by Gill, Tamara
He thrusted hard, taking delight in watching his cock go in and out. He squeezed her ass, fighting the urge to spill his seed into her. She moaned into a cushion, his name a chant as they fucked. This was no lovemaking at all. They were taking what they wanted, giving each other what they both needed.
Victoria cried out his name. Her mewls of pleasure muffled in the cushions before her face. Her body convulsed, the muscles about his cock spasming and drawing him ever closer to join her in her release.
But he could not. He took her for as long as he could, pumping hard and continuous, giving her what she wanted, letting her ride out her climax on his cock. At the last minute, he pulled free, spilling his seed onto her back and ass. A messy business, but if Victoria did not want children, something she would need to accept should she ever lay with another again.
For a moment, they stayed as they were, both lost in their ecstasy, before Albert slumped back on the settee, helping Victoria right her dress and sit beside him.
Their breathing ragged, he could only imagine what he looked like. Victoria had lost several pins, her hair cascading about her shoulders. Her cheeks kissed with high color, and her lips swollen from his touch.
He met her gaze, the hunted look in her eyes robbing him of hope. He understood what it meant. A goodbye. A farewell between friends and lovers. Tears pooled in her eyes and he pulled her against him, holding her close. “I shall live in hope that one day your heart will heal, and you will come back to me, Victoria.”
He felt her nod against his chest and the small sniffle of her upset. “I shall miss you, too,” she said, and then she was gone, walking from the room and out of his life.
He could only hope that it was not for forever.
Chapter 36
They had been home at Dunsleigh for a week when her sister requested Victoria come and see her. Alice had been a little put out that Victoria had lied to return home, but the good sister she was had allowed her ruse to stand. Victoria had her horse saddled and started over to Kester House, trying to build up enough courage to speak to Alice over what had happened between her and Albert.
Since her return to Dunsleigh, her ideas on the future had been troubling and confusing, to say the least. One pertinent reason for her troubles was the vexing fact that she missed Albert terribly so and more than she thought she would.
The other evening while strolling the house late at night after not being able to sleep, she had walked to the library and cried into a tumbler of whiskey—the memories, the fun, and pleasure that she had found in Albert's arms too hard to bear.
If she did not get a hold of herself soon, she would start to think she had a drinking problem.
Lady Victoria Worthingham was no watering pot, so there was something seriously off in her life. She called after Pickle and Cabbage, her two wolfhounds accompanying her on her ride today. They trotted beside her, eager for their run and a friendly pat from Alice.
Kester House wasn't far from Dunsleigh, and the sight of the estate, nestled in a wooded valley, always brought a smile to her face. It was such a stunning home, and Callum had done a lot to make it perfect for her sister.
She found Alice on the settee in the downstairs parlor reading the latest la belle assemblée. "Picking out your gowns for next season already, I see," she teased, coming into the room and bussing her sister on both cheeks.
Alice chuckled, shuffling up a little on her chair. "Oh, I'm so glad you called. I thought that I had punished you enough over your little lie."
Victoria told her dogs to sit, and they slumped before the fire, content now that Alice had patted both their heads. "She is disappointed to have left Rosedale. She has visited here a great deal. I do apologize for that."
Alice waved her concerns away. "It is no mind. She is only here ensuring I am well, and I could use the company. It's terribly boring waiting for a baby to arrive and with you both away, I have missed you."
Victoria smiled, pulling the bellpull for tea, having not thought about the consequences of her excuse she had given their parent. Her only thought at the time had been running away from the trouble she'd caused. She was such a coward.
"I'm sorry for the difficulty. I shall talk to Mama today and tell her you're much improved and merely needed rest. I'm sure that will halt some of the visits." Victoria hoped. Alice loved her family, but being so close to Dunsleigh did sometimes mean they were rarely without them underfoot.
Alice watched her a moment, her eyes narrowing before she said, "Was Lord Melvin who you believed him to be? Is he the famous writer, Elbert Retsek?"
Victoria sat across from Alice and swung her legs up under her gown on her chair, settling into a comfortable position. "I believe so, and I think he writes out at his hunting lodge. He snuck away there often, and when I saw him one day, he was scribbling away like a mad man. I do believe he is a writer, and I do think he's Elbert Retsek, but I never asked, and that is not why I'm home."
"How intriguing," Alice said, a mischievous light entering her eyes.
A footman came into the room and bowed. "Excuse me, my lady, the tea you ordered is ready."
"Thank you," Alice replied. "Bring it in, but we shall pour, and we're not to be disturbed." Alice waited for the footman to depart before she turned her attention back to Victoria. "Did you give him back the page from his book?"
"After what happened between us, I could not bring myself to ask him. I just wanted to flee. It all seemed so confusing, and I've acted atrocious, Alice. I was not thinking clearly or like myself at all."
Alice leaned forward in her chair. "I knew you had run away. I told Callum as much. What happened at Rosedale, Victoria? What did you do?"
What she did not do would be a more appropriate question. Victoria busied herself pouring the tea, taking up time setting out the almond tartlets before she admitted to her actions, her conduct that was reprehensible. She handed a cup to her sister, forcing the words out of her mouth that admitted her guilt. "You know how we have been friends with Lord Melvin for years. Well, due to that confidence, I offered to help him gain a wife by giving him lessons in etiquette, in conversation skills, on how to court a lady while I was a guest in his home."
"You did?" Alice’s eyes went wide with surprise. "And how did that go, may I ask?"
Victoria sipped her tea, shaking her head as shame washed through her. "Terribly. Well," she corrected, "not terribly, he did learn and become more confident at balls and country dances. I taught him how to help a lady when she played the pianoforte on a musical night. On how to talk while walking or taking the air in the gardens. But that is not the worst of it."
"What is the worst of it?" Alice demanded, staring at her, leaning forward a little at her words.
"I gave myself to him," she admitted at last. "I do not know how it happened." Although she did know how exactly how it had happened and at her prodding. "I had told him I would not marry him, that I did not want a husband, not after the hell that Paul put me through. I want my freedom, to travel and not have children, as much as I adore all my nieces and nephews. But when I found him in the library on our final night, the pain in his eyes, the longing, well, I could not leave without being with him. I wanted him with such force that even now," she declared, standing and pacing before the fire.
"I want him still. I think of him day and night. Of his kisses, his smile, his silly little ways of making me laugh, and it cannot be. I do not want a husband. I made such an error of judgement with Paul, what if I do so again?" She sat back on the settee, taking her sister's hands. "You must help me. Tell me what I am to do."
Her sister’s knowing grin did nothing to help in the slightest. "I will do no such thing, Victoria. The choice must be yours, but I do believe you are in love with him. Have you admitted that to yourself yet?"
"What?" she gasped. "Do not be absurd. Of course I'm not in love with him. In lust, yes. Infatuated, yes. But love? No. You are mistaken."
Alice raised one eyebrow. "Lust? You're a Wort
hingham. We do not lust after men unless we're in love with them. We marry for life and love only once. If you lust after him, you're emotionally tied to him, more than you ever were with Paul."
"I thought myself in love with Paul. I fear your beliefs about our family and love are unsound."
Alice shook her head. "Paul was not your soul mate.” She clasped her hands in her lap. “Why did you leave Rosedale after giving yourself to him? How did his lordship take your leave?"
Victoria closed her eyes, leaning her head back on the chair. The image of Albert standing at his doors as the carriage rolled down the drive. The disappointment on his handsome face. The raw, unmasked pain. "I think I may have broken his heart."
"Hmm," Alice murmured, making her heart beat with renewed panic. "This is what I think you should do before any decisions are made. Our sister Elizabeth and Henry are preparing now to travel south and leave for Paris. They will be back before the next Season starts. I think you should go with them, see a little of the world as you wish. With the absence I think your decision on your future may become clearer than it is now."
Her sister’s plan had merit and Elizabeth would never deny her company. Could a little distance and time help her know her own heart? What she truly wanted? "Even if I decided that I wish to marry Albert, what do I do about his desire for children? I have never had those motherly instincts that come so natural to you and our sisters. He will want an heir.”
"Have you asked him?" Alice studied her a moment, her eyes narrowing. “You need to know if that is something he will live without to have your love.”
To her shame, she had not given him the chance to decide if that was a future he could tolerate. She should have asked him instead of running off like she had. "I have not." She met Alice's eyes and saw only compassion and understanding there. Thank heavens, for she was not sure she could stomach shame.
"Do you not think you should have? Especially when there could be a chance that you are carrying his child."
Victoria shook her head, knowing at least with that predicament there was no problem at all." No, I started my courses the day we arrived home to Dunsleigh."
Alice breathed a sigh of relief. "Right then, this is what you shall do," she said, reinvigorated. "When Elizabeth arrives in the next few days, you shall go with them to Paris. I'm sure they will not mind. If you take your maid, you may do your own sightseeing to give them privacy, and I'm certain Josh will ensure you have your own private accommodations."
"I do not want to be a bother to them."
Alice waved her concerns away. "La. This is Elizabeth, the nice sister, remember? She will do this for you, but in return, you must do something for yourself."
"What is that?" she asked, unsure if she trusted the calculating light in Alice's eyes.
"That you will return to England and have your mind made up before next Season. I have little doubt Lord Melvin will be in attendance. After the lessons you were determined to help him with, he'll be ready to scuff the boards and choose a bride. But you need to see, really understand the choice you're making if you choose to let him go. If you see Lord Melvin and you feel nothing but friendship, then your choice is easy. It was only lust after all and no harm done."
"And if I do not feel only lust?"
"If you do not, then you need to find a way to win him back. Which if he's the sort of gentleman you believe him to be, honorable and kind, he will be waiting for you to come to your senses."
Hope rose up inside her. She could travel, see a little of Europe, and then decide her fate. Have a taste of freedom after knowing the delights of being in Albert's arms, and then she would choose which one she wanted forever.
She just hoped Albert would be there to enable her the choice. No matter how difficult the outcome would be, she would have to take a risk, especially if he married before she returned and made the decision for her.
Chapter 37
The Season, 1810
Albert had not seen or heard from Victoria for several months, not since she had parted from him at Rosedale the morning after their night together.
Even now, after all this time, all he could think about was how to win her love. What he could have done to make her stay. To love him as he loved her. He was certain she cared for him. A woman such as Victoria, a Worthingham, did not give themselves to random people. It was simply not in their nature. Not any of the siblings.
No, Victoria cared for him, more than he believed she could admit to herself. To do so would mean she would have to choose between him and a life she dreamed of living. One where her heart was forever locked away from harm.
He spied her late husband’s younger brother, noting the rogue caroused society without his wife on his arm. He narrowed his eyes, the family resemblance both in looks and character ran deep, it would seem.
The butler continued to call out the names of guests as they arrived. Albert stood to the side of the room, a glass of whiskey in hand, needing to calm his nerves. Although he was unsure if Victoria would attend this evening, he waited, hoping she would. He had missed her, and during the time apart he too had many days and nights to think of what he wanted in life. What he cherished more than anything, what he could live with and without to have the one person whom he loved.
He had done all that Victoria had asked of him after she left. He had attended numerous dances about Hampshire and attended every country house party where his presence had been requested. He went as far as spending Christmas with Lord and Lady Hammilyn. Although the memory of that Christmas party was one, he'd prefer to forget since Miss Eberhardt too had been invited.
She had been unabashedly forward during the week-long stay, rarely leaving his side. Certainly had he wanted to court any other young woman, which he did not, he could not have, for she had not left him alone.
His only escape was when he retired for the night, and even then, she had a habit of walking him to the stairs as if they were courting. He could not return to Rosedale quickly enough.
The names of the Duke of Penworth and his sister, Lady Victoria Worthingham, sounded out across the room, and several gasps and tittering of conversation turned toward the high society family who had arrived.
Albert looked up at the doors, his stomach clenching at the sight of Victoria paying her respect to the hosts. Her genuine smile, her generous laugh hitting him fairly in the chest.
A fist tightened about his heart. How had he allowed the months to pass them by without seeing her? He ought to have chased her across England and the seas to win her love. To show her she could have all that she dreamed, so long as she allowed him to be part of her adventures as well.
She was as beautiful as he remembered. Her long, flowing locks tied up in a motif of curls, a strand of diamonds delicately threaded throughout her curls. Her long white silk gloves and silver embroidered gown made her look royal, untouchable, and lofty.
She was none of those things, he knew to his core, no matter how she may appear outwardly. When she greeted people as they made their way through the crowd, her smile and warmth were genuine, and he wondered what she thought of her trip to France. Had she enjoyed her time with her sister and husband?
Had she experienced so much freedom that his chances of winning her hand were impossible? He had pinned all his hopes on attending this Season and showing her that he would do anything that she wanted.
He could be the man whom she longed for if only she would give him another chance to prove his worth.
Fear had often clutched at his mind that her trip abroad may have solidified her decision to remain a widow, but damn and blast it, he hoped that was not the case.
He loved her. So very much.
The Duke of Penworth spied him and started his way, leading his sister in his direction, even though she was yet to notice him. When she did, it was like a physical blow to his gut.
She smiled, the little lines at the sides of her eyes crinkling. "Lord Melvin," she said, curtsying. "You do not know how wonde
rful it is to see you here this evening. I had heard you were in town, but I said I would not believe it until I laid eyes on you myself."
He bowed. "Your Grace, Lady Victoria, I am indeed here. Your lessons in comporting myself were successful, and I am in town seeking the woman I want to marry."
The duke cleared his throat, biting back a smile. "Melvin, I am glad I shall have at least you for company this evening. The Lettingham ball is never one known for excitement."
"Ah, but you forget." Albert lowered his voice so only Penworth could hear. "Lady Sophie is in attendance."
The duke's attention snapped to the crowd before them. "Is she? Do you know where? I have not seen her since the ball at her estate and I do not mind telling you, I would prefer it to remain that way."
Albert pointed toward the supper room doors. "I believe she is over there," he gestured. "Speaking to Miss Eberhardt." Albert moved a little, so the clingy Miss Eberhardt did not see him again and chase him about this ballroom all night.
The duke cringed. "I think I shall go speak with Lord Clifford. I see he is trying to gain my attention.” The duke bowed. “If you’ll excuse me a moment.”
Albert bowed in return. "Of course," he said, wanting to be alone with Victoria in any case.
Victoria came to stand at his side, and pulled up one of her gloves that had slipped. He watched her, remembering her in his arms. Desire to have her so again licked at his every pore, and he took a calming breath, not wanting to scare her away.
Were they not in a ballroom full of guests, he would wrench her into his arms and kiss her until she realized he was perfect for her and she should marry him.
"I heard you attended Lord and Lady Hammilyn's Christmas house party. How did you find it? Did our lessons help you at all?"
His lips twitched into a bemused smile. "Which ones are you talking about, Lady Victoria?" he asked her without flinching. Two bright-red spots appeared on her cheeks, and he chuckled. "I see you understand my meaning, my lady."
