by G E Griffin
So, who should I launch myself at? None of the guys here would have been invited if they hadn't got Harry’s seal of approval as being at least half way decent, so I knew I had to be on to a good thing, whoever I chose, even if none of them came close to… I pulled myself up short. Don't compare. Don't even think about anyone else. Drinking helped blur some of the edges, stopping me from being so stupidly fussy about which guy I was going to take back to my place to fuck.
Fuck.
I liked that word. Fuck was a good strong Anglo Saxon word. Nothing namby-pamby about it.
No stupid romance or love crap required. No complications. All I needed was a guy willing and able to supply me with the required part of his anatomy, to take me to that place where I could forget about everything except pure physical pleasure, to numb myself to all of life’s shittiest of shitty complications.
“Are you sure you’re alright, Faith?” Harry frowned at me. “You’re looking and acting differently tonight, you're not your usual self at all.”
“Don't say that as if it’s a bad thing, Harry. I’ve realised I've been burying myself in work for far too long, so I’ve decided to just kick back for a while, at least until I’ve worked out exactly what I want to do next.” All I’d told her about the job in America was that it hadn't worked out, without going into any details. “Just help me find a nice guy to chill with, seeing as you’ve invited so many of them along tonight, and I’m spoilt for choice.”
“Faith sweetheart, you're acting a bit weird. Are you really sure you're ready for this?” she asked worriedly.
“You’re the one that keeps telling me it’s exactly what I need, so I don't know why you're being such a mother hen now,” I exclaimed in exasperation. “Just do me a favour, and make sure I don't make a complete idiot of myself by picking out the wrong guy - my gaydar isn’t as finely tuned as yours.”
“Okay, but just take things slowly, alright?” she reluctantly agreed. “Don't jump into anything you're not comfortable with.”
“Message received and understood. Now, come on, point me in the right direction. What about him, over there, the blonde one?” I wasn’t wearing my glasses, but from what I could see, he looked nothing like either Drew or Caleb, which made him perfect as far as I was concerned. Average looking, average height, an average kind of guy. Nothing special, nothing to dislike. That would do. He would do.
“You mean Will? Hmm, I don't know him that well, he’s only here because Jack asked if he could bring him along. From what I’ve heard Will’s very charming, but also a bit of a player, as I gather he’s worked his way through most of the female staff at the airline. Maybe you should steer clear of him,” she worried.
“Nah, he sounds perfect seeing as I’m not looking for boyfriend material. Come on, introduce me to him,” I insisted. The man-whore type. He’d certainly be up for just a quick fuck.
And as he noticed us looking over at him, Will smiled and raised his glass at me. So it seemed he was interested, which was a start. Why had I been so worried? What had been the big deal about finding a willing bloke? This was going to be far easier than I’d thought. I gulped down the rest of my wine, then poured myself another, before making my way over for Harry to make the introductions.
And it was as simple as that. Not much more than half an hour later, after a little bit of flirty chatting, a little bit of dirty dancing and a rather sloppy kiss, Will and I were making our way downstairs to my flat. Caleb’s a much better kisser…Oh you stupid cow! No comparisons, remember? Thanks to the copious amounts of wine I'd poured down my neck, everything was nice and blurry, although I was having a little trouble coping with my high heels on the stairs, so I clutched onto Will’s arm.
“Oops, steady on there,” he grinned as he slid his arm around my waist to support me.
We made it safely down to my doorway, where I fumbled in my bag to find my keys. Then I froze, as Will moved behind me and pushed me up hard against the wall, then slid his hands under my top to grope my boobs.
“You have really great tits, Fiona,” Will murmured as he squeezed them very hard, and I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he trapped me there, rubbing his hard-on against my backside. I tried to stifle my rising panic, because this felt all wrong, not nice at all, certainly not sexy, and nothing at all like it had with Caleb.
“My name’s Faith, actually, and just hold on a minute.” I tried to push him away and wriggle free, but the more I struggled, the more firmly he held me in place.
“Mmm, like things a bit rough do you, eh? Fine by me, a bit of resistance just makes things more interesting,” Will chuckled, running his hand under my skirt.
“No…” I tried again to move away from his pawing hands, but I couldn’t get away, and even in my befuddled state, alarm bells began to sound.
“Sshh, just relax, it’ll be okay, baby,” Will continued, as he grabbed the cheeks of my bottom. I felt exposed because I was only wearing a stupid little lace thong under my very short skirt, and I started really panicking, as I couldn’t see how I was going to get away from him.
“Don’t… Please…Stop…” I begged as I struggled, but Will just ignored me.
“Get your fucking hands off her,” a familiar deep voice suddenly growled from somewhere behind me.
It couldn’t be, could it? Was I so drunk that I was hallucinating?
“Caleb?” I gasped, as I tried to look round.
“Excuse me?” Will also turned round in surprise, although he still kept hold of me. “What is your fucking problem here, mate?”
“My problem here, mate, is that the lady just asked you to stop, and yet you still seem to have your dirty fucking hands on her,” Caleb ground out.
I looked up to see Caleb’s furious face as he glowered down at Will. None of this made any sense whatsoever. What on earth was he doing here?
“Yeah? So what are you going to do about it?” Will pulled himself up to his full height, which was a pretty stupid thing to do, as he was nowhere near as tall as Caleb.
“Well, if you don't back the fuck away from her, I guess I'm gonna have to make you,” Caleb threatened, as he leaned into Will’s face aggressively.
My head was spinning, and suddenly I knew I was about to puke.
So I did. All over Will’s feet.
It wasn’t intentional, but I had little control by that point. I watched in horror as my vomit splattered all over his shoes.
“For fuck’s sake, that’s disgusting! You know what? The stupid little prick tease is all yours, you’re welcome to her,” Will yelled as he backed away, and then quickly headed back upstairs towards Harry’s flat.
“Great aim, Faith,” Caleb murmured, as he grabbed the key out of my hand, opened the front door, then scooped me up to carry me in. I winced as he slammed the door behind us with his foot - my head felt as though it was about to explode.
“What the fuck have you done to yourself, Faith? I really hate the way you’re looking tonight.”
“Nice to see you too, Caleb. What are you doing here anyway?” I slurred, with my head slumped against his shoulder, as he carried me into the bathroom and then unceremoniously dumped me on the floor next to the toilet.
“Seems I got here just in time judging by the state you're in. What the hell were you thinking, getting yourself into that kind of a situation?” Caleb practically growled.
“Don't know why you're here. Nothing to do with you,” I mumbled, as I curled up into a tiny ball, my head pounding as the room spun sickeningly.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Faith, because whatever you do happens to be of great concern to me,” he murmured, as he hunkered down and gently brushed the hair away from my face. “Look, you just concentrate on puking up the rest of that alcohol to get it out of your system, because you won’t be able to talk any sense until you do. Then you and me have some unfinished business to sort out once you’ve sobered up.”
I would have argued with him, but suddenly I was too busy heaving my gu
ts up. After that, I must have passed out, because I don't remember much else until I woke up in my bed, alone, apart from the worst headache in living memory, wondering why on earth I could possibly have thought getting mindlessly smashed was the answer to all my problems.
Ah, that was it, the mindlessly part. As in not having to use my mind to think about anything. Well, that sure as hell hadn't been a very successful experiment, had it?
I lay in bed and cautiously moved my head to the side, realising I was dressed in just my underwear, although I had no recollection of getting undressed, and no idea where my clothes had ended up.
There was a glass of water on the bedside table, so I reached for it with a shaking hand and tentatively took a few sips, which helped a little to dispel the awful taste in my mouth. I managed to put it down without spilling it, before collapsing back on the bed and throwing my arm over my eyes as a shield against the light that was streaming through the crack in the curtains.
So it was morning, obviously.
It was all coming back to me, unfortunately. Throwing myself at Will, and inviting him back to my place. Being so sure it was a good idea, right up to the moment he’d started mauling my boobs. Then trying unsuccessfully to extricate myself.
After that, had it been a dream? Had Caleb really been there to step in like some kind of white knight in shining armour coming to my rescue?
But there was no reason for him to be over here in London.
I vaguely remembered him saying something last night about us needing to talk. Maybe the powers that be at the bank were pissed off with me for turning down their job, after they’d stumped up for my trip to San Francisco, and now they were expecting some kind of reimbursement. Well, tough luck, they could whistle for that. I'd not signed any kind of contract, so what could they do, sack me? That’d be hard, seeing as they’d already made me redundant.
My nostrils twitched as the smell of coffee wafted through enticingly, and I could hear someone moving around in the kitchen, opening cupboards. So Caleb was still around I realised, as I heard his deep rumbling voice, apparently talking to the cat.
I sighed as I wondered how quickly I could get rid of him. I'd wanted our association to end on a high note, which was why I’d left without any messy goodbyes, once I'd decided I wouldn’t be taking the job, and our association was therefore at an end. That way, he’d just be left with good memories of the fun times we’d shared together.
No question, things had been really great between us while it had lasted, but I hadn't wanted false promises about anything more between us as he’d started to talk about, that last morning we’d been in bed together. I didn't want to allow myself any kind of false hope, have any kind of expectation of something more from Caleb than he was capable of giving. Not when that meant I’d inevitably be let down and left broken hearted when he moved on. So I’d taken care of that by drawing a line under things, deleting him from my life, and determinedly looking forward rather than back.
Well, whatever he was doing here, I’d just have to get rid of him as soon as possible. I forced myself to sit up in bed, waited for the nauseous feeling to pass, then slowly got up.
As I wrapped myself in my dressing gown and headed out, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. I had big panda eyes from all the makeup I'd been wearing last night, my hair looked like a birds nest, and I was as pale as a ghost, with the added bonus of a sickly green tinge.
Boy, what an attractive sight I made.
Caleb seemed to have made himself right at home in my kitchen. There was a pot of coffee on the side, and he was busy opening a tin of cat food, while Stan was frantically entwining himself round his legs as he meowed loudly and pitifully.
“Alright fella, there you go,” Caleb smiled, as he put the bowl of food down and then stroked Stan as he leapt on the food. You’d think that cat hadn't been fed for a fortnight, the show he put on.
Now the question was, could I manage to sneak to the shower before Caleb spotted me?
“So, you’re finally up. Morning, Faith.”
No, obviously I couldn’t.
Caleb treated me to one of his glorious smiles, which reminded me how much I liked his smile, my favourite being his sleepy, first thing in the morning smile… I pulled myself up sharp. No room for those kinds of thoughts now.
I noticed there was a neatly folded blanket and pillow on the sofa in the living area - evidence of where Caleb must have spent the night - along with a suitcase in the corner that had to be his. He must have had an uncomfortable night - a man his size on that small sofa. Well, that had been his choice, I hadn't asked him to stay - or had I? Shit. I really couldn’t remember much about last night at all.
“What are you doing here, Caleb?” My voice came out really gravelly, thanks to my parched mouth and scratchy throat, which had similarities to the bottom of a parrot’s cage
“Told you last night. We have unfinished business. Tea? Coffee? Or I went down to the corner store while you were still out cold, and got you some orange juice - maybe you’d prefer that instead?” he offered, smiling in apparent amusement at my obvious discomfort. Bastard.
I tried to ignore how great he looked in comparison to me, how my treacherous heart leapt with happiness at seeing him again. He looked so normal and nice and clean in his washed out jeans and plain white T shirt, while under my tatty old dressing gown I was still in my grungy undies from last night, with makeup streaked all over my face.
“Shower. I need to grab a shower first,” I mumbled.
“Good idea. I’ve already taken one, but there should still be plenty of hot water. We’ll talk later. Just make sure you scrub every last bit of that shit off your face while you’re in there. You don't need it and it doesn't suit you,” he stated disapprovingly.
“For God’s sake, Caleb, you sound just like my dad used to when I was a teenager.” I rolled my eyes as I stomped off to the bathroom.
“And your slutty clothes from last night are in the trash, in case you wondered where they’d gone. Only place they were fit for,” he called after me, as I slammed the door, which only made my head hurt even worse of course.
Fucking nerve of the man! Who the hell did he think he was, pronouncing judgement on my appearance like that? It was beside the point that I’d already decided that I was never going to wear that tarty outfit again, and it was irrelevant that I couldn’t wait to denude myself of all this revolting makeup. I was allowed to experiment and try out new looks if I wanted to, wasn’t I?
I stayed under the shower for as long as I could, until the hot water finally ran out. At least I felt a bit better by then, although my stomach was still decidedly queasy. I brushed my teeth, grabbed some clean underwear, jeans and a loose white cotton top from the airing cupboard in the bathroom, then towel dried my hair, combed it through and just left it to dry naturally. The face looking back at me from the mirror was more like the old Faith, if still a rather pale and wan version.
Now I supposed I couldn’t put it off any longer. It was time to face the music, so I headed back to the kitchen.
“You look a bit better - less like the living dead. Sit and eat your breakfast. I’ve gone ahead and made you some tea, but there’s also the coffee or OJ if you prefer. I also picked you up some headache pills, which I’m guessing you might appreciate.” Caleb was sitting at the small table in my kitchen, sipping his mug of black coffee. “Now, please, come and sit down here, rather than glaring at me from over there.”
Very begrudgingly, I sat down with him, grabbed the pills, and took them with a swig from the mug of steaming hot tea, which, as he’d made it exactly how I liked it, tasted divine.
“Why are you here, Caleb?” I sighed, as I rubbed my forehead to ease the tension.
“Why did you run away, Faith?” He deflected my question with his.
“I didn't.”
“You sure as hell did. You just up and left, without so much as a good bye, then cut off all means of communication between us.” H
e sounded pretty pissed off, which pissed me off, when all I'd been trying to do was spare us both the aggro and complications that getting involved would inevitably have entailed.
“I did say good bye, actually. In my letter, which explained everything. After that, there wasn't anything more to say. I didn't see the point of wasting any more of your time once I’d decided not to take the job,” I shrugged, as I spread some marmalade on a piece of the toast, more for something to do than because I actually fancied eating it.
“Okay, so let’s talk about the job for a minute. Why exactly are you turning it down, when you know it’s a great opportunity that you’d be perfect for?” he demanded.
“Maybe I would, but maybe it wouldn’t be perfect for me. Sure, if I was there, the system integration would more than likely go a lot easier for you guys, but what would happen once everything was running smoothly? I’d be kicked out, left high and dry on the other side of the world. So I decided it wasn’t for me,” I stated.
“You really think I'd let that happen?” Caleb’s eyes bore into me.
“We both know the score when it comes to the realities of business, Caleb. Fact is, the more swiftly I managed the integration, the sooner my role would become redundant and then I’d be let go. I understand, it wouldn’t be anything personal,” I countered.
“These excuses about the job are all bullshit, and you know it, Faith. Be honest, and admit that the real reason you ran out on me was because of the feelings that were developing between us.” He reached over to take my hand, but I snatched it away.
“No! Of course not. I would never be so stupid as to think having sex meant there was anything else between us. We’ve always made that distinction crystal clear,” I insisted.
