by Sam Destiny
I let my hands roam his chest while he cupped my breasts through my shirt, squeezing and teasing my nipples until I wanted to come from that alone. My panties were soaked, and if he kept it up, my pajama bottoms would be, too.
Making quick work of them and my top, I crawled back onto his lap, hoping he’d come prepared.
“Tell me you have a condom. I don’t exactly feel like…” I trailed off as he pulled a foil packet out of his pocket, shame shining in his eyes.
“I shouldn’t have, but when I come over here, I never know if I’ll be fucking or killing you.”
I choked out a laugh. “I’m glad you didn’t pull out a knife then.” My hand snaked under the waistband of his sweatpants and into his boxers. I stroked him a few times, but the velvety steel against my palm proved he was ready and didn’t need much coaxing. As I pulled his pants down, my body was eager to feel him inside me.
I took the pack and rolled it on him, then moved my panties aside before I slid down his length, enjoying every inch invading me. Dale cupped the back of my neck and drew me down for a demanding kiss even as his hips moved slowly, carefully, as if he feared he would hurt me.
“I’m good, Dale. Jesus. Just do your work the way I know you can.” I didn’t know what it was about him that had me always teetering on the edge, but when I pushed my hands through his hair and felt his tongue circling my nipple, I knew I wouldn’t last long.
I pressed my lips against the top of his head as he sucked and bit my nipples, making me more sensitive—and wet.
His hands wrapped around me and he drew me closer, causing my core to rub against him until I couldn’t hold in the moans anymore.
God, I was glad I didn’t have anyone else living in the house because I’d really regret not being as loud as I wanted when he made my head swim, my skin sing with happiness with each stroke of his body against mine.
DALE
My mind wasn’t in this. My body was, and every fiber of my being soaked up the contact between us, but I couldn’t help but think she deserved so much more than another rushed fuck.
Not that I could get my hips to do anything quickly. I knew my mother was waiting, and despite how it looked with the condom in my pocket, I’d honestly just wanted to check on her, fully expecting to still find her in bed.
“Dale,” she whispered. I lifted my head, claiming her lips because I didn’t need her to ask what was going on, didn’t want her to talk any more than we had already.
Telling her I wasn’t into this would be a lie because, damn, I was ready to shoot my load with the way she rode me, trying to take control of the pace, control I wasn’t willing to hand over because…
I didn’t know, but I wanted to draw this out just a little longer. I kissed her shoulder and neck, enjoying the way her fingertips scratched across my skull, sending shivers down my spine. She rolled her hips, making it impossible for me to control the friction she caused. I met her lips in a desperate kiss, finally giving us both what we wanted, moving my hips faster while pressing her down harder.
Her breath came in gasps as she whispered my name over and over again before biting my shoulder, muffling a scream. I felt her walls clench, felt her milking me for all it was worth, and shivered as I followed suit, not letting go of her even after we both had calmed.
I nuzzled her shoulder, placing little kisses on her skin—until I realized what I was doing and nudged her to get off my lap.
She did, dressing while I went to clean up. I considered just leaving, not returning to her. What the hell could I possibly say anyway?
She appeared in the doorway. I hesitated, wanting to press a quick kiss to her lips before going.
Instead, I cleared my throat. “So long,” I stated, walking over to the front door.
“Dale?” I turned toward her. “Thank you.” Her tone was gentle. I knew she wasn’t thanking me for the sex.
“You’re welcome.”
I meant it. I didn’t mind taking care of her. In fact, despite what I’d said, I liked the thought of watching out for her, knowing I made things a little better.
With my hand on the doorknob, I paused, wondering if I really wanted to say my next words, then closed my eyes.
“We can’t do that again, Clare. I’m… I’m going to start dating again, and I…” I swallowed. Hell, I wasn’t going to start dating, but I couldn’t keep coming back to Clare, the woman living next door, the one I needed when I was helpless with my daughter again. As much as I wanted to keep these small visits going for my sake, I needed to think of what was best for Sally, and Clare was good in her life. I didn’t want to ruin that. Not that I thought Clare would pull back from her, but I didn’t want to risk it.
“I was going to say the same.” Her tone was flat, not sounding very convincing.
Maybe if we both lied to ourselves long enough, these feelings would go away again. I wasn’t sure if I hated or loved Clare Delaney right now.
“Good night, Delaney…and drink that ginger ale.”
I let myself out, not looking back, no matter how much I wanted to, and walked back to my house. My mother was sitting on a chair on the porch, a wine glass in her hand, watching me.
“And? How is she?”
“Better. Her stomach seems fine now. I left the ginger ale anyway.”
I started to walk past her, but her hand on my forearm stopped me. “You’re falling for her, Dale. Why can’t you just admit that?”
Because Clare is nothing like Jacky. Because I can’t fathom having Sally forget her mother by having another woman in her life.
Because Clare is unlike any woman I’d ever be interested in.
“Delaney and I wouldn’t work long-term, Mom. She never shuts up, always talks back, and between you and me, I don’t think she’s exactly housewife material. Besides, Sally deserves more than a parade of women walking in and out of this house, never staying.”
Mom lifted her eyebrow the way only she could, and I wished the porch light didn’t show me the doubt written all over her face.
“So that’s what this is? An affair? You think I don’t know you’re sleeping with her? I mean, clearly your endurance isn’t anything to write home about, but—”
I groaned. “Mother! Jesus Christ, you’re the worst.”
She chuckled, then sobered again. “Didn’t I teach you to love, Dale? To not be afraid? To not settle? You did that with Jacky. I loved her like my own child, but she wasn’t the one for you. You were never over the moon, never lost in thought over her. Things were easy, familiar, and you stuck with that. Jacky always will be Sally’s mother, but she’s no longer here. You’re clinging to a ghost that I feel would’ve eventually walked out on you. I want you to live and love. Take a risk.”
I cocked my head. “Delaney isn’t a risk, Mom. It’s a fucking stupid idea.”
“Language, son.”
I sighed. “She’s not out for a relationship. More than once, she pointed out that she didn’t need me in her life, even compared me to her ex. Trust me, it’s best the way it is now. Sally loves hanging out with her, and whenever you decide to leave—not that I want you to because you’re always welcome here—I need to be able to count on Delaney to jump in with Sal the way she has. I’m not going to ruin that for my daughter by being selfish.”
“You don’t need to worry. Clare agreed to watch her while you’re dating, trying to find someone to spend your life with,” Mom stated casually.
I narrowed my eyes. “Come again?”
She shrugged, as if she were innocent. “I asked her because you need to get out and find yourself someone.”
“And she was okay with that?”
Could I have misread her that much? Been wrong about the way she’d held me differently, looked at me differently?
Mom shrugged. “I thought she was, but it seems you no longer are. Do you mind her not caring about you dating? Besides, you could repay her and watch Lacrosse when she’s out on a date. It’s only fair.”
Oh,
hell no. I wasn’t going to watch that brute while she was out getting things she could be getting from me. After all, I didn’t think Delaney was up for a relationship. God, she’d better not be.
“Dale?”
I was startled from my thoughts when my mother touched my arm. Before she could say more, a scream echoed through the house. I knew my nightshift officially started again because the nightmares were back with a vengeance.
CLARE
I should’ve known Sally would be over regularly to visit the puppy. A month after Dale and I decided there wouldn’t be repeat performances of our time together, I sat in my garden, missing said performances, while I watched Sally trying to teach my pup how to sit on command.
Granted, it didn’t work, no matter how often Sally demonstrated how to sit, but it was adorable to watch.
My stomach bug had left me exhausted for a week, then went away. Dale’s suggestion that I drink ginger ale had practically saved me during that week. Even now, I stuck to drinking it, although my issues were long gone. I did get the occasional queasy feeling, but it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. My mother had dealt with an upset stomach for various reasons, and it never worried me when I did, too.
God, I missed my mom on days like today when I was weepy for no reason. I knew Aunt Flo was coming to visit me soon. I always got overemotional during my period. I definitely needed a shoulder to cry on then, and I didn’t have that.
“Lacrosse, if I say ‘sit’, you need to put your cute butt down.”
I smothered a laugh at Sally’s words, recognizing her father in her tone. “I guess someone can’t sit still when her daddy tells her to, huh?” I asked.
“She sure doesn’t.” I glanced over my shoulder to see Dale coming around the house. “Hasn’t been able to since she’d started to walk. Hey, Clare.” I swallowed down my body’s initial reaction to him—pure and unadulterated lust.
I had no idea what that man did to me, but even though part of me hated him for having broken our “relationship” off, he always made me immediately wet and needy.
Almost like he conditioned me to want his dick as soon as he was within reach.
“Dale.”
I didn’t know what he wanted or why he was here, but if I were being honest with myself, I just wanted him to leave again.
“How are you feeling?” he asked. I glanced up at him, mad at myself for wanting to, for wanting to see him when he was not angry or filled with regret.
“I’m peachy. You?” I didn’t want to make small talk because I hated it. I certainly didn’t want him to sit on the porch steps with me, watching his daughter, which he did anyway. She’d barely glanced up at his appearance and I wasn’t the least bit surprised. Lacrosse tended to occupy all attention, and it didn’t even matter how old someone was.
“When I started at the moving company, I never thought I could hate other people’s shit that much.” He had whispered “shit”, making sure Sally didn’t hear it, and I nearly grinned. It was kind of endearing.
“Anything else you’d like to do instead?” Why was I making conversation? Why did I bother?
“I always wanted to restore old homes to their former beauty but never learned it. After Jacky died, I just…” He waved his hand through the air. “You know what? It doesn’t matter.”
He focused on his daughter while I rested my crossed arms on my knees, watching him out of the corner of my eye.
It mattered to me. He put his whole life on hold for Sally. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t seen it before. It really was no wonder his mother tried to get him to date, wanting him to be happy.
“Did you ever regret putting Sally first?” My voice was quiet, and his honey-colored eyes swung back to me.
“Not once. Sally’s my life. I love being a dad, I truly do, but sometimes—”
“Daddy, can Lacrosse sleep at our place today? Please?”
I blinked, surprised at Sally’s request, and Dale didn’t seem to fare much better.
He reached for his daughter, who evaded his grasp, as if she knew he was going to turn her down. “That’s not your decision to make, or mine. Lacrosse is Clare’s puppy and you didn’t even ask her if it was okay.”
A stubborn pout crossed Sally’s lips. “But—”
“Look, Sal,” I interrupted. “Lacrosse’s home is with me. You can visit her as often as you want, but she needs to watch over me at night, okay? I’m scared being alone in my house. That’s why I got her.”
Sally shrugged. “You can have Daddy, and Lacrosse can cuddle in bed with me.”
“We said no, Sally. That’s the end of it,” Dale said decidedly. Sally stomped her foot once, then marched off, my puppy trailing behind her to the end of the yard.
We could still see her, but couldn’t hear whatever she was telling the dog.
“What was I saying about not regretting it?” Dale joked. Smiling, I rested my cheek on my arms, still keeping my eyes on his face.
He turned a little, leaning back against the railing behind him. “You know, I like when you’re relaxed. It makes you look…less mean.” He winked, taking the sting out of his words.
I shrugged. “You know, I like when you’re relaxed. It makes you look like only a little bit of an asshole.” My words also lacked the heat they usually contained. “You should do it, Dale.”
He cocked his head, making me want to reach out. I shouldn’t be feeling for Dale what I was feeling for him. It didn’t matter that he was an asshole most of the time. It didn’t even matter that I thought he was still hung up on his wife…and how could he not be? In the end, all that mattered was that I couldn’t risk losing my heart to someone who wasn’t ready to accept it.
“Should do what?”
I reached out, brushing some tiny stones from his jeans. He’d obviously been kneeling at some point during the day. I just wanted an excuse to touch him.
“Start restoring things, if that’s what you want.”
He caught my hand and held onto it, absentmindedly playing with my fingers. “I can’t, and honestly, I don’t even really want to do it anymore.” He shrugged it off, but I saw the lie on his face, the way his lips pulled into a tight line. “I’d need a bigger house, even if I just started doing it for a hobby. You know, one with a barn, maybe a garage, and since Sally’s in school here and has her friends here, it would have to be in the area. Plus… I’d worry about her all the time.”
I arched a brow. “She won’t be six forever, Dale. You won’t have to supervise her every damn day for the rest of her life. Trust me. You need to think of yourself, too, and…”
I bit my lip because I was giving him advice as if we were friends. It was only then I realized he was still holding my hand in his. I pulled free, standing. “You know, I just remembered, I still need to do some…things. I’m gonna get Lacrosse to go with me, so…”
He stood, too. Because I’d stepped up to the top step and he was a step below me, we were almost eye to eye. I held his gaze as he leaned in. “I miss kissing you,” he whispered, surprising me.
I shrugged. “I miss feeling you inside me, but we both knew it was a stupid idea to begin with, so let’s just be glad we realized it before we caught something bad. Something like…feelings.” I watched his reaction, but he didn’t even flinch. Clearly, he didn’t have any or he might have been slightly insulted. “Anyway, I’ll see you around, Dale.”
I turned toward the door. I prayed to God we’d never get to talking like this again. Not screaming or insulting each other, but being serious?
Jesus, too much.
“Hey, Clare… I wanted to ask you something else.”
I didn’t turn back to him because I had enough of Dale for the day. All I wanted to do was hug him and cuddle against him, and that was the last thing he probably wanted.
“Yes?”
“Would you watch Sally next week? Maybe Friday or Saturday? I’d love to grab a few beers with friends, and mom said you offered…”
Offered? Right. That’s what I’d done. Offered.
“Sure, Dale. Just drop her off. I don’t have plans either day, and at least Sally is fun company.”
My life was officially pathetic.
I didn’t feel like going out, and I knew nothing would change over the next several weeks. I didn’t know what it was that made me want to be even more of a hermit than usual, but I wasn’t going to ignore the urge.
Besides, with Sally around, I could have a few precious hours to pretend that my life could be different—and I could be the mom to a smart, adorable little girl.
DALE
After dropping Sally off at Clare’s, I showered and dressed, my mind preoccupied. Clare had been pale and weirdly silent when I’d shown up at her door. Part of me wanted it to be because she was jealous, wished I wasn’t going out to meet somebody.
Not that I’d phrased it like that with her, but it was what I planned on.
My heart had started feeling things for Clare I didn’t think I could feel anymore, but I couldn’t handle the risk of starting anything with her.
Fuck.
I ran a shaky hand through my hair and down my cheeks, my stubble tickling my palms. I’d considered shaving, but most women liked the rough edge. I wanted to attract someone.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed, I wondered what it would be like to be with Clare, to try and convince her of doing this relationship thing. I knew practically nothing about her, except the way she could piss me off without even trying. I certainly didn’t want to fight my way through the days just to end up with a roll in the sheets at night.
What I felt for her scared me on a level I couldn’t put into words. With Jacky, I’d known exactly where we stood and had been sure I loved her—still did, if I were being honest with myself. I hadn’t married her because I’d been bored, but because I wanted to spend my life with her.
But with each passing day, I questioned the thing we had, the promise we’d made to each other. When I looked back now, everything seemed different. Her smile appeared forced, not bright. Her eyes no longer shone, but were somewhat dull with fake happiness. One day, she’d stopped reaching out to casually touch me, to place her feet against my leg while I watched TV and she read a book.
