Losing It

by Zaria Garrison

  Danté looked over and smiled at her. “I’m not. You know, that’s the good thing about God. He doesn’t care where you come from or what you’ve done.” He winked at her. “Now, that’s the end of my sermon. Just think about the meeting on Monday.”

  Camille nodded and picked up her pizza, taking a huge bite.

  When they were done eating, Danté challenged Camille to play pool. He won the first two games, but she had him on the ropes for the third. He was leaning over the table, positioning his next shot, when Leon suddenly walked into the family room.

  “What’s going on in here?” he demanded.

  “Dad, this is Danté,” Camille said. She smiled proudly.

  “What is he doing here?”

  They both suddenly noticed that Leon was upset.

  “You said I could have a guest over.” Camille stared at Leon, confused.

  “I thought you meant one of your girlfriends. I never said you could have a date—and certainly not with the boy you’ve been sneaking out getting high with.”

  Danté laid the pool cue down on the table. “I think I’d better go,” he said.

  “That’s a good idea. I’m sure you can find your way out,” Leon answered. He turned his stare angrily toward Camille.

  Danté walked to the door then turned back to look at Camille. “Call me about Monday,” he said before walking out.

  Leon turned to his daughter. “Whatever Monday is, the answer is no!”

  “Why are you acting like this? You said he could come over.”

  “You never said that he was your guest.”

  Camille stormed over to the couch and plopped down.

  “You never asked. All you do is yell and refuse to listen to anything I have to say.”

  “I think you’ve said enough. Go upstairs and get ready for bed.”

  Camille stood up and stalked toward the door. She stopped before leaving. “Do you know where he wants me to go on Monday?”

  Leon sighed. “Where, Camille?”

  “A drug rehab counseling session. He understands that I started smoking because something was wrong. Something has been wrong for months, and you didn’t even see it or care. All he wants to do is help me and you ... you threw him out for no reason.”

  Camille turned and left the room, leaving Leon speechless.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Keisha sat in her bedroom, slowly thumbing through a photo album as tears generously flowed down her face. As she flipped through the pages, she picked up each photo lovingly and stared at it for several moments as she wept. As she did every evening, Keisha began with her wedding album. As she stared at the happy couple, she still found it hard to believe that it was all over because of Sharmaine.

  Keisha and Gerald’s meeting should never have turned into a love connection. She had been out shopping for Sharmaine and was in a hurry to get back to the house. Sharmaine had called several times because she was running late. As she stood behind him in line at Kroger, Keisha impatiently asked the cashier what was taking so long.

  Gerald turned and scowled at her. “I’m trying to get this cashier to ring up my items correctly without overcharging me,” he said. “I know this asparagus is on sale, and so are the tomatoes. Be quiet and wait your turn.”

  Keisha groaned loudly. “Can you speed things up? I’m on an errand for my boss, Sharmaine Cleveland. She has to fly out in a few hours for the Grammys.”

  Gerald was completely unimpressed. “Then you should have left the house sooner.” He turned his back to her and continued closely monitoring the cashier. He made her rescan several items before he was finally satisfied with his total.

  “See ya later, errand girl,” he yelled over his shoulder at Keisha as he walked out.

  When she left the market several minutes later, Gerald was standing in the parking lot waiting for her. Keisha frowned, but he smiled as she walked past him to her car.

  He trotted over to her. “Hey, I was rude back there. I just wanted to apologize. It’s been a stressful day.”

  When he spoke, Keisha actually looked at him for the first time and noticed that he was quite handsome. He had a full beard that covered the bottom half of his dark chocolate face. Looking up at him, she guessed he was at least six feet, four inches tall. His build was big and husky, like a teddy bear. Being short and petite, Keisha had a passion for big, strong men who, she felt, could sweep her right off her feet.

  Over the next few months, that’s exactly what Gerald did. They had chatted in the parking lot for several minutes before Keisha’s cell phone began ringing again. She suddenly realized that she had to leave in order to get Sharmaine to the airport in time. They exchanged phone numbers and she rushed off.

  On their first date, Gerald told her that he’d moved to Atlanta hoping for a chance to play for the Falcons as a walk-on. He’d failed and been cut on the first day. His second passion after football was food, so he took a job as a chef in a local restaurant. Within two years, he’d been promoted to head chef, and by the third year, he was part owner of the restaurant. The afternoon they met, he’d just signed the paperwork to purchase his own restaurant. It was just a bit overwhelming, and he was sorry he’d taken his stress out on her.

  Keisha listened to his life story intently before realizing she didn’t have much of a story to tell. She’d traveled around the country and stayed at some of the best hotels and resorts. She’d eaten at the classiest restaurants and mingled with many of the world’s biggest stars; however, she’d done it all while working for Sharmaine. Seeing Gerald so full of dreams and accomplishments, she felt inadequate.

  None of that mattered to Gerald. He thought Keisha was bright and captivating. The two of them dated steadily for the next six months before he proposed.

  It was the opening night at his new restaurant, and as everyone gathered to offer congratulations, he bent down on one knee to ask for Keisha’s hand in marriage. She’d hugged him so tightly, saying yes, that they both tumbled onto the restaurant floor. When they finally stopped laughing, he had placed the ring on her finger.

  On a sunny spring day in late May, they’d exchanged vows in the garden of Sharmaine and Leon’s estate. Only seven years old at the time, Jeanna had been the flower girl, and four-year-old Rodney stood in as ring bearer. Of course, Sharmaine was Keisha’s matron of honor.

  Now, staring at the photos, it seemed to Keisha that day had to be a million years before. After thumbing through her wedding album, Keisha moved on to the photo album that contained the pictures of her beautiful children.

  Keisha had conceived Gerald Jr., affectionately known as Junebug, on their honeymoon. When he was just six months old, she’d discovered she was pregnant again. Five months later, they welcomed Lily. It seemed that they had the perfect life and family. But all was not as it seemed—because of Sharmaine.

  Gerald had asked Keisha to scale back her duties after they were married. He insisted on it during her pregnancies. Reluctant to let Sharmaine down, she’d told him she could handle it. He approached her again after the children were born. Keisha tried to convince him that he was being overprotective. As her babies grew older, it became a constant source of discord for them.

  As she sat on her bed late one evening, taking off her shoes and rubbing her feet, she had tried to explain it to her husband.

  “Honey, please try to understand that Sharmaine needs me. I’m her manager, publicist, and personal assistant all rolled into one,” Keisha said. She had just returned home after another twelve-hour day spent with Sharmaine. They were gearing up for promotions on Sharmaine’s first movie. There were tons of things that needed to be done.

  “Your family needs you, Keisha. You’ve got Junebug and Lily in daycare, while Sharmaine’s kids have a nanny. Several times a week, you don’t get home in time to tuck them into bed. This has to stop.”

  Exhausted and not in the mood for a fight, Keisha thought for a moment, trying to find a solution. “I can bring the kids with me to Sharmaine’s.
I’m sure she won’t mind if they all share the nanny.”

  “But I will mind,” Gerald huffed. “It’s not that I don’t want you to work. I know I married a career woman. But things are out of hand. She depends on you entirely too much. I mean, she acts as if you don’t have a life of your own.”

  Keisha knew that he was right. Working constantly had not been a problem when she was Sharmaine’s dutiful single friend. There was no reason Keisha couldn’t drop everything and run to her at a moment’s notice. When she lived alone, working long hours did not interfere with anything but her television schedule. That was easily solved by purchasing a TiVo. Before she was married, if their work ran late into the night, she would follow Sharmaine upstairs and sleep in the guest bedroom. The next morning, they’d start fresh.

  But as soon as Gerald, and then the children, had entered the picture, things changed. Keisha had a tough time trying to juggle Sharmaine’s appointments between her dates with Gerald. When they became engaged, they decided on a small wedding, as Keisha did not have the time to plan an elaborate ceremony like she did when Sharmaine and Leon married. The most difficult times were during her pregnancies, when she’d gone home so tired she often fell asleep in a chair or on the sofa. Keisha barely had the energy to make it to bed most nights.

  Shortly after Lily was born, Keisha began to feel totally overwhelmed. As much as she hated to admit it, there was no way for her to be a wife and mother while working for Sharmaine. Both were full-time jobs, and it was getting harder each day to do both. She went to Sharmaine’s office to discuss scaling back her duties, and she was shocked by the answer Sharmaine proposed.

  “Why don’t you just quit? I can easily sign with a new management firm with a staff publicist. Then I can hire a college intern as my assistant. Your family should come first.”

  Sharmaine had the best intentions when she made the offer, but Keisha did not see it that way. After all she’d done for Sharmaine, she couldn’t believe she’d just dismiss her without a second thought.

  “You want me to quit? I’ve worked for you for all these years and now you just want me to walk away?”

  “No, I don’t want you to quit, Keisha, but I want you to be happy. I know that Gerald doesn’t appreciate the long hours you work. You have two beautiful children that need their mother.”

  “I’m a good mother,” Keisha protested.

  “Of course you are. I didn’t mean to imply that you aren’t. I’m only saying that they could benefit from more time with you.”

  Keisha sighed. “I love Gerald, but I’m not cut out to be a housewife. I’d go crazy sitting at home all day.”

  “You don’t have to be a housewife. There are other jobs you could hold that wouldn’t take up as much of your time. You are the most organized person I know. If you want to, I bet you could start your own public relations firm.”

  “Not right now. We are deep in debt because of the recent improvements Gerald made to the restaurant. It will be at least two years before I could even think of something like that. Besides, if I’m the boss, I’d still be just as busy.”

  “I know, honey. I wish I had the answer, but I don’t.”

  “Just let me work for you part-time,” Keisha suggested. “I could work from home a few days a week, so I could spend more time with the kids. And if I could just get done by six in the evenings, I’m sure Gerald would be happy. I just need you to work with me.”

  Sharmaine sadly shook her head. “I’m sorry. My career is too busy right now. I have to have someone full-time. But if you decide to quit, there would be no hard feelings. We’d always be the best of friends.”

  Keisha left the office feeling disappointed and sick. She had tried, but she could not think of a logical reason why Sharmaine would not meet her halfway. The only possible reason she came up with was that Sharmaine was selfish. Keisha had made all sorts of sacrifices in her lifetime for Sharmaine. Keisha had wanted to attend Howard University in Washington, DC, but chose Spellman College in Atlanta because that was where Sharmaine had received a scholarship. They’d both pledged the same sorority, but Keisha had to turn down her first choice after they refused to accept Sharmaine also. She’d even stayed up late nights tutoring Sharmaine in economics and calculus so that she could graduate on time.

  After college, Keisha began managing Sharmaine’s career, and the sacrifices only increased. It was Keisha who had met Shawn Reeves at a Jack and Jill function. She’d promptly introduced him to Sharmaine. She was the first gospel artist Raga Records had ever signed, but Keisha convinced him it would pay off. After all of that, all she’d wanted from Sharmaine was some time to have a life of her own. It infuriated her that she had said no.

  Feeling that she had no other choice, Keisha continued with her duties to Sharmaine, working twelve- to fifteen-hour days and most weekends. It put a strain on her marriage, but Gerald loved her. He did his best to juggle his duties at the restaurant to give him more free time and to make up for her absences.

  As she sat staring at the photo album, Keisha realized she wasn’t there the first time Lily took a step, or when Junebug said his first words. There weren’t many milestones in her children’s short lives, but Keisha had missed the majority of them.

  It was a cold day in February, probably the coldest Atlanta had experienced all year, when Junebug reached his third birthday. Gerald made plans to close the restaurant to the public so that he could throw his son a spectacular birthday party. They had rented balloons and hired a clown. As his staff decorated the restaurant and put the finishing touches on the birthday cake, Gerald was at home dressing the children for the party. Keisha, as usual, was with Sharmaine.

  Once both kids were dressed, he decided to call her once more. “Where are you? You said you’d be home hours ago. If we don’t leave soon, we’ll be late for the party,” he said.

  “I’m sorry. Jeanna wanted a new dress for Junebug’s party, so Sharmaine and I went shopping. Now I just have to fax this paperwork to Shawn Reeves, and I’ll be done.”

  “Don’t you see how ridiculous it is that you are helping Sharmaine’s kids get ready for your son’s birthday? You should be here.”

  “I know, baby.”

  Gerald didn’t have to tell her. She’d felt that way all day as they trudged from store to store in the freezing cold. Because it was Junebug’s birthday, she’d planned to take the entire day off, but Sharmaine had called early that morning, advising her that Shawn needed the final copy of her acknowledgments for the next CD. Keisha offered to fax it from home, but Sharmaine wanted to make some changes. Keisha left their apartment, promising to be back in an hour; however, when she arrived, Sharmaine insisted on going shopping before working on the acknowledgments.

  Gerald sighed loudly. “When are you coming home? The kids and I are dressed.”

  “I’m leaving now,” she said.

  Then Sharmaine walked into the room. “Keisha, will you iron these jeans for me before you leave?”

  Her jaw dropped in awe. “Can’t you ask Consuela to do it? Gerald and the kids are dressed and waiting for me.”

  “She uses too much starch and I can barely walk. Besides, it’s a waste of time for you to drive all the way home when the restaurant is closer to here. Iron my jeans and then you can meet them there. It makes more sense.” Sharmaine laid the jeans on a chair and went back to her bedroom without waiting for an answer.

  Keisha put the phone to her ear. “I’m sorry, honey. I’ll have to meet you guys at the restaurant. Please don’t be mad.”

  “I’m not mad at you. I’m disappointed.”

  “Me too, baby, me too. I love you. Kiss the kids for me.”

  That was the last time she spoke to him. As she sat at the restaurant surrounded by decorations, children, a clown, and friends, Keisha wondered where they could be. She dialed his cell phone over and over, but there was no answer. The children grew restless, so she allowed the clown to begin his show without the birthday boy. Just as he was reaching
his climax, a police officer entered the restaurant. Leon spoke to him, and then led him over to where Keisha was sitting.

  To this day, the details remain sketchy in Keisha’s mind. She had essentially shut down the moment she heard the words, “There’s been an accident.” All she knew for sure was that her precious family was gone.

  As she grieved, she wished she had been home that day, just so she could have kissed her babies one last time, and felt her husband’s strong arms wrapped around her. If they’d waited for her, they wouldn’t have been on the highway at the exact moment their lives ended. All she could think of was that she should have been there to prevent such a terrible tragedy from happening. But she wasn’t, because as always, she was with Sharmaine. As her grief turned into bitterness, Keisha found herself unable to forgive Sharmaine.

  It had taken her a few years to put all the pieces together, but she’d vowed to make sure Sharmaine lost everything that she’d taken away from her. As she’d done every night since they left her, Keisha kissed the photos of her husband and children good night and closed the photo albums. She decided the time had come to bring the scenario to an end.

  Chapter Twenty

  Leon stood up from his bedside after completing his morning prayers. He’d asked God for guidance with a string of issues he had to tackle head on that day.

  While he was in Sharmaine’s office the previous evening, Leon had discovered a key piece of the puzzle involving the video of Sharmaine. Shawn Reeves had kept his word, and the high resolution video had been delivered to his home earlier that week. Now that Rodney was home and on the mend, Leon finally took the time to take a look at them.

  He had taken the videos into Sharmaine’s office and locked the door behind him. As he watched, he zoomed in on the man that Sharmaine was with, and he had discovered something shocking. The man in the video was wearing Leon’s custom made wedding band. It had a gold and platinum band with three small diamonds. Leon was sure because it was a one of a kind he’d designed himself.