen to this…” The man turned to walk away, but Sean grabbed his arm, made him face him once more.

  “97!”

  “No! You are going to stand here and take it! Somebody is gonna finally tell you the truth about yourself Kyle, and it’s gonna hurt like you’ve been in the ring all damn night. Don’t be afraid to take your lumps. We’ve all got to, there’s no escaping it.”

  “Just move on! All of this is in the past!”

  “I don’t have time to look back at yesterday anymore, Kyle. I couldn’t even tell you about yesterday anyway for fear of being judged by you, so my past was never fully revealed to you. What type of friend were you with whom I believed I had to keep secrets?!”

  “Oh, and you feeling self conscious was my fault too, right?”

  “’Member Darci?”

  “Yeah…what about her?”

  “She didn’t want me because I didn’t have any dough…but you probably already knew that, didn’t you? Yet you told me nothing—just sat back and watched, enjoying the show.”

  “98!”

  The man looked down at his shoes, taking back eye contact.

  “I hated ya, Kyle, because I wanted to be like ya! I wanted what you had, not realizing I had it all and you had nothing! I’m the one that had real friends who liked me for me, not for what I could buy ’em! How sad of me to wish for your life! Now, I stand here in line at the deli, in this grocery store, waiting to get some damn lunch meat for my soon to be stepdaughter. She likes honey turkey, and this is the only place in a thirty-mile radius that sells the brand she likes. That’s love, Kyle! That is what you do when you care about somebody. You do it not because you’re gettin’ something back or feeding off their insecurities. She can’t do nothin’ for me, she’s just a child, but I can do somethin’ for her, make her day a bit brighter.

  “I gotta beautiful woman waiting for me at home, man. She’s wearing my ring that I paid for! Wouldn’t have mattered to her if it cost a nickel. I gotta nice job, and bought my parents a brand new kitchen. It’s being renovated from the damn ceiling to the fuckin’ floor and I ain’t doing it because it makes me feel good, makes me feel superior. I’m doing it because they loved me, took care of me, and my mom is an unsung hero and should be able to cook her heart out in a nice ass kitchen…and I did it for my dad, too. He likes to sit there and enjoy his time alone, drinking a beer and watching the game, so a new kitchen it fuckin’ is!”

  He could see the perplexity on the man’s face. Kyle had questions…so many questions, but he refused to entertain the man, give him what he wanted.

  “So while you stand there with your money and your six-pack of imported beer in your basket, you’re going to go home and be alone. Even if you have a girlfriend, you’re still alone…and you know exactly what I mean. Me, on the other hand, I’m going to a house filled with laughter and love. I’m goin’ to a place that can’t be borrowed, bought or bartered. I’m going to a place where I can share, and show genuine concern, and you know what is so damn ironic about all of this?”

  “No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me,” Kyle said dispassionately.

  “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even be with this woman you tried to cock-block. How crazy is that? You inadvertently brought us together, then tried to tear us apart. When you told me that morning to stop being so self-absorbed, I took your advice. She needed somebody, but little did I know, I needed somebody, too! The crazy part of this is that I now know that you could tell I was in love with her, and that she loved me too.” He burst out laughing and slapped his thigh, spun in a circle then faced the man again. “You were jealous!”

  “Oh, get the fuck outta here, Sean. Jealous of what? You and your elderly girlfriend with her two half grown kids?! That doesn’t even make sense!”

  “No, it makes perfect sense Kyle, and you know it. My parents love each other…yours don’t. You’d say little snide comments about my family over the years, and I’d let it slide. You wanted to be me, have what I had, and I wanted to be you, and the shit continues!” He cracked up even harder, though his anger continued to soar just beneath the surface.

  “You’ve never found a woman that dated you just because, or for you…or you were always worried it was a damn gold digger if the woman did seem to be legit. No one could win! Misery loves company and we were livin’ it up in Hateville together, weren’t we? Just havin’ a big ol’ negative blast! We’d make jokes about that. And here I stood, after all of that, with a beautiful woman, successful, loving and caring, when it was fuckin’ obvious she loved me for me, ’cause I didn’t have shit! She wasn’t another Darci, Mary, or Veronica! She was the real deal and you were jealous! Unbelievable! You were fucking jealous, man! Ha! I can’t believe I didn’t realize this earlier.”

  Kyle stood there stone faced, the truth of Sean’s words dancing in his eyes. He was busted, and there was nowhere to run.

  “99!”

  “All I could focus on was the racist comments, and it totally sailed right the hell past me. That was just a small part of this. Your true reasoning for trying
to mess us up was much deeper than that.” Sean ran his hand down his face and shook his head in complete disbelief. “Wow…”

  “100…”

  “That’s me. I like to keep it real, keep it one hundred,” he said calmly as he stood in front of the counter, turning his back on the man. “Let me get half a pound of your honey turkey, a quarter pound of your pepper jack cheese and a pound of your smoked ham …oh, and a quart of macaroni salad…my daughter likes that, too,” he added, pointing to the display. When he turned back around, Kyle was walking away, his deli number on the floor where he’d once been standing. Sean’s chest tightened a bit as he watched him slowly disappear until he couldn’t see him any longer.

  He knew that would be the last conversation they would ever have. He refused to allow Kyle to leech off him a second longer, gain his sense of importance from his misfortunes and neediness. There was no need to tell his ex-friend how much money he was making now, where he worked, and how his life was completely different from when they’d last shared a round of beers and threw darts at the local watering hole. That wasn’t what he was most proud of, so why bother? What mattered most to him, he’d already told the man…

  And that was—he was getting married and had a family now. He had love waiting for him on the outside, for he worked on the inside to earn each and every hug and kiss from a beautiful woman named Treasure…

  ‡

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  …Four months later…

  Sean stood at the end of the hall admiring Lydia’s engagement ring. Raising his black felt fedora hat ever so slowly, he took a closer look. The woman smacked her gum nosily as she grinned from ear to ear, extending her hand just so.

  “Isn’t it exquisite?! Colin has good taste. Who would have thought it?!” she teased.

  “Yeah, it’s real nice, Lydia. I’m happy for ya. Where is my brother anyway?” He crossed his arms and sucked his teeth, looking left and right. “He abandons me on my wedding day? I need to talk to him. What a punk.” He smirked as he leaned against the teal and cream Damask printed wallpapered divider and crossed his ankles, his salt and pepper spectator shoes shining like brand new Christmas ornaments.

  “He’s helping your dad get some presents out the car. They should be back soon.”

  Sean nodded in understanding as he adjusted the cuff of his slim suit jacket.

  “She looks beautiful by the way…” Lydia whispered, as if the information were top secret.

  “I’m sure she does…can’t wait to see her.” He grinned a bit wider as he inspected himself in a nearby mirror. “My mother screamed when she saw her.”

  “I know!” Lydia cackled. “She said, ‘Oh my Gawd, Treasure, you look so gorgeous!’ It was sweet, right?”

  “Yeah, real sweet… The whole place heard her, even when she added the bit about Treasure not being Catholic, but she still looked nice.”

  They both burst out laughing. Colin and their father walked up to them at that moment, joining the duo as the guests continued to arrive and be seated.

  “What are ya servin’ tonight?” his father asked gruffly, smoothing his puffy palm down the front of his starched white shirt. “I hope it’s not any of that fu-fu food no one can get full off of! They have like one tiny cherry tomato on the plate with a couple drops of mystery sauce for decoration, and a sprig of parsley! I don’t want any of that! Some said lamb chops? I hope the hell not!” He gave not a moment for Sean to reply as he rambled on.

  “Tiny lamb chops with mint jelly and other bullcrap! I’m a steak and potatoes kinda guy. I want a full-sized plate where hardly any of the damn thing is showin’ because it’s covered with food, ya hear me?! Food! Real food!” He snorted.

  “Dad, you’ll be fine. There will be something for everyone’s tastes.” Sean patted the older man’s back.

  “There’s ya mother. Colin, help me get these over to that big table right there.” The man nodded across the way to the gift table, which overflowed with shiny, pretty things.

  “Nah, I’ll take them,” Lydia jumped in, tossing Sean a wink. Flexing her muscles in her tight red dress, she helped haul away the beautifully wrapped presents with big, silky white bows.

  “My little brother is getting married! I still can’t believe it!” Colin grabbed him, giving him a big hug.

  “I know, right? Crazy, but I love her…can’t wait to be her husband.”

  “That’s great man…real great. She’s a nice lady. I like Treasure a whole lot, Sean. Ma and Dad like her a great deal, too.”

  “That’s good, it means a lot to me.”

  “Did Lydia show ya the ring?” He hunkered down, a big smile on his face as he whispered in his ear.

  “She did, good lookin’ out!” Sean laughed.

  “And uh…thanks for the money. I could never afford something like that for her on my salary.”

  “Man, that was just a finder’s fee. You know that diamond ring I was supposed to get appraised?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I did and I sold it to a pawn shop and gave you the money…that wasn’t from my bank account or anything like that. By all intent and purposes, you found the ring first… so,” he shrugged, “you earned it.”

  “Hey, I like that! I don’t feel so bad now.”

  “You shouldn’t have felt bad in the first place. You would have done the same thing for me.”

  Colin nodded and offered a kind grin.

  After a few minutes, everyone was seated and the music began to play. Sean raced to take his spot at the entranceway. Asia soon joined him, dressed in a white gown with red trim. Her thick hair was pulled up into a high bun.

  “You look beautiful,” he whispered in her ear, causing her to blush.

  He took the girl’s hand and the two walked down the aisle, side by side. Sniffles and laughter could be heard as they marched together until they reached the minister at the end of the lacey runner. On the left stood five women, including Erin. The ladies stood there dressed in elegant form-fitting crimson dresses with sparkling sapphire trim, reminiscent of flapper style get-ups as they held long, unlit, sparkling silver cigars. On the right stood five men, including Colin, dressed in the 1920’s style dark herringbone gangster suits with wingtip shoes. Sweet smelling smoke swirled about the place, then subsided when a jazzy rendition of ‘The Man I Love’ by Marion Harris began to play.

  Everyone seemed to stop breathing the moment the back doors opened. There she stood, and there he almost lost his balance. The sight of her made him want to drop to his knees. Treasure stood there in a flowing, form fitting ivory gown with long veil and elbow length gloves. The woman practically glowed. Her matching ivory high-heeled Mary Jane shoes were adorned with rhinestones. She stood there, as perfect as could be. Brian stood beside her, his hair twisted in one long braid draped down his back. The guy was dressed in a pinstripe white and black suit, looking slick and sophisticated. Wearing a half-smile, he walked his mother down the aisle, seemingly overdosing on the attention as everyone in the aisles and chairs rose to their feet.

  Sean anticipated the moment with each long second that passed.

  Oh my God, look at her. I’m getting married. She’s all mine. I’m really getting married.

  He shot a glance at his mother, who sat in the front row. Her face red as a tomato, she sobbed and dabbed at her eyes with tissue. His father affectionately wrapped his beefy arm around her, quieting her happy hysteria.

  Finally, Treasure reached him, but he couldn’t see her eyes. He wanted to rip her veil away, see his gift standing before him. Instead, Erin approached and, as delicate as a hummingbird landing on a flower, gently pulled it back, revealing what he could have never fathomed…

  The woman’s flesh had a healthy glow and glistening dew, as if she were shimmering in summer waters and reflections from the vibrant sun. Her full lips were slightly glossy, and her eyes, deep and dark, caught him in a rapture of enchantment. She batted her lashes ever so slightly, causing him distraction up
on distraction as his cock swelled in his pants from the mere sight of her. The minister began his spiel and asked, “Who gives this woman to be married to this man?”

  “I do,” Brian stated, his chin held high. He then moved to wedge himself between Colin and Sean.

  The ceremony continued without a hitch, and right before the rings were exchanged, Sean approached Asia. A soft murmuring and whispers began as he got down on one knee, causing gasps and awwws. He took the girl’s hand, and looked her in the eye.

  “Asia,” he said, swallowing past a lump in his throat, “I’ve made vows to your mother today, but she isn’t the only one that I am promising my devotion to. I promise to be the best husband to your mother that I can be. I promise to love her and be there for her when she is in need. I know I was not part of your life when you first came into the world, but I’m part of it now. I promise to be a good stepfather to you, and to be fair with you and trustworthy. I promise to treat you as if you were my very own flesh and blood, because I see you and Brian as nothing less. Asia, I’m not your birth father, and not trying to replace him.

  “But, I am someone you can come to about anything, and at anytime. I want you to know that you have not only a second father in me, but a friend. I want to thank you and your brother for sharing your mother with me and letting me into your hearts. I love all three of you, you’re my family now, and I’m yours.” He stood and embraced the smiling girl and she hugged him back, her little arms barely able to wrap around him.

  The audible sighs and heartfelt tearful outbursts were clearly discernible when he placed a small diamond ring on Asia’s finger. A tender touch on his shoulder soon followed, and there stood Treasure looking down at him, her eyes moist. He took her hand, squeezed it, then looked over his shoulder at his new son…

  The boy nodded at him and raised a hand to his face, hiding his eyes from view. Sean released Treasure’s hand and took the boy in his arms, giving him a big bear hug, causing chuckles amongst the guests when Brian pretended to try and break free. Moments later, Sean and Treasure stood back in front of the minister, holding each other’s hands, looking at one another with wonder.