by Gill, Tamara
She smiled up at him her eyes hazy with the aftermath of pleasure. She adjusted her gown and settled her skirts about her legs. Her cheeks kissed with a rosy hue, she resembled a lady well-pleased. "Hmm, I do believe you are right, my lord."
He stepped back, and she slid off the desk, reaching up to check her hair.
"Would you like the same service performed on you, Albert? I'm more than willing to touch you here," she suggested, placing her hand on his cock.
He groaned, running a hand through his hair. He wanted her touch. He ached for it almost constantly, but here and now was not the time. As it was, they had risked Victoria's reputation by being here alone.
Should they be caught, she would be forced to marry him, and he did not want their union starting in such a way. He wanted her to willingly marry him or not at all. Of all the times they had been alone, he was surprised that they were not already before a priest.
"Not here. Later," he suggested, taking her hand and walking from the room. Thankfully they did not encounter anyone from the ball, and they returned to Victoria's mama just as supper was announced.
The meal was enjoyable, with fare that would rival the best balls in London. Albert talked and contributed to the conversation, but he could not stop the niggling concern that Victoria would not change her mind.
Was she so determined to cry off marriage, a life with another after her disastrous life with Armstrong that he could never win her heart?
They had been intimate for some time now. Certainly, he cared for her above anyone else in the world. He loved her dearly and wanted her as his wife.
Did she now feel the same? Did she want him for her husband? Or was she as unwavering as she had always been? How he wanted to break the stone tomb she had enclosed around her heart into a million pieces.
"Do not forget to dance a set with Miss Scottsdale, Lord Melvin. She has not been able to keep her attention from turning to you all supper. I think you have won her over already with your charm."
The duchess turned to her daughter before looking for Miss Scottsdale. "Are you certain that Lord Melvin wants to dance with Miss Scottsdale? You ought to be sure your matchmaking is wanted before pursuing it," she said, a look of apology on her face at her daughter's words.
"Lord Melvin knows that I have nothing but his best interests at heart."
Albert inwardly swore, having the answer to his question delivered without asking the awkward question at all.
How he wished Armstrong was alive so he could pummel the bastard to a pulp. Punish the rake for the hurt he caused Victoria, and the hurt against him should he not be able to win her hand after everything that they shared due to his misbegotten ways.
* * *
Victoria heard the words spilling from her mouth, yet she could not wrench them back, no matter how hard she tried. Miss Scottsdale was a sweet young lady, that was true, and she appeared quite taken with Albert. Still, after all that they had done together these past weeks, only half an hour before in the library, how could she request that of Albert?
She was the worst of people. He ought to shove her aside, tell her to cry off, and leave him alone. And yet, he never did.
He was too good for her, not by society standards, but moral ones. She was a vixen, a tease, some may say. Was her mother, right? Would she become scandalous and have a name of ill repute? When had she fallen so low?
Each time she suggested a lady to Albert, she read in his eyes the hurt. The continual disappointment that her words wrought within him. She was hurting him, and she hated that she did.
The remainder of the ball went remarkably well, considering her heart was no longer in the mood for dancing or conversing. All she wished for was to return to Rosedale, or maybe even Dunsleigh.
This game they were playing had gone on long enough, and no one was the winner. She needed to speak to Albert, and in the morning, she would. They could not continue to be together so intimately without consequence. She was not ready to give him her heart. Maybe she never would be. Victoria stood beside Josh, listening as he spoke of Lady Sophie, whom he seemed to be disappointed in for whatever reason, and watched Albert dance with Miss Scottsdale.
For Albert to find a wife, to move forward in his life, she could no longer be around him. He needed to form an attachment with another, and if they could not keep their hands off each other, their physical desires overpowering the rules of etiquette, then she had to go.
She had to leave Hampshire. England if she could manage it.
And sooner rather than later.
Chapter 32
Albert had no time to hide the pages he'd been writing when a knock sounded on the door at his hunting lodge the following morning. Victoria poked her head about the wood, a small smile on her supple lips. Although there was a concern, a cloud of worry in her eyes that gave him pause.
He sat there, unable to move and unsure what to do should his hasty filing away of his work cause interest from her. Make her question what he was doing at his lodge all times of the day and night.
Instead, he stood, coming over to her and leading her away from his desk and the words that a keen reader and lover of Elbert Retsek would distinguish.
"Victoria, I did not think you would come here today. I thought you may still be abed after the late night we all endured from the ball.”
She cast a curious glance at his desk but did not ask, merely let him lead her over to the settee, the very one he'd given her pleasure on. He pushed the memory from his mind, sensing she did not come here to find release in his arms but some other quest. Was she about to admit to having feelings toward him? He hoped that was the case. He wanted nothing more than to be hers from now and forever. The idea of not having Victoria in his life was unfathomable.
She sat on the many cushions and throw blankets, looking lost and a little unsure of herself.
He sat beside her, silent and waiting.
"I owe you an apology, Albert. I acted atrociously last evening. After what we did in the library, to ask you to dance with Miss Scottsdale was unforgivable. I've been throwing every eligible young lady at your head since we started your lessons. At the same time, I have been getting in the way of your progress by being intimate with you. I hope you're able to forgive my abominable behavior, and you can move forward with your desire for marriage, but with someone of your choosing, not mine."
Albert slumped back in the chair, staring at the ceiling, praying for patience. How had he allowed this charade to carry on for so long? How could she not see it was her that he wanted, not Miss Scottsdale, Miss Eberhardt, or Lady Sophie. None of them.
"Victoria, as much as I enjoy our lessons, God knows they've been enjoyable," he added, throwing her a rue smile. "I have concluded that I do not wish to marry just anyone who suits the role of the marchioness."
"Pardon?" She stared at him, not comprehending his words.
Albert decided enough was enough. They could not continue this game, not when they would either be caught and forced to marry, or she would leave, and he'd be a wreck for the rest of his life, having lost the only woman he ever loved.
"Albert, whatever do you mean?" she asked after his continued silence.
"I've been lying to you, Victoria, and I ought to be horsewhipped for it. In fact, I could understand if you do not want anything further to do with me, but if you do choose that course, know that it would be unbearable pain for me to endure."
She shook her head. A curl slipped loose and bounced about her shoulder. He reached over, placing it behind her ear, a diamond earing glistering in the morning sun.
"I have allowed your lessons to continue because they enabled me to be near you. I have wanted you for as long as I can remember."
"Why did you never say? Why did you not try to court me when Mr. Armstrong made his suit known?" she asked, a haunted look entering her eyes.
"Because you were Penworth's sister, and I knew that I could only court you if I were ready for marriage. I wasn't at that time. Ot
her things were occupying my mind." His writing, his publishing contracts that she still was unaware of, the death of his father. "But I am ready now. When you suggested to help me, all I wanted was to take you up on your offer. I thought I could seduce you into marrying me. That by being with me, you would change your mind on marriage, grow in affection for me and marry me after all."
Her mouth opened and closed several times, but her continual silence echoed like a death knell. Blast it. She was still, after all they had done, against marriage.
Surely not!
"Oh, Albert, I do not know what to say other than what I have always stated from the first. I do not wish to marry again." She reached out, taking his hand when he flinched at her words. "While I do like you so very much, and being with you makes me feel wonderful, I have plans and dreams. A second marriage, a husband and children would stop all of those from coming true."
While he did not want to ruin her dreams, could there be room for him in them? "We could travel together, see the world for as long as you wish, so long as we called into England every few months. Is that too much to ask?"
She nodded, casting her eyes down on the floor covered with an abundance of Aubussons rugs to keep the chill out of the flagstone floor. "It is. To travel with you sounds so wonderful and free, but children would inevitably come. They always do, and I do not think that is what I want in life." She paused, meeting his gaze and his heart crumbled at her words. The unshed tears in her eyes that told him she meant every word she spoke. "I cannot be the reason you do not gain all that you desire in life. A wife, children of your own. I know that is what you want, but I do not. You hate me, do you not? You think I'm wicked for wanting what I do."
"I do not think you're wicked." He could never think that, but it did not make it easy for him to accept either. Damn Armstrong and his underhanded means, his lack of respect for his bride. "I merely think you're missing out on an opportunity that could turn into one of life's grandest adventures. But I will not force you. I will not disclose to Penworth all that we've done simply to marry you. But know that I do wish for you to be mine. Now and forever."
“Albert,” she pleaded, “please do not make this any harder than it already is.”
There was nothing harder than losing the woman he loved. “I love you, Victoria. That I will tell you before you leave me.”
* * *
Victoria did not know what to say. Albert was so honest, so open with her, but still, she could not give him what he wanted. It broke her heart that she could not. She was certainly going to hell for being such a wicked woman. "I do not know what to say.” Panic assailed her at his disappointment. What could she say? Nothing would help the situation they found themselves. “Our lessons must end, and we must stop what we're doing."
He nodded slowly, taking in her words. "Our lessons do need to come to an end before there is no stopping what happens between us. We have been lucky so far not to be caught, but that luck will only hold for so long."
She met his gaze, the need and longing she read in his eyes crushing her soul. She was a terrible person. Albert was one of the finest gentlemen she knew. One of the best her family had ever known. Any lady would want to marry the marquess, and yet, she could not.
No matter how much pleasure they gave each other, that was not worth giving up all her dreams for, nor his. One day Albert would realize his love was nothing more than infatuation. When the right woman walked into his life, he would know that today she did the right thing by him, as hard as it was at this moment to believe that. He would have his children to bring laughter to the many rooms at Rosedale and he would know Victoria gave him that gift this very day.
“I do not mean to hurt you, Albert, but I cannot marry again. Each time I think that I may wish to consider the state in my future, my throat closes over and my stomach pains me with dread. I lived with a man for six weeks before he ran off with one of my maids. Made me look the biggest fool in England. Society pitied me for months and discussed my husband at balls and parties with scorn, forgetting I was there, listening to their every word. That I could not divorce him, that I was at his mercy, when Paul had none, I knew that never again would I endure such embarrassment.”
“I am not Paul, Victoria,” he stated, his voice thick with emotion.
She reached out, clasping his hands. “I know that you are nothing like him and it’s a credit to you, truly. But I just cannot marry you or anyone.”
He shook his head, a muscle working in his jaw. "May I kiss you goodbye?" he asked.
She met his kiss without hesitation. His lips crushed hers, their tongues tangling. Liquid heat pumped through her veins, down into her stomach, to settle between her legs.
She would miss this. This hunger that he made her feel every time they touched. Albert would be the last man she would ever be like this with again in her life, and she would kiss him, take her fill of him until there was nothing but fond, delicious memories of what they had to keep her warm at night.
You're a fool, Victoria, a little voice in her mind taunted.
She pushed it aside, just as Albert wrenched away, standing and striding to his desk and packing numerous papers into a leather satchel.
"You should leave, Victoria. Go now, before we're caught, and you're forced to marry me. I will not have you in that way."
She stood, her legs a little unsteady. His dismissal of her pinched at her heart, but she did as he asked, walking silently to the door.
"I am truly sorry, Albert. I shall ask Mama for us to leave. I will say I have a letter from Alice begging us to return home. Something to do with the baby. Are you in agreement with this plan?"
He nodded, a muscle working in his jaw, and yet he would not look at her. Instead, he remained focused on the papers on his desk, his eyes overly bright and glassy. Horror clutched at her heart that he was upset, more than she'd ever thought possible.
Had she broken his heart?
She took a calming breath, forcing her legs to move out the door and toward her horse. She did not look back.
* * *
Victoria found her mama in her room back at the house, still suffering from the megrim from partaking in too much champagne at the ball. Victoria sat beside the bed, shaking her mama's arm a little to wake her.
"Mama, I'm back from my ride and have received a letter from Alice requesting that we return home. Nothing is wrong, but she would like us closer with the baby due now in only a few weeks."
Her mother shuffled up on the numerous cushions at her back, blinking away her sleepiness. "Alice wrote again? I received a letter only yesterday stating all was well."
Victoria shrugged, not liking the fact she was lying to her dearest mama, but knowing it was necessary. "I do not know about the letter you received. I only know of the one that she sent to me that arrived today." She stood, going over to the bell pull. "Should I ring for your maid to have the packing started? I have already instructed mine to ready things for home."
Her mother tossed back the blankets, and Victoria knew they were going home. If there was one thing her mama prided most about her role in life, it was that of mother, and if her child needed her, made up or not, she would return home and cluck over her for weeks.
"Of course, ring the bell, dear. We shall depart today. It is not yet noon, and if we hurry, we should be home just after nightfall."
Victoria rang the bell, only too ready to return home to Dunsleigh.
Oh, who was she kidding? She was not returning to Dunsleigh. She was running away like the coward she was. And not only did she know it, but she was also certain Albert knew it as well.
Chapter 33
"Can someone please explain why the carriage is preparing to leave for Dunsleigh? I saw our driver helping with the loading of trunks," Josh asked, walking into her room.
Victoria looked up from her desk in her room where she had been sitting the past half hour, hoping her escape from Rosedale would occur before Lord Melvin returned from his hunting lod
ge.
It was rude of her to leave without saying a formal goodbye, but the one she had endured with him at the lodge was bad enough. She could not face him again.
"Mama and I are returning to Dunsleigh. Alice has requested that we return home." And she just hoped she was able to talk to her sister before she arrived at Dunsleigh's door and Alice outed her lie for what it was. Her mother would never forgive her that she had made them flee Rosedale when there was no valid reason to do so. Even if Lord Melvin knew of her excuse, her mama could never know the truth of it.
Never know that her daughter had been partaking in scandalous liaisons with a man, not her husband. And not only that but then to leave without marrying him as he wished.
"This hasn't got anything to do with you and Lord Melvin does it, Victoria? I know that he has been courting you. He asked for my permission to court and propose when the time came. I gave him my blessing, of course. He is a man of honor and good standing. You are not running away, are you?"
How on earth did her brother know her shameful truth?
"I do not wish to marry Lord Melvin, and it is unkind to him to allow him to believe that I do so. While I have been instructing him in the art of finding a wife, working through his nerves when about ladies and crowds, he has somehow seen me as his future bride and not another in the middle of it all. That cannot happen."
Her brother crossed his arms, a pronounced frown between his brows. "And why can it not happen? He's a kind and honorable gentleman. More so than Armstrong ever was or even myself. He's titled and not a gambler or a violent man, a good match for you, whom I love. You ought not to be so quick to dismiss his affections."
Victoria took a calming breath, knowing all of this already and having been warring with herself the whole morning. She thought of her sisters, their happy marriages. Wondering if she'd done the right thing. If she were acting foolish.
