On Monday there was a call from Theo to say he’d be home later, hopefully in time to see the children before they went to bed. ‘I haven’t heard from you,’ he said to Lily, ‘so I assume everything’s been OK?’
‘We’ve got on well, thank you,’ Lily replied. ‘We’ve had a great time in the park and the garden, and we all went to the local swimming baths yesterday.’ She paused. ‘They’re brilliant swimmers, aren’t they? I was impressed—even Tom keeps himself afloat with no difficulty’
‘Yes. My wife took them swimming almost as soon as they were born,’ Theo said. ‘But I’m quite surprised that Tom agreed to go—he seems to have become rather afraid of it since his mother’s not been here.’
‘He wasn’t afraid at all,’ Lily said. ‘Of course I stayed close to him all the time—the other two just splashed around by themselves, and Freya can do several lengths without stopping.’
There was a pause, then, ‘And you, Lily? They haven’t run you off your feet, have they? No more migraines?’
Lily sighed inwardly. He wasn’t going to let her forget that in a hurry. ‘No,’ she said shortly. ‘I’ve been perfectly well, thank you. I told you—I don’t expect to get another like that for quite a while.’
He cleared his throat. ‘Have you had the torrential rain that we’ve been enjoying up here?’
Lily was faintly surprised. He didn’t seem to want to ring off, she thought. But wasting his time talking about the weather didn’t fit the man’s persona at all. ‘No rain here,’ she said. ‘Sunshine all the time.’
‘Oh, that’s good.’ Another pause. ‘Did—did you contact the agency?’
Lily’s throat contracted. Of course! That was what he’d been leading up to. He just hadn’t liked to mention it straight away. ‘I did,’ she replied. ‘You’ll be seeing two candidates next week—a Mrs Evershot, who’s in her fifties, and a Miss Green, who’s just qualified. She’d be in her early twenties, I guess.’
‘Oh, right. Well, then, we’ll have to see what we make of them.’ He hesitated. ‘I shall rely utterly on your opinion—I don’t have much faith in my own where this is concerned.’
Lily swallowed, not trusting herself to speak for a moment. The thought of Freya and Alex and gorgeous little Tom-Tom having to get used to yet another stand-in for their adored mother was as painful to her as it would surely be for them.
Eventually he rang off, and Lily sat where she was, the receiver in her hand. She could still hear his deep, mesmerising, reassuring voice. How was she going to restart her life without them all? she thought, with a feeling of despair touching her.
Theo, standing by the window in his hotel room, was having difficulty understanding himself…having difficulty understanding the rush of tenderness which had swept over him as soon as he’d heard Lily’s voice. He breathed in slowly, then exhaled—a long, slow sigh, part-revelation and part-shame that this young woman could reawaken such emotions in him.
Presently, Lily stood up and went out into the garden, where the children were playing. ‘Daddy’s just been on the phone,’ she said, ‘and he’ll be home at bedtime.’ He had not asked to speak to any of them, she noted.
Freya came over to her. ‘But you’ll be able to finish that next story, though, won’t you, Lily? I love it when you leave us halfway through like that, because I try to make up my own ending. I think I know how the fairy is going to sort everything out this time,’ she said eagerly.
‘Oh, well—if you know, there’s no need for me to tell you,’ Lily teased.
‘Yes, there is!’ the child said at once. ‘Your endings are always lovely, Lily. The best bit! I just want to know whether this one is the same as mine.’
Lily had to smile. Even the boys liked listening to her fairy stories—she only hoped they realised that that was all they were: stories. She’d hate to be accused of filling their heads with nonsense.
Theo arrived home in time to see the children have their supper—Lily had prepared roasted cod with fresh garden peas, which they’d all helped to pod earlier in the day. When he came into the kitchen, the children jumped down to greet him—though Freya merely held her face up for a perfunctory kiss before moving away. Lily bit her lip. The child showed very little real affection for her father, and Lily knew how deeply hurt he must be.
Much later, when it was bedtime, Theo came too, joining in the bathtime antics as the boys splashed about.
Afterwards he went downstairs, with a request from Lily that he switch on the oven for their own supper. ‘I shan’t be long,’ she told him.
‘Lily’s got to finish the story before you can have your supper, Daddy,’ Freya said.
He grinned, clearly pleased to be back home, and Lily, glancing up at him, thought how young and boyish he looked, his hair damp on his forehead after all the splashing in the bathroom. ‘I just hope the story doesn’t take too long,’ he said over his shoulder, ‘because I’m hungry.’
After the children were asleep, and Theo and Lily had eaten their supper, they went into the sitting room with their coffee, each taking their normal places on opposite sofas.
‘Have you been comfortable enough here—in your own room, I mean?’ Theo said, as he filled their cups from the percolator.
‘You don’t need to ask,’ Lily replied. ‘I feel perfectly at home—thank you.’ She looked up at him quickly. He’d only asked her to stay for the three nights while he was away—perhaps this was his way of saying that it wasn’t necessary for her to stay overnight any longer. But he cut in on her thoughts.
‘Well, then, why don’t you stay with the arrangement?’ he said easily, handing her the jug of cream. ‘I can’t help thinking that it would be more convenient from your point of view—not having to make the trip across town twice a day.’ He drank from his cup. ‘It’s not that I would expect any more from you—we’d get our own breakfasts—just that for the relatively short time you’ll be here with us I should think it would be less irritating, more convenient than having to go home each night.’ He paused. ‘The children clearly love having you here.’
Now he looked across at her, his searching gaze searing into her. She might have had the total care of his children for the last three days, listening to their endless chatter and cooking for them, but she still managed to look attractive and relaxed, he thought, her complexion clear, her eyes bright as she looked back at him.
Lily, aware of his perceptive scrutiny, was conscious that her colour had risen at his words. Yes, she thought, it would certainly be very convenient—for him! To have her around twenty-four hours a day would give him complete freedom to come and go as he pleased! But even as she thought that she was ready to give him the benefit of the doubt. He had not taken advantage of her in any way at all since she’d been here, she acknowledged. He was impeccably polite and considerate—especially when they were here alone, she thought gratefully. He was totally unoppressive, leaving her room to breath, and to be herself.
And why shouldn’t he be? She was merely his employee, filling an inconvenient gap in his personal affairs.
‘Whatever you think best, Theo,’ she said coolly, in answer to his suggestion. ‘If it suits your purpose then I’ll stay. I agree that in some ways it will be more straightforward for me not to have to go home each evening. Though I’ll naturally have to return now and again to see to things at the flat…’
‘Of course,’ he said at once, getting up. ‘You can have what time off you like, Lily—so long as you liaise with Bea about covering for the children. That is the arrangement I made with her when you took over—that she’d be on hand if necessary.’
Lily got up then too, and looked up at him. ‘Goodnight…I think I’m ready for bed,’ she said, and he nodded.
‘I’m not surprised.’ He hesitated. ‘You work hard, Lily—and I—I very much appreciate all you do for us here.’
Well, that was a nice little formal pat on the back for her, Lily thought.
Just then the doorbell rang, and they lo
oked at each other in surprise. It was almost ten o’clock.
‘I’m not expecting visitors,’ Theo said briefly, moving past Lily and going into the hall. ‘And it can’t be Bea, because she has her own key.’
He opened the door wide and took a step backward. ‘Oliver!’ he exclaimed. ‘What in heaven’s name brings you here? Come in!’
The visitor—tall, fair-haired, and clearly having had a lot to drink—entered the house, clasping Theo’s outstretched hand of greeting and looking past him at Lily.
‘So sorry to burst in on you uninvited, Theo,’ Oliver said thickly. ‘I should have rung to warn you, but you know me.’
‘Yes, I do, Oliver,’ Theo replied cheerfully. ‘You were never one for life’s little details…but it’s great to see you. Come and tell all!’ He turned to Lily. ‘This disreputable creature is Oliver Crowe, Lily—we’ve known each other since university. It must be at least three years since we had a get-together.’ He paused, turning to Oliver. ‘Lily is my children’s nanny…’
The man lost no time in advancing towards Lily, towering above her as he took her hand. ‘Well, you certainly know how to pick ’em, old man—but then, that is but one of your many gifts, I seem to remember.’ He gazed down at Lily, taking in her appearance with a long, salacious stare. Then he turned to Theo. ‘I’m in the middle of a mate’s stag night—in the town at the Royal Hotel. There are going to be some antics laid on for later, I believe…I suddenly remembered that this is where you live and thought I’d get a cab and pay you a flying visit.’
He lurched slightly on his feet, and Theo’s lip curled slightly. He turned to Lily.
‘D’you mind rustling up some coffee for my inebriated friend, Lily? I think we’d better bring him down to earth if he’s going to enjoy the rest of the celebrations.’
‘Of course,’ Lily said, going at once to retrieve their own coffee things from the sitting room, then moving quickly past the men into the kitchen.
As she prepared the drinks she could hear them chatting—Oliver’s voice strident and excitable. And as she reached for the cream from the fridge her hands were trembling and colour had risen in her cheeks. Oliver’s podgy hand had been clammy in hers, and his fingers had curled suggestively into her palm. His breath, hot and beery, had been overwhelming…she could still smell it. She shuddered, her body trembling right down to her toes.
She stood impatiently by the kettle, which was taking ages to boil. She’d give them their coffee, then disappear rapidly into the sanctuary of her room, she thought.
But before she could do that Oliver had come in to stand beside her, his admiration unrestrained. ‘Theo’s just gone upstairs to dig out some photos we’ve been talking about,’ he said. He continued staring down at her, and Lily felt herself cringing, her heart doing a mad dance in her chest. ‘You’re a pretty little thing,’ he said, his voice slurring slightly. ‘I wonder where Theo found you.’ He came even closer, nudging his hip against Lily’s, and she could feel the soft roll of excess fat around his middle wallow against her thinly clad body.
Suddenly she knew she couldn’t stand this a second longer, and wrenched away from him.
‘No. No!’ she cried out. ‘Go away—get off!’
With the force of her movement he staggered back, and held on to a chair for support.
‘What the…? What did I do?’ he said, clearly amazed at her reaction.
Lily was shaking all over, her hands hardly able to continue what she’d been doing. Just then Theo came in. He strode towards her, his dark eyebrows raised.
‘What’s the matter?’ he demanded roughly. He stared down at Lily’s flaming cheeks and immediately took the kettle of boiling water from her. ‘Here—let me,’ he said. ‘Did you scald yourself, Lily? When I heard you call out I thought something awful had happened.’
‘It’s all right…nothing’s happened,’ Lily said shakily. ‘I was just—I was afraid…’ She knew she was stuttering incoherently. ‘I was afraid that Oliver was going to jog my arm as I was pouring the boiling water. I’m sorry—I’m sorry…’
There was silence for a moment as Theo turned to make the coffee, and Lily was aware that her cheeks were wet with the tears which had formed unstoppably in her eyes. She was aware that Theo had seen them too.
He had realized straight away that something more had gone on, and that whatever it was had upset Lily, who was clearly agitated. Had upset her a lot. And that upset him.
He loaded the tray. ‘Come on, Oliver. Let’s get some of this down you,’ he said, in a surprisingly curt tone. He’d known his friend for many years—knew his reputation with women—and although he had only been absent for a couple of minutes it had obviously been long enough for Oliver to try it on with Lily. He glanced down at her. ‘You go on to bed, Lily,’ he murmured. ‘And thanks for doing this.’
The two men left the kitchen and Lily stayed where she was for a few moments, waiting for her heart-rate to lessen, for her breathing to become steady. She knew that tomorrow, when they were alone together, Theo would question her about what had really happened. He would have known straight away that it had been nothing at all to do with boiling water.
And then Lily’s tears really did begin to flow, offering her some relief. Because what would be her explanation? How could she tell Theo of the revulsion which had gripped her when she’d felt the heat of his friend’s body close in on hers? How could she tell him of the fear which had dogged her nearly all her life…that men spelt danger and disgust and disquiet? Of her conviction that their main function was to control and to seduce until women agreed to their demands?
She took a tissue from the box on the table, dabbing at her eyes. How could she say all that to one of the most handsome, magnetic, mesmerising, totally unmenacing men she had ever met, whose interest in her was solely out of practical necessity? How could she tell him that he was the only man she’d known in all her years she felt she could trust with her very life?
With a shock of realisation Lily knew that, unimaginably, Theo Montague was the first man whose body she longed to feel hard against her own.
CHAPTER SEVEN
TO LILY’S immense relief, Theo didn’t refer to the incident in the kitchen, and the following week passed in the normal way, with him seemingly totally wrapped up in his work. He left very early most mornings, and on three occasions didn’t come home for his supper, apparently having evening meetings which ended in a meal somewhere.
When he was at home, although he treated Lily in much the same way as usual, she couldn’t help being aware of a slightly different attitude towards her. At the end of each day, alone in her room, she found herself going over and over everything—every word which had passed between them—trying to define the reason for what she saw as his strange coolness towards her. It was not what he said, it was the way she caught him looking at her now and then. And once or twice, when their eyes had met, his gaze had seemed to lock onto hers—which had sent Lily’s colour flooding her cheeks, as usual.
Perhaps Oliver had complained to him about her rather irrational behaviour that night? Lily thought. And it might have upset Theo that his friend had felt insulted. Perhaps that was what it was.
But, thankfully, the children were as delightful as ever, and the days passed happily for Lily, making her realise just how much she was going to miss them.
On the Tuesday of the following week Mrs Evershot was due to make an appearance, and although nothing much had been said about it, Lily wondered whether her own presence was still required at the interview. She turned to Theo as she finished clearing their supper things the evening before.
‘You haven’t forgotten that you’re seeing a possible nanny tomorrow?’ she asked, not looking at him. ‘She’ll be here at ten.’
‘No, I haven’t forgotten,’ he said shortly. ‘I’ve made arrangements for someone to cover for me until midday…it shouldn’t take too long, should it?’
He looked down at her with that expression in his eye
s again, and Lily thought, Why ask me? You’ve done this sort of thing before—I haven’t! But she replied, ‘I should think an hour would be plenty…I imagine that one knows almost immediately whether a person is going to be suitable or not…and of course the children’s reaction is important too, isn’t it?’
He thrust a hand through his hair. ‘Yes, of course.’ He hesitated. ‘It’s always tricky,’ he added slowly.
‘And then Miss Green will be here on Wednesday,’ Lily said, trying to lighten the atmosphere by brightening her tone. ‘Also at ten o’clock.’
‘That’ll be OK,’ Theo said. ‘I’ve taken that day off, so there’s no pressure.’ He paused. ‘I thought we’d all go out together somewhere afterwards—as a sort of treat.’ He stared out of the window moodily. ‘This business is hard for them.’
Lily let his words sink in as she stared up at him. Tell me about it, she thought. I know all about meeting strangers who are going to look after me. I know all about different faces, different personalities, different expectations, different rules.
‘You will sit in on the interview with me, won’t you, Lily?’ he said earnestly, and for the first time since she’d known him Lily detected a sudden lack of his usual self-assurance. This strong, dynamic, highly intellectual man looked a bit lost—bewildered, even—and she dragged her gaze away from him, feeling such an unexpected rush of warmth towards him that she moved right away, out of his orbit, busying herself with rearranging some mugs on the shelf.
‘If you think I can be of any practical use, Theo,’ she said over her shoulder, ‘then of course I’ll be happy to meet the women…and give you my opinion. For what it’s worth.’
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