by Joan Grant
Hast thou known no sorcery nor polluted thyself, and hast thou kept thy body thy dwelling-place alone?
And the twenty-ninth shall say:
Hast thou brought contentment to the heart of thy mother and honoured thy father’s house?
And the thirtieth shall say:
Hast thou honoured all true priests?
And the thirty-first shall say:
Hast thou remembered the Gods throughout thy journey and asked their counsel?
And the thirty-second shall say:
Hast thou closed thine ears to wisdom that speaks in a loud voice?
And the thirty-third shall say:
Hast thou quenched with thy wisdom the thirst of the parched for truth?
And the thirty-fourth shall say:
Hath thy power been used only for the Light?
And the thirty-fifth shall say:
Hast thou been a sword in the Army of Horus?
And the thirty-sixth shall say:
Hast thou led any man upon the path that leadeth not to freedom?
And the thirty-seventh shall say:
Hast thou a vision of thyself in thine heart in honour?
And the thirty-eighth shall say:
Hast thou known thine own heart and been a true scribe of all thy works?
And the thirty-ninth shall say:
Dost thou know that the end of one journey is but the beginning of another?
And the fortieth shall say:
Hast thou remembered the plants, which were once thy brothers, and quenched their thirst and tended them so that they flourished?
And the forty-first shall say:
Hast thou been to all animals as thy master is to thee, using wisdom, kindness, and compassion unto them who were once thy brothers?
And the forty-second shall say:
Canst thou say in truth, ‘I have never worked man nor beast beyond its strength. I have known that all upon Earth are my fellow-travellers and I have succoured them upon their journey’?
Then he shall no longer hear the sonorous voices of the Gods, and in silence his own voice shall ring forth, saying, ‘Thee have I conquered, for upon Earth there is no sinful one, no sorrowful one, no suffering one, through any act of mine.’
Then this Hall of Truth shall be as the noonday, made luminous by the pure clear flame of his spirit; and if all the winds of Earth shall gather their forces upon this flame, still would it burn serenely undisturbed. He no longer sees the Gods towering above him, for he has become of their stature, and to him their faces are as though he looked in a true mirror and saw his own countenance, for he is a brother in their semblance.
Then before him he sees the Great Scales of Tahuti. Upon the one side is his heart in the form of the jar of his maat and upon the other side is the Feather of Maat. And they are poised each to each in perfect balance, for upon both sides there is Truth.
And the walls open before him like a great gateway, and he walks forward into the light of the Celestial Fields, where the corn that stands seven cubits high awaits his garnering.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Return From Exile
When I had lived four years at Nekht-an, a pestilence swept through the Two Lands. Though the healers went among the people, many there were who found freedom from pain only when death released them. The doors of the palace were open to all who needed succour, and with my women I went among the people, tending them in their sickness. Then the plague fell upon me also, and all thought that I must die. I was grateful that this should be so, for I was weary of my exile. Yet when I thought that the next turn of the path would show the gateway of my home to me, the hold of my body grew stronger upon my spirit and kept me captive.
No longer was my body my willing servant, but it was an oppressor that tormented me with pain. No longer were my bones sheathed smoothly in my flesh, but they kept sharp and brittle as the dead branches of a tree, and my skin was brown and withered as forgotten leaves. To walk across the courtyard needed all my strength, and to keep my mouth closed against lamentations demanded all my will. I prayed to Ptah that I might bear my pain proudly as though it were a spear-thrust gained in battle. Age had come upon me in the space of one moon, and she had brought neither peace nor quietness in her hands.
For two years I lived in the body of an old woman, and often before I returned to its prison, I stood beside my bed, looking upon the crippled earthly shell to which I must return. Free in the semblance of my youth and strength, I would touch my smooth and shining hair and think of the wigs and head-dresses I must wear throughout the day to cover its sad greyness upon Earth.
It might be that while I slept Neyah and I had been reliving our childhood together, had climbed a high mountain, or swum in moon-green lakes. And while my feet paced slowly beside the palace lotus pools, I would think of my dreams, and it was as if I were a night-singing bird shut in a wicker cage that hears its brother wing towards the sky.
There are many whose bodies are old and heavy upon them who shun the face of death. Why are they frightened to renew their youth? Why are they frightened of release from pain? Grant that the day be soon when falling sands shall mark the ending of this little span, so that my body can sleep and need not wake, and I may be free as youth and wise as age.
When I was fifty-three years old, I saw the gates of my home open before me. I walked with my mother, and Neyah, and Za Atet, and he that was Ney-sey-ra, in the Gardens of the Setting Sun, and I knew the joy and peace that are one. Far below me I saw Earth as a little cold room that had opened its doors and let me free. Then faintly I heard a cry, like frightened children who are alone, and it was the sorrow of my people who knew that I was dying. And though I knew I need return no longer to that body wherein pain housed with me, down through the shadowed depths I went, and for the last time I made my body speak unto the people that I loved, so they might share my happiness with me and not be sorrowful that I had died. As I felt my body close on me, I prayed for strength that my last message to them should be clear and silver-tongued:
“I have seen the splendour of the evening veiling the sky in the colours of the universe, when the great Sun-god Ra journeys beyond Earth to hold converse with his brothers. Yet shall I see a greater glory than this pageant of the west.
“I have heard a thousand thousand singing-birds whose throats cry out the melody of life. Yet shall I hear far sweeter songs than this, nearer the heart of music than a harp.
“I have led chariots in the battle line and set victorious banners on the wind. I have found peace in temple colonnades and listened to wise counsel from true priests. I have kept my country’s ploughlands deep in grain and shared with them my people’s quietude. Yet do I know the glories of the Earth are fleeting shadows on a misty day beside that moment when, ahead in time, I shall at last unbar death’s final gate and walk in the Fields of the Long Standing Corn.”
Then like a sun-shaft breaking through a cloud I left the shadow-land of tears and pain, to walk with my dear companions in the Light.
The End
SPEAKING FROM THE HEART
ISBN 978-1-58567-893-3
$32.95 Hardcover
WINGED PHARAOH
ISBN 978-1-58567-886-0
$14.95 Paperback
SCARLET FEATHER
ISBN 978-1-58567-887-7
$14.95 Paperback
