The Summer They Never Forgot

by Kandy Shepherd

  ‘No. I went to put it in the bin, to prove my point, but Jodi stopped me. Said it was unrealistic to expect we wouldn’t each come into the marriage with a past. She just wanted to make sure you stayed in the past.’

  ‘And here I am...in...in the future.’

  ‘I hadn’t thought about this photo in years. Then, after that morning on the beach with you and Hobo, I dug it out from a box in the storeroom at the hotel.’

  ‘And put it on display?’

  Ben took the photo frame from her hands and placed it back on top of the dresser. ‘Where it will stay,’ he said.

  ‘So...so why did you hide it from me yesterday?’

  ‘I thought you’d think it was strange that I’d kept it. It was too soon.’

  ‘But it’s not too soon now?’

  ‘We’ve come a long way since yesterday.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. She made a self-conscious effort to laugh. But it came out as something more strangled. ‘Who knows where we’ll get to in the next three days?’

  It was a rhetorical question she wished she hadn’t uttered as soon as she’d said it. But Ben just nodded.

  He picked up the photo frame and then put it back down again. ‘If you’re okay with it, I’ll keep it here.’

  ‘Of course,’ she said, speaking through a lump of emotion in her throat. ‘And I don’t expect you to keep photos of Jodi buried in a drawer while I’m around.’

  But, please, no photos of Liam on display. No way could she deal with that while she was dealing with the thought that if it worked out with Ben she would see the demise of her dream of having her own kids.

  ‘She was a big part of my life. I’m glad you don’t want to deny that.’

  ‘Of course I recognise that. Like...like she did about me.’

  She looked again at the long-ago photo and wondered how Jodi had felt when she’d seen it. How sensible Jodi had been not to deny Ben his past. She had to do the same. But there was still that nagging doubt.

  ‘I still can’t help but wonder if I can compete with the memory of someone so important to you.’

  He cupped her chin with his big scarred hands. ‘As I said before, it’s not a competition. You’re so different. She was the safe harbour, calm waters. You’re the breaking waves, the white-water excitement.’

  ‘Both calm waters and breaking waves can be good,’ she said, understanding what he meant and feeling a release from her fears. She hoped she, too, could at times become a safe harbour for him.

  If she were to carry the wave analogy to its conclusion, Jason had been the dumper wave that had started off fast and exciting and then crashed her, choking and half drowning, onto the hard, gritty sand.

  But what she felt for Ben defied all categorisation. He was both safe harbour and wild wave, and everything else she wanted, in one extraordinary man. And she longed to be everything to him.

  But she couldn’t tell him that. Not yet. Not until the three days were over.

  ‘How long until you have to be back at the shop?’ Ben asked.

  ‘How long do we need?’ she murmured as she slid her arms around his waist and kissed him.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  SANDY TURNED THE ‘Back in One Hour’ sign—it had stretched to one and a half hours—so it read ‘Open’ and dashed into the shop. She spent a few minutes fixing her hair and make-up so the next contingent of too-interested ladies who came in wouldn’t immediately guess how she’d spent her lunch hour. Wouldn’t that make the Dolphin Bay grapevine hum...?

  But customers were few—maybe she wasn’t such a novelty any more. Or maybe, because it was such a hot day, people would rather be on the beach. She lifted her hair from her neck to cool it. It was warm in here today, despite her fiddling with the air-conditioning controls.

  In the lull, after a lady had been seeking the latest celebrity chef cookbook and a man had wanted a history of the Dolphin Bay fishing fleet, she pulled out her fairy notebook. The glitter shimmered onto the countertop. It was time to revisit her thirtieth birthday resolutions.

  She read them through again, with her Hotel Harbourside pen poised to make amendments.

  1. Get as far away from Sydney as possible while remaining in realms of civilisation and within reach of a good latte.

  Tick.

  Dolphin Bay was four hours away from Sydney, and Ben’s hotel café did excellent coffee. But her stay depended on a rekindled relationship of uncertain duration.

  2. Find new job where can be own boss.

  Tick.

  The possibility of owning Bay Books exceeded the ‘new job’ expectations. She scribbled, Add gift section to bookshop—enquire if can be sub-franchisee for candles.

  But, again, the possible job depended entirely on her relationship with Ben. She wouldn’t hang around in Dolphin Bay if they kissed goodbye for good on Wednesday.

  She hesitated when she came to resolution number three. As opposed to the flippy thing, her heart gave a painful lurch.

  3. Find kind, interesting man with no hang-ups who loves me the way I am and who wants to get married and have three kids, two girls and a boy.

  She’d found the guy—though he came with hang-ups aplenty—and maybe he was the guy on whom she’d subconsciously modelled the brief. But as for the rest of it....

  Could she be happy with just two out of three resolutions fulfilled? How big a compromise was she prepared to make?

  Now her heart actually ached, and she had to swallow down hard on a sigh. Children had always been on the agenda for her—in fact she’d never imagined a life that didn’t include having babies. Then her mother’s oft-repeated words came to mind: ‘You can’t have everything you want in life, Alexandra.’

  She put down her pen, then picked it up again. Channelled ‘Sunny Sandy’. Two out of three was definitely a cup more than half full. Slowly, with a wavering line of ink, she scored through the words relating to kids, then wrote: If stay in DB, ask Maura about puppy. She crossed out the word ‘puppy’ and wrote puppies.

  Unable to bear any further thoughts about shelving her dreams of children, she slammed the fairy notebook shut.

  As she did so the doorbell jangled. She looked up to see a very small person manfully pushing the door open.

  ‘Amy! Sweetpea!’

  Sandy flew around the counter and rushed to meet her niece, then looked up to see her sister, Lizzie, behind her. ‘And Lizzie! I can’t believe it.’

  Sandy greeted Lizzie with a kiss, then swept Amy up into her arms and hugged her tight. Eyes closed at the bliss of having her precious niece so close, she inhaled her sweet little-girl scent of strawberry shampoo and fresh apple.

  ‘I miss you, bub,’ she said, kissing Amy’s smooth, perfect cheek.

  ‘Miss you too, Auntie Ex.’

  Her niece was the only person who called her that—when she was tiny Amy hadn’t been able to manage ‘Alexandra’ and it had morphed into ‘Ex’, a nickname that had stayed.

  ‘But you’re squashing me.’

  ‘Oh, sorry—of course I am.’ Sandy carefully put her niece down and smoothed the fabric of Amy’s dress.

  Amy looked around her with wide eyes. ‘Where are the books for children?’ she asked.

  ‘They’re right over here, sweetpea. Are your hands clean?’

  Amy displayed a pair of perfectly clean little hands. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then you can take books and look at them. There’s a comfy purple beanbag in the corner.’

  Amy settled herself with a picture book about a crocodile. Sandy had trouble keeping her eyes off her little niece. Had she grown in just the few days since they’d said goodbye in Sydney? Amy had been a special part of her life since she’d been born and she loved being an aunt. She’d looked forward to having a little girl just like her one day.

  Her breath caught in her throat. If she stayed with Ben no one would ever call her Mummy.

  ‘Nice place,’ said Lizzie, looking around her. ‘But what the heck are you doing here? You�
�re meant to be on your way to Melbourne.’

  ‘I could ask the same about you. Though it’s such a nice surprise to see you.’

  ‘Amy had a pupil-free day at school. I decided to shoot down here and see what my big sis was up to!’

  ‘I texted you.’

  ‘Just a few words to say you were spending some time in Dolphin Bay. Dolphin Bay! Why this end-of-nowhere dump? Though I have to say the place has smartened itself up. And Amy loves the dolphin rubbish bins.’

  ‘I took the scenic route down the coast. It was lunchtime when I saw the turn-off, and—’

  Lizzie put up her hand to halt her. ‘I suspected it, but now I get it. This is about Ben Morgan, isn’t it? What else would the attraction be here? And don’t even think about lying, because you’re blushing.’

  ‘I have caught up with Ben. Yes.’

  Lizzie took a step closer. ‘You’ve done a lot more than “caught up” with Ben, haven’t you?’

  Sandy rolled her eyes skyward and laughed. Then she filled her sister in on what had happened since she’d driven her Beetle down the main street of Dolphin Bay. Including Ida’s offer to sell her Bay Books, but excluding Ben’s decision not to have any more children.

  ‘So, are you going to stay here with Ben?’ Lizzie asked.

  Sandy shrugged. ‘We’re testing the waters of what it might be like. But I feel the same way about him as I did back then.’

  Lizzie stayed silent for a long moment before she spoke again. ‘You’re not just getting all sentimental about the past because of what happened with Jason?’

  Sandy shook her head. ‘Absolutely not. It’s nothing to do with that. Just about me and Ben.’

  Just mentioning their names together made her heart flip.

  ‘I remember what it was like between you. Man, you were crazy about each other.’

  Sandy clutched her sister’s arm. Lizzie had to believe that what she’d rediscovered with Ben was the real deal. ‘It’s still there, Lizzie, that feeling between us. We took up where we left off. I’m so happy to have found him again. Even if these few days are all we have. And I don’t give a toss about Jason.’

  ‘I’m thrilled for you—truly I am. I always liked Ben. And I love this shop. It would be cool to own it. Way better than candles.’ Lizzie shifted from foot to foot. ‘But now I’ve brought up the J word I have to tell you something. You’re going to hear it sooner or later, and I’d rather you heard it from me.’

  Sandy frowned. ‘Is it about the wedding?’ She hadn’t given it another thought.

  ‘More about the bump under What’s-Her-Name’s wedding gown.’

  Sandy had to hold on to the edge of the closest bookshelf. ‘You mean—?’

  ‘They’re not admitting to it. But the wedding guests are betting there’ll be a J-Junior coming along in about five months’ time.’

  Sandy felt the blood drain from her face. Not that she gave a flying fig for That-Jerk-Jason. But envy of his new bride shook her. Not envy of her having Jason’s baby. The thought of anyone other than Ben touching her repulsed her. But envy because she would never be the one with a proudly displayed bump, would never bear Ben’s child.

  ‘Are you okay, Sandy?’

  Sandy took a deep breath, felt the colour rush back into her face. ‘Of course I’m okay. It’s a bit of a shock, that’s all.’

  Lizzie hugged her. ‘Maybe you’ll be next, if you end up with Ben. You’re thirty now—you won’t want to leave it too long.’

  ‘Of course not,’ said Sandy, her voice trailing away.

  Lizzie was just the first to say it. If, in some hypothetical future, she and Ben decided to stay together it would start. First it would be, So when are you two tying the knot? followed by, Are you putting on weight or have you got something to tell us?

  Would she would be able to endure her friends’ pregnancy excitement, birth stories, christenings, first-day-at-school sob-stories? All the while knowing she could never share them?

  She understood Ben’s stance against having another child. Was aware of the terrible place it came from. But she couldn’t help but wonder if to start a relationship with Ben predicated on it being a relationship without children would mean a doomed relationship. It might be okay to start with, but as the years went by might she come to blame him? To resent him?

  ‘You sure you’re okay?’ asked Lizzie. ‘You look flushed.’

  ‘Really, I’m fine.’ Sandy fanned her face with both hands. ‘It’s hot. I suspect this rattly old air-conditioner is on its last legs.’

  ‘You could put in a new one if you bought the business.’

  ‘I guess...’ she said, filled with sudden new doubt.

  Holding Amy in her arms, hearing about Jason’s bride’s bump, had shaken her confidence in a long-term relationship with Ben that didn’t include starting a family.

  She changed the subject. ‘What are you guys planning on doing? Can you stay tonight?’

  ‘That depends on you. I promised Amy I’d take her to see the white lions at Mogo Zoo. Then we could come back here, have dinner with you and Ben, stay the night and go home tomorrow.’

  ‘That would be amazing. Let’s book you into Ben’s gorgeous hotel.’

  When had her thoughts changed from Hotel Hideous to ‘Ben’s gorgeous hotel’?

  She didn’t feel guilty about putting the ‘Back in Ten Minutes’ sign up on the bookshop door—Ida had quite a collection of signs, covering all contingencies. It was hot and stuffy inside Bay Books and she was beginning to feel claustrophobic.

  And she wanted to see Ben again, to be reassured that loving him would be enough.

  * * *

  Ben was stunned to see Sandy coming towards Reception with a little girl. The child was clutching one of Bay Books’ brown paper bags with one hand and holding on tight to Sandy’s hand with the other. All the while she kept up a steady stream of childish chatter and Sandy looked down to reply, her face tender and her eyes warm with love.

  That newly tuned engine of his heart spluttered and stalled at the sight. It looked natural and right to see Sandy hand in hand with a child. The little girl might be her daughter.

  Anguish tore through him. Liam would have been around the same age if he’d lived. He could not go there. Getting past what would have been Liam’s first birthday had seen him alone in his room with a bottle of bourbon. The other anniversaries had been only marginally better.

  Sandy caught sight of him and greeted him with a big smile. Was he imagining that it didn’t reach her eyes? He forced himself to smile back, to act as though the sight of her with a child had not affected him.

  He pulled her into a big hug. His need to keep their relationship private from the gossiping eyes of Dolphin Bay was in the past. He’d been warmed and gratified by the good wishes he’d been given since the night of the Chamber of Commerce dance. He hadn’t realised just how concerned his family and friends had been about him.

  ‘This is my niece, Amy,’ Sandy said. ‘Amy, this is my friend Ben.’

  Ben hunkered down to Amy’s height. ‘Hi, Amy. Welcome to Dolphin Bay.’

  ‘I like dolphins,’ Amy said. ‘They smile. I like crocodiles too. I’ve got a new crocodile book.’ She thrust the brown paper bag towards him.

  ‘That’s good,’ Ben said awkwardly. He was out of practice with children. Hadn’t been able to deal with them since he’d lost Liam.

  Sandy rescued him from further stilted conversation. ‘Do you remember my sister, Lizzie?’ she asked, indicating the tall blonde woman who had joined them.

  ‘Of course I remember you, Lizzie,’ he said as he shook hands. Though, truth be told, back then he’d been so caught up with Sandy he’d scarcely noticed Lizzie, attractive though she was.

  ‘Who would have thought I’d see you two together again after all these years?’ said Lizzie.

  ‘Yes,’ he said.

  He looked down at Sandy and she smiled up at him.

  ‘Can we book Lizzie and Amy into a
room with a water view?’ she asked.

  We. She’d said ‘we’. And he wasn’t freaked out by it as much as he’d thought he would be. In fact he kind of liked it.

  He put his arm around her and held her close. She clutched onto him with a ferocity that both pleased and worried him. There was that shadow again around her eyes. What gave?

  He booked Lizzie and Amy into the room adjoining Sandy’s, talking over their protests when he told them that the room was on the house.

  ‘Dinner tonight at the hotel?’ he asked, including Lizzie and Amy in the invitation.

  Sandy nodded. ‘Yes, please—for all of us. Though it will have to be early because of Amy’s bedtime.’

  ‘I’m good with that.’

  The sooner Lizzie and Amy were settled in their room, the sooner he could be alone with Sandy. Their time together was ticking down.

  Lizzie glanced at her watch. ‘We have to get to the zoo.’ She took Amy’s book and packed it in her bag. ‘C’mon, Amy, quick-sticks.’

  Amy indicated for Sandy to pick her up and Sandy obliged. She embraced Sandy in a fierce hug.

  ‘I’ll bring you a white lion, Auntie Ex,’ she said.

  Auntie Ex? Ben was about to ask for an explanation of the name when Amy leaned over from her position in Sandy’s arms and put her arms up to be hugged by him.

  ‘Bye-bye, Ben,’ she said. ‘Do you want a white lion, too?’

  Ben froze. He hadn’t held a child since he’d last held Liam. But Amy’s little hands were resting on his shoulders, her face close to his. For a moment it was the three of them. A man. A woman. A child.

  He panicked. Had to force himself not to shake. He looked to Sandy over the little girl’s blonde head. Connected with her eyes, both sad and compassionate.

  He cleared his throat and managed to pat the little girl gently on the back. ‘A white lion would be great—thanks, Amy.’

  ‘A girl one or a boy one?’ Amy asked.