by SK Sheridan
Davina Dupree Catches a Crook
Fifth in the Egmont School Series
S K Sheridan
Monday, 1st March
Diary!
Arabella has just told me some REALLY exciting news: we’re going to have our first lesson with Dr Adam Aardvark today! #Famous explorer, #can’t wait to meet him. Apparently our old geography teacher, Mr Fossil, has gone off to conduct some research on endangered animals for a month, so Mrs Fairchild has drafted Dr Aardvark in as a replacement. BRILLIANT headmistress.com. #I love my school.
Me and Arabella have both got brand new geography folders because it’s SUCH a special occasion, (neither of us have met a famous explorer before), mine has black and white zebra stripes all over it and Arabella’s is covered in gold and black tiger zig zags, very animal print.com.
I haven’t actually met Dr Aardvark yet but I already know what he looks like because of all the films and magazines he’s been in. He seems extremely clever, with big, bushy, white eyebrows and a beard to match, a huge, bald forehead and pale, clever blue eyes. Arabella thinks he looks about sixty years old but I think he might be even older than that, maybe about SEVENTY! To be honest, I’m surprised he’s lasted so long and hasn’t been eaten by a lion or bitten by a snake or stung by a jellyfish during one of his exotic travels. Dangerous job.com. #Don’t think I could do it.
Before he left, Mr Fossil gave us each a book about Dr Aardvark and his travels. My favourite chapter was the one where he talks about living with chimpanzees for a year in the middle of a jungle, learning how to grunt, pick ticks out of a chimpanzee’s back and peel a banana with one hand. What a legend! Mega epic.com.
More exciting news is that we’ve made some new friends, Angel Anderson and Diya Gala, who’ve moved into the dorm next door to ours. They used to live in the part of Egmont where girls from Rubies House sleep, but that bit of the school is being repainted so they’ve moved next to us Sapphires girls! TOTALLY groovy.com. They have totally opposite personalities, Angel is very chatty, has short hair and keeps getting told off for calling out in class. Diya is very serious, has long, swishy black hair and is one of the cleverest in our year. I think Arabella might be the absolute cleverest but I’m not sure. The one thing Angel and Diya both love is animals – they both want to be vets when they grow up so they can’t wait to meet Dr Aardvark and ask him loads of animally questions.
Right, I must go now, Diary, because I haven’t had breakfast yet and I’m absolutely starving – Arabella says Marcel’s making cinnamon pancakes today so I’d better run before the other pupils eat them all! Yumsters.com!
Tuesday, 2nd March
Wow, Diary!
Seriously, wow, wow and triple wowzers, that’s all I can say.
We had our first lesson with Dr Aardvark this morning, and what a lesson it was! Talk about getting our attention. When we filed into the large geography room, (that has a massive globe hanging from the ceiling which actually LIGHTS UP and SPINS ROUND when the lights are turned off, #SO cool, #wish we had one in our dorm), Dr Aardvark was perched on the teacher’s desk with a GIGANTIC snake round his neck, his shock of white hair wobbling wildly above his tanned, leathery face. His sharp, minty-blue eyes bulge out a bit making him look permanently surprised and a bit standoffish. Typically, Cleo and Clarice – the most maddening girls in the school – screamed and ran out when they saw it, #wimps, but the rest of us were FASCINATED.
‘Can I touch it, Dr Aardvark?’ I said, going closer to him. My cheeks turned really hot, which was a bit embarrassing.
‘Yes, yes of course,’ Dr Aardvark said in a loud, confident voice. ‘Toxic won’t bite or even try to strangle you, she’s had her rat for the week.’ I gingerly put out my hand and stroked the snake’s brown and green patterned scales, expecting them to feel slimy. Instead, they were dry and felt like smooth leather.
‘Toxic?’ Arabella said, coming nearer. ‘Is that her name? It sounds a bit scary to me.’ Some of the other first years crowded round and put out their hands to touch the snake.
‘Nonsense!’ Dr Aardvark roared, throwing his head back and dislodging Toxic who hissed with disapproval. ‘This old girl’s a complete teddy bear, hasn’t tried to strangle anyone since 2005. Boa constrictors aren’t poisonous, they’re only dangerous if they coil round a person and squeeze. Look at the old thing – she’s milder than a pussy cat!’
More girls came over to stroke Toxic. Angel yelled loudly when the snake curled round towards her, earning herself a disappointed look from Dr Aardvark. Diya stood back, watching Toxic for a while, before asking our famous explorer all kinds of questions about the snake’s natural habitat.
While everyone else was stroking the snake, I had a look at the certificates that had appeared all around the classroom, propped up on bookshelves, cabinets and window sills. “Dr Adam Aardvark, Master of Animaltology from the University of Cambridge”, I read. “Dr Aardvark, Professor of Caring for Rare Species”, said another in very swirly writing. “Distinction in Wild Animal Studies from Harvard University”, “World Leader in Jungle Experiences”, the amazing titles just went on and on. No wonder his bald head is so large, it’s tightly packed full with his enormous brain.
‘Righty-ho, settle down and all that,’ Dr Aardvark chuckled, after everyone who wanted to had stroked Toxic. ‘Do sit down now girls, and I’ll explain a bit about what we’re going to do today.’ He put Toxic into a cardboard box and perched back on the desk, looking round at us, his blue eyes mild and friendly.
‘Right then,’ he said, when we were all quiet. ‘As most of you probably know, your headmistress, Mrs Fairchild, made the commendable decision to install me as your new geography teacher when that strange little man, Mr Fossil, fluttered off to write some silly book or other.’ Arabella bristled beside me. She’s really liked Mr Fossil ever since he took us on an exciting school trip to Ni Island. ‘I said yes at once, of course,’ Dr Aardvark went on, his rich, fruity tones bouncing off every wall. ‘Saying I’ve taught at Egmont Exclusive Boarding School will no doubt add to my already excellent reputation.’ Arabella looked at me and rolled her eyes. I grinned back, hoping she would give him a chance. He probably spends so much time with animals that he’s forgotten how to talk properly to humans, poor thing.
‘My lessons,’ Dr Aardvark continued, stroking his beard. ‘May be a little different to Mr Fossil’s. A tad more exciting perhaps and, dare I say it, rather more interesting.’ Arabella snorted but I was secretly pleased. I quite liked Mr Fossil but he was rather nervous and sometimes I didn’t understand what he was saying as he tended to mutter and mumble into his shirt collar. It might be fun to have a more confident teacher.
Cleo and Clarice, I noticed, had sneaked back into the classroom after Toxic had been put in her box and were looking at Dr Aardvark with something close to adoration. Celebrity hunters.com.
‘Today,’ Dr Aardvark announced. ‘You will be learning how to handle grass snakes. Then for homework, I want you to write a one page essay about everything you’ve learned from me, plus draw a fabulous picture of your snake. I want to see evidence of my marvellous teaching.’ He beamed, then proceeded to walk round the classroom and hand everyone a wiggly little greeny-brown snake from another, bigger, cardboard box. I was rather pleased to see that mine was much thinner and shorter than Toxic. As soon as Dr Aardvark tried to hand Cleo and Clarice theirs, they screamed and ran out again. #Oh dear, #couldn’t help giggling.
Over all it was a really fun lesson, although Arabella says she prefers Mr Fossil’s lessons. I think she’ll come round when she’s got to know Dr Aardvark a bit better. Angel and Diya are like me, they think he’s absolutely amazeballs.
Anyway, must go now, D
iary, as it’s lunch time and there are delish.com smells coming from the kitchen...
Tuesday Afternoon, 2nd March
Our whole school’s gone animal crazy, Diary!
We’ve just been treated to the most SPECTACULAR animal show EVER! Our resident famous explorer has the most amazing collection of rare and wild animals and birds – and he just showed them to the whole school during assembly!
We were all sitting in the hall in our comfortable armchairs – I don’t think I’ll EVER get used to how luxurious our school is – when Mrs Fairchild danced out on to the platform at the front. After she’d finished twirling and whirling around, she sang a short song about a buzzy bee, (#SO eccentric, #and I love it!) then introduced Dr Aardvark and his collection of animals.
On came Dr Aardvark, with an eagle perched on his head, a hawk on his shoulder and an eagle on his arm. These are SERIOUSLY big birds, they look like they might be able to pick up someone small, like little Lottie, and fly off with them. Their hooked beaks and sharp eyes gave me the shivers, but I have to say it was most spectacular.com when Dr Aardvark made them all fly around the hall above our heads. A few of the girls were screaming but most of us loved watching the great birds of prey spread their wings and swoop around. When Dr Aardvark gave the signal they all flew back to him and he took them off stage; we all held our breaths wondering what he’d bring on next!
We weren’t disappointed – he came back holding the hand of a chimpanzee, who walked on stage as though he’d been an actor all his life!
‘Say hello to Monty,’ Dr Aardvark roared, flashing round his best celebrity smile. ‘I rescued him from a hunter while living with chimpanzees for a year, no doubt you’ve all read about it in my book.’ Arabella rolled her eyes. I snorted rather loudly.
The show didn’t end there; Dr Aardvark brought out Toxic the snake wrapped round his neck, then a baby tiger cub holding a bottle of milk in its paws, then a rare breed of chicken and an enormous furry spider. (Have to admit I didn’t really like the last one).
Honestly, what a lot of treats we’ve already had this term!
Wednesday, 3rd March
Hmm, Diary.
I’m feeling confused.
Yesterday, after school, I took my geography homework to Dr Aardvark’s study as I wanted to show him my drawing of a grass snake. Art’s my favourite subject and I’d worked on the drawing for AGES, using my new pastels and colouring pencils, getting the scales and colours just right. So I was a little bit shocked when I knocked on the door and Dr Aardvark said,
‘What?’ In a really snappy way.
‘Um,’ I said, pushing the door open and going in. Dr Aardvark was leaning back in his gold armchair, sipping a glass of dark red wine. ‘I wanted to show you my drawing of a grass snake, Dr Aardark, do you think-‘
‘Oh for goodness sake! Can’t it wait until the lesson?’ He growled, his blue eyes looking quite fierce. ‘Can’t you see I’m very busy? Golly, I hope constant interruptions aren’t an aspect of the job. Go away, will you. Show me your little doodle at the end of the next lesson.’
Well! How rude! Can you see why I’m feeling so confused, Diary? How can this brave explorer who was so charming in the lesson suddenly turn so rude? Hmm. Maybe Arabella’s right. She says she thinks there’s something not quite right about Dr Aardvark but she can’t put her finger on exactly what it is.
I’ll wait and see what he’s like during our next geography lesson before I make up my mind once and for all...
Thursday, 4th March
Worst fears confirmed, Diary.
At first, Dr Aardvark appeared to be back to his usual self at the start of our geography lesson yesterday afternoon. He beamed as we all filed in, Cleo and Clarice making a big deal about strutting across the classroom and swishing their long, blonde hair, pocket mirrors and fold-up hairbrushes clasped tightly in their hands.
The activity Dr Aardvark had planned was quite fun – he’d brought his pet koala bear, Sleepy, with him and we took it in turns to hold her and feed her these green, minty leaves. Sleepy is SO CUTE, but her claws are actually really sharp – I have several scratches down my arm to prove it! After we’d held her we had to research koala bears on our netbooks and write an essay about them on our laptops.
I didn’t draw attention to myself throughout the lesson. If I’m honest, I suppose I was still rather offended at Dr Aardvark’s outburst the other afternoon. After all, he’d seemed so friendly to start with, so heroic – it had been a real shock to be snapped at like that!
Arabella kept nudging me, whispering that I should show Dr Aardvark my drawing and essay about the grass snake. At one point, a group of girls crowded round my folder to look at it and he wandered over to see what all the fuss was about, looking rather annoyed. But his face broke into a big smile when he saw my work. He grabbed my folder and held it up so everyone could see my drawing.
‘Look at this, first years,’ he said, moving the folder around so girls in all parts of the classroom could see it. ‘Young Daphne here came to see me the other night to show me her work, and I’m as impressed with it now as I was then. A shining example of how well I teach, and what great ideas I have. I hope to see work of a similar standard from all of you.’
Most girls grinned at me or gave me the thumbs up sign. Cleo mouthed, “swot” at me and Clarice pulled a mean face, but I wouldn’t expect anything different from them.
But Dr Aardvark’s words had troubled me. “Daphne?”, “I’m as impressed now as I was then”? The TRUTH was he couldn’t even get my name right and he hadn’t been impressed with my work at all the other evening! In fact, been very rude and told me to go away. Could it be that his friendly teacher bit was all an act? I’ve decided to discuss this with Arabella later. She doesn’t like him already because he keeps making unkind remarks about poor Mr Fossil. #Prefer Mr Fossil now, #more real, less fake.
Anyway, Diary, I’ve got to dash as we’re making our own sushi for lunch and Akemi, our tutor, said she’ll teach me how to make Unagi Sushi with seaweed and rice! #Yumsters.
Friday, 5th March
Love our new friends, Diary.
Yesterday, me, Arabella, Angel and Diya had a really good chat about Dr Aardvark while we were sprinkling our soy sauce over our sushi.
I told them that unfortunately I now fully agreed with Arabella about Dr Aardvark.
‘There’s something fishy about him,’ I said, munching down on my seaweed roll. ‘No pun intended. But I can’t explain exactly what.’
‘He’s a fraud,’ Arabella said loudly, licking her fingers, her mass of red hair tumbling about wildly. ‘He pretends to be nice then he’s rude to people like Davina. And he’s so horrible about poor Mr Fossil.’
‘Yes,’ Diya said, her big, owl eyes looking serious as she picked daintily at her sushi. Everything Diya does is so dainty, I feel like a lumbering elephant just sitting near her. ‘But let’s not forget about how clever and brave he is, and how he’s got so much training from all those universities. I think you were right the other day, Davina, when you said that Dr Aardvark might have spent so much time with animals he’s forgotten how to behave politely with humans. I vote we give him another chance.’
‘Hmph,’ Angel said, stuffing another Kappa Maki into her mouth – Angel seriously loves tuna fish. ‘I’m not so sure about him anymore. All he does is tell me off for talking loudly and looks bored if I ask him any questions.
‘Well you do have a very loud voice,’ Diya said gently.
‘Hmph!’ Angel said again, consoling herself with another piece of sushi.
I do hope Diya’s right about Dr Aardvark and I’m trying to keep an open mind about him, after all, he does bring some really unusual animals to our lessons. But there’s something niggling away at the back of my mind...
Anyway, I’ve got to go to my maths lesson now, Diary, which is NOT good news as we are doing a test.
Saturday, 6th March
Something terrible has happened, Dia
ry!
Mrs Fairchild has been taken very ill!
Basically, Mr Portly, the new deputy head who also teaches us how to use the latest technology, called an emergency assembly this morning. I could tell that something awful had happened because he ran on to the stage on his tiptoes, something he only does if he’s VERY stressed. He usually skips if he’s happy.
‘My dear Egmont girls,’ Mr Portly said, looking round at us. ‘Something rather, er, perplexing has happened. Your darling headmistress, Mrs Fairchild, was found slumped over her favourite chaise longue early this morning and is now in Little Pineham General Hospital. Her condition is very serious and the doctors are doing all sorts of tests to try and find out the cause.’
Gasps came from all the luxury arm chairs including my own.
‘She probably been eating one of her crazy food combinations and got food poisoning,’ Clarice whispered loudly, earning herself some very sharp digs in the ribs from surrounding older girls.
I turned to Arabella, feeling a sense of doom and foreboding descend. We both loved Mrs Fairchild very much.
‘I was the one to discover Mrs Fairchild,’ Mr Portly went on, his high voice rising to a near scream. ‘I knocked on her study door to compare notes for this weekend’s activities – we were going to offer sky diving and off road biking, both now cancelled until further notice – and found her lying down on the smoky blue chaise longue- at first I thought she was asleep. This seemed strange because as we all know, Mrs Fairchild usually rises with the lark at five each morning. But it soon became clear that she had a raging temperature, I could actually feel heat radiating from her as I went nearer, so I called for an ambulance immediately. She’s not usually one for getting illnesses, it really is very worrying.’
More intakes of breath as we knew this to be true; Mrs Fairchild was just always around, healthy, happy and a bit eccentric. I’d never even known her to have a COLD! Diya and Angel turned and stared at us, their faces as dismayed as I felt.
