Songs the Soldiers Sang

by Bette McNicholas

  Laurel stared at Holt and expected him to tell George that he was in Manassas, too. But all she noticed was that his face had turned pale, and she decided to keep silent.

  “George, are you married or engaged?” Laurel asked.

  “No, I haven’t had time for such a pleasure.”

  “Wonderful,” she blurted. “Would you mind if I invite a lady friend to join us for dinner tonight?”

  “I’d be delighted to meet your friend, Laurel.”

  As they were leaving the restaurant, George asked Holt, “How’s Jacqueline?”

  “She’s fine, George,” he whispered. “I’ll tell you more about her when I see you tonight.”

  Laurel pretended she didn’t hear their conversation, but the sound of another woman’s name connected with Holt’s caused her heart to skip a beat. Silently, she reminded herself that he was merely an acquaintance who had offered to help her search for her father. When George went his separate way, Holt offered her his arm again and they began their walk back to the ship. She gave him her best smile and asked, “Why didn’t you tell George you were at Manassas?”

  He bit his lip and shook his head. “I will, but I couldn’t today. When he mentioned that he had lost his arm at Bull Run, I felt a wave of nausea. I’m glad I was only there as an observer, because the thought that I could have been the one who shot him and caused him to lose his arm is unbearable. I wouldn’t want to know that I had been responsible for killing or maiming one of my best friends.”

  “You can’t go through life wondering what if’s, Holt. The war is over and you have to move on with your life, too.”

  “What about you?”

  “I’m trying.”

  “I believe you. For a young woman who had been forced into adulthood at an early age, poverty-stricken and destitute, burdened with her mammy and homeless, you somehow managed to preserve a certain innocence and personality and enthusiasm that makes you very special and that astonishes me.

  “Can you tell me what your life was like, living in exile for four years? I cannot imagine my sister or any of my family being able to survive such an ordeal. And I admire you for that.”

  She patted his arm and gave him a warm smile. “I try not to remember, but like you, I guess, the memories invade my solitude, uninvited, of course.

  “After the initial shock of being woken in the middle of the night, with hardly enough time to think and only minutes to pack and leave, I thought we would be all right because I was with Junie and Mrs. Barnwell was a very wealthy and intelligent woman. But, you have to realize that I was thirteen, lived a rather sheltered life, and had no idea what war was like.” She closed her lips and shut her eyes for a moment.

  “We never, ever thought or imagined that the soldiers would bring the war to every farm, town and city. I’m not sure how we remained fortunate enough not to come face to face with the troops, but once we were no longer able to find a safe house and took to the roads, we traveled in silence, kept ourselves covered in dark clothes, put mud on our faces and stayed deep in forests whenever possible.” She swiped at her nose and sniffed. “Of course, by this time, I no longer had Mrs. Barnwell for protection. When we heard that women were arrested in some towns, I was frightened that I’d be arrested and they’d separate me from Junie.”

  “Where did you find the courage to continue?”

  “I sometimes wonder how we managed, myself. We lived like gypsies. We set up camps at night, but didn’t keep fires going once we had fixed a meal. The winters were the hardest. Less food and cold weather.”

  She swallowed hard to dispel the nausea that gnarled at her stomach. “We stayed hidden and watched as one plantation house after another fell prey to the torch. Sometimes we got lucky and were able to catch some fish when we were near water, but staying in one place for any length of time wasn’t smart and we’d move onto the next town. Then when we got news the war had ended, we stayed where we were until we found a way home.”

  “I’m sorry, Laurel. Sorry you suffered and sorry I asked you to talk about your ordeal.”

  Laurel wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled. “Maybe we met and became friends to share our experiences and to help each other heal.”

  “Perhaps.”

  Holt led Laurel toward the market district and stopped in front of a dressmaker shop. “I should have asked George to recommend a place where I might be able to sell your silver. It’s late in the day, but would you like to do some shopping before we return to the ship. I’ll be happy to pay for the things you purchase and you can pay me back when I bring you the money from the sale.”

  “Do you really think you might be able to sell the silver that quickly?”

  “Why don’t you go in and see if there’s anything you’d like to purchase that’s ready made and I’ll go catch up with George and ask him for his advice about selling the silver.”

  Laurel looked in the shop window and then at Holt. “Do you think I can really afford to spend any of the money?”

  “Yes, I’m positive. Don’t worry about the money for now. You and Junie are going to need some warmer clothes for Maryland. If you finish before I return, please wait for me inside the shop. Standing outside alone on the streets isn’t safe. Promise?”

  “I promise,” she answered, disappearing inside the shop.

  ****

  Holt quickened his stride and rushed back to find George. He needed to talk to him before they got together for dinner. He felt relieved that Laurel apparently hadn’t heard George ask about Jacqueline, but he wanted to make certain he didn’t mention her again, not until he found the right time to tell Laurel about Monique.

  When Holt finally caught up to George, he yelled his name. George turned and looked surprised to see Holt hurrying toward him. “That was quick. What happened to Laurel? Surely you didn’t let her walk back to the steamer alone.”

  “No, and Southern men aren’t the only ones who are chivalrous,” he answered, laughing. “I wanted to talk to you before we meet later.”

  “Is this about my mentioning Jacqueline?”

  “Among other things,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Let’s go into this tavern, it doesn’t seem to be too crowded. Maybe we can find a table where we can speak privately.”

  As soon as they were seated and they ordered ale, George began, “Look, Holt, I know this in none of my business and that I’ve only just met Laurel, and I think she’s rather sweet…”

  “And?” Holt asked, curiously.

  “Well, I think you’d better be careful. She seems very young and innocent.”

  Holt waited patiently while their drinks were served, then leaned across the table and whispered harshly, “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I think she’s falling in love with you, and I don’t think you’re too far behind. She’s young and vulnerable, you have to be careful.”

  “That part’s true, she is young and vulnerable, but she’s not in love with me and I’m not in love with her. I’ve simply offered to help her search for her father.” Holt responded angrily. “Your eyesight must’ve been affected... I’m sorry George, that remark wasn’t necessary.”

  George waved his hand in the air. “Forget it. You know, Holt, if my statement was far from the truth, you’d have laughed instead have gotten angry.”

  “Well, I admit I may be fond of Laurel considering the short time I’ve known her. But I was merely drawn to her desperate situation. I really think I can help her find out what happened to her father. She has no one else and no resources and the something I have plenty of, are resources and money. But love? That’s ridiculous.” Holt sat back and lifted his glass, thinking that was the end of that conversation.

  “What did you expect, Holt? Laurel’s all alone and here comes this handsome, not to mention wealthy, man to her rescue. Hell, she’s probably never even had a beau. I’ll bet she doesn’t know about Monique.”

  Holt released an exasperated sigh. “You’re right, she doesn’t
. But there was no reason to mention Monique. Surely Laurel doesn’t have the impression I was seeking a relationship. I’ll explain that to her if and when the opportunity presents itself.”

  He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m not in the habit of telling everyone I meet that I was married and obtained a divorce decree or that I have a former wife somewhere in Europe, who hasn’t been notified because I don’t have any idea where the hell she went after she deserted us.

  “Nor do I mention the fact that I am waiting for word from the Vatican that I’ve been granted an annulment, in case I never find Monique. And, I simply don’t discuss Jacqueline with anyone who doesn’t need to know I have a daughter. I am not about to begin introducing women I meet to her because she will either be disappointed if the relationship doesn’t work out or if I bring home a woman she doesn’t like. She will look at everyone through the eyes of a child who wants a mother. I have always kept my relationships private, and I intend to continue to keep them separate from her.”

  “As I said earlier, this is none of my business. However, I think maybe you should tell Laurel before it’s too late. Once she knows you’ve been married and have a child, that will take care of the problem of her falling in love with you, especially if she’s Catholic, as I suspect. The church frowns upon divorce.”

  “If it will make you feel better, I’ll tell her. I promise,” he said, holding up his hands. “There’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about and that’s a chest of silver that belonged to Laurel’s mother. She needs money. I told her I’d ask you to suggest a merchant who might be interested in purchasing the silver. Will you wait here for me while I escort her back to the ship and get the chest.”

  After George agreed to wait, Holt left the tavern, shaking his head, thinking George had to be mistaken about how Laurel felt.

  ****

  Laurel had never been shopping for clothes by herself in her entire life. As a young girl growing up at Mossland, dressmakers were oftentimes brought to the house and her clothes were tailor made for her. Although there were times before her mother became ill, that they took excursions to Savannah or Charleston on shopping sprees but she was very young and could barely remember.

  Being alone in the store and touching all the different garments as she walked passed them, made her feel awkward. She wandered around idly, not knowing what to do until fortunately, the dressmaker rescued her and within minutes she found herself enjoying the experience.

  She was careful with her selections and didn’t indulge in anything extravagant, but she needed a great deal of things. The one selection that pleased her most was a wool dress and cloak she selected for Junie.

  While the woman totaled the bill, Laurel nibbled at her lower lip. She prayed Holt would return soon. The sun began to set and she fretted the shop would close before he arrived. She paced the floor waiting for him and smiled when he finally entered the store.

  “Were you successful?” she asked, before she allowed him to pay for her purchases.

  “Yes, I was. Let me pay the bill and I’ll tell you about everything on our way to the pier.”

  After he paid for her purchases, the saleslady handed him Laurel’s packages. “Is this all you bought, Laurel?”

  “All? I was afraid I spent too much. Anyway, there are enough clothes to last me until I get to Maryland.”

  Before they left the little shop, Laurel stopped and lifted the hem of her skirt slightly, “Look! New shoes.”

  “Come on, we have to hurry,” Holt said laughing. “I have to take the silver to George to sell. He says he knows someone who’d be very interested.”

  By the time they reached the riverboat, Laurel smiled because she didn’t think she could walk another step, even though she experienced a wonderful feeling of exhaustion and excitement. Once inside her cabin, she reached under the bed and dragged the chest of silver for Holt to take, and thanked him once again for all of his help.

  “The silver is terribly tarnished. I hope you’ll be able to get a good price.”

  “Don’t worry about the silver. A silversmith will be able to remove the tarnish and make the pieces shine like new. Be ready about eight.”

  “We will be,” she said happily, anxious to find Arielle.

  Laurel was happier than she could remember being in such a long time as she tore open the packages, tossing lingerie and petticoats everywhere. Arielle and Junie entered the cabin amidst all of the chaos.

  “Oh, Junie, wait until you see what I bought. New underclothes and stockings for both of us, shoes for you and petticoats and these are for you. Hurry and open them!”

  “Chile, what’s dis all about? Where’d ya get dah money?”

  “Never mind the money,” she said hastily, knowing that allowing Holt to pay for her clothes was against Southern morals and if Junie knew she’d never wear them. “Here, I want you to open the packages.”

  Junie was overtaken with the boxes that Laurel handed her and began to cry before she even opened them. Laurel looked at Arielle and asked, “Would you mind giving us a few minutes alone, Arielle?”

  “Not at all. I’ll wait out in the passageway.”

  “Thank you, but don’t go far, I have a surprise for you, too.”

  Laurel sat on the bed next to Junie and placed her arm around her ample frame. “Don’t cry, Junie, please. We’ve had to struggle the past few years, but I know things are going to turn around soon. I found out today that Daddy was captured and taken to a hospital in Delaware.”

  “Hospital?”

  “Yes, Junie, he was robbed and beaten and had a broken arm. I don’t know what happened to him after that, but we have some place to start looking. Now, isn’t that wonderful news? There’s more, Major Flanagan was able to find a buyer for the silver—that’s where I got the money to buy the clothes. Now, open up your packages before I open them for you.”

  Junie sniffed and wiped her face on the skirt of her worn dress and opened the packages, while Laurel went to get Arielle.

  “Oh, Junie, what a lovely dress, you’ll look beautiful in pink,” Arielle said, entering the cabin.

  “You have to try the dress and the cape on, Junie, because if they don’t fit we have to return them before we leave Charleston.”

  “Ahm goin’ to my cabin right off and try dem on, youse wait here. I be back in no time.”

  “Oh, Junie, would you have water sent in for a bath before you return, and hurry back. We want to see you in your new outfit. And,” she said, turning to Arielle, “you have to get off work tonight.”

  “Whatever for?”

  “Well, today, Holt…”

  “Holt?”

  “Stop teasing, Arielle. All right, Major Flanagan, took me to meet his friend, George Fleming. He’s very handsome, Arielle. He has dark hair and bushy eyebrows, a long thin nose and a wonderful mustache.”

  “What does that have to do with my taking off work tonight?”

  “I invited him to have dinner with you tonight.”

  “You didn’t?”

  “Just for dinner. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

  “I don’t really mind, but I don’t understand why you want me to have dinner with him.”

  “Because you’re my new friend and I have this feeling you’ll like each other. Do you think you can manage to get the captain to let you off work, at least for a couple of hours? Maybe you can switch shifts with one of the other girls.”

  “I haven’t had a night off in such a long time he couldn’t possibly refuse. Besides, Mrs. Crowley loves me!”

  “Great. I want you to know first, that George lost an arm in the war. Please don’t look shocked when you see him.”

  “I won’t. We saw a lot worse on the Carolina Queen during the war, transporting soldiers from battlegrounds to hospitals. Now tell me exactly how handsome is he?”

  “His eyes are dark, dark brown and set close together. He has a piercing look, sort of roguish.”

  “He’d have to
be a rogue to be a friend of Holt’s.”

  “Holt isn’t a rogue and I didn’t mean that in a bad way. George seems very kind, but lonely.”

  “I apologize. Show me what you bought today, and I want to know what you learned about your father. You can tell me while you get ready.”

  After her bath and having told Arielle about her day, Laurel slipped into her new blue dress and adjusted the lace around the scooped neckline while Arielle fastened the buttons. Her hair was brushed fully and fell into deep waves around her face. She twirled around in a circle, letting the gathers in the skirt fall naturally over the crinolines.

  “You look beautiful, Laurel. Holt won’t be able to resist you.”

  “I don’t think he is interested in me in that way.” Changing the subject, she asked, “Do you think it’s right for someone to be as happy as I am right now, when so many of our people are suffering?”

  “Laurel, you’ve had more than your share of pain and sacrifice. You deserve some happiness. Stop dwelling on the past and enjoy the evening.”

  “I will, I promise. I can’t remember the last time I felt this happy and I’m afraid the feeling won’t last.”

  “I can only agree with you, this one evening’s happiness may only last a short while, but things can only improve, Laurel. From what Captain Crowley told me, you’ve been through a horrifying experience. The future can only get brighter. Now, would you please put on your best smile and hurry? It’s not polite to keep a gentleman waiting overly long and definitely not smart to leave two handsome rogues alone with all the unattached women in Charleston on the prowl.”

  “Arielle, you’re impossible. But I agree.”

  Old Junie took up her post outside the dining salon on the riverboat while Laurel was inside having dinner with Holt. Conversation at dinner was light. There was no mention of the war. Captain Crowley entertained them with amusing stories of his past. When dinner was over, he left the table and Laurel began to fret as couples once again started dancing. As much as she wanted nothing more than to dance with Holt, her emotions and feelings toward him confused and frightened her.