No Direction Home (Sweet Home Colorado)

by Jude Willhoff

  “What do I possibly need to know? Nothing in LA concerns me anymore.” She held the phone tightly in her hand. “The only thing we have in common is the house and you’ve told me about that.” She sighed. “Look, I’m busy. Either spit it out or hang up.”

  “Don’t get on your high horse. Calm down.” How many times had she heard that? She rolled her eyes and listened to him drone on. “You’ve only been back on the ranch a short time and you already sound like a hick from the sticks.”

  “I don’t give a damn what you think.” She bit her lip, trying to keep her temper in check.

  “Fine. I was going to be nice about this, but forget it. Laura and I are going to have a baby.”

  Lee and Laura are having a baby. Grace’s heart dropped to the floor as if she had been punched in the stomach. This was the man who hadn't had time when she had begged him for years to have children. One more lie—now he was having a child with that woman. She swallowed and took a deep breath, covering the receiver to regain her composure. She’d never let him know how much he had hurt her. “Congratulations.” Deadbeat asshole.

  She gripped the side of the sofa and sat down next to Cindy. The ache in her heart tightened her chest making it hard to breathe. “I hope you’re both very happy,"—she lied. Not long ago, they had shattered her dreams. Somehow, she mustered her strength to finish the conversation. “Send the papers. I’ll sign and get them right back.” A silent tear trickled down her cheek. Cindy handed her a tissue. She dabbed at the corner of her eye and wanted this conversation to be over with.

  “Aren’t you interested on how we did on the sale?”

  “I don’t care about the sale.” Her heart turned to ice, chilling her to the bone. She wished she could shove the receiver from Colorado to LA, all the way up his skinny, slimy butt.

  “We made a cool five hundred grand each after expenses. Not bad. Your share will be deposited by wire into your account at closing on the 30th. By the way, they loved the flower garden you grew out back.”

  Unable to control her emotions, salty tears formed in the corners of her eyes at the mention of her garden. It had taken years to get the garden just right. She had put her sweat equity into the home while Lee partied. She didn’t miss Lee and his meanness, but she missed her flowers and her home.

  “Fine. Good luck, Lee,” she snapped. Her hands were shaking when she hung up the phone. Cindy moved to her side and gave her a hug.

  “I thought I was over him.” She pressed the tissue against her eyes. “They’re having a baby.” She sniffled. “Do you know how much I wanted to have a baby.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m such a fool.”

  “No, you’re not,” Cindy insisted and handed her another tissue. “You have a right to cry. The man is a prick and he hurt you. It’s okay to let it out.”

  "I don't miss Lee or the Hollywood scene, but I do miss the idea of having my own home and children."

  "You can still have your own home, children and another flower garden." Cindy patted Grace on the shoulder and glanced over at Jenna. “Go get that wine, hon. I think we could use it. We have some demons to expel.”

  Grace swallowed a sob and hugged Cindy. “What would I do without you?”

  “Don’t know, but you’ll never have to find out.” She hugged Grace back in a death grip. “Men may come and go, but true friends like us are together for life, through the good and the bad.”

  Jenna came back carrying a bottle and glasses. “Let’s drink and forget about men for awhile. Sometimes they're a pain in the rear.”

  “Yeah, but what would we do without them?” Cindy popped the cork on the bottle. “Grace and I just happened to find two losers. Now, take you, Jenna. I know you like Charlie. And he likes you. He’s one of the good guys. We just have to let him figure out it’s time to settle down.”

  Jenna gasped. “Am I that obvious?” She avoided their gazes and blushed to the roots of her dark auburn hair.

  “No, it’s just you’re my friends. I know you both—quite well.” Cindy smiled. “He always watches you and you always watch him. When he enters the room you get all fluttery. Those are the symptoms of love. You’re both infected.”

  Grace smiled through her tears and chugged her glass of wine and poured another. “Love.” She sighed. “Is there such a thing as true love?”

  “Of course, there’s true love. Look at your grandparents. They were lucky enough to have the real thing.” Cindy sighed. “We’ve been looking in the wrong places and at the wrong guys.”

  “Well, I don’t need the anguish. I’m done with men.” Grace sniffed and kept drinking.

  “Grace Sanders, you’re full of it. I know you have a thing for Seth and I think he feels the same about you.”

  She stared at Cindy, glass in midair. “Why do you say such things? I’ve only known the man for a short time.” She wasn’t sure of anything about Seth. How could Cindy know? She snorted into her tissue, blowing her nose. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, I do. I’ve been your friend since I crawled across the sand pit at the park to meet you. I know what makes you tick.” She hugged Grace, and then moved away. “You know I care about you.”

  “Yes, and the feelings are mutual.” She stared into her old friend’s eyes. “You’re the best.”

  “Oh, Grace, I’d like to know what the Hollywood parties you went to were like,” Jenna interjected and watched them closely.

  Grace glanced at her in surprise. She had forgotten Jenna was still with them and felt grateful for the abrupt change of subject. She didn’t want the evening to turn into a crying jag and tried to smile. “Hollywood parties. Well, let me see. It depended on who was having it.” She dabbed at her nose with the Kleenex. “You could dress casual or to the nines.” She stared vacantly into space with memories running rampant. “Actually, I still have some of the dresses I wore to the more elaborate affairs that don’t fit me anymore. They are about your size. Would you like to try them on?”

  “Would I?” Jenna beamed in delight. “That’d be fabulous.”

  “Come along. They’re in my closet.” Grace grabbed the bottle of wine and headed up the stairs with Jenna and Cindy following behind her.

  “Take what you want. Since I’ve gained weight, they aren’t comfortable.” She threw open the closet door. “Anyway, they would bring back too many memories that I would rather forget.”

  “You know, you spent eight years with him,” Cindy said, reaching her wine glass toward Jenna for a refill. “Aren’t there any good memories?”

  Grace smiled. “Yeah, the time Lee was pushed in the swimming pool at a suave company party.” She laughed out loud. “Oh, if only you guys could’ve been there. Here he was trying to make such a good impression with the members of his firm and the movie stars.” She snickered. “And he ended up dripping wet in the pool. At the time I felt sorry for him, but now looking back I see he deserved it.” She wiped her nose. “He’d been flirting with an actor’s wife and the man ‘accidentally’ shoved Lee into the pool.”

  “Humph...from what you’ve told me, he deserved more than that.” Cindy pulled a sleek red, Valentino gown from the closet. “Look at this,” she said with reverence. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Take it, it’s yours. It’ll look great on you with your dark hair.” Grace lay on the bed, watching Cindy holding the form fitting gown against her chest in front of the mirror. “Jenna, there’s a Donna Karan black dress in there that would look fabulous on you. Wear it to the Starlight Inn and you’ll knock Charlie's socks off.”

  Cindy handed the black gown to Jenna. “Try it on. I want to see you in it. Grace is right. You’ll look great in this color.”

  Jenna went into the bathroom to slip the dress on. Cindy glanced at Grace. “You do know, since you don’t want Charlie, it’s my mission in life to get Jenna and him together. They’d be good together and I think they could really have it all.” She picked up her wine glass and held it toward Grace. “Here�
�s to having it all.”

  Their glasses clinked in unison. “To Jenna and Charlie. They’re good people and deserve each other.” Cindy grinned. “They just don’t know it yet.”

  Jenna walked into the bedroom wearing the black dress, twirling around, modeling for them.

  Cindy let out a wolf whistle. “Wow, wait till Charlie sees you in this. We’ll have to get dressed up and do something special. You’ll blow his mind.”

  “Do you think so? I want him to notice me as a woman, not just his good buddy who pitches in at the restaurant when he needs it.”

  “Oh yeah, he’ll notice.” Grace laughed. “He’d have to be struck blind not to notice your cleavage.”

  Jenna held her hand to her chest. “Is it too much?” She turned around in front of Grace’s full length mirror, admiring herself.

  “Not at all. It’s just right.” Cindy set her wine glass down and walked over to Jenna to pull her long auburn hair back from her face. “You have to wear your hair up so it’ll bring out those wonderful cheekbones and show off that gorgeous neck. You could be a model.”

  Jenna laughed. “You’ve had one too many, but thanks anyway.”

  “No, Jenna, she’s right. You have a classic look with your auburn hair and those big blue eyes. I have to do your makeup.” Grace stepped across the room and pulled out a carrying case. This was the first time she’d had any desire to touch her makeup kit since she became ill. “Can I do it now?”

  “Sure, if you feel like it.” Jenna sat on the edge of the bed.

  Grace pulled out brushes and pots of colored pastes and scattered them across the bed. “With a bit of color, your eyes will look marvelous.” She applied a dark brown shade to Jenna’s eyebrow, working in a light shade and a smudge of pink. “Look at her, Cindy. Isn’t she beautiful?”

  “Yes, sirree, Charlie is in big trouble.” They burst out in a fit of giggles.

  “Ladies, I think the wine is getting to us and doesn’t it feel great?” Jenna smiled into the mirror at Grace’s handiwork. “I’ve never looked so glamorous. Maybe there’s hope for me and Charlie yet. I can’t wait till he sees me in this dress. Valentine’s Day isn’t that far away."

  Cindy snatched a bottle of bright red nail polish from Grace's make-up case and reached down and painted her big toe. "This evening calls for a new beginning for all of us. Give me your big toes. Right here, right now, we'll make a pact." She painted their big toes the shimmering red and they all stuck their painted toe toward each other touching feet and held hands. "We will not give up on love. We will all have a second chance at love. Whenever we see this vibrant red color it will give us the courage to go forth and find our soul mates."

  ***

  The ringing of a telephone pulled Grace from a deep sleep. Glancing around the room, she saw Cindy sleeping next to her with her mussed up hair sticking out of the bed covers. Jenna was snuggled in a sleeping bag on the window seat. Clothes were scattered everywhere as if her closet had exploded. The ringing sound pounded inside her head. Brushing the sleep from her eyes, she climbed out of bed, searching for the phone. Where could it be? Lord, she hoped it wasn’t Lee calling back. She couldn’t take any more of him. Throwing clothes out of the way, she found it under the infamous black dress. “Hello.”

  “Good morning, Grace.”

  Seth, it was Seth. She had been dreaming about him. She held the phone away from her ear and shook her head. Was she still dreaming? What on earth had made her kiss him the other night? Grace thought grimly as she held the phone. Sure, she’d been grateful for him listening to her story. But wouldn’t a simple thank-you have been a bit more appropriate? He probably thought she was desperate, not the impression she wanted to make. Sure for a moment it had been pure heaven but…

  Grace looked at the phone for a moment, confused. She’d been a little startled when Seth had kissed her. But after that first instant, she’d tightened her arms around him, prepared to give back as good as she got. Thank goodness Nana had called before she made a complete fool of herself.

  She blinked her eyes, trying to clear her mind. It was full of cobwebs from the wine she had consumed the night before and what she had been dreaming. “Seth, it’s good to hear from you. How are you doing? How’s your grandfather?” She licked her lips. Her mouth tasted like she’d swallowed a box of cotton balls. What must he think of her? She was afraid to admit to the feeling, much less say it out loud, but there was no more denying it. Physical contact with Seth had sent her emotions tumbling into areas she didn’t want to explore.

  “I’m fine, but he’s not doing too well.” He must have heard the grogginess in her voice, for he asked, “Did I wake you?”

  “Yes, but it’s okay.” She yawned and chose her words carefully. Have to keep this phone call casual. “Cindy and Jenna spent the night and we stayed up late.” She didn’t need to tell him they’d been drunk on their butts and acted like teenagers trying on clothes and making pacts. It had been a long time since she had friends she could get crazy with. She looked toward the top of Cindy’s head and smiled.

  “A sleep-over,” Seth questioned.

  She imagined he was smiling at the thought of three grown women having a sleep over. “Well, Jamie and Nana went to a movie in town and got snowed in at Ida's place. Cindy and Jenna were stuck here. We had a good time just getting reacquainted.”

  “I’m sure you did. Wish I could’ve been there. How much snow did you get?” A tremor of worry resonated in his voice.

  “We really didn’t get that much. The main reason everybody was stranded was because a truck jackknifed on Wilson Hill and it took hours to clear the road.” She leaned over and peered out the window. “Travis is plowing the driveway. It looks like about six or eight inches.”

  A sigh of relief escaped from Seth, echoing across the phone wires as Grace pulled her robe on and sat on the edge of the bed. “That’s good. Shouldn’t cause any problems for the cattle,” he muttered.

  “Everything’s fine here. Jamie misses you, but we're keeping her busy. She’s doing well. They should be home right after church.”

  “Tell her I’ll call tonight and thanks for everything.”

  Her heart beat an unsteady rhythm while she listened to his sexy voice. “Anytime, Seth. Helping out with Jamie is my pleasure.”

  “I’d like to take you out to dinner when I get back to town.”

  “Seth Taylor,” Grace said, trying to keep her tone light. “Are you asking me on a date?”

  “A date? Well, let’s see.” Seth hesitated for a second. “Dinner, you and me, it’s my treat. Sure, let’s call it a date. You can tell me more about your flower garden.”

  Grace took a deep breath trying to get her thoughts together. She had to be strong. “Seth, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

  “You have to eat.”

  “Yes, I mean dinner’s a great idea, it’s just the you and me part of it that bothers me.” She realized how bitchy that sounded and sighed.

  “Is it really that scary to go out with me?”

  “To be honest, yeah, it is,” Grace said.

  “Can I ask why?”

  “Let’s just say I don’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression the other night. The bottom line is that I’m just not ready for dating.”

  “So you’ve given up on all men?” Seth asked.

  “Yeah, there are so many reasons to why I shouldn’t be dating anyone.”

  “He must’ve been some kind of jerk to break your heart like that.”

  Grace gave a small humorless laugh. “You might say that. How’d you know?”

  “When you own heart’s been broken, it’s pretty easy to spot another one. And listen, about dinner, it’s not a big deal. I just wanted to thank you for helping with Jamie.”

  From out of nowhere, Grace suddenly felt small and petty. As humiliating and devastating as it was at the time, her experience with Lee was nothing compared wi
th the very real loss suffered by Seth. He had been disowned by his family, put in prison and finally stood alone as a widower with a child. “Sure, Seth, it’s no big deal.”

  “But now, I have to go see my grandfather.” She could feel the anguish in his voice. “Tell Jamie I’ll talk with her tonight. Have a good day with your friends.”

  “Okay, Seth, take care of yourself.” He wanted to take her out to dinner. The butterflies in her stomach did a happy dance. She couldn’t go. She was a coward, but maybe another time once she got her act together. Was she setting herself up for a fall? Could he possibly like her after knowing her problems? Or could he be using her just to get to the ranch. So many questions and too few answers.

  ***

  Seth thought of the luscious blond in bed at the other end of the line. He could picture her soft pouting lips and long hair tousled from sleep spread across the pillow. The woman did something to him he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He realized he was gripping the phone tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. With a conscious effort, he loosened his hold and hung up banishing Grace from his mind. No luck, he could still picture her like a photograph in his mind and Seth had a feeling it was going to stay there for a long time.

  Concentrate, Seth, she’s out of your league. She turned you down. He’d stalled long enough. Turning away from the phone, he mustered his courage and walked toward the intensive care waiting room. His parents were waiting to see him, just around the corner. He took a deep breath and stood tall, getting ready for what was to come.

  “Let me look at you.” His mother held him at arm’s length with tears shining in her blue eyes. “You look good.”

  “Son, I’m glad you made it.” Extending his hand, his father came across the small waiting room.

  “Thanks.” During the flight delay because of the snowstorm in the Rockies and another layover in Albuquerque, New Mexico because of engine problems it had taken him a day longer than anticipated to get to his family. All the time, he’d been thinking of what he’d say to them. It was no good. He still held a grudge at the way his so called family had treated him. Surprisingly, all that anguish went out the window when he saw them. They were his family and after all this time he still loved them. His father’s handshake was stronger than he remembered as he shook his hand and let himself be pulled into a bear hug. Although, he was a grown man, having his father's arms around him warmed his heart.