by Luke Young
“It’s letting up a little.”
“If I don’t get out of here I’m going to have an aneurysm.” She gave him a hopeful look.
“How dangerous can it really be?” He shrugged. “I mean, really.”
After making the two-block walk unscathed, Brian snuck onto the porch then looked behind him at the darkened and empty street. He tried the doorknob and it, of course, was locked. Cringing, he knocked softly then waited. He was dreading the explanation he would need to deliver. He didn’t even know where to start.
He looked through the sidelight glass and didn’t see anything so after twenty seconds he knocked again, but this time a little louder. Soon, he spotted the beam of a flashlight traveling up the hallway from the kitchen area. He put on a smile just as the light blasted him in the face. He shielded his eyes.
Jillian pulled open the door. “Brian, what happened to—” Her gaze traveled down his naked body and her jaw dropped open. “Where are your clothes?”
“I, uh, well…”
“Where the hell have you been? I was worried to death.”
He entered the foyer and sighed. “I’ll explain, but could I please get some clothes on first? I’m freezing.”
A few minutes later the reunited married couple sat in the family room each sipping a cup of tea with Brian now dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt. The house had a small generator which only powered the refrigerator and a few outlets in the kitchen. It took about fifteen minutes to recount the entire story of the storm, his kidnapping, the live sex show, and his escape. Jillian hung on his every word. When he was done, Brian shrugged with his palms lifted. “Yep, that’s how it happened.”
“Oh my God. That’s horrible. She swore that she would leave you alone.” She put down her mug and scoffed. “She’s married now.”
“They’re getting a divorce.”
“I’m going to kill that bitch.”
“No, you’re not.” He put his arm around her. “I think we just need to find a plausible way to get me dismissed as her coach.”
“Yeah…” she widened her eyes, “… when I kill her, you will be dismissed.”
“Okay, probably, but you’ll also go to jail and I really can’t take care of those adorable monsters all by myself.”
“Adorable monsters.” She looked at him, insulted.
He shrugged and gave her an apologetic look.
“You’re right, they are monsters, but they’re cute. So I won’t kill her, but I will talk to her about it.”
“Maybe you should have one of the other producers do it.” He gave her a hesitant look. “You’re upset and it might be better for everyone if you have someone else do it.”
“No, I want to handle it myself.”
There was a knock on the door and they shared a look. Jillian rose to her feet. “If that’s her now, I will kill her.”
Brian followed her and they spotted Victoria through the sidelight. When they opened the door they saw Jim was behind her holding Kaylie.
“What are you guys doing here?” Jillian asked.
“We had to get away from those two.” Victoria stormed through the door.
“Who?”
“Our husbands’ wonderful parents! That’s who.”
“What’s going on? Are they fighting again?” Jillian asked.
“No, the complete opposite. They are having sex. All kinds of sex. Everywhere. They’re drinking and acting like two silly, sex-crazed teenagers. I’ve never seen anything like it. They ruined my favorite blanket then they took a bath or did God knows what together in our tub and now there’s water leaking into the basement.”
“Holy crap,” Jillian said.
Brian said, “I guess the lesson here is don’t be such a good therapist.”
“Yeah…” Victoria frowned. “Thank God the storm cleared out enough for us to get the hell out of there. I was about to lose it and I never lose it.”
“Wow, that sounds awful,” Brian said as he fought to hold back a laugh.
“It’s not funny. We just had the bathroom remodeled.”
“No, you’re right it’s not funny.” Brian curled his lip. “But better they’re destroying your house rather than ours.”
Victoria sighed. “You try to help people and this is how they repay you.”
“I’ll call our contractor tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’m sure they can fix it pretty quickly,” Jim said.
“You don’t get to pick your parents.” Frowning, Jillian shook her head. Then her frown disappeared when she noticed Kaylie sleeping on Jim’s shoulder. “She’s adorable.”
“She is.” Victoria brushed a lock of Kaylie’s hair from her face.
Jim kissed her on the forehead then asked, “Can I put her down somewhere?”
“Use our room,” Jillian replied.
Jim headed off with his daughter while Victoria, Jillian, and Brian made their way to the great room. Sitting in the candle lit room, Victoria gave them a hesitant smile. “Do you think Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel could bunk up with you guys for a while? Just until we get the ceiling repaired in the basement.”
“No way in hell.” Jillian shook her head. “Bev really doesn’t like me and I’m pretty sure if I smelled the scent of old people sex wafting through my house I would projectile vomit again.”
Victoria shrugged. “I figured it was worth a try.”
“Anyway, we’ve sort of have our own mini-crisis going on over here.” Jillian made a face. “Guess who was running around outside naked again?”
Jim returned to the room just in time. “No way. Again!”
“I can’t say that I’m at all surprised,” Victoria began. “But what happened now?”
“It’s really not his fault. They were evacuating the set because of the storm and he got a ride with Amanda. The driver was supposed to bring him home after he dropped off The She Bitch, but they had…” Jillian made quote marks with her fingers, “… car trouble and he ended up at Amanda’s house.”
“Yeah, then what?”
Brian said, “We were soaked from the rain and a car was supposed to come back for me, but it never did. So I was freezing and I took a shower, but when I got out I found Amanda and her assistant making out in her bedroom. They were blocking the door.”
Jim scoffed. “Hold on. You saw Amanda and some other woman kissing?”
“Yeah, that and some other stuff. I locked myself in the bathroom and escaped off the balcony. I fell and almost broke my neck.”
“Wait, what about your emergency shorts?” Jim asked while holding back a smile.
“Um, evidently my master plan still has a few holes in it,” Brian admitted.
“Evidently.”
Victoria shook her head. “So, how’d you get home?”
“Your police friends Owen and Zach. They didn’t really believe my story at first. They thought I was a pervert.”
“I could see that.” Jim frowned.
“Thanks, buddy. They were going to take me down to the station but once again, I played the Victoria card and they drove me home.”
“It’s good to know people in high places,” Victoria said smugly.
“Tell me about it.”
Gazing at Brian, Victoria cringed. “God, Amanda is really obsessed with him.”
“I know.” Jillian shook her head. “It’s weird.”
A slight smile appeared on Brian’s face and he turned away.
Jillian glared at him. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re actually enjoying this attention aren’t you?”
“What?” He raised his palms and made a face. “No.”
“You enjoyed your little two celebrity sex show didn’t you?” Jillian folded her arms.
“Well, technically the other woman was not a celebrity. She was a runner-up Miss Argentina.”
“Okay…” Jillian rolled her eyes. “I’m at home with your two babies and you’re off enjoying yourself with two women.”
“Um, no
, I had to escape and almost died. I was humiliated once again in front of the police.” He motioned to his midsection. “They made fun of my, um, my, you know.”
Jillian looked at him like he was out his mind. “No, we don’t know.”
“They took my cushions and made me walk home naked the last two blocks. You know I’m, let’s say…” he made quote marks with his fingers, “… show challenged, and they made fun of me. It was very traumatizing.”
“Your penis?” Jillian cringed. “That’s what they made fun of?”
“Yes, I have P.T.S.D.” He shrugged. “Penis Traumatic Stress Disorder.”
“P.T.S.D?” Jillian repeated and she shared a look with her best friend.
“Yes, he’s very sensitive to both the cold and… and law enforcement… really any type of authority figure in general.” Brian folded his arms, defensively. “He’s definitely not his best in those situations.”
Jillian scoffed. “You’ve got some crazy woman stalking you and you’re worried about the impression your flaccid penis is making on people.”
“No. I mean, Yes… I’m just getting a little sick of people acting like there is no way someone like Amanda Joseph would be attracted to me—because obviously she is.”
“Great, if you want Amanda so badly why don’t you take your challenged penis and go back to her house.” Rising from the sofa, Jillian headed out of the room.
“Wait, you’re not getting what I’m saying.” Brian sighed. “Jillian, I…”
Victoria shook her head. “Good work, Bri.”
“Oh, don’t start with me.” He closed his eyes then took a deep breath. “Why don’t you guys head back home to the Playboy mansion grotto and let me try to talk to her.”
“Do we have to?” Jim whined.
“I’m afraid so.”
Suddenly the power returned and Jim and Victoria shared a bright smile. Jim said, “Looks like two people will be moving back to the guest house.”
“Thank God.”
43
Victoria and Jim secured Kaylie in her car seat then Jim backed the car out of the driveway.
Victoria said, “None of this makes any sense.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Amanda Joseph being so hell bent on having sex with Brian. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s cute and all, but she’s been with both Brad Pitt and Ryan Gosling.”
“She slept with Gosling?” Jim’s eyes widened.
“Yep.”
“Wow, I’m not gay or anything, but if I were, he would be my type.”
She chuckled. “Are you serious?”
He looked at her like she was out of her mind. “Have you even seen that movie Crazy, Stupid, Love?”
“Oh, yeah, he was good in that.”
“Good?” He scoffed.
“Okay, he was great.”
“Damn right he was great in that. The Notebook. Not to mention the movie, Drive. I mean, he barely said a word in that and he was incredible.”
“Wow, sounds like someone has a little man crush.”
“Well, he’s a great actor. He’s in amazing shape. He’s the total package. I mean, what guy wouldn’t want to be him and what woman wouldn’t want to sleep with him?”
“You’re so right, but hold that thought because I want to come back to it.”
“Okay,” he replied, hesitantly.
“Now, back to Amanda.” She narrowed her eyes. “I was thinking I would contact that agent I know at C.A.A.”
“Why?” he asked as she turned onto their street.
“Maybe he knows someone who knows Amanda’s old assistant. She’s got to know what’s going on or at least have some clue about why Amanda’s got the steaming undies for your brother.”
He shrugged. “It can’t hurt.”
She put her hand on his knee. “Now about your steaming undies.”
“What are you talking about?” He gave her a look.
“Your Gosling obsession.”
“I’m not obsessed. I don’t think there is anything wrong with one man being able to appreciate another man.”
“Uh-huh.” She put her tongue to the side of her mouth. “Let’s say a meteor is about to hit the earth and everyone is going to die?”
“Why would we say that?”
“Just humor me.”
He pulled the car into the driveway and parked. “Where is this going?”
“I’ll tell you. So, the world is about to end and it’s just you and Gosling like in a hotel room or something?”
“Wait, how did I get in a hotel room with Ryan Gosling? How does that even happen?”
“Okay…” She sighed. “How about this, he’s a member of the tennis club and he just happens to be in the club when the news hits that the world is about to end.”
“All right.” He rolled his eyes.
“So you guys are in the shower and—”
“Wait, if we know the world is about to end, why the hell are we taking a shower? I mean that makes no sense. If the world is going to end why do we care if we’re all sweaty or—”
“Geez, could you just go with it?”
“Okay…” He sighed.
“So it’s just you and Ryan in the club. You’re both in the shower area and he’s soaping up and you’re soaping up and he gives you that look?”
“What look?”
“You know, that I-want-you-to-suck-my-dick look.”
“I don’t think I know that look.” He frowned.
“You don’t know that look?” Shaking her head, she chuckled. “You give it to me about twice a day.”
“I do not.”
Victoria narrowed her eyes, then demonstrated by parting her lips slightly, glancing slowly to her midsection, then looking him in the eye. “That look.”
“I do not do that.”
“Really?” She scoffed then raised an eyebrow.
“Okay, maybe I do something in that ballpark. But only every once in a while.”
“Thank you for admitting that.” She wore a satisfied smile. “So Ryan’s giving you that look and the world is going to end and you maybe glance down to his penis and it’s getting bigger. What do you do?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you.” Cringing, he waved his hand at her dismissively.
“Don’t think I’m weird or anything, but I’m getting all wet.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. She looked at his lap and said loudly, “Oh my God. You’re getting so hard right now.”
Leaning back to check on Kaylie, he raised his hand and motioned for her to keep it down. “Don’t wake her up.”
She slid her hand onto his lap and exhaled. “You are hard.”
“Not really?”
“This is turning you on.” She rubbed her hand over his bulge.
“Okay, maybe a little. I mean, you’re telling me you are wet… and now that you’re playing with it, it’s…”
She smiled. “We’ve already done a threesome with another woman.”
“Yeah…” He gave her a hesitant look. “So.”
She shrugged. “Maybe for like our first anniversary we could do one with another guy.”
“No way.”
She sighed. “Okay, we’ll talk about that later.”
“No, we won’t. We don’t need to.”
“Look, I would do it for you. If it’s something you want to explore, I would do it for you.”
“Can we stop talking about this?” He looked out the window. “It’s nothing I want to explore.”
“Fine, let’s get you back in the shower with Ryan.”
“No, let’s not do that.”
“Wow,” she whispered while staring at his bulge. “Now, I think you’re completely hard.”
Grimacing, he adjusted his shorts. “It’s because of all this sex talk. It has nothing to do with, with… I can’t even say his name now.”
“Who, Ryan?” She shot him a sexy smile.
“Now, I don’t thi
nk I’ll even be able to watch one of his movies.”
She grinned. “Without thinking about sucking his cock.”
“No!” He closed his eyes. “Please stop saying that.”
Slipping her hand into the leg hole of his shorts, she gasped. “Your underwear is soaked and you only get drippy when you’re super horny.”
He moaned. “I told you it’s all this sex talk.”
She shook her head. “But you’re like extra drippy wet.”
“Not really.”
She fished his erection through his underwear and pushed his shorts up a bit to expose his bulbous head. “My God, you are so big right now.”
He swallowed hard.
“You know, I’ve been reading an early draft of Jillian’s M/M romance and I must say it’s pretty hot.”
“Great. Thanks for telling me.”
“Do you want me to read it to you?”
“Ew… come on, just—” He stopped talking when she swiped a finger over the ridge of his cock and captured a huge drop of precum. She brought it to her lips, tasted it, and purred. “You taste so good.”
His lips parted slightly as he gazed at her unblinkingly.
“Have you ever tasted yourself?”
“What?” He shook his head. “No!”
Wrapping her hand around his shaft, she pumped it slowly several times and his head drifted back against the headrest. “Oh, Victoria, this isn’t…”
“You do taste really amazing.”
“Uh-huh.” He looked her in the eye. “I really love the way you taste.”
“I know you do.” As she twirled her finger around the head of his cock, he closed his eyes and sighed. She brought her finger to her lips again and sampled it then brought it to his lips. “Taste.”
With his eyes closed, he opened his mouth slightly and she pushed her finger inside. He grimaced. “It’s, it’s a little salty.”
“And sweet.”
“Maybe.” He kept his eyes closed. “It sorta tastes like you do.”
“A little.” She slid her finger into his mouth. “I’ll bet Ryan tastes like this.”
“I’d rather lick you.”
“I know, baby.” She returned her hand to his cock and gently stroked it.
He gasped then moaned and his eyes rolled behind their lids.
