No Direction Home (Sweet Home Colorado)

by Jude Willhoff

  “Oh, honey, come here.” Grace pulled her onto her lap and hugged her close, her mind on Seth, too. “I know. He told Nana and me to take very good care of you and he’ll be back soon as he can.” She tipped Jamie’s chin so she could see her eyes. “I’m sure he misses you, too.”

  “Daddy said I stayed with my aunt when I was a baby, but I don't remember much about that.” Her voice seemed to come from a long way off. “It feels funny right here.” She placed a hand over her heart and snuggled in Grace’s lap.

  “You’re missing your daddy. That’s only natural.” Grace wrapped her arms around Jamie and spoke softly in her ear. “When you miss somebody, the only way to make it feel better is to keep busy. I think you and I should do something special today.”

  “Like what?” She sat up and the dampness in her eyes seemed to disappear for the moment.

  “I thought maybe we could go horseback riding this morning and have a picnic. I know Nana has something special planned for you later this afternoon. What do you think about that?”

  “Oh, boy, can I ride Pokey?” She hugged Grace’s neck. “When Dad works on Saturdays Travis lets me ride Pokey.”

  Affection tugged at Grace’s heart strings. “I think we might manage it if we eat a good breakfast. Are you hungry?”

  “A little.” Jamie grinned. “I like the cereal with the marshmallow charms in it.”

  “Sounds good to me, too. Let’s go to the kitchen and see what we can find.”

  “Okay.” She jumped off Grace’s lap and together they headed toward the kitchen and breakfast. “I can’t wait to ride Pokey.”

  After breakfast, the bright sunshine warmed Grace’s back when she and Jamie rode out of the barn, listening to the birds chirping in the trees. It was good to be able to ride horseback again. As long as she paced herself and no galloping like she’d done with the riding in occupational therapy she’d be okay. She'd take it easy and it wouldn't cause her any back problems. “Where would you like to ride?” She wanted to keep Jamie busy to distract her from missing her dad.

  “The trails behind the stables are pretty. We can go there.” She pulled back on Pokey’s reins. “Whoa, not so fast.”

  “You handle that horse well.” The brown Shetland pony wanted to run, but Jaime controlled him. His long blond mane streamed behind him while Jamie brought the animal to a gentle trot. Grace moved her horse beside Jamie, impressed with the way the child rode the pony. “How long have you been riding?”

  “Forever.” She shrugged. “My dad used to take me for rides when I was a baby.”

  “You have lots of fun with your dad, don’t you?” It was obvious from the way Jamie talked that Seth spent quality time with his daughter. Cindy had been right...he was one of the good guys, at least where his child was concerned.

  “He’s the best.” Enjoyment danced in her small glowing face with the innocence of childhood reflected in her eyes.

  “Let’s ride out to the back forty.” The well-worn leather saddle creaked when Grace leaned forward. “Your dad told me of a place you like.” She had enjoyed the view and his company there just last night. By going to it they would both feel closer to Seth. He had been nice to her. Thinking of him brought a warm fuzzy feeling to her heart.

  “Okay, I don’t care where we go.” Jamie’s voice was filled with happiness. “This is fun. Usually Travis just lets me ride around the stables and with school I don’t get to ride Pokey much as I want.”

  “Do you like school?” Grace kept the conversation casual while they rode along the rocky ridge.

  “Oh, yeah. My teacher is nice.” Jamie pulled on the reins to slow Pokey and squealed with excitement. “I know where we are. It’s the place where dad and I make believe we build our dream house.”

  Grace looked out at the gently rolling hills with the mountains meeting the horizon in the distance. “It's a beautiful spot, isn’t it?” They were right. It would be a perfect spot to build a home.

  “Yes. We love it here. Can I get down and play on the rocks? Dad always lets me play on the sandstone.”

  “Sure, it’s time to take a break and I thought we’d have our picnic here. I brought fruit, drinks and cheese.”

  “Cool.” Jamie laughed when she dismounted from the horse and climbed on the rocks.

  “Be careful,” Grace called out. “Don’t go too high.” All she needed was to take the kid out and get her hurt. Seth would never trust her alone with Jamie if anything happened.

  “I’m fine. Dad lets me climb this high.”

  “Maybe so, but I’m not used to it.” She cursed under her breath, not wanting Jamie to know how nervous she was making her. “Please come down.” If Jamie fell and hurt herself she wouldn’t be able to lift her.

  “Just a minute. I see something,” Jamie shouted.

  Much to Grace’s exasperation, the child disappeared from sight. “Jamie, where are you?” Her heart squeezed in anguish as she headed up the rocks. If something happened to Jamie, she'd never forgive herself.

  “Right here.” Jamie’s head popped back into view. “Look at this rock.” Her voice rose with excitement. “It looks like gold. Do you think its gold?”

  “Bring it down here. Let me see.” Grace shaded her eyes with her hand, relieved when Jamie scrambled to the base of the red rocks. She handed Grace a shiny gold-colored rock about the size of a baseball. “It’s pyrite, called fool’s gold, but it’ll make a nice paperweight.”

  Jamie raised her eyebrows. “I don’t care if it’s gold or not. I like it. I’m gonna take it home with me,” she exclaimed with great pleasure. “Where’s the food? I’m starving.”

  “In my saddlebags, I’ll get it. Let’s sit on that big rock overlooking the valley. It’s warm from the sun.” The clouds were starting to build in the distance and with the temperature dropping; they’d have to head home soon. When they walked to the rock, a small brown rabbit scurried under some brush.

  “Did you see him?” Jamie’s eyes grew wide with wonder. “He’s cute. I like bunnies.”

  “I saw him. We must’ve scared him. Sorry, fella, you can have it back in a little while. We’re just eating our lunch.”

  Jamie laughed. “You don’t talk to rabbits. They can’t understand you.”

  They sat side by side, in comfortable companionship, eating apples and watching an eagle fly high in the sky and swoop back down. “What’s he doing?” Jamie asked.

  “Probably looking for food.” Grace glanced at Jamie who held her rock in one hand and her apple in the other. “Nana has a surprise for you when we get back to the ranch. You’re going to have a lot of fun.”

  “What is it?” She turned her face toward Grace with a gleam in her eyes.

  “I can’t tell you.”

  “Why?”

  “That would spoil the surprise, you silly goose. You’ll have to wait and see.” The girl was too adorable. She leaned over and tickled Jamie. Laughter rang out over the hills causing the small birds to take flight and the rabbit to scurry in his hole. A warm glow flowed through Grace in that brief shared moment.

  ***

  Grace pulled the curtain back and looked out the window for the fourth time in as many minutes. The weather had turned frightful with freezing sleet and snow, coming down hard. She watched the darkness and the snow swirling under the light from the country porch. Where were Nana and Jamie? They had gone to an early matinee to see the Tigger movie, but they should be home by now. Glancing at her watch, she realized the movie had been out for over an hour. Where could they be?

  The ringing of the phone pulled Grace away from the window. “Hello.”

  “Hi, honey, it’s me. I wanted to let you know Jamie and I will be staying with my friend, Ida, in town tonight. The roads are too bad to try to make it home.”

  “Thank goodness you’re okay. I was starting to worry.” She continued to look out the window at the blowing white stuff. The snow was getting deeper in the driveway.

  “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean
to worry you. Honey, when your friends arrive, have them stay over. We were at the restaurant and I heard a semi jackknifed on Wilson Hill. And with the white out conditions, the roads will be blocked for hours.”

  “I don’t think they’ll try to come with the weather like this. How was the movie?”

  “Jamie loved it. We had a good time.”

  “I’m glad. She’s a sweetheart. We had fun today, too.” It was easy to let herself get close to Seth’s child.

  “I knew you would. Remember what I said.”

  “If they show up, I’ll do it. Ollie and I will be fine. I’m going to curl up in front of the fire with a good book.”

  “Okay, well, we’ll see you after church. If you need anything you can call me here at Ida’s or call one of the boys in the bunkhouse. The numbers are on the bulletin board next to the phone in the kitchen.”

  “Okay. Goodnight, Nana.” The chiming of the clock in the hallway made her jump as she hung up the phone. She wasn’t used to being in the house alone.

  A half hour later, glancing out the huge picture window, Grace could see headlights moving in the distance. Surely Cindy and Jenna hadn’t tried to brave the snowstorm.

  She watched them pull into the driveway. Ice crystals hung from the headlights on Cindy’s red Jeep Cherokee. Good grief, they had come.

  “Hurry, come inside.” Grace held the door open for Cindy and Jenna as they ran through the snowstorm toward the house.

  “I can’t believe you came through white out conditions to see me. You guys must be crazy.” She laughed when she hung their coats in the closet.

  “Actually, I never dreamed it was this nasty out. It became worse after we left.” Cindy held a bottle of wine in each hand. “Spring storms always move in fast.” She shrugged. “I had my cell phone and knew if we ran into a ditch I could call you and you’d send some big strong cowboy to rescue us.” She smiled. “Really, I didn’t have a clue it would get this bad.”

  Jenna stood there, looking frozen.

  “Come over to the fire and warm up. I’ll fix some hot tea.” Grace led her to a chair beside the fireplace.

  “Okay, I need to take the chill off.” Jenna sat and nodded toward Ollie. “He has the right idea for a night like this.” Ollie lay curled in Nana’s recliner, snoozing, while the wind howled around the corner of the house.

  “Where is everyone?” Cindy checked out the place, following Grace to the kitchen. “I thought everyone would be here with the weather this bad.”

  “Well girls, we have the place to ourselves. Seth had to leave on family business last night and because of the bad weather, Nana and Jamie are spending the night in town.” She grinned. “Nana told me if you made it here you had to spend the night. Some truck jackknifed on Wilson Hill and the road is closed.” She laughed. “Looks like you’re trapped here with me and the cat.”

  Cindy giggled. "Ooh...I like the sound of that. I haven’t been snowed in for a long time. We have wine. You have food. We’ll have a party and you guys will have to tell me all your deepest darkest secrets.”

  “You’re full of it.” Grace sat the bottles down on the counter and started the water boiling for the tea. “We’ll have these later.”

  Jenna held her hands out to the warmth coming from the fireplace. “Sounds like fun.”

  “Sure, it’ll be good for us to catch up and this will give you a chance to get to know Grace. I always tell my customers you really don’t know a person until you’ve spent the night with them.”

  Jenna smiled when Grace came in carrying a tray with the tea pot, cups and another plate filled with cookies, cheese and crackers. “Well, if we get bored, there’s always TV and Saturday Night Live.” She set the tray on the coffee table and handed Jenna a cup of hot apple cinnamon tea.

  “Thanks, this cup feels great to my frozen fingers. I don’t know how I got this cold just coming from the car to the door. Cindy’s car was warm.”

  “It’s a damp, wet, spring snow. The kind that freezes you to the bone.” Grace shivered when she remembered a time she got stuck in a snowstorm and Papa had to come and pull her out of a ditch. “I’m glad you made it here safely.” She handed Cindy a cup of tea, poured one for herself and sat down on the comfortable sofa beside her. The wind continued to blow around the back of the house, making a howling sound.

  Jenna sipped her drink and glanced at Grace. “Today, I spoke to a friend of mine who knows an editor in New York. I told her what we were talking about last night. She seems to think there’s a need for a book about chronic pain and if you’re interested she’d like to see a proposal from you.”

  “Really.” It touched her that Jenna would talk to someone on her behalf. "Thanks for thinking of me. I don’t know if I could write it, but I do know there’s a need for it.” She gazed into the fire knowing this was another omen. The universe was telling her to write the book. She was living with chronic pain, surely she could write about it.

  “I’m only going to say this one more time and then I’ll drop it.” Cindy narrowed her eyes and glanced at Grace. “The rest is up to you. You’ve always had a way with words and if anyone has a story to tell, it’s you.” She kicked off her shoes and tugged a mauve throw around her feet on the sofa and continued. “The Arachnoiditis took your independence, your husband, and career. You fought it and took back your life. That’s a story people with pain of this magnitude need to read. You said yourself you couldn’t find anything except negative stuff about it. You can write a positive book about how you were able to get yourself together. People need to know.”

  Jenna nodded. “Cindy’s right. People need to hear your story.”

  Grace sat up, ready to confide in her friends. “I feel like you two are ganging up on me, but you have a point. Last night I was thinking about what you said. I’ve always wanted to write and never had time. Now, time is all I have, and I want to do something important. This might be it.”

  “I know you can do it,” Cindy exclaimed. “I don’t think you could do anything more important. You told me many people who are diagnosed with this pain commit suicide. If you are able to reach one person, that’s saving a life. That’s huge.”

  Cindy was right. If she could save a life it would be worth it. And it would do her good to write about it and work through her problems this way. Maybe then she could move on and have a complete life.

  Jenna leaned forward eagerly. “Do you have any idea how you would put it together?”

  “Sort of, I started writing a personal journal right after I was diagnosed. I did it for therapy. I was thinking I could combine it with what I learned in the rehabilitation center to let other people know there's help for people who have to live with this kind of pain.”

  “I think you might have something there.” Jenna glanced from Grace to Cindy with a warning look. “But, you have to be realistic. Go into this with your eyes wide open. Books of this type are usually published in hardcover, which increases the likelihood for review attention and library distribution.” She stopped to consider, then continued. “To get the kind of exposure you need, it’s usually written by some kind of famous person or endorsed by heavy hitting doctors. However, I think it’s a wonderful idea and it’s worth a try.”

  Grace knew doctors—lots of them—and was sure she could get their endorsements. All she had to do was ask them after she had the book written. Maybe her friends were right. She could do this.

  Cindy nodded. “I know what you’re saying. Grace is basically a nobody with pain, but I bet there are a lot of nobodies out there with pain who would like to read her book.”

  “Exactly, and that’s why I think you should go for it.” Jenna held her tea cup up in a toast to Grace. “Good luck with this project and if there’s anything I can do to help you, let me know.”

  Cindy joined in as they clinked their cups together. “To Grace. You can do it. It’s a story that needs to be told.” She’d do it. With nothing to lose and lots to gain...why not? Now, she had a purpos
e. “Thanks ladies.” The phone rang, interrupting her. “Excuse me. It’s probably Nana checking to see if you made it here.”

  Laughing, she answered the phone. “Nana, the girls made it here safe and sound.” She could feel the blood drain from her face when she recognized the voice on the other end.

  Chapter Ten

  “It’s not Nana.” Lee’s irritating voice grated on Grace’s nerves. He was the last person on earth that she wanted to hear from. “How are you, Grace?”

  “Fine.” With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she turned toward the girls for moral support. “Lee. What do you want?” The harsh tone of her voice made Cindy and Jenna stop chattering. They sat watching her.

  “Can’t we have a civil conversation?” Lee’s voice was courteous, but patronizing. “That’s the least you could do for me, after all I’ve done for you.”

  What did he do for her? What? Cheat on her with another woman. Abandon her in a nursing home? The man was a pig. She clenched her fist until her knuckles turned white and her nails cut into the palm of her hand. “Why are you calling?” Since she had been home, she had tried to put the hurt and pain he'd caused behind her. She thought she had succeeded. Now it came rushing back, like a steam roller, suffocating her.

  “The house went under contract today,” he said. They need your signature.” She could hear the murmuring of another voice in the background. He was with someone.

  She took a deep breath. “Have them overnight the papers to the ranch or send an e-contract.” She bit her lip. “I’m not coming there.”

  “I didn’t expect you to.” She heard hesitation in his voice and he covered the phone and spoke to someone. “Ah, Grace, there’s something else.”

  Her heart beat a steady rhythm. What did he want now? Her last shred of dignity? “Everything was settled before I left town. Get to the point.”

  “Okay. It’s something I need to tell you.” Grace could hear him covering the receiver and muffled whispering to whoever was with him again.