I'm still crushed.
I'll never not be crushed.
Even now my eyes heat with tears, and I need a distraction. I need Gage.
So I take his beer and place it on one of Vera's entertainment magazines on the coffee table, freeing his fingers so I can link my own between them and pull him toward me. My next words come out without such an edge. "It's too hard to relax around you because the only thing I can think about when I'm with you is getting these incredibly talented hands all over my body."
"Cassidy." He shakes his head, his tone telling me he knows I'm making an excuse.
"Shhhh." I nibble along his jaw and trace my tongue along his earlobe. "This is what I'm talking about," I whisper, before letting my mouth travel down his neck. "I can't help myself around you."
"Bullshit," he says. But when I lean back against the couch, he comes down with me and we don't talk again for quite some time.
I apologize to Vera the next morning, after Gage and Jared leave, but she tries to shrug the whole thing off.
"It's fine," she says curtly, stretching toward the ceiling before bending toward the floor. "I was busy anyway."
"Obviously you were upset—you said something to Gage," I say from my seat on the couch, a little awed by her flexibility. A little irritated she said anything to Gage, of all people. But I swallow it. "You have every right to be pissed. I should have introduced you. Zach put me on babysitting duty—I didn't even think…"
"You were starstruck," she says, upside down now, both hands and feet firmly planted on the floor. "I knew you wouldn't be immune to him. Whatever. I don't want to piss off Jared, anyway."
I will never, ever understand yoga. I'm in pain just watching her. "Screw Jared. You're right. I was starstruck. I admit it. It messed with my ability to think. But today will be different. Come over to the bar—I'll introduce you right away, I promise."
Except I can't introduce her when we get there because traffic makes us late, and when we walk in Luca's nowhere around. The rest of the band is at the bar, just like yesterday. The patio's even more crowded today, and Jared scowls at Vera—who mutters "shit" and hurries to start waiting on customers.
"Careful," I tell Jared. "Be too big of a dick to her and she really might leave you for Luca."
"You know," he says, his scowl shifting into an expression I can't really read, but that still isn't very nice, "if she lets him sweep her away…that'll leave me free for you."
It's my turn to scowl. "Why do you have to be such a douche?"
"Take a freaking joke, Cassidy." He frowns.
"Learn how to tell one that's funny." I roll my eyes and turn my back on him, rushing over to the bar. He's jealous of Vera's crush and trying to use me as some pawn to make her jealous, too. Blech.
Zoey's here to work the early shift with me instead of Clark. So it's like today's just trying to be filled with awesome.
Thankfully, she works one half of the rectangular bar, and I work the other. We don't overlap. We don't even greet each other.
I can't believe the difference in the girl who once smiled so openly toward me. I understand it, though. She's in love with the boy I'm sleeping with, and I'm sure she thinks it's more than that between us. I'm drenched with guilt because I don't want to give him up, even though she'd give him more than I can. Maybe it's best we don't speak.
It shouldn't bother me as much as it does that Luca's not here. But knowing that doesn't keep my eyes from searching for him every few minutes.
I tell myself it's because I want to introduce him to Vera. I want to make up for not doing it yesterday.
That's the only reason.
Really.
…
Okay, just one more look and then I won't think about him anymore. I glance over toward the bathrooms. Nothing. On the side of the bar facing the entrance. Nothing. Toward the cocktail tables lining the VIP stage. Nada.
"Hi, Cassie."
I spin around and he's sitting at a stool, watching me like he's been here for hours, even though he definitely wasn't a moment ago. The quirk of his mouth has my stupid heart speeding up a little more than it should. I tell myself it's just because he's famous, and hot, but…well, we'll just leave it at that.
"Don't call me that." Between my damn heart and the way my breathing's suddenly unsteady, I feel like I just ran a mile.
Nicole slips behind the bar, whispering a message from Zach. Luca's my only responsibility while he's here. Great. Just awesome. She doesn't even glance at Luca as she takes over my section, but her chest heaves like she's breathing faster than usual. Guess he has this effect on everyone.
"Where did you come from?" Good. My voice comes out steady.
"Were you looking for me?" he asks.
"No."
"Liar. I watched you." He points back toward a corner—the one where I first saw Nicole making out with Zach. "I waited right there to see if you'd notice."
I almost laugh at the thought. Luca James hiding behind a corner to see if I'd look for him? If I'd had a million guesses for things that might happen today, it wouldn't even have come close to making the list. "That's a little stalkerish."
"Huh. You're right." His brows furrow, like it's the first time he's thought of it that way. Then he shrugs. "I still caught you."
"Whatever. Anyone would notice your absence. You're the world famous Luca James." I need to take a deep breath to steady the rate of my pulse, but I can't because apparently he can read me like a book and I'd give myself away. "Turns out my job the next two days is to make sure your drink orders are filled. I notice when you're not here to tell me what you want."
"Don't ever stop talking to me like this." He flashes his teeth at whatever he sees in my expression, hopefully nothing more than the annoyance I've cemented across my features. "I can't get enough of that attitude, Cassie. And no. You noticed in a different way. I saw that pout across your mouth when you couldn't find me."
He's so annoyingly sure of himself.
Ugh.
He's so annoyingly appealing.
Double ugh.
"Don't be so cocky. I wasn't looking for you. I was trying to find—"
"Stop lying." He shakes his head at me, his tone all full of purr. "I saw you, looking this way and that. Those bright green eyes searching for me and me alone."
Of all the nerve. "You are so unbelievably vain. God. I get that most of the world revolves around you, but I was trying to find Zach." There. That could easily be the truth.
Amusement lightens his features. "You're still lying. But it's okay. I'm a liar, too."
"What?" I can't keep up with him.
"I said I wasn't hitting on you yesterday." He leans forward. The bar separates us, but it suddenly feels like a much narrower barrier. He lowers his voice in a false whisper. "But I was."
"What?" I repeat. My stomach tightens in a little thrill. I want to stab it. I settle for crossing my arms over my chest, hoping the extra pressure there will slow down the stupid trip-trap of my racing heart.
"I didn't think I was hitting on you at the time, but I reflected on it last night and it turns out I was."
I forget to breathe for a moment. I can't ask "what" again. I just can't. But nothing else is coming to mind, so I don't say anything at all. I straighten the napkins and toothpicks in their containers between us. I work super, super hard to control my breathing. I glance around the bar, jealously eyeing Zoey slammed with her orders. On the other side of me, Nicole is busy, too. Why aren't they stuck with Luca?
But…that means I wouldn't be and ugh. I'd hate that, too. I really wish I could get a freaking grip.
Finally, all I come up with is: "You reflected on it?"
I've got to stop repeating things. There's an original thought left in my brain, I'm sure of it. I just need to find it.
"See, I finished the set last night and I found myself thinking about you." He sits back into the stool, watching for my reaction. "I can't stop thinking about you, actually. And while you were looking fo
r me—don't deny it again, it'll just sound sad at this point—I couldn't keep my eyes off of you. Still can't."
He sits here, loving every second it takes for me to respond through the way my mind's suddenly frozen. "I…"
"Cassidy?"
Oh, thank God. Vera. Somehow standing next to me. That's right. I need to introduce her. I almost hug her for interrupting us. I almost shove her away for the exact same reason.
"Uh…" Come on, brain. "Luca, this is my roommate, Vera. She's a huge fan."
"Hi, it's sonicetomeetyou!" Vera beams so brightly she almost outshines the leftover sun setting in the distance behind us.
"Vera," he says, keeping his eyes on mine a second longer than necessary before turning his attention to her. "It's nice to meet you, too. You work here with Cassidy, I take it?" He points toward the short black apron she's wearing.
"Yes!" She says the word with a tone full of worship, like he's Einstein for figuring it out, and giggles. "Not at the bar though. In the kitchen. Well not really there, either. I wait tables. Are you hungry? Can I get you anything to eat? On the house? I mean, of course it's on the house, duh. I can bring you a menu if you want. Or if there's anything you're craving off the menu I can see if—"
"Vera." I nudge her with my leg, mentally willing her to calm down. Now this is what melting into a complete fangirl really looks like. "Is there a special tonight?"
"Um." Her expression slackens. "I…can't remember. Shit."
"You know, I think a burger sounds great, actually. If you guys make those?" He smiles kindly at her, his tone gentle.
"We do!" Another giggle. "I'll be back with it super fast, promise."
She flounces away and I shake my head at Luca. "Does everyone always fall to pieces around you?"
"You don't."
Barely.
I shouldn't be so pleased, deep down, with the way he's teasing me… But this? This no-strings-attached flirting? It's so easy. He's a rock star, which means there's absolutely zero percent chance it'll ever take a serious turn. Which is just…appealing.
"How many girls do you do this to?" I ask. "This whole can't stop thinking about you bit?"
His lips pull into a smile. "You're the only one who comes to mind."
I roll my eyes. "Please."
"Cassie. This, I'm not lying about." He leans forward again. "How often do you think I have to actually work to impress a pretty girl? How often do you think anyone bothers to give chase?"
"You are so arrogant," I say, but I have to bite back a grin. Seriously. I need to calm the helium-filled giddiness rising through me.
But I can't.
He's watching me, his eyes dancing. "You still haven't said you're not interested."
"I'm not."
"That doesn't count. You're only saying it to be contrary."
"I'm seeing someone."
This throws him—his lips tighten with disappointment, and I feel my own little sizzle of disappointment in return. He doesn't drop his gaze, though. "Do you want me to back off?" And, when I hesitate too long to answer, "Just say the word."
Just say the word, Cassidy. Why isn't my mouth opening? I look around, needing to see Gage's face. If he looks at me, I'll find my resolve.
But he's not here yet.
Zoey, though, I catch eyes with. She's watching us, her mouth flat. Great. I bet she'll tell Gage we were flirting. I need to get my shit together. I need to tell Luca to back off. I need to stop flirting.
"He's not my boyfriend or anything." The words fall from my traitorous mouth—and I don't even want to take them back. Oh my God. I'm into this. I can't deny it. What am I doing?
But then Luca reaches out and strokes my cheek with his thumb and I have to fight the wildest urge to turn my face into his hand and lick his palm. Instead, I step back, but it only makes him smile wider. Like he appreciates the challenge.
"I don't like your music." I say the statement so often these days, I should get it tattooed across my forehead.
"I got that impression."
"Then why…?" I trail off, but he knows what I'm asking.
"Maybe because." He shrugs, all nonchalant. "Or maybe because you're beautiful. More likely because you're a smart-ass. Maybe because a girl like you would be a much needed change of pace."
"I'm sure a one-night stand with a random girl wouldn't be much of a change."
"You don't know me well enough to say that. And maybe I'm not talking about a one-nighter."
"Oh, sorry. A two-nighter, then," I say. "Forgot you'd be here tomorrow, too. And you don't know me well enough to say I'd be a change of pace, either." I am, irritatingly enough, a little tempted to find out.
"There's something pretty important that you're not considering."
Gage. I'm not considering Gage. "What?"
But Vera returns with his burger, interrupting us again. And again I'm torn between wanting to hug her and wanting to shove her away. The pull toward the latter is stronger this time. I think she feels it, too, because her eyes are darting between the two of us, like she can feel the tension thickening the air around us. "I'll, um, leave you to it."
"Thanks, Vera." Luca shoots her a smile so dazzling she takes half a step back from its impact before turning to go.
"Vera," I say, stopping her.
She turns, brows raised. "Yeah?"
"You should stay. Hang out."
"It's okay. I have stuff to do." She gestures to the crowd filling the rest of the patio. My section of the bar is the only bubble of space not slammed, because everyone's giving Luca room to be a lone wolf or whatever. (Still so, so lame.)
"Well…come back when you can, okay?" is all I come up with.
She smiles at me, but there's no real warmth in it. I want to pretend I don't understand why, but I can't. I'm failing as a friend and regret blossoms in my gut as she walks away.
"Luca, it would mean pretty much the entire world to her if you'd talk with her a little bit." Vera might kill me for saying that, but she'll never know.
"She seems sweet," he says, glancing at her back. "Why don't you bring her backstage after the show—you are staying tonight, right?"
"I…don't think so," I say. "But I can tell her to meet you after. Or it'd be even better if you tell her yourself."
He shakes his head. "No dice. You come or nobody does."
"You're blackmailing me to hang out with you after the show?"
"Is it really blackmail if you're secretly dying to do it?" He takes a bite of his burger.
"It is if it's not something I want to do."
He finishes chewing. Swallows. "One of these days you're gonna get sick of denying the truth."
"One of these days you'll stop being so delusional."
"Doesn't your friend want to meet Norris?" he asks.
Oh. Norris. Forgot about him, somehow. I look around the patio, across the crowded tables and down the other end of the bar. Polly's there, deep in conversation with the keyboardist, a guy with bright white mohawked short hair, whose name I can't remember. But I don't see Norris anywhere. I nod, returning my attention to Luca. "She does."
"Then you have to come after the show." He takes another bite. He's got a sexy mouth, I'll give him that. There's something about the way he takes a bite, the way he chews. Even the way he swallows. I could watch him eat all day long.
"Want a bite?" He misreads the way I'm looking at the burger.
"No." I unhinge my lower lip from my teeth. I should tell him I'm not coming after the show. "So what exactly is this important thing I'm not considering?"
Shit.
He grins. "Still thinking about that?"
"Only because I'm waiting to tell you you're wrong."
"Then consider this," he says. "You're still here. You haven't once asked me to stop. You want to talk to me."
"It's my job."
"Cassie, Cassie, Cassie." He lingers on the nickname, like he's tasting it on his tongue. I bite my own in response, refusing to acknowledge what
it does to weaken my knees. "Stop lying."
For the first time since I've met him, I'm actually relieved when Jared approaches us.
"Cassidy, there's a girl at the side door, saying you told her to come?" He doesn't look pleased.
"Teagan. She's here to meet Norris." Oh, thank God. A distraction. I need a buffer between me and Luca. Otherwise…otherwise I'm going to give in.
"You can't just bring your friends up to meet our artists," Jared snaps. "It's unprofessional." He turns toward Luca. "Sorry, man."
"I told her to invite her friend," Luca says, his face a blank canvas. "If you're mad, be mad at me—but I wouldn't recommend it if you ever want us back to this venue."
Jared blinks and I have to cover my mouth with a hand to keep from laughing. It's so refreshing to see him brought down a peg.
"You got it," he says to Luca. "My mistake." But the look he shoots me is far from apologetic.
"That guy's a dick," Luca says after he leaves.
"Always," I agree.
"Anyway. Bring both of your friends after the show. I'll see you then." He lifts off his stool and walks away.
"Do you want to meet her first?" I call after him.
He turns back, shaking his head. "Lone wolf, remember?"
I fight a smile and roll my eyes instead. So stupid. "But you talk to me."
"You're special." He winks and then turns back the way he was going.
It's my turn to blink as a glow of pleasure sweeps over me.
I'm the only one he wants to talk to.
CHAPTER FOUR
"Hey." Teagan doesn't smile, but she's not exactly frowning, either. Her expression is a million times nicer than the look Jared gave me after depositing her on my side of the bar, so I'll take it.
"Hey." I hand her a hard cider. We take each other's measure, trying to figure out if we're going to talk about things or if we'll blow straight past them. I don't want to let her off the hook. "It's been a while."
"That it has." She nods, coolly at first, and then her face relaxes the tiniest bit. "Thanks for inviting me."
Okay. A thank you. That's something I can work with. But I'm not sure it's enough.
The sun is sweltering down on us, and her hair is damp along her hairline. I bet the air is out in her car again. The thought softens me, though I don't let her see it because it'd only harden her. "Want something to eat?"
Starstruck (Rock & Release, Act II) Page 3
