She shrugged. “No, but maybe he didn’t give you any choice Dad can be ruthless in defense of his own, and he does own thirty percent of Future-Tech Maybe you should ask him if he knows anything about the problems between you and I before you disappeared. I asked him once and he said that he didn’t, but I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
“From what I’ve seen of the financial statements, Future-Tech was doing well enough at that time that I could have bought your father out if I’d wanted to.” The computer beeped and Geoff removed a disk from the drive before inserting another “He couldn’t have influenced me that way, Devon Though I understand your reasons for preferring to think along those lines.”
Devon sipped her tea. “Have you finished deciphering all the disks?”
He shook his head. “There are a couple more. I’ve scanned most of those that I have decoded looking for anything unusual, but so far nothing has caught my eye I’m going to go back and read the correspondence more carefully ”
Devon nodded, and leaned back in the chair, supporting her cup on the palm of her left hand while holding the handle with her right. She looked preoccupied but said nothing.
Finally Geoff asked, “Is something on your mind, Devon?”
She started, and then with a slight grimace asked, “Am I that transparent?” Geoff didn’t bother to reply, and a moment later she rose to begin pacing the office. “I don’t know how to say this,” she murmured
Geoff leaned back in his chair, sipped his coffee, and watched her The more time he spent with her the more fascinated he was. But, he didn’t like the sound of whatever was coming. When Devon didn’t know how to say something, it usually meant that she feared that whatever she had to say would hurt another person’s feelings Still, there was no sense in him worrying about it until he knew for certain what it was that was bothering her.
Abruptly, she halted, flattened her palms nervously against the black denim of the jeans she wore, and met his gaze. “Geoff, I think we’re moving too quickly with this relationship.”
Quickly! Everything within him went stall. He stared at her for a moment, waiting to see if she’d say something else to clarify her remark, but she just swallowed and stared at him anxiously. He cleared his throat “I think you’d better explain, Devon.”
She sighed and looked skyward “It’s just that you’re always here, Geoff.”
“I live here.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Seeming to have gathered her courage, she looked back at him “You’re here in the morning for breakfast and to help the kids make their lunches. And now, they expect you there. You’re here after school to take them to their karate or music lessons or what-have-you. And they expect to see you You’re here every night for dinner. And even I am coming to expect that ” He opened his mouth but she held up a hand to stall him before he got a word out. “I know. I know. More than half the time, it’s you who’s making the dinner. And I appreciate it—I really do. But that’s part of the problem, too. I mean the only time you’re not here is when you go to work, and you haven’t been working full-time yet. Don’t you see?”
Geoff stared at her. No, he didn’t see, dammit! “Why is that a problem? I thought the idea was to see if it was possible to reclaim our lives together as a family. To see if being together would trigger my memory so that we could try to work things out between us.”
Devon shook her head. “That would be nice. Geoff, but I’m not sure we’re going to find the answers we need anytime soon, and I’m too afraid of...”
“Of what?” he asked when she broke off. “Is this about that message last night?”
“No! Well, maybe a bit.” She winced. “I’m not doing a very good job of this.”
“So what are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid of going through all that hell again Every day, I’m getting closer to you. The kids are getting closer to you. I’m not saying that I don’t want you to see them It’s just that I think you should see them a little less often. If we don’t slow down now, it may be too late. Don’t you see?”
He studied her, taking in her obvious agitation, but try as he might, he couldn’t follow her logic. What he did gather made him angry—coldly angry—and he rose to face her. “So, you’ve decided that the nsk of being hurt is too great. You don’t want to give us a chance after all, and my being around too much is...what? Putting a crimp in plans you have to get back together with David?” He knew that David had been calling Devon at work, seeking to rekindle their relationship. She’d mentioned that he’d called a few times.
“I’m not interested m David,” Devon asserted, and her tone made it obvious that she was telling the truth.
“Then help me understand where this is coming from, Devon.”
“We’re starting to rely on you too much, Geoff. The kids are starting to depend on you to help them with their homework, to give them advice. I’m starting to depend on you to share responsibility, to be here.”
Geoff’s brow arched. “And that’s a problem.” The statement was half question.
“Yes, that’s a problem,” Devon said vehemently. “Weren’t you listening? What’s going to happen if things don’t work out? What’ll happen when you’re suddenly not here for us?” She hammered her thigh with a clenched fist. “Dammit, Geoff. I won’t let us all be hurt again.”
Geoff frowned This was a result of that message. She was afraid that whoever had left it was going to succeed in making him disappear again. And he had no way to reassure her Not yet “Devon, you knew when you brought me here that I planned on being part of the kids’ lives, of your life I’m not going to let anything change that.”
“Okay, fine. I believe that you won’t intentionally hurt us. But, you may not have a choice And I can’t deal with.. this.”
“This being something that threatens you,” he said in a deadly quiet tone “It threatens your equanimity. You’re thinking of yourself more than you are the children ” Moving out from behind the desk, he approached her. “Aren’t you?” he demanded. “You’re afraid, no.. you’re terrified that what’s between us might prove to be strong enough that you’ll want to take a chance again even if we never find the answers you need.” She started slightly at his accusation, and another suspicion crowded into his mind “And you’re more than half hoping that we won’t find those answers, aren’t you? Because you’re afraid of feeling that strongly again. Friendship is safe, but anything more ..that involves emotional risk. And you don’t want to invest that much again. I’m right, aren’t I?”
“No, if I’d wanted friendship, I would have stuck with David. I want us as much as you do. But unlike you, I remember the past. I remember what we lost, and how much it hurt. I...” Devon’s eyes widened as he halted in front of her, his proximity making her lose her tram of thought. She’d seen Geoff angry many times, but never in quite this way. There was something about his very coldness, the icy calm that enveloped him, that made him seem...dangerous If only he’d yell, bluster a little bit, at least she would have felt as though she was in familiar territory.
“You’re a coward, Devon. And, fool that I am, I’ve bowed to your wishes, not pursuing this thing between us until we had some security—the security that you need. But I’m not going to let you dismiss me from your life, Devon, and I’m through doing things your way.”
Devon swallowed “Wh-what do you mean?”
He advanced another step, until he was standing so close that she could feel his body heat “I mean be damned to whatever happened before. You keep telling me I’m not the same person as I was then, so what makes you think I’d react the same way?”
“I. I don’t know, but ” His proximity was muddling her senses.
“No more buts, Devon We’re going to do things my way for a while As long as I didn’t touch you, didn’t try to get close to you, you could forget about this chemistry between us, even fool yourself into thinking that it didn’t exist You aren’t going to be able to do that anymore.�
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Devon regarded him wanly “What do you mean?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll leave for a while if that’s what you want Not for your sake, but for the kids.”
She frowned “I don’t understand ”
“Whoever is behind the threats has made it pretty obvious that I am the target, but I’ve been worried that the kids could get hurt inadvertently if there is another break-in or something. If I leave, whoever is following me and monitoring my movements will know that I’ve left ”
“Oh ” She swallowed, avoiding his gaze, feeling guilty for forcing him out, but unable to see any way around it
“But I have to warn you, Devon, that when I come back, the gloves are gonna be off, as they say.”
Her gaze flew up to his “Pardon me?”
“Think about it And, as for right now, I want you to remember something.” He moved even closer. Too near! Much too near
Devon tried to get her sluggish brain to interpret what he was saying even as it seemed more preoccupied with noticing other things Like how big he suddenly seemed And how mesmerizing his eyes were “What? Geoff, I—” But as the tension in the room became palpable, she broke off, no longer certain what it was she’d been about to say
The charged air between them thickened and smoldered as he slowly reached one hand up to thread it through her hair and grip the nape of her neck. Without holding her in any other way, without embracing her, he pulled her toward him until she was so close that their breaths mingled. And, while she stood paralyzed in so gentle a grasp, he whispered, “This is what I mean,” before lowering his lips to capture hers
Devon’s heart leapt into her throat in response to the touch of his mouth She sensed Geoff’s rigid control, an iciness that told her just how angry he was beneath the surface, and yet the mere contact of their mouths was enough to sear her with the heat of her own carnal hunger.
Damn him! Damn him for knowing me so well! she thought while she was still capable of thought. And then lucidity fled as her lips parted helplessly beneath his and he took instantaneous advantage. Without touching her in any way except for the gentle hold on her neck and the searing command of his mouth on hers, he robbed her of resistance, reason, and recourse. Devon moaned as her stomach performed aerial somersaults Her lungs constricted; her toes curled, her pulse raced; and she needed...more. She was tired of denying the need to be held, to be touched. She wanted to feel his arms around her. She wanted to feel the furnacelike heat of his body next to hers. She wanted to feel the hard strength of his muscular form cradling her softness She wanted...him.
If only she could allow herself to succumb to her wants, her desires, without thought for the future. But she couldn’t. She had always been the kmd of person who needed security above all else, and she couldn’t find the ability within her to change Not now. Not...yet.
She moaned again, in an agony of want and indecision and then moved to break off the kiss. Without opening her eyes because she knew meeting his gaze, seeing its scorching promise, would undo her, she murmured, “No, Geoff. I...can’t. Please understand I need time.”
“I understand, Devon,” he murmured in return. “You’ve got two weeks. After that, whether we’ve found your answers or not, we do things my way.”
Devon had opened her eyes when he began speaking, and now she met his gaze. “What do you mean, your way?”
He smiled, but the gesture didn’t quite reach his eyes. Devon received the distinct impression that it was designed more to show teeth than anything else. He was still angry.
Moving his hand from behind her neck, he brought it forward to trace the contours of her kiss-swollen lips with the pad of his thumb. “You’ll find out,” he said. The slight rasp of his baritone voice caressed her nerve endings, sending a shiver of traitorous delight up her spine. “But I guarantee you’ll like it.”
She frowned as he turned away from her and began packing up the things on the desk. “Geoff, I—”
“Two weeks, Devon,” he said, interrupting her. “I’ll stay at the office for that long. I’ve got a comfortable couch there. And then I’ll be back.” He lifted his gaze to meet hers. “Full time.” It sounded like a threat.
It was a threat!
Chapter 14
Geoff squinted against the light of a particularly bright street lamp as he drove back to the office. Damn, he wished he could figure women out. Or, at least one specific woman.
He already cared about Devon a lot and it irritated the hell out of him that she seemed to be fighting any reciprocation of his feelings. What exactly those feelings were, he wasn’t sure.
Love?
Probably. He thought about her all the time He dreamed about the scent of her soft skin; about the texture of her silky hair; about the perfect fit her body was for his. And, dammit, he knew that she felt something for him too. And yet she fought it tooth and nail.
Why?
Oh, he knew her reasoning. She’d told him often enough. But why couldn’t he make her understand that anything good involved some risk? That they’d never know if they had anything together worth reclaiming if they didn’t allow themselves to relax and simply be with each other without fear?
He sighed and shook his head in frustration. He was going to give Devon the room she seemed to think she needed. If she didn’t want him around as much, he could deal with it. It wasn’t as though he had nothing to do. And maybe, just maybe, she’d realize that having him around wasn’t all that bad; that allowing herself to rely on someone else a bit, was not that threatening a situation to be in.
But what about the kids?
Well, she’d said she wasn’t telling him he couldn’t see them, so he could still stop by to see them after school as often as possible There was no reason they should be dragged into the situation between himself and Devon.
If it was what she wanted, she could go back to cooking her own meals when she got home after a long day at work He’d only tried to be thoughtful, and look what it had got him—censure. As though he’d actually been plotting to become indispensable.
Women! He muttered a curse beneath his breath.
When he arrived at the office a few minutes later, he unplugged the cellular phone from the cigarette lighter to take in with him. Just in case Devon tried to call him. Future-Tech’s phones were on voice mail at night, so he mightn’t even hear them nng. Of course the message light on his phone would flash if anyone left him a message, but still...he didn’t want to risk missing her call.
Realizing how lovesick that sounded, he almost threw the cell phone back into the vehicle. Then, recalling that he hadn’t checked the voice mail service he had on his cellular for a while either, he reasoned he should take it in anyway, and stuck it into his jacket pocket.
Leaving the suitcase of clothing he’d hastily packed in the vehicle, he made his way into the building, juggling the notebook computer on which he did most of his work, and the briefcase containing most of the stuff he’d been working on.
Not in a very good mood at the moment, he flipped on the lights in his office, set down his things, and went into the staff kitchen where he pulled a can of Coke from the refrigerator. Cracking it open, he took a long cool drink and then wished it was something stronger. But there was no help for it now. Since he hadn’t had the foresight to stop and pick anything up, he’d have to make do. Slowly, he walked back into his office to stare at the phone. The red light wasn’t flashing.
He looked at the sofa against the wall. It didn’t look all that inviting so he sat in his high-backed chair and put his feet up on his desk. He might as well check his cellular voice mail, he decided. Taking the phone from his pocket, he depressed a couple of buttons.
There was only one message. After a minute, a woman’s voice came on. “Hello, this is Claudette Grayson-Phips. I don’t know who you are, but somebody left a message for me to call this number. If you still want to talk to me, you can call me back.” She left her number.
Geoff stared at the
Robert Bateman prints on the opposite wall without really seeing them. So that was how his mother sounded. Not quite the way he’d imagined. He’d expected her to sound like Sophia Loren; instead she sounded closer to a variation of Candice Bergen as Murphy Brown. She sounded tough and competent, with no hint of an Italian accent—at least none that he could detect. He searched for any hint of a memory of that voice, but once again drew a blank.
After swallowing the last of the Coke, he crumpled the can in his fist. It felt good, a release for some of the anger that still sizzled through him Then, after setting the misshapen can on the desk, he made his way into the executive washroom that he shared with Danson Hart. Maybe if he dashed his face with a bit of cold water, he’d feel more like talking to his mother.
Mother He turned the word over in his mind as he ran water into the sink.
A moment later, as he stared at his dripping face in the mirror, Geoff allowed his fingers to tighten on the edge of the basin. He believed the woman he was about to call was his mother, but he didn’t know that she was. Just as he believed he was Geoffrey Hunter Grayson—because all the evidence pointed to that being the case—but he didn’t know that he was Geoff Grayson. In fact, he still had no idea who the man in the mirror truly was. Would he ever know? Sometimes he felt lost in a sea of pretense, of trying to be something that he wasn’t. And yet what else could he do but try to live the life that evidence indicated was once his?
Reaching for the towel, he dried his face and continued to stare at himself in the mirror Would his memory ever return? Would he ever be able to look into a mirror and not entertain the shadow of a doubt about his identity? Would the void in his soul ever stop aching? But there were no answers apparent in the countenance that stared back at him
Finally, he shook his head and made his way back to his office. He had to proceed on the evidence, and the evidence presented him as Geoff Grayson.
Sitting down, he picked up the telephone and dialled. It was time to let Claudette Grayson-Phips know that her son was alive.
A Season Of Miracles Page 22
