But, to her it was just the life she had chosen to live. The life she agreed to when she joined me in Manhattan. I really never knew what took place in Woodstock once I left but I am sure a great deal of it had to do with my scumbag brother. She never spoke about it and I never asked. Frankly I didn’t care. In the back of my mind I knew the less of the story I was told, the better.
Now I know that sounds selfish and I guess I can be pretty fuckin’ selfish sometimes. That I own. I found that only thinking about myself is what kept me from getting wrapped up in that emotional turmoil. Feelings aren’t really my thing anymore, unless I was tap-dancing all over someone else’s good mood in the office. And that folks is why they call me a bitch.
Back to Star though, since this is my opportunity to talk about our life together. After I lost James, and I really had no one else left in my life I could really give a damn about, I fell back into my ways with Star. The biggest problem was her addiction. It annoyed the shit out of me. I found myself limiting my time with her because I refused to watch her blowing lines of coke, or whatever her drug of the day was. The whole thing just disgusted me. I never told her that, because in the end it would have only hurt her feelings and pushed our friendship into the depths of hell. She wouldn’t have forgiven my words back then. I would have only become an enemy.
But those rare moments she would curl up in bed with me after a week’s long binge of using, always made me know that no matter what happened or where she went, she always came back to me. I was a constant to her. I was her safe place. I was one of the few people she cared about. And would always care about no matter what happened between us.
I didn’t want that, but it was what I was given in life.
She stood by my side when I grieved for James, mainly for the extra money I would throw around without a second thought. Shit.
Not everything about Star was bad. She just had her own demons she needed to battle to get to where I am today. I don’t know her demons, I can’t pretend to climb inside her head and wonder why she gets a thrill out of stripping naked for the world to see.
Although I suspect somewhere along the line, the same man who got her into porn held something over her head. She would never come to me to get out of the trouble she had gotten in to. She never would.
“Ready for your first trip to Vegas?” Star jumped up and down in the spacious kitchen of my very first penthouse. After several months on the market James’ penthouse sold and I finally felt comfortable using some of his money to move. The first place I could genuinely call my own. I owned a home. I didn’t have a landlord hanging over my head. It was all mine to do exactly whatever I pleased with.
“Yeah, I guess.” I shrug and toss my suitcase into the foyer. I’ve never been one for traveling much. Yeah the surrounding states, but this is the first time I would be getting on an airplane. My anxiety was on high alert. Something about planes always made me nervous. Were they fucking magic? How did they stay in the air? The whole scientific concept behind it all made my head hurt.
“Flying isn’t that big of a deal, Seven. Just relax it will only take us a couple hours and we’ll be there. Fun in the sun for four whole days. Gambling, amazing food, anything you want is at your fingertips!” Her excitement was palpable. I didn’t want to screw with her mood. We would have fun I knew that already, I just didn’t want to fucking fly to get there.
I would be completely fine minus this whole flying bullshit.
“Once we get there, I will be in a much better mood. I promise.” I wrap my arms around my best friend, and press my lips to her forehead. “Ready to head out? Clyde is waiting downstairs.”
And like that we were off to Vegas.
The flight wasn’t that bad.
My motion sickness was a son of a bitch, but the Dramamine I took before we left the house helped me, even if it was slightly. The Jameson helped more though. Sipping some whiskey and ginger ale the entire flight had me cool as a fuckin’ cucumber. What I wasn’t waiting for was the media circus when we got off the fucking plane. Being drunk and dealing with a crowd of people whose sole purpose was to annoy and bully us wasn’t what I needed when I was drunk.
Cameras flashed, and people screamed Star’s name as we walked through the airport to baggage claim.
“Star who is your friend?”
“Is that most the eligible bachelorette and Fortune 500 CEO Seven James?”
“Girls turn for a picture!”
“Are you a couple?”
“How long are you in Vegas for?”
The questions annoyed the shit out of me, and I wondered if this was what Star had to deal with whenever she traveled. The never-ending media circus would drive me up a fucking wall. I hated attention of any type. And this? It was just way too much.
It was certain that if I had to deal with this kind of public scrutiny, I would snap in one of those Kanye West type outbursts that landed a photographer on the ground courtesy of my fucking fist.
I tried my best to ignore all the voices shouting at us as we did our best to try and ignore the crowd. It was hard because all their screechy annoying voices echoed through my intoxicated head stirring up trouble.
“Seven James! Is it true you were the mistress of the late James White?” That is right around the time that I finally snapped. I wanted to laugh at the question, because by means, I was his Mistress but not in the way most Americans looked at the term mistress. In their world it was dirty. A kept woman, none of which I ever was or ever would be. No one could stop me as my body worked on its own. Rage coursed through my body and the only thing I could think about was hurting whoever just had the fucking audacity to speak those words, ask that rude question, and over step their boundaries into my fucking personal life.
His camera fell to the ground, and my fist collided with his face just as Star tried to pull me away from the balding, middle-aged man I just gave a black eye. Blood poured from the corner of his mouth as he struggled to put distance between us. He was clearly embarrassed that a woman just laid him out for a massive crowd to see. His pride was just as hurt as I am sure his face was. But he fucking deserved it. He deserved it for his disrespect of not only me, but James. How dare anyone talk bad about him when he wasn’t even here to defend himself.
“You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!” He screamed, picking up the pieces of his broken camera trying to salvage something in the distraction I just caused.
“I’ll save you the trouble scumbag,” I pulled a wad of bills from my pocket. The same wad I had planned on using in the famous airport slot machines I had heard so much about, and tossed them all over where he sat on the ground.
“MAKE IT RAIN!” I screamed as we climbed into the back of the black stitch limo waiting for us at the curb.
Not only had he ruined my fucking first trip to Vegas, but he also ruined the airport slot machines for me. Asshole.
After my trip to Vegas I made two revelations in my life.
One: my relationship with Star would eventually cost me my job and everything James left to me if I continued to act foolishly with her in the public eye. Monday morning was a shit storm in the board room as all the members came at me with footage from TMZ. My attacking the photographer went viral that night. The fact that I was only trying to defend James and his legacy was completely lost on deaf ears. Those men didn’t care about anything but themselves and their own money. If tossing me out of the company I technically owned was what they wanted, eventually they would somehow get their way.
But Star and I were too drunk for the entire weekend in Vegas to realize what was happening. I had no idea my name and picture was all over the news. I had no idea there would be a video of the incident. It wasn’t a world I was familiar with. But I quickly would become more familiar than I would ever be comfortable.
The second realization? I couldn’t party like that. I felt like I had been run over by a fucking bus. James’ voice taunted me in the back of my mind for being foolish enough to let myself
go and to make that kind of an irresponsible spectacle. I thought it was normal for someone of my age needing to have a weekend party like that. I just never realized what kind of repercussions it would have on me personally.
I went home that Monday afternoon to my new penthouse, empty and missing the one person I always felt comfortable with no matter what. But everything of his was gone. His penthouse we shared for a short period of time, his clothes, cologne… everything that reminded me of him. Because I just couldn’t deal with the daily reminders. They hurt.
The only thing I kept was two pieces of artwork, which I proudly displayed in my new home. One was a replication of Starry Starry Night that hung over my fireplace, always reminding me of our tortured souls, so much like the tortured painter.
The other was a black and white print which hung over my bed. It is a woman’s ass covered in thin lace with the silhouette of her body. That woman was me. That was from the night he asked me to marry him, and I declined. A night I never wanted to forget. The very night I made the biggest mistake of my life.
Everyone and their mother had these amazing corporate brainstorms. Only problem was, none of them had the money to backup whatever they wanted to do. They came to me with their hands out like I was some kind of charity. I was damn near a hermit just because I didn’t want to deal with these assholes asking me for shit anymore.
This one wanted to start a restaurant.
That one had the next best internet startup company.
Oh, and this one had a genius idea for a fucking t-shirt business. T-Shirts!
It was August of the year I met Levi. I know, a person I didn’t expect to write about in my little diary here, but it helps to put the story I am about to tell you into perspective. The timeline is of the utmost importance for events you will witness in His. I promise you that.
Star and I had been spending a lot of time at Sinners and Swingers because I knew soon I wouldn’t have the time to get my kink on when the takeover for Alexander Mobile started. The one project James had trusted me with from the beginning, and I would rock the hell out of. Because it wasn’t just about success. It was about revenge. I would be working long hours and really just wanted to crash at the end of the day. Have I ever mentioned how much I love sleep? Because I do. If I could marry sleep, I would. The love affair I have with sleeping is just untouchable. Enough about sleep though, or I am going to fall asleep right now.
It was a Wednesday night, and I ordered my typical shots from Rex behind the bar when the owner walked in. Master Vince had been after me for years, before I had even met Master Robert. He was a man that didn’t like it when people said no to him, and I said no, a lot. He just wasn’t really my type. Not that he was a bad looking guy. And word on the street was… he had a pretty impressive dick, but he loved his girls submissive. Something I am not. Something I would never be again. And he didn’t like that. In his mind, he was the owner and he should be able to make the rules and have whoever he wanted in the process. Not this bitch. Never this bitch.
The sub side that came out of me with Master Robert wasn’t me actually being a sub, it was me loving him. A weakness.
As Vince slinked next to me at the bar, I did my best to ignore him.
“Mistress Marilyn, always a pleasure.” I nodded in his direction and took a sip of my drink.
“Master Vince.” Acknowledging him but never falling into his trap of small talk. I guess you could say I merely tolerated him.
“Have a moment?” His question took me off guard, and when I looked for Star to bail me out of this rabbit hole I was heading down, she was nowhere to be found. Then I spotted her, clear across the open room talking to some blond guy who just looked like a douche. Damn her and her weakness for pretty boys!
“Um…” I didn’t have a chance to say no before he was heading in the opposite direction only stopping for a moment waiting for me to follow him.
“You better not be trying to get in my pants, Vince.” I sassed him and followed behind him to his office.
“I would never do such a thing,” he laughed, knowing that was a lie. Every chance he got he tried to pull me into a private room. You would think he would finally get the hint and just leave me the hell alone right? But nooooooo. Not Master Vince.
Closing the door behind us Vince pulled a chair out for me and sat down across from me. His playful mood was gone, replaced by an all business demeanor as we sat in his office.
“Seven, Sinners and Swingers is in trouble.” Of course it is! People only want anything to do with me when it has something to do with money. Before he could continue, I put my hands up in the air to cut Vince off.
“Vince, I think I know where this is going but I can’t help you. I love this club, but I just can’t support your business.” Nor did I want to be involved in any of the red tape that came with a club of this nature. I just didn’t have the time for the aggravation.
“Seven, can we maybe talk a loan? Something to keep me going for a couple months to make back the money I lost with the remodel.” It was a catch twenty two. I would lose my favorite place to hang out when I actually had a bit of free time. But, at the same point in time, Vince and I didn’t have a relationship like this. We weren’t friends, or business associates. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I could only imagine how uncomfortable it was for him, as a big bad Master having to come to a woman to be bailed out of a tight spot. The words flowed out of my mouth with little thought, and even though it wasn’t something I wanted to do, I knew this was the only offer I could make. An offer just like James would have made. Take it or leave it.
“Vince, I will make you this offer. You can take it or leave it. That is up to you. I buy out 51% of Sinners and Swingers and put it in Star’s name. I will give you one hundred thousand dollars for it. You get the paperwork done and it’s a deal. That is my only offer.” I stood from my chair and started walking to the door of his office and back to the night I had planned for myself, although now with a soured mood I really just want to leave.
“Seven, I won’t give up my business. I won’t sell my shares to you.” Vince’s tone was assertive, rude almost.
“Well, Vince. I don’t know what to tell you then. I wish you the best of luck.” Instead of going into the private room I had planned with the hot sub with the abs… I went home and poured myself a glass of Jameson and ginger and took a bubble bath.
Sinners and Swingers didn’t go under, and a few months later my life changed after a chance encounter with a man named Levi Parker. But, I couldn’t shake the feeling that from that day on Master Vince, or Vincent Esposito had it out for me. Maybe I was just being paranoid, but I rarely had a feeling that didn’t pan out to be something in the long run.
After Hers, I felt like there were so many questions left about my past. Where I came from? How I got to the top? Why I have been so bitter and closed off when it came to love and relationships?
I hope this explains me better. It was painful to write. These were events in my life I didn’t want to revisit. Memories that cut me pretty damn deep. But they are part of who I am today. They brought me to the life I now share with Levi and our daughter Marley.
The broken road I survived brought me to the one place I thought I never would be.
I love who I have become, even if I hate who I was, and what I did to get where I am today. I hate that I turned down James, and now you know that is the biggest regret of my life. That is something that will never change. I can assure you of that.
Going into our next book; His, this will help to explain some of the events.
I just hope I get the happily ever after I am pretty sure I finally deserve.
WHAT IS NEXT?
A lot of fans have been asking me what is next for the Hers series crew..
Well, I figured this would be the best way to handle all the upcoming news and announcements. All of this information will also be available on my website: EroticaDawn.com
Next?
LEVI�
��S STORY
Yes. You read that right. After writing about Seven’s life before Levi a couple extremely thoughtful people asked when they would be getting a little backstory on Levi. Well, I guess it will be sooner rather than later.
Levi’s Story will be coming at the end of June. Look for details soon!
OMG! HIS! I know everyone has been waiting so patiently for this. I am working on it! But, I am taking my time because I want to make sure it is the best book it can be. Y’all have been anticipating it so much I don’t want to fumble the ball with a story that COULD be better. I’m doing it right!
I am anticipating late July or early August for His.
RIVER
Oh my poor River… I don’t know what to do with this boy. But, I do have a pretty good idea. I still want to punch him in the face from This Girl Stripped though.
I do not have a release date for River yet. Because after His is finished I am going to be taking a bit of a break from the Hers series to work on another book that will be a stand alone novel…
I am sure y’all saw the cover reveal a while back.
So here are the details…
Love.
Betrayal.
Deception.
Attempted Murder.
Aurora Alexander is everything headlines are made of.
Newly divorced single mother Aurora Alexander is trying to move on with her life.
After a string of unsuccessful blind dates, she turns to internet dating.
Everyone does it, so it has to be safe. Right?
Wrong.
* * *
Excited now? I know I am!
I will also be wrapping up Pursuit with J.M. Walker (the follow up to Uncomplicated: A Vegas Girl’s Tale) and starting a thriller with Author RL Griffin.
All kinds of stuff coming!
Seven's Diary: A Novella (Hers) Page 5
