I somehow drag myself from his lips, but only because there’s more of him I want to taste. I push him onto his back on the bed as I make my way down.
God, he’s big.
So hard, throbbing in my hands, like iron and silk. I stroke him as I wet him with my tongue, teasing and making him groan.
I wrap my lips around the head, filling my mouth as I slowly move up and down. I’m loving the feel of him, how he fills my mouth and how he groans under my tongue.
He pulls me up.
“Get up here, now.”
He’s more demanding than he was, and there’s something hot about that. There’s so something so masculine about - well - the man he’s become.
My legs go astride his, and I can feel him hot and pulsing against my skin. My eyes never leave his as I reach between us, fingers circling him and drawing him against me.
He pauses, turning to stretch towards the nightstand drawer and pull a condom out, and I raise my brow.
He grins. “No one else has been here but you, you know.”
I swallow the heat that comes to my face as I start to look away. “I told you, it’s been eight years, Silas. I don’t have any sort of claim on you or any-”
“Yeah, gorgeous,” he says gruffly, stopping me with a kiss. “Yeah, you do. You always have, and always fucking will.”
He looks deeply into my eyes, the sea squall inside his own crashing like a storm.
“I’m yours.” He shrugs, like it’s the only truth left in the world. “Always will be.”
My mouth crashes into him, kissing him fiercely and gasping into his lips. He pulls away to tear the foil of the condom with his teeth before moving to roll it down his length. His hands slide over my hips to my ass, raising me up.
And then I’m sinking all the way down.
God, it’s so good.
He’s so big, and yet so damn perfect as he slowly fills me.
Perfect, like two puzzle pieces locking together exactly how they should. Exactly how they were meant to.
We stay like that, gasping at the memory of this and what this feels like with each other again.
Slowly, he brings me up, before pulling me back onto him, filling me with one stroke. He grinds deep inside, and my head falls back as we start to move together. Up and down, moving like one, riding with the motion of the waves lapping the side of the boat.
This is memory.
This is remembering.
This is fickle time shattering away as we find each other again.
When I come, it’s like the world freezes for a second. When the orgasm rocks through me like a northern storm, I’m frozen for one single second before I explode in his arms. He growls my name over and over into my ear as he comes with me, his hips rocking off the bed to meet me as we crash together.
And it’s a white light, shining through the storm and the waves.
It’s my lighthouse, all over again.
24
Silas
Silas
We’re wrapped in each other’s arms, her breath against my skin, when she slowly raises her head from my chest. She blinks at me sleepily, like she’s been dozing.
“Shit, I should go.”
I frown. “Where?”
“Home.”
I scowl and she rolls her eyes at me. “I can’t stay here.”
“Sure you can.”
I almost want to tell her she can stay here forever. That she can stay right here with me in this bed for the rest of our damn lives - or at least until we make up for eight fucking years.
Then we can get up.
For food or something.
She grins at me. “I can’t, and you know that.”
I think of the implications of Rowan, or Jacob for that matter, putting two and two together somehow and coming looking for her here when she doesn’t come home.
It’s not a fun thought.
But at the same time, who cares? Ivy’s a grown woman, and capable of doing what she wants and making her own damn decisions. If those decisions just so happen to involve staying right here in my bed without any clothes on, all the better.
“I think you should get back in this bed, and let me worry about what the Hammond family thinks of it all later.”
She smiles, but shakes her head. “I need to go.”
“So when am I seeing you again?”
Her face darkens slightly the second I say it, and she looks away.
Yeah, there it is.
That nagging thought that’s been in my head since she stepped onto this boat tonight comes back with a vengeance, the same question on its lips: is this a reunion or a bookend.
She shakes her head, reading the look on my face.
“Look, Silas, I-”
“It’s complicated, I know.”
She laughs softly. “I don’t think that even begins to describe it.”
And she’s right of course, even if I hate that she is. As much as I tried to deny it, I spent eight damn years trying to come right back here - imagining it in my dreams. In the fantasy, it starts right back up again, like turning on en engine or pushing a button.
Except that’s not a thing.
We’ve both changed since then, we’re not the same kids we were. We’ve been bruised and battered by pain and suffering, battled demons and the memory of each other - her more than me on that last one.
“Look, Ivy, I don’t have any expectations of whatever this-”
“Good.”
We lock eyes for a second before she wrinkles her face. “Sorry, that came out harsh.”
“It’s fine.”
And it is.
“Look,” she slips her hand into mine, squeezing my fingers. “Can we just not label this? There’s a lot going on, and-”
“I know that.” I squeeze her hand back. “I’m here, just know that.”
She looks at me as I stand and put my arms around her.
“I wish you’d never left,” she whispers.
“Me too.”
“No, I mean…” she pulls away and looks down. “I mean I really wish you hadn’t left. It’d have been a lot easier.” She looks back up at me. “Who knows where or what we’d be today?”
“I was on a course for disaster and I was going to bring you down with me.”
“Silas, everyone knows what you did for Rowan.” She shakes her head. “But it doesn’t change that you left.”
I tighten my jaw. “Doesn’t change much for your dad.”
She nods, mulling it over. “Well, you know him.”
“I was responsible for that, Ivy.”
She bites her lip, her hands sliding into mine again. “He went on the job, after you told him not to, and after you weren’t going to.”
“He was there because of me though,” I growl, reliving that night again in my head. “I pulled him into all that. I never should have let him near Declan and his poison.”
I look away, glancing out the small round window of the bedroom at the dark ocean beyond. “I told you, I’m bad fucking news, Ivy,” I say quietly.
I turn back to her. “Well, or I was.”
She smirks. “Not bad news now?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“I want to believe that.”
“Do.”
I pull her against me, running my hand up and down the bare skin of her back, drinking in her scent.
“I need time.”
I nod. “I’ll be here, just know that.”
I pause, the grin spreading across my face before I whisper it in her ear.
“Wife.”
She pulls back and shoots me a look. “Watch it, buster.”
I grin.
She smirks at me as she pulls away and reaches for her clothes. “I do need to go.”
“I’ll walk you up the pier-”
“Hey captain Ahab, you home?”
We both freeze at the sound of the voice I know she damn well recognizes as well.
Fucking hell.
Declan.
Her eyes go wide as I whirl to her. “I need you to stay right in here and hide.”
“Excuse me?” she hisses.
“Look, just-” My eyes burn into hers, urging her.
"Let me get rid of him.”
“You told me you were done with-”
“And I am,” I growl. “I’ll explain, just stay the hell out of sight.”
25
Silas
“Evening, Captain.”
Declan’s leaning against the pier post with one foot up on my boat when I step out onto the deck, grinning at me with a cigarette between his lips.
The two goons from before with the black jackets are back, camped out a few feet behind him and watching me like I might do something crazy like grab their boss by the throat again.
It’s not entirely out of the question.
“What do you want, Declan.”
He grins, plucking the cigarette from his mouth and blowing a thin stream of smoke out.
“Thought I told you the other day to be in touch if you need anything, nephew.”
“And I don’t.”
He meets my glare, unblinking, sizing me up.
I have no idea how the grandparents I never met managed to have a kid like Declan with my mother being as good as she was. This look of his - this is his trick; his ace up the sleeve. I spent enough time with scumbags and lowlifes in my lifetime to know that small, weasely guys like Declan who are in positions of power like his don’t get there by accident. In fact, it usually means they’re even meaner, and crazier than the big guy with muscles who’ll just come at you head on.
A guy like Declan hits you from the side, when you’re not even looking for it.
He shrugs, grinning as if to break the tension.
“Well, I do.” He jabs the cigarette at me. “Got a job for you, kid.”
I bark out a laugh. “Well then you’re out of your damn mind.”
Declan chuckles. “Need those sticky fingers of yours thief.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “I’m done with that.”
He snorts. “The fuck you are. Nolan told me all about the shit you pulled in Dublin, kid. Your reputation, as they say, fuckin’ precedes itself.”
“I did what I had to,” I say icily.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”
I can feel my hands tighten to fists at my sides. “Fuck off.”
“Shit, lie to yourself if you want, but don’t lie to me, kid. I get it.” He nods at me, his mouth curling into a sneer.
“You’re good at what you do because you like it. You like takin’ what ain’t yours.”
He grins again. “Like that Hammond girl.”
“Watch yourself, Declan.”
He makes a tut-tutting sound as he wags a finger at me.
“So angry, kid. Maybe you should try some of that yoga shit your girlfriend is into.”
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Uh huh.”
He glances past me and smirks. I turn, my blood running cold before I see the pair of Ivy’s panties on the fucking floor of my room just inside the door.
Shit.
“Well,” Declan shrugs. “I hope she’s not, for the sake of whoever’s those are.”
I can feel my teeth grinding together, my blood running like fire.
“Get off my boat.”
Declan laughs. “With pleasure, captain.”
He takes his foot off the side of the boat with a dramatic bow.
“Listen, you get tired of being a bus boy for your crippled friend up at O’Donnell’s or playing fix-it man or whatever the fuck you’re doing for pity money these days, you come by and say hello, okay?”
I watch until he and his goons are out of sight down the pier before I head back inside.
Ivy’s waiting for me - dressed now, her arms crossed over her chest and a cold look on her face.
“You’re still talking to your Uncle?”
I frown. “Ivy, it’s not-”
She narrows her eyes at me.
“No,” I say evenly. “I’m not.”
“But he was here the other day?”
I peer at her. “He stopped by, yeah.”
She shakes her head, pushing her fingers through her golden hair.
“He knows about me, Silas.”
I reach out for her but she steps away, making me frown,
“He- no, not like that.”
“This was a bad idea.”
Her face is white as she goes to push past me.
“Ivy, hang on.”
“Silas,” she turns, her eyes looking sad. “I can’t do this right now.”
There’s a final look, a final lingering reminder of what we almost got back to here, before she turns.
And then she’s gone.
26
Ivy
“Late night?”
I jump at the sound of my dad’s voice from across the kitchen when I step in through the back door.
He chuckles as I whirl to see him camped out at the breakfast nook with a book and a mug of tea on the table in front of him.
“Sorry, sweetheart, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No, it’s fine!” I half-lie, feeling my pulse hammering in my veins as the shock dissipates.
I’m suddenly reminded of other late nights where I came home by this door - nights where I thankfully did not run into my father.
He’d have killed me back then if I’d come home from where I was coming from at that sort of hour. Actually, he’d kill me now if he knew where I’ve just been.
He’d kill Silas for sure, in either scenario. I think even the good Reverend would look past scruples about that.
“Can we talk?” He closes the book as he reaches for the mug in front of him, cocking a bushy silver brow at me.
There’s that horrible feeling of having done something bad. It’s like sneaking half a beer when you’re young, and then sitting down for dinner with your parents, the guilt across your face.
Or like running around with Silas Hart in his pickup truck and then coming home to your family when you just know they know.
This is much worse than that, having just come from where I did, having just done what I did.
“Sure?”
“Have a seat.” Dad gestures to the chair across the table from him.
I swallow the lump in my throat as I do. Dad looks at me across the table, his hands steepled in front of him as if about to give a sermon.
“You doing okay?” He gives me a wry smile. “Stella spilled the beans about Blaine, honey.”
The funny thing is, I have to suddenly remember to be, or at least look, upset.
“Oh, yeah…” I trail off. “It’s fine, Dad.”
“I’m not your sisters or your mother, but you know you can talk to me about it if you want.”
I smile. “I know. I’m fine, though. It’s for the best.”
He nods, chewing on his words before he opens his mouth again.
“I’m worried about you, Ivy.”
I grin as I shake my head. “Dad, you don’t have to.”
“I do, I’m your dad.” He winks. “Sort of comes with the job.”
I smile and nod. “I know. I really am okay, though.”
“I never thought I’d say this, honey, but you’ve done pretty well leaving Shelter Harbor, after what happened to your brother, and with…”
He trails off and looks down at his hands.
“It wasn’t his fault.”
The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them - before I can rationalize in my head how this’ll only start a fight.
“Excuse me?” Dad’s voice is edged, his brow furrowed.
“You know what I’m talking about. The night of the crash.”
Dad barks out a thin laugh. “Of course it was his fault.”
There’s no winning this, and no reason to have this argument with my father, again, here at whatever time it is at night in the half-dark kitchen.
But I can’t stop the anger and the frustration that comes tumbling out.
“He was there trying to stop Rowan from being there, Dad!”
“Who was only there in the first place, because of the damn shadow hanging over that boy, Ivy!”
His voice booms louder than it should this late at night, and he shakes his head.
“Because as lovely as his parents were, and as much as I loved them and as much as we showed him love and tried to give him what was missing after they passed, he still turned out exactly like I never wanted him to.”
I can feel the heat rising in my face as I think of the boy I knew - the kind, loving, broken but not beaten, selfless boy I fell in love with.
“He didn’t.”
“Yes, he did, Ivy,” Dad growls, his voice edged before his face softens. “Look, I know how you felt, and I know how young love is-”
“Apparently not.”
He shoots me a look, but keeps going.
“I also know that eight years later, you’re a grown, confident, bold, successful woman, honey. You’ve moved on and up from this town, and you don’t need anchors like Silas Hart weighing you down.”
“Dad-”
“Yes,” he says firmly. “Yes, I know what happened that night. But whatever the secondary motive, the fact remains that I almost lost my son because of that boy.”
“That’s not true.”
His fist slams down on the table. “It is, and we’re done discussing it.”
I roll my eyes as I stand. “You started it.”
“And I’m ending it.” He levels his eyes at me. “I don’t want you seeing him, Ivy.”
I laugh coldly. “I’m twenty-six years old, Dad.”
“So act like it. Make good choices, not familiar ones.”
I say nothing, knowing it’ll just incriminate me.
But I’m also wondering if he’s right.
Make good choices, not familiar ones.
Familiar choices. That’s exactly what Silas is. He’s a comfort - something I know. And even if I know the hurt that could come of it, it’s better than an unknown.
Dad reaches across the table and pats my hand.
“I’m sorry, honey, I just-” He smiles. “I just care about you. We all do.”
I nod, looking down at the table.
Jock: A Secret Baby Sports Romance Page 91
