Sharmaine watched as a few parishioners got up and walked toward the open doors. She sighed as several more followed those. Finally, her head dropped in sorrow and shame as four more parishioners made their way to the door. She was heartbroken as Leon walked out, followed by her kids.
When Bishop Snow took his seat again and motioned for Sharmaine to continue, only half of the congregation was left. Tears streamed down her face as she nodded to the musician to begin playing. Closing her eyes, Sharmaine opened her mouth and let the song of praise flow out over the congregation. As she sang, she heard the congregation becoming involved in her song. They began clapping along with the music and nodding their heads. Several stood to their feet and praised God with her. She heard several people call out to her, “Sang, Sharmaine, sang the song, girl!”
As she reached the end of the song, Sharmaine finally opened her eyes. Filled with awe, she watched the small group rise to their feet and burst into thunderous applause.
After service, several parishioners hung around and greeted her warmly. Sharmaine stood in the front vestibule and greeted each one as they left the sanctuary. Some were fans wanting autographs and photo opportunities. Then there were others who offered words of encouragement and hugs. Sharmaine welcomed them all with a warm and friendly smile.
“Thank you, Bishop. I can’t tell you how much singing this morning meant to me,”she said as she and Keisha stood near the front door preparing to leave.
“Thank you, Sharmaine. I know it was difficult, but with God’s help, you got through. I hope I’ll see you again next Sunday.”
Sharmaine hesitated. “I cleared out half of the congregation this morning. I’ll try to be in service, but I don’t think I should sing again.”
“God gave you a gift, Sharmaine. Your voice is anointed to sing His praises. Don’t let others dictate your relationship with God. What about the half of the congregation that stayed?”
“Don’t get me wrong, Bishop. I greatly appreciate those who stayed to hear me sing and then offered their support. I just ... um ... I just ... Well, when I saw my family ... I ...”Sharmaine struggled for the right words.
Keisha spoke up to help her out. “It hurt too much watching Leon and the kids walk out on her like they did. The others were not as important, but I think that took a lot out of her.”
Sharmaine nodded her head in agreement. “My family has always supported me in everything, and it’s been difficult without them these past few months, but nothing was as difficult as watching them walk out today. I don’t think I could go through that again, Bishop.”
“I understand, Sharmaine. Please come back next Sunday. This week I want you to pray about it. Ask God if He wants you to sing again. If you feel led to next Sunday, just let me know.”He reached out and gave her a hug before turning to walk back inside the sanctuary.
As Keisha and Sharmaine descended the front steps of the church, Sharmaine’s driver, Gilbert, ran up to them. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Cleveland. I fell asleep while you were inside. Don’t worry. I’ve called the company, and another car is on the way,”he said.
“What are you talking about? What’s wrong? ” Keisha asked.
Suddenly, she saw the limousine they’d ridden in. She and Sharmaine both stood with their mouths standing open, unable to believe it. The side, front, and hood of the limousine had been spray-painted in red letters with the words Whore and Slut all over it.
Chapter Seven
Camille sat on her bed sending text messages to her friends. They were not conversing about anything important, but she enjoyed the interaction. It kept her busy and her mind from wandering.
She looked up when she heard a knock at her bedroom door. “Come in,”she called out.
“Can I talk to you?”her younger sister, Jeanna, asked.
“Make it quick.”Camille laid her cell phone down on the bed and looked over at her sister. She waited for several seconds as Jeanna stood by the door, fidgeting with her hands. “What do you want?” Camille demanded.
“I just wanted to talk to you. I’m scared and I’m worried.”
“What are you worried about?”
Jeanna walked into the room and picked up one of her sister’s teddy bears. She sat down on the bed and leaned her chin on top of the bear’s head. “I’m worried about our family. Things are not the same without Mom around here.”
“So, things change,”Camille answered.
“I know, but it’s just weird. I wish things could go back to the way they were before.”
Camille shook her head at her little sister and picked up her cell phone. She sent a text message to one of her friends. “Jeanna, things are never gonna be the way they were before. Don’t you remember Grandma told us that things would never ever be the same?”
“Grandma doesn’t believe Mom’s innocent; but I do.”
“Whatever,” Camille answered as she sent another text message on her cell phone.
“I love Grammy and Poppa, but I was tired of being there with her constantly putting Mom down and calling her names. I was so glad we were coming home, until I found out Mom wasn’t going to be here.”
Camille didn’t respond. She laughed at her latest text message then sent another one to her friend. Jeanna put the teddy bear down on the bed and stared at her sister. She watched her sending and receiving text messages for several minutes before speaking again. “Do you think Mom and Dad are going to get a divorce?”
“Yes,” Camille answered flatly.
“Why? They love each other so much. They are always hugging and holding hands. Mom said he was the best husband in the whole world.”
“That wasn’t real. It was acting. Your mother is a great actress, Jeanna.”
“That’s not true. When she does a movie, she never even kisses the men.”
“Whatever,”Camille answered.
Jeanna got up off the bed and walked over to her sister’s dresser. She picked up a mauve-colored nail polish and brought it back to the bed. She sat down beside Camille, shaking the bottle.
“Don’t open that. It’s new and you can’t use it,”Camille said without looking up from her phone.
Jeanna placed the bottle on the nightstand. “Didn’t Mom look beautiful at church this morning? I wish we could have stayed to hear her sing,” she said.
Camille sighed and rolled her eyes. “I don’t. Didn’t you see all those other people walking out? Even Shawn Reeves and his wife left.”She tapped the keypad on her cell phone, typing out another message.
“Will you stop playing with that phone and talk to me?”Jeanna huffed.
Ignoring her, Camille laughed at her latest text message before typing a reply.
“Camille, are you listening to me? We are her family, and we should support her like Bishop Snow said.”
Camille looked at her sister strangely. “Are you that naïve or just being stupid? I expect this from Rodney; he’s just a little boy. But, Jeanna, you’re fourteen. You should know better.”
“Better than what?”
Camille sighed again, louder this time. “Your mother is a big liar and a hypocrite. She tried to kill Dad, and she lied about that sex tape. Of course they are going to get a divorce. Just accept it. Mom’s a fake, and now everybody knows it.”Camille’s cell phone buzzed again, and she began typing another reply to her friend.
“How dare you say those things about Mom?” Jeanna screamed. “You are not even listening to me.”She snatched the phone from her sister’s hands and threw it across the room. It shattered against the wall.
Camille’s eyes suddenly grew wide with rage. “You broke my phone. I’m gonna kill you, you little witch!”She lunged at her sister, smacking her across the face. She grabbed a handful of Jeanna’s braids and pulled hard.
“Let me go!”Jeanna screamed. She fought back, slapping Camille and scratching her arm. The two of them fought aggressively on the bed for several minutes before falling to the floor.
Leon reached the top of the st
airs and rushed into the bedroom. “Camille, Jeanna, stop it!”he yelled.
They ignored him, continuing to swing their fists and pull each other’s hair. Exasperated, he stepped in between them, dragging them apart.
“What is going on in here?”he asked when he finally had them on separate sides of the room.
“She threw my phone against the wall and smashed it, Dad. I didn’t do anything to her, Camille answered. She reached down onto the floor, picking up the pieces. “Look. It’s ruined.”
“Jeanna, did you do this to your sister’s phone? Leon asked.
“Yes, but she—”
Leon interrupted her. “It doesn’t matter what you think she did. You had no right to destroy your sister’s property. You’re grounded for the next two weeks.”
“Ha!” Camille said. She looked smugly at her sister.
Leon turned to his other daughter. “You are grounded also. We don’t settle things in this house by fighting. I can’t believe you two were rolling around on the floor like a couple of wrestlers in here.”
“That’s not fair! She started it! I was in here minding my own business when that little brat came in and threw my phone,”Camille protested.
“But, Dad, you didn’t hear the horrible things she said about Mom,” Jeanna said.
“You are stupid. Dad knows that everything I said is true. Mom is a hypocrite, and he’s glad she’s out of our lives!” Camille screamed.
Leon looked at Camille stunned. “What did you say?” he asked, unable to believe his own ears.
“Mom lied, and she shot you. Tell her it’s the truth. That’s why you made us leave church this morning. You can’t stand the sight of her, and neither can I. Tell her, Dad!” Camille insisted.
Jeanna looked expectantly at her Dad. Leon slowly pulled the chair from under Camille’s desk and sat down. He turned the chair to face his daughters while he searched for the right words. “No, that’s not why we left. I ... um ... I just thought it was best, that’s all, he stammered.
“I don’t understand, Dad. If Mom is innocent, why can’t she come home? Why did you make us leave the church? I miss her,” Jeanna said.
“It’s um ... complicated,” he answered.
Camille sat on the bed and began fiddling with the broken pieces of her cell phone. “I don’t see anything complex about it. Just tell her the truth, Dad. It will make it easier when Mom goes to jail.”
Leon stared at his eldest daughter. He suddenly realized the anger she felt wasn’t directed at her younger sister, but at Sharmaine. “Camille, do you think your mom is guilty? Do you think she’s going to jail?” he asked.
She looked up at him suddenly. He thought he saw a tear forming in her eye, and then she suddenly dropped her head again. She tried fitting the pieces of the phone back together. “It doesn’t matter what I think. Jeanna and Rodney just need to accept the truth. I have.”
Leon suddenly realized he’d put off discussing Sharmaine and the entire situation with his children for too long. He’d tried telling them as little as possible, as he was still baffled about the entire situation himself. Now he could see that his daughters were upset and confused. He could only imagine what ten-year-old Rodney was feeling.
“Jeanna, go get your brother. I need to talk to all of you. Meet me downstairs in the den,” he said then slowly left the room.
When his children arrived downstairs, they all looked at him expectantly, waiting for answers. He’d spent the previous few moments alone, praying that God would give him the right words to say.
“Sit down, all of you. I think we need to discuss what’t going on with our family. I promise to tell you the truth, and I’ll do my best to answer any questions that you have,” he said.
Rodney spoke up first. “Did Mom do all those horrible things that they are saying on the news? Did she shoot you, Dad?”
Leon hesitated. He didn’t expect such direct questions. “Um ... the truth is I don’t know if your mother shot me or not. I remember getting shot, but I couldn’t see who did it.”
“She didn’t do it, Dad. I just know it. She didn’t. When can she come home?” Jeanna asked.
“Your mother was released from jail on bail with certain conditions. One of those conditions is that she can’t live in the same house with me. It’s because she’s accused of shooting me. We discussed this before. I asked your mother to leave so that we could all stay here as a family. It was easier.”
Jeanna nodded her head. “I know, but when will it all be over?”
“She has a court date set for the fifteenth of next month. We just have to wait and see what a jury decides,” he answered.
“What about that dirty movie? You said it wasn’t Mom, but all the kids at school ... they say ... they call her awful names. They said it’s her,” Rodney said. He stared at his hands as he waited for an answer.
Leon’s mind flashed back to the video tape he viewed in the detective’s office. He knew in his heart that it was Sharmaine in the video. How do I tell a ten-year-old? he wondered. Thinking quickly, he changed the subject. “Listen, the video tape is not important. I just want you kids to understand why your mother is not living with us and what could happen in the future. If she’s convicted, she could be sent to jail for a very long time.”
Jeanna gasped. “You can’t let that happen, Dad. You have to tell them that she’s innocent. You have to,” she pleaded.
“I have told the police everything that I can remember. I’m sorry, but the police have a lot of evidence against her. I wish I could make this all go away, but I can’t.” Leon slowly shook his head.
Camille suddenly stopped brooding and joined in the conversation. “So what if she doesn’t go to jail, Dad? She’s still not coming back here, is she? That’s what the fight was about.” She turned to her younger sister. “Why don’t you ask him yourself, Jeanna.” She folded her arms across her chest, waiting for either of them to respond.
“Ask me what, Jeanna?” Leon asked.
“Are you and Mom getting a divorce? Don’t you still love her?” Jeanna asked quietly.
The knot that began twisting in Leon’s gut the moment he saw Sharmaine in church suddenly returned, twisting itself even tighter around his intestines. He took a deep breath before answering his daughter. “Your mother and I are not planning to get a divorce. We won’t make any major decisions like that until after the trial is over. Let’s just take it one step at a time.”
“Then why did we have to leave church? I wanted to hear her sing. I love it when Mommy sings,” Rodney said.
Leon knew he’d walked out for his own selfish reasons. The past several weeks had been difficult for him without Sharmaine. After seeing the video tape, he was torn between loving her one day and completely loathing her the next day. Each day it was an up and down battle within himself. He’d tried talking to Jackson, but the pain he felt was so deep he couldn’t share it with anyone but God. When they’d arrived at church, he was hoping to find some solace and some relief from the constant hurt. Since they were late, they had taken seats in the back, and had no idea Sharmaine was there also. When Bishop Snow called her name, he felt his chest tightening and he couldn’t breathe. If he had remained in the pew, he was sure he would’ve died right there from a broken heart. So, he did the only thing he could think of. He followed the crowd and walked out, taking his children with him. Now he realized that in his pain, he’d completely forgotten about their relationship with their mother. He’d never stopped to consider that by staying away from Sharmaine, he was also keeping them from her as well.
“I’m sorry, guys. I wasn’t expecting to see her this morning, and I guess I overreacted,” he finally answered.
“Can we see her? I miss Mom so much,” Jeanna said.
“Me too. I want to see her. Can we call her and have her come to dinner today?” Rodney chimed in.
“No, I’m sorry. Your mother can’t come to the house.” Leon sighed. “I tell you what. I’ll call Keisha and find
out where your mother is staying. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you three going to visit her.”
Jeanna and Rodney jumped up and ran to Leon, almost knocking him over with their hugs. “Thank you, Dad!” they squealed in unison.
“No, no, no! I don’t want to see her. I don’t want to ever see her lying face again!” Camille screamed, suddenly standing up.
Leon turned to her. “Camille, honey, just calm down.”
“No! You can’t make me go. I hate her!” she screamed.
Camille ran from the den and rushed down the hallway, through the kitchen and out the back door. She didn’t stopped running until she’d reached the farthest end of their property, near the woods.
When Camille was three years old, her father had built her a lavender playhouse where she and her dolls held tea parties. It was her favorite place to play, and she’d spent hours inside. Her mother had bought her curtains, a child-sized couch, table, and chairs to decorate. The two of them had even planted flowers outside to give it a real homey look. She’d long since outgrown it, but whenever she was upset, she returned to the playhouse and the solace it provided. No one in her family knew it, but she visited her playhouse regularly. Her visits had become almost daily since Sharmaine moved out.
Now that she was over five foot six inches tall, Camille had to kneel down and crawl into the front door. Once inside, she folded her legs Indian style and sat on the wooden floor. The playhouse closed around her like a cardboard box, and she leaned against the back wall as tears ran down her face. She sat crying for several minutes.
Suddenly, she became angry with herself for being weak. Mom is a horrible witch and I hate her. She’s not gonna make me cry, she thought. She sniffed and began looking around for something to dry her tears. On the floor she saw an old cigar box sitting near the window. Slowly opening the lid, she rummaged through the contents that included Old Maid cards and empty gum wrappers, searching for a tissue. Surprised by what she found instead, she sat back and held it in her hand, pondering for a moment.
Losing It Page 7
