Losing It

by Zaria Garrison

  “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said,” Leon said anxiously.

  “You need to leave now. Otis and I will come get you. Just pack a few things and we’ll be right there.”

  Still feeling unsure, Sharmaine hung up the phone and began packing. She’d just placed a few pieces of underwear in her suitcase when there was a knock at her bedroom door. Keisha opened it without waiting for an answer.

  “What are you doing?” she asked. Keisha stared at the open suitcase lying on the bed.

  “Um, I’m going to a hotel. Leon offered to pay for it. I’ve imposed on you long enough.” Sharmaine went to her closet and began putting pants and blouses in the suitcase.

  “Who says you are imposing?” Keisha asked.

  “No one said it. I really appreciate you letting me stay. It’s just time that I leave.”

  Keisha began to panic, realizing it would be more difficult to complete her plan if Sharmaine moved out. “You’re no trouble, Sharmaine. Stay here with me. I enjoy the company. Stop packing, and I’ll put this stuff away for you.” Keisha walked over to the suitcase and began putting Sharmaine’s things back in the drawer.

  Sharmaine watched her in silence as Keisha put away all of her clothes and slid the suitcase back under the bed. “I’d better call Leon. He was on his way to pick me up,” she said.

  Keisha looked at her strangely. “What’s really going on? Why is Leon suddenly offering to pay for a hotel and pick you up?”

  Sharmaine sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed. “I may as well tell you. Leon has this ridiculous idea that you are behind everything that has happened the past few months. He thinks you videotaped us having sex, then edited and released it. Victor has convinced him you bought the gun that shot him. Worst of all, he thinks you tried to poison me and Rodney. Isn’t that the silliest thing you’ve ever heard of?”

  Keisha didn’t answer, as her eyes grew wide with surprise and fear. She had the look of a trapped animal who was seconds away from gnawing off his own foot to escape.

  As soon as she looked at her face, Sharmaine realized that Leon was absolutely right about everything. “It’s true?” Sharmaine asked.

  Without a word, Keisha bolted from the room and rushed down the hallway to her own bedroom. Sharmaine ran after her, and then realized it was a big mistake. Keisha came out of her bedroom carrying a gun. She pointed it at Sharmaine.

  “Get in the living room!” Keisha ordered.

  Frightened, Sharmaine quickly obeyed. She walked to the living room and sat down on the sofa. Her whole body trembled with fear as she watched Keisha pacing back and forth around the living room. Sharmaine noticed that she was fidgeting, mumbling to herself, and acting more erratic by the second.

  She tried to divert her attention. “Keisha, put the gun down and just talk to me,” Sharmaine pleaded.

  “Shut up! I need to think.”

  “There’s no way you could have done any of this. Just talk to me, please.”

  Keisha paced back and forth, ignoring her.

  “Listen, Leon is tripping. How could you be responsible? You were gone with the kids when he was shot, right?”

  Keisha stopped pacing and stared at her for several seconds. “Fine. You wanna know how? I drugged all of you. We were in North Carolina before the kids ever woke up again. I’m amazed that you idiots will eat or drink anything I give you.

  “That was the easy part. Dragging you around was hard. You are not as slim as you appear with airbrushing and a good girdle, Sharmaine.” Keisha laughed loudly.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I had to drag your fat behind out of bed, so that Leon would think you were in the shower. Then I had to put you back in before you woke up. Take my advice: If you care about your career, give Jenny Craig a call,” Keisha cackled.

  Suddenly, everything began to make sense to Sharmaine. Everything she’d experienced physically for the past few months was the result of Keisha drugging and poisoning her. She wasn’t having blackouts or memory loss. They were all orchestrated by the woman she considered her best friend. Stunned, she realized that Keisha had been feeding her pills, poison, and lies every day for more than five months.

  “So, my suicide attempt?” she asked.

  “Yep, that was me too. So what? I didn’t let you die. I just needed you to believe you were slipping. It worked beautifully, don’t you think?” Keisha sat down in the chair facing Sharmaine. “You know, I almost felt sorry for you. Then I realized if you weren’t so stupid, I would never have been able to do it. So, if you feel the need to place blame, you can blame yourself.”

  Sharmaine’s insides were bubbling over with a mixture of anger, fear, disappointment, and hurt. After years of friendship, she still could not fathom what could have possibly driven Keisha to hurt her so deeply. As she sat fighting back tears, she suddenly realized that talking seemed to calm Keisha. She was no longer pointing the gun at Sharmaine. It was resting in her lap.

  Just as she was about to ask more questions, they heard a knock at the front door. Keisha jumped up from the chair and rushed to Sharmaine. She put the gun to her temple.

  “Don’t say a word or I’ll blow your brains out,” Keisha threatened.

  The knocking continued as Sharmaine sat trembling with the cold steel next to her skin.

  “Sharmaine, it’s me, Leon,” he called.

  He knocked louder, and Keisha realized that he wasn’t going to go away. She grabbed Sharmaine by the arm and forced her up off the sofa. “Let’s go,” she whispered.

  She led Sharmaine through the kitchen and out of the back door of the apartment. There was no elevator, and only one stairwell door that led up to the roof, or down to the parking garage. Keisha poked the gun into Sharmaine’s ribs and ordered her to start walking down the stairs.

  Sharmaine obeyed, and silently prayed as she slowly began the walk down from the sixteenth floor. A few times, she stumbled, and Keisha cursed her, urging her to get up. Feeling out of breath, she momentarily stopped.

  Keisha poked the gun deeper into her back. “Move it, Sharmaine,” she ordered.

  Weeping, Sharmaine continued to stumble down the stairwell. “I’m going as fast as I can,” she cried.

  “Just keep moving and be quiet.”

  After several minutes, they finally reached the parking garage. Looking around, Keisha noticed that the building security officer was sitting in his booth. There was no way out. Quickly, she pushed Sharmaine back into the stairwell and ordered her to walk back up the stairs.

  Panting and out of breath, Sharmaine continued climbing stairs until they reached the top of Keisha’s twenty-story building. She continued poking the gun in Sharmaine’s back until she opened the door and stepped out onto the roof.

  Terrified, Sharmaine stared out at the Atlanta skyline. She turned to look at Keisha with her knees shaking. “You’re not acting like yourself, Keisha. Let’s go back downstairs and talk for a while. You can tell me anything and I’ll be there for you. I’m your best friend.”

  Keisha suddenly began laughing hysterically. “You are not my friend, Sharmaine. You are my boss. All you ever do is boss me around and tell me what to do. Is that what you call friendship?”

  “I ... I don’t understand,” she stammered. “Where is all of this coming from?”

  “You really are stupid, aren’t you?” Keisha said.

  Sharmaine stood frozen with fear as tears streamed down her face. “I ... I don’t know. I thought we were friends. Remember we met in Miss Crain’s third grade class?”

  “We used to be friends, Sharmaine, but all of that changed when you became a gospel diva. The funny thing is you never would have made it without me. I’ve read every contract and negotiated every deal. I set up meetings, tours, and interviews. No matter what needed to be done, it was me who did it. I made you, Sharmaine Cleveland!” she screamed.

  Sharmaine’s head nodded rapidly. “You did. You worked really hard for me, and I am eternally gratefu
l.”

  “Don’t try to play me, Sharmaine. You are the most ungrateful person I know. You’ve never cared about anybody but yourself.”

  “No, that’s not true. I care about you. We’re family.”

  Keisha suddenly pointed the gun directly as Sharmaine’s forehead. “I should kill you for even saying that word. I’m not your family. My family is dead. My husband and my babies are dead because of you.”

  Sharmaine’s entire body trembled. “No, it was an accident. I had nothing to do with it. You and I were together when it happened.”

  “That’s just how dense you are. You don’t even realize that we should not have been together when it happened. I should have been with them. It was my son’s birthday, and I should have been with my family, but you said no. All you ever cared about was your career, your family, and your needs. What about mine? What about me?” Keisha lowered the gun as she wiped away a tear.

  Sharmaine began to cry harder. “Oh, Keisha, I am so sorry.”

  “Sorry? You’re sorry?” Keisha laughed loudly. “Are you sorry that I was in New York on tour with you on my first wedding anniversary? Or are you sorry that you never gave me time off to nurse my babies? Could you be sorry that my family was lying on the highway dying while I ironed your stupid jeans? What exactly are you sorry for, Sharmaine?” Keisha demanded.

  Staring at her feet, Sharmaine wept with regret. It had never occurred to her how much she’d unintentionally taken from her friend. “Everything, Keisha. I am sorry for everything. Please forgive me,” she begged.

  “Shut up! I’m through talking to you.” Keisha looked around the rooftop, desperately trying to figure out what to do next.

  “Keisha, listen to me. I was wrong.” Sharmaine slowly inched closer to her. “I should have given you more time with your family. I should have given you the day off to be with your baby. I wasn’t thinking, and I am so very sorry. But it’s not my fault that they died.”

  “I should have been with them that day. I was supposed to be with them,” Keisha wept.

  “I know, honey. I’m so sorry. Put the gun down, Keisha, please,” Sharmaine pleaded.

  “No!” Keisha suddenly raised the gun again, pointing it at Sharmaine.

  Sharmaine’s heart ached for the pain she knew Keisha was feeling. Although she was still afraid, she desperately wanted to help her deal with some of the pain that she’d caused. She decided to continue diverting her attention. “Hey, Keisha, remember when you were eleven and I was twelve? Do you remember that we sang in Mrs. Bennett’s children’s choir together?”

  “Shut up, Sharmaine!” Keisha continued pacing around the roof, looking for a way out.

  Ignoring her, Sharmaine continued to talk. “Remember we had blue-and-white robes, and my mom put my hair in those funny-looking braids? Your mom had your hair looking cute with a bang in front. Do you remember that, Keisha?”

  Keisha turned and stared at her with tears streaming down her face.

  Sharmaine inched closer to her and kept talking. “I remember it so well. You and I sang a duet in the spring concert. I can still remember the song.”

  “I said shut up!” Keisha screamed. She held tightly to the gun and continued crying as Sharmaine began to sing:

  “There is a name I love to hear. I love to sing its worth. It sounds like music in mine ear. The sweetest name on earth. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus Because He first loved me!”

  “Do you remember your verse, Keisha? I bet you could sing it with me.”

  Keisha shook her head, refusing to join in. She remembered the song. She’d sung it to Lily and Junebug as they lay in bed the night before they died. They were fast asleep, but Keisha had just arrived home and wanted to check on her babies. As Gerald stood watching from the doorway, she’d gently and quietly sung it to them. It was the last lullaby she sang.

  Still holding on to the gun, Keisha tried to cover her ears as Sharmaine continued to sing:

  “It tells me of a Savior’s love Who died to set me free. It tells me of His precious blood, The sinner’s perfect plea. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. Oh, how I love Jesus. Because He first loved me!”

  Sharmaine continued to sing the first song she and Keisha sang together as children. It was still one of her favorites, and she prayed it would touch and soften Keisha’s heart. She knew it was not hardened with evil, but with grief.

  As she sang, Sharmaine watched tears stream down Keisha’s face. Finally, Keisha took her hands off of her ears and looked around the rooftop. She appeared lost and confused. “I miss my family. I miss my babies,” she cried.

  “I know, honey. Everything’s going to be okay. Just put the gun down,” Sharmaine said gently.

  Keisha shook her head. “No. No. No,” she said over and over. “I should be with them. I want to be with them,” she cried.

  Sharmaine watched in silence as the gun slowly slipped from Keisha’s hand and landed on the rooftop.

  Leon and Otis knocked repeatedly on Keisha’s apartment door, but no one answered.

  “Didn’t you say you saw Keisha’s car in the garage?” Leon asked.

  “I’m pretty sure it was hers.”

  Unable to wait any longer, Leon backed up away from the door. Then he lifted his leg and charged the door with his full force, knocking it open with his foot. Frantically, he went from room to room, unable to find anyone. As he and Otis searched the kitchen, they found the back door standing open. They rushed out of the door to the stairwell, realizing it led back to the parking garage. Anxiously, they rushed down the stairs. Once inside the garage, they looked around, unable to figure out where to go next.

  “Keisha’s car is still here,” Otis said, pointing.

  Leon rushed to the guard’s booth. “Have you seen two women down here? One of them is my wife, Sharmaine Cleveland, the singer.”

  “Oh yeah, they were here for a few seconds; then they went back in the stairwell,” the guard answered.

  “We were just at the apartment and in the stairwell. They aren’t in there. I mean, they could be on any floor in this building.”

  “No, sir, they can’t. The back doors stay locked. There’s only one other way to get out. That stairwell leads up onto the roof.”

  “Call the police. My wife is in danger,” Leon said, then ran back to the stairwell. As Otis followed closely behind, Leon began making the twenty-story climb to the top. When they reached the roof, they were too late to stop her.

  Leon heard Sharmaine scream, “No!”

  The three of them watched in pained silence as Keisha rushed to the edge of the building. “Please forgive me, God,” she said before she jumped. Due to the height of her fall, Keisha was dead before her body hit the sidewalk.

  Epilogue

  One Year Later

  Camille stood on the front steps of the church, impatiently waiting for Danté. Just to kill time, she looked down at herself, to be sure everything was straight and in place. As soon as she saw him pull up, she almost jumped up and down with anticipation. Her excitement overflowed, as she had not seen him since Christmas break.

  On the night of the shooting, Brenetta had begged Danté to allow her to ride with him and Nichole in the ambulance to the hospital. As she lay on the gurney barely clinging to life, Nichole opened her eyes and smiled at Brenetta. “Will you take care of my baby?” she asked.

  Tears streamed down Brenetta’s face as she held tightly to Nichole’s hand. “You are going to be able to take care of the baby yourself, Nichole. You’ll be fine,” she answered.

  “No, I won’t. I know Danté will try, but he can’t do it alone. Promise me, Ms. Brenetta, that you’ll take the baby and give her a good home.”

  Brenetta looked over at a weeping Danté then slowly nodded her head.

  Nichole slowly turned her head and looked over at her brother. “I love you, Danté,” she said before closing her eyes.

  Now, a year later, Danté was arriving at the churc
h to attend the christening of his niece, who’d been delivered by Cesarean section as soon as they arrived at the hospital. She had entered the world almost simultaneously as Nichole departed.

  Danté stepped out of his car and rushed over to Camille. He hugged her tightly.

  “I’m so glad you made it,” she said.

  “I would not have missed this day for anything. If they had not allowed me to take finals early, I probably would have just walked away from campus.”

  Following Nichole’s death, Danté was lost and unsure what to do with himself any longer. He’d vowed to pay Blue back for killing his sister, but he’d never gotten the chance. Due to jail overcrowding, Blue had managed to make bail only two weeks after the shooting. No one was really sure where he went after being released. The next morning, his mutilated body had been found behind a dumpster in Sand Poole Manor. Blue had paid for the gun he’d used in the shooting with counterfeit bills. Trying to trick Rip had turned out to be a fatal mistake. Danté struggled between feeling sorry for him one minute, and being relieved the next.

  However, Blue’s death did little to ease his grief. For so long, he had been focused on taking care of his sister and her baby. He had no idea what to do after she was gone. As Nichole predicted, he wanted to take care of the baby alone, but he had to admit that he had no idea what to do. So, he followed his sister’s wishes and turned her over to Brenetta and Shawn Reeves.

  Their joy at becoming parents was marred by their concern for Danté. They knew that without the baby or Nichole, he was quickly slipping into depression and despair. Brenetta suggested that perhaps he just needed to leave Atlanta, and felt that it was the perfect time for him to begin college. She told Danté that she and Shawn would pay his tuition and fees. Angrily, he had refused their offer.

  “You can’t pay me for my sister’s baby,” he had said. Inside, he was still full of rage, confusion, and grief.

  “That’s not what we are trying to do,” Shawn answered. “My wife and I have prayed for a baby for several years. We are saddened that God took Nichole, but we love her daughter, and Brenetta made a promise to Nichole to take good care of her.”