"What made you…I mean, I feel like drugs are part of the whole rock star territory. What made you take on the cause?" I ask.
"The money," he says, with a disarming grin.
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, right. You don't have to tell me."
"I will…" He smiles, but for the first time it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "I don't talk about it with a lot of people, but I had a girlfriend—years ago, when Gold Rush was just breaking out—and she…had a problem. A big one. It didn't end well." He pulls out his phone, turning it over in his hands, like he can't keep them still.
"I'm so sorry." I can't read his expression now, but I know it all the same. He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want to remember. For a moment I feel closer to him than I've felt to anyone in a long time.
A pause yawns between us. It's not uncomfortable; time's shifting a few things around in the way we regard each other and needs a second to do so.
Then Luca tosses his phone onto a couch and his features rearrange into something much more playful, more mischievous.
He gestures toward the massage table. "You know, I've picked up a few tricks of the trade."
He takes a slow, calculating step toward me.
Another step.
And another.
Move back. I should move back.
But I don't.
"I'd be happy to practice them on you." He reaches toward me, scrunching his fingers in and out.
"No. I'm good, thanks." The words leave my mouth so fast they almost blur together.
"Hmmm. I like this, by the way. Very pretty." He tugs at the skirt of my dress.
"Thanks," I murmur, trying oh so very hard not to give away the fact that beneath the fabric my knees are trembling.
He releases my skirt and I release the breath I'd been holding. "You sure about that massage?"
"I thought you said you could see my panic."
"It's not there anymore."
No, he's right, it isn't. Instead the nerves along my skin are pricking me with the most delicious nips of anticipation. It's all I can do not to wring my hands together to temper it.
It's all I can do not to jump him.
He slides closer.
I swallow and stand my ground.
What am I doing?
"I want to feel your skin." His words are soft, his tone sensual. He doesn't move, just watches my face. "Can I touch you?"
"Uh…" I should say no, that I don't want him to touch me. Except…I want him to touch me so bad it almost hurts. Breath makes a tunnel out of my mouth, whooshing out from my lungs. "Uh…"
He reaches halfway out, his fingers extended toward the side of my leg where my hand is resting. My palm tingles with the need to take his hand. He leans a little closer and his next words are low and husky. "Say yes."
His mouth is mere inches from mine. I try so hard not to look at it. Not to lick my lips. I fail. "Yes."
CHAPTER EIGHT
The instant I tell Luca he can touch me, my blood catches fire in anticipation. For a moment, he makes me wait. Nothing changes in his face. Nothing changes in his stance.
But then his fingers slide over my skin in the lightest of touches.
He traces a lazy circle along the top of my wrist.
The trembling in my knees travels to other areas of my body. My arms. My belly. Places a little lower…
He slides the pads of his fingers slowly along my skin, stopping just above my elbow, and wraps his hand around my arm to pull me closer.
"Luca." I tug half-heartedly against his grip, but he doesn't let me go.
"Cassie."
"Cassidy."
"Whatever you say."
"You smell like a cupcake." Teagan's earlier description flies out from between my lips and he laughs. But he doesn't let go of my arm; instead he slowly strokes his thumb along my skin.
"Vera likes you." This is what I need to remember. Vera. Nothing can happen with Luca because Vera likes him.
And because I like Gage. Gage. Who's probably wondering where I am.
"Vera doesn't know me."
"I don't know you."
"But you're starting to."
"I'm not." Stop staring at his lips.
"Then try me. What do you want to know?"
What your tongue would feel like against mine. "Nothing."
"Liar." His gaze falls to my mouth for a moment, like he knows exactly what I'm thinking. "But I'll go first. Tell me something about you."
I have to clear my throat before I speak. It's hard to concentrate when he's standing so close to me. When his fingers are running up and down my skin. "What do you want to know?"
"Hmmm… Nothing boring. None of the standard bits. I want something exciting." His face scrunches in concentration while he thinks, and then his eyes are dancing when he speaks again. "Tell me a secret. Something nobody else knows."
All I want right now is for you to kiss me. Except I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who knows this particular secret. Instead, something unexpected comes through my lips. "I have no idea what I want to do with my life after college."
I know what my parents think I want to do. What my classmates think I want to do. What Teagan thinks I want. What probably even Gage and Vera think, too. I'm a business major. My father works for Chambers & Britt, one of the most competitive companies in the world. I have an easy in—or at least I did before skipping out on my internship… But I don't want that anymore.
Which would be easier if I had any clue what I actually do want.
This secret—this admission—feels huge to let out. To myself, much less to Luca James. Who, by the way, doesn't look all that impressed. "That's your secret? I don't know what I want to do next month."
"You'll still be on tour," I say.
He shakes his head. "You're missing the point. Who wants to lock in their entire future? Where's the fun in that? Where's the thrill of the unexpected?"
The thrill of the unexpected? He doesn't get it. He has no clue about the driven, responsible girl I've been my entire life. Well, up until this summer, anyway.
But…I kind of love that he doesn't know. I can be anyone I want to with Luca. He is actually giving me the thrill of the unexpected.
"Fine," I say, smiling and deciding to live outside reality and be the girl who flirts with a rock star just for another few minutes. "If my secret's not good enough, tell me yours."
"My secret would make you blush," he says, more like a promise than a warning.
Now, I decide to be bold. "Try me."
He leans in close, his whisper caressing my ear. "If you'd say yes, I'd slam you up against that wall and show you half the things I want to do to you."
I can't breathe.
There are electric little pins dancing along my skin and my toes are trying to curl even though I'm standing and I can't breathe.
"Only half the things?" I manage, weakly.
"To show you everything would take more than one night."
"Oh." Oh.
In the back of my mind, I know I have to get a grip. But every inch of me is hungry for him. Ravenous. And he's back to tracing circles along my arm. And his mouth is curved in this tempting, tilted little smile.
"Or I could start with something a little more tame."
But there is nothing tame about this boy. "Luca, I think—"
His lips cut me off, pressing against mine.
And I let it happen.
I let him kiss me.
Just for a second, I promise myself.
Just this one time for this one second.
But one second passes and then another. And a minute later, instead of pushing him away, my hands are somehow wrapped around the back of his neck and I'm pressing against him with my body and I'm opening my mouth to let in the sweetness of his tongue. His kiss is rough, but his tongue slides smoothly between my lips and I discover his impeccable rhythm doesn't stop when he leaves the stage.
I could completely lose myself in this kiss.
In the press of his hips against me. In the tug of his hands in my hair.
From somewhere deep inside, I remember I shouldn't be doing this—there are people we will hurt if we continue—and I break the kiss. "I can't."
Luca groans. "Is this honestly because of Vera? Because she's no different than any of the other girls out there in that hallway who think they love me. I told you. She doesn't know me—whatever she thinks she feels isn't real."
"She's my friend. It doesn't matter if she doesn't know you. And I told you, I'm seeing someone." Gage. Think about Gage.
"You told me he wasn't your boyfriend."
It's true. But this still feels like a betrayal. I open my mouth, but I have nothing to say.
"Come to the hotel." He captures my hand, locking his fingers through mine.
"No." Even if it wouldn't hurt Vera. Even if there was no Gage. This doesn't feel right. But…neither does the thought of leaving. "This is crazy. I shouldn't even be here."
"You can't just kiss me like that and leave," he says. "I'll never be able to sleep, thinking about it. The way you taste." He leans in until his mouth is at my ear and his voice lowers into a husky whisper. "I want to know how you taste everywhere."
The blood in my veins is replaced with hot, liquid silver and it's burning me, coursing through me, from my head down to my toes. I ache to move forward, to throw myself at Luca, into his arms. To let him taste me everywhere.
But I move a few inches further away. I need to clear my head. And…guilt is beginning to swoop in, fast and cutting. What the hell am I doing? "I have to go."
Neither of us moves. A muscle works in his jaw as though he's circling something in his mind, and finally he releases my hand. "You're torn; I get it. I can't force you to come with me—but I still have one more night to convince you. And we both know you'll think of me tonight, too."
"Have you always been this vain?"
"Maybe. But I'm also right." He turns and heads toward the door, opening it for me.
This is right. It is. I should leave. I should not stay with Luca, and I definitely shouldn't go back to the hotel with him. Even still, it's with great reluctance my legs allow me to follow him, like that sweet rush of molten silver is cooling into heavy iron.
"Hang on a sec." He blocks the doorway. He pulls his phone from his pocket, and when his call is answered, says, "Polly. Can you get the group out there? … Yes. I'll be back soon. No. No, I told you… Right. Of course I wouldn't bring it here. It's at the hotel." He shoves his phone away and smiles at me. "I want to walk you out."
"What about all the screaming?" I press my hands against my ears—I can almost hear the echoes from before still ringing in my eardrums.
He holds up a finger. "Just wait."
A moment later, the screaming starts again, though not quite as loud.
"Good girl, Polly." Luca pats the pocket where he slid his phone and tells me, "Just another moment."
"Oh." I realize what he's doing. The phone call, and what he said to Polly about getting the band out there. "Distraction tactic?"
He nods.
"Done this before, I take it."
"We all have." He shrugs like it's no big deal. "Is anyone looking?" He steps to the side to let me peek out.
The crowd's much further away now, and their backs are all turned. Shaggy auburn hair sticks out a bit above the crowd. Steve's chatting people up—and shuffling backwards, to draw them forward. Nobody's looking in our direction.
But I step out without answering him because down by the band's dressing room I see… "Vera?"
She springs away from a guy—and I recognize him as the roadie who was checking her out before, when we'd just entered the building—and wipes her mouth, her eyes wide.
"Don't tell Jared," she says as I approach.
"Who's Jared?" Luca asks, catching up from behind me. He grabs my hand and glances at me with a look that says she has a boyfriend and you're worried about kissing me?
"Your secret's safe with me," I tell her, ignoring Luca. "I'm leaving. Do you need a ride?"
"Um…" She glances at her roadie boy and then back at me. "Yes. I should come with you."
"You sure?" Luca asks her, his tone teasing. "Looks like you were enjoying getting to know my friend Jeff, here."
"You should stay," the roadie—Jeff—tells her.
Vera's eyes go even wider and fill with panic as she looks between the two guys. "Um… Um…" She turns to me, her eyes pleading.
I'm tempted to tell her to stay, to be with this guy who has to be better than Jared. But I can see her need to flee behind the confusion—and I totally understand that urge. "Let's go. Let me just grab Teagan."
"She already left," Vera says. "I told her I'd let you know. She didn't want to…interrupt."
"There wasn't anything to interrupt!" Heat floods my cheeks, and I start to head down the hall, but Luca yanks at my arm, refusing to let go of my hand.
His eyes are warm and bright with amusement. He gathers me into his chest and puts his mouth at my ear. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yep." I don't mean to be curt, but he nips at my earlobe and all I want to do is press myself against him again.
Instead, I pull out of his grasp and hook my arm through Vera's to pull her down the hall.
I tell myself not to look back.
Obviously, I do.
But Luca's already ducked back into the band's dressing room. Jeff's the only one still staring after us. I nudge Vera, but when she turns back, he's gone, too.
CHAPTER NINE
"So," I say to Vera, in the car. "Jeff."
Not that I have any right to call her out about kissing someone she's not supposed to. But I don't want to think about my own situation right now. I don't want to think about Gage, though now that I'm away from Luca, my head is clearing and Gage's face, his sweet, sexy face is swimming through my mind. And a healthy dose of regret swims laps in my chest.
"Shut it," Vera says, but not maliciously. I keep silent and after the space in the car between us grows fuller and fuller of whatever we're not saying, she finally continues. "Fine. You and Teagan were having all this fun. I wanted to have some, too."
"What about Luca? I thought you loved him. I thought—"
"Oh, please. He was only talking to me to get points with you." She sighs and stares out the window. Then she swivels back toward me, her eyes wide, demanding. "Are you going to tell me nothing happened with him in his dressing room?"
Shit. "No! It didn't—I mean, it shouldn't have… That's why I left."
"I don't want to know the details." She watches lights go by outside the passenger window. "But if you're keeping away from him on my account…don't."
"I don't even like—"
"What? His music? Who cares?" Now she turns to look at me. "The attraction between the two of you is impossible to miss. Like, even in the band's dressing room. Even when Luca was talking to me and my back was to you—I felt like my skin was about to start smoking from the heat radiating between you."
"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say.
She shrugs. "You're the match and he's the tinder. You're one quick strike away from an explosion—and I don't want to be the bucket of water to make it fizzle."
"You could never be a bucket of water, Vera." I reach across the car and squeeze her arm. She stares out her window for a long moment, obviously upset. "I'm serious. If you—"
"Jared's never going to forgive me."
"Jared?" I ask stupidly. And then relief floods through me. She's unnerved about Jared; not Luca, not me.
"If he finds out about Jeff, he won't want anything to do with me anymore."
"I won't tell him if you don't."
"Maybe I should tell him."
"Oh." I adjust my grip on the steering wheel and think about how to respond. "Do you want to end things with him?"
"No… Yes… I don't know." She blows air through her lips, exasperated. "Are you going to tell Gage?"
R
egret is a sharp knife in my stomach. "I don't know…"
She doesn't press me further, but it doesn't keep my thoughts from spinning.
Luca and Gage.
They're so similar in so many ways—and so, so different at the same time.
Gage and I are not a couple. Not in a committed-to-only-each-other sense, anyway. But I think we could be. The guilt in my chest over Luca's kiss tells me there's more between Gage and me than I ever meant for there to be.
I wanted a summer of escape. Nothing too real. Nothing to make me think too hard about life. I don't think that's possible with Gage.
Luca, though… He's offering exactly what I thought I wanted. A fling. A one-night stand. Nothing serious.
But to have that, I have to give up Gage—and that's just one more thing I don't think will be possible.
Shit.
I want what I feel for Gage to come with the lack of strings that Luca offers.
I want them both.
Oh, wow. What if I could have them both?
I mean, I know I can't, but…
Yum.
Yum times a million.
Get a grip, Cassidy. Jesus.
"Why did Teagan leave?" I force my thoughts away from Gage and Luca. It's too complicated to figure out right now.
"Norris's wife showed up and—"
"Oh, God. The girl he was with was his wife? Why didn't you tell me this sooner?" Panic zips down into my stomach. "Is Teagan okay?"
"She's fine." Vera shakes her head. "I don't think it was a romance thing with Norris and Teagan. She actually left with both of them to get a late dinner."
"Oh." Well, this is interesting. "I bet she'll have so many stories to tell."
"What's her story, anyway? Is she always so mean?"
"No. Well, yes. Kind of." And I spend the rest of our ride telling her about Teagan. Her rough life with her grandparents. The way she's changed over the past few years. It feels good, getting some of this off my chest.
Then we get home and there's a note with my name on the door.
I tried calling but your phone's off. Missed you tonight. Gage.
"What are you going to do?" Vera asks, her eyes wide.
"My phone's not off…" But I grab it from my purse and, yes, it is. It's dead. "Shit."
Starstruck (Rock & Release, Act II) Page 7
