by HJ Bellus
We had to send home two large boxes via the Postal Service because we bought so much shit that week. If we couldn’t agree on the color of something, we would just buy both things. I believe our collection of Minnie/Mickey ears was up to a healthy twenty-five. We also stocked up Annie’s dress up wardrobe to play princess at home. Lacey bought a dozen or so of the huge spiral colored suckers. She was addicted to those damn things.
We were all so tired on the flight home, we didn’t speak a word.
CHAPTER 22
The Text & The Words
We were all adjusting back to our normal routine after spending a magical week in Disneyland. I was pretty sure we all needed a week to rest our bodies. Poor Cree came back to the farm and was instantly thrown back into work. We barely saw him anymore. He was busy working up the land, planting, and keeping the machinery running.
I still picked up Annie after school and took her to dance. The girls and I would take turns cooking dinner and doing homework. I was also still Cree’s delivery girl. It was my favorite hour of the day. I loved taking Cree his lunch, and riding with him for an hour or so in the tractor. Some days we just talked, but mostly we still fooled around. It was our only complete alone time, and we cherished every second of it.
Today I picked up a couple burgers and sodas for our lunch. I made sure to wear a skirt, so my intentions would be crystal clear. I wore a pink tennis skirt with my brown tank top that had Fitzpatrick Farms across the front in pink letters. It was unusually warm for an early spring day. I truly felt blessed as I drove out on the farm to find Cree. He wasn’t answering his phone, so the search began. I finally spotted him in his favorite tractor, planting corn. I waited for him at the end of the pass. Cree stopped for me with a huge smiled pasted across his face.
“Sorry, baby, I left my phone in the truck.”
“I’m just glad I found you after I dressed up and all.”
I climbed up in his lap and steered for him while he ran the pedals and watched the planter, and chomped down on his burger. I let him eat my burger, too, because I was only hungry for one thing, and I was sitting on it. We fooled around with each other until neither of us had any more energy to continue on. I kissed him goodbye.
“Hey, baby, will you go get my phone out of my truck for me? It’s parked down on the Smith corner.”
“Aye, aye, Captain!”
I loved the fact that Cree could tell me where he was parked and I knew in an instant where to go. I didn’t need specific directions on how to get there anymore. Cree was teaching me the lay of the land and, ironically, it was one lay at a time. I giggled to myself as I thought of all the places we had fooled around on the farm. We were well on our way to marking all of the territory.
I grabbed Cree’s phone out of his truck and slid it in my bra. I thought we could play a round of hide and go seek with his phone. Cree’s phone vibrated a couple times in a row. I ignored it because Cree was always getting texts and calls. After all, he was the boss man. The tenth time his phone went off, I pulled it out of my bra. I saw her name, and pulled over to read the texts.
Kyla: You better fucking answer my texts and soon!!!
Kyla: I will take her away from you!
Kyla: I can make her disappear if you don’t fucking pay up!
Kyla: Fucking call me. I need money. If you want to keep Annie you will pay!!
Kyla: You are fucking dead…
Kyla: You better kiss Annie goodbye tonight…
The blood instantly drained out of my body. Her threats stopped my world, and literally tore my heart in half. There were at least thirty of these texts from the last three weeks. She was relentless, and clearly in desperate need of money. She had no compassion for Annie. All the cold-hearted bitch wanted was money. Cree had never responded to any of her texts. I finally made my way back to Cree. My whole body was shaking with fear. I handed him his phone with my trembling hands.
“Why haven’t you told me about this?”
“What?” He looked at his phone as he received another message, as if on cue.
“Don’t say what. You know what I’m talking about. Why?”
“It doesn’t matter. She just wants more money.”
“Yes, it does matter. She’s threatening to kill you and Annie!” I shook, and my voice was trembling with anger and fear.
“You know what, this is none of your business. I know what she wants.”
“It is my fucking business when someone is threatening to kill you! You and Annie are my world. I love her.”
“She’s not your fucking daughter! You have no goddamn idea how scared I am! There’s not a book that fucking instructs you on how to handle this shit. I’m doing what I think is best, Milly, whether you like it or not.”
I grabbed Cree’s face in my hands and made him look at me. My fingers trembled against his skin and my legs were shaking with uncontrollable fear. I was too frightened to let my tears slip from my eyes.
“I know she’s not my daughter, but you have to call the cops. I’m just worried about both of you. I have seen crazy. I know what crazy does. You need to protect…”
Cree ripped my hands from his face and pushed himself off of me. I stumbled back and tripped over a rock, landing on my ass. I could see the fire in his eyes.
“You don’t have a fucking clue!” he yelled. “I know I need to protect her! You think this is all so fucking easy. Yeah, just call the cops, because they won’t fix a fucking thing! If Kyla wants to make my life a living hell, she will. Here’s an idea, Milly…quit being a fucking bitch and mind your own fucking business! She’s not yours, and this is obviously not your fucking business!”
I was in complete shock, sitting on the ground where I had landed. I hoisted myself up to him and dusted myself off. I stared right into his eyes, not cowering down.
“You’re right, Cree: she’s not mine. But I love her and you with everything I have. I was going to say you need to protect yourself. I’m worried about you and your safety. But you’re right: she’s not mine. Goodbye.”
I turned and started to walk away, when Cree grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.
“Get this straight, Cree. I’m going to only say it one time: Never touch me again. You can’t push me or throw me around because I pissed you off!”
“Milly…”
I didn’t wait to see what he had to say. My body operated on autopilot. I don’t even remember driving back to The Shop, or stripping down to my underwear and climbing into my bed that I hadn’t laid in for months. His brutal words replayed in my mind over and over. The look in his eyes would haunt me for the rest of my life. I may have overstepped my boundaries by offering my advice, but I was standing up for the ones I loved. I’m okay being told that I’m wrong, but I will not be treated like trash. I have allowed myself to be treated like trash one too many times in my life.
I climbed out of bed to wash the scent of Cree off my body. I checked my phone to see that Cree hadn’t tried calling me. It was just one more knife to my heart. Want to know the funny thing? I was trying to fight for the two that I loved, and lost them while doing it. I wouldn’t walk away from Annie. She wasn’t the one that called me names, or pushed me down into the dirt. She deserved me, even if she wasn’t mine. When I looked in the mirror, there was a very apparent bruise forming on my shoulder from the man I loved. I sank to the floor and lost it.
It was almost 2:45 when Lacey found me in a heap on the ground. I couldn’t tell her what happened because I was too weak and it would make it too real. She cleaned me up and dressed me. She drove me to the school to pick up Annie. I had wondered if Cree would be there to pick her up. I craned my neck to peer around the parking lot to try to see if I could spot him.
“He called me and asked to make sure Annie was picked up. He told me everything.”
“What? Really? He told you how big of a fucking cunt I was for trying to protect him and Annie?”
“He just wanted to make sure you were okay and that you were
going to pick her up.”
“He wanted to make sure I was okay. Fucking hilarious! After he reminded me several times she wasn’t mine, and then pushed me down on my ass. He wanted to make sure I was okay?”
“I’m on your side. I love you. I’m just telling you what he said.”
“Well, do me a favor: Don’t!”
Just then I saw Annie walk down the sidewalk, swinging her lunch pail. I bolted from the truck and grabbed her, hugging so hard I might break her. I would never walk away from her. It didn’t matter to me that she wasn’t mine biologically; she was mine in my heart and always would be. Her smile and kiss on my cheek helped soothe my aching heart. We went to dance class, then came home and cooked dinner and did homework. The only thing that was different was that I didn’t have my phone, texting Cree. In fact, I left my phone at my apartment.
I’m pretty sure that either Lacey or Cree filled Willow in on the fight, because she was very cautious with the words she chose. I can guarantee that Lacey informed her of my freak out earlier. It was Willow’s turn to do homework with Annie, so I cleaned up the kitchen. I typically would’ve made Cree a plate and put it in the oven. Tonight I contemplated making him one and spitting in it. No, that would actually be more than he deserved, I thought. My mind kept replaying his cruel words. You can’t love someone and say those words to them, you just can’t. I took all the food and slid it into the trash can.
Cree came home at his normal time. I didn’t look at him or talk to him. I sat on the couch with my laptop, ordering things for The Shop. It was everything I had planned to do this afternoon, before Cree decided to tear me down to the bare-bone inadequate, inferior person I had once been. He didn’t miss a beat with his normal nightly routine—except for my kiss, my swat on the ass, my second kiss, and cuddling up to me on the couch. He sat as far away as he could. It was obvious he didn’t feel bad for his words, because he was making no apologies. Apologies didn’t matter—they were just a free pass to another verbal beating in my book.
Annie climbed up into my lap to pepper me with my goodnight kisses. I cherished each one, knowing it was a possibility that her dad might boot me from her life forever. I read her our favorite book and whispered my goodnight saying into her ear, and gave her an extra squeeze before Cree scooped her off my lap and carried her into her bedroom.
I went into Willow’s room and plopped down on the bed between her and Lacey. They were obviously talking about the situation, but I didn’t give a flying fuck. I wanted to be here in the morning when Annie woke up just like every other morning. I wasn’t walking away from her. I would not leave her in a corner, broken.
“You can keep talking about me. I don’t give a rat’s ass.”
I barely got the words out, before the tears started. Sobbing and choking followed the tears and then shortly after, body convulsions started.
“Where did Milly go?”Cree asked, as he poked his head in the door. Neither of the girls needed to answer because he could see his answer with his own eyes. He stepped inside the bedroom and knelt down by the side of the bed. Willow was the only thing between us. I didn’t look at him because I didn’t want to see the hatred on his face and the fire in his eyes. With tears flowing, I rolled over and buried my face into Lacey’s chest.
“I have nothing to say to you, Cree. I know she’s not mine. I’m sorry I overstepped the lines. I won’t walk away from her, but I will walk away from you.”
“Jesus! I came to say I’m sorry. I was out of control. I saw red. I’m sorry. I love you and I never meant to hurt you. I know you can’t forget, but forgive me. I love you.”
“Leave me alone. You made me bleed, Cree. I’m not yours anymore.”
“I’m not leaving you. I’m yours.”
CHAPTER 23
Not Ready to Make Nice
The next morning I woke up, and we followed our normal routine. I kept my distance from Cree and didn’t make eye contact. He put up a great front for his daughter, and even came over to kiss me on the neck when I was packing Annie’s lunch. He whispered into my ear, “You’re not getting rid of me.”
I left Cree that morning still feeling numb from his words, and bleeding from every pore of my body with pain and betrayal. I knew what it felt like to fight with the Bastard—it hurt and was unpleasant. To fight with the person who owned your heart and soul was pure torture at its very finest. I felt like my soul was being twisted and ripped from me, then being locked in the gates of hell. I needed to fight for it, but didn’t have the energy. I told Willow I was going upstairs for the day. I pulled on Cree’s farm t-shirt and crawled into the cold, unfamiliar bed. I clutched my dolly in one arm and my necklace pendant in the other. I set my alarm for 2:45, and then I forgot everything for a couple of hours.
Cree didn’t come home for dinner the next three nights. He didn’t try to talk to me or acknowledge me in any way. He was going out of town for two nights to attend a convention with Greyson. I was finally emotionally stable enough to work and since it was Wednesday, I was in the coffee shop. It felt good to busy myself with mindless orders of coffee while swaying my hips to the music that rang through the shop.
Fuck me running, my amazing morning turned into shit as Cody Malone sauntered into the coffee shop. The man really had no shame or idea of how severely I disliked him. He truly believed he was god’s gift to women. I’m sure driving through wasn’t good enough for him, because he had to come in and flirt with whatever walked on two legs. This morning was different though, because it seemed like he was on a mission for me.
He always flirted heavily with me when Cree was around, just to piss him off. The two had once been best friends growing up, but all that was ruined in college. Now they were two of the biggest farmers in Colorado and hated each other’s guts. I do believe the word hate isn’t strong enough to describe their feelings towards each other.
“Hey, fucktard, we don’t sell sundaes here, so you might want to go somewhere else.” Willow yelled over at Cody while she was restocking the jewelry counter.
“Willow! It’s fine. Sorry about that, what can I get for you?”
“I’ll take a 20 oz. mocha with three shots.”
Cody leaned up against the counter trying to flirt with me while I made the drive-thru’s order and started on his. I did my best to only answer him with a nod or a “yeah.”
What a freaking coincidence…Just as I was thinking Cody would be the perfect person to piss Cree off with, Cree strolled through the door with Greyson. Un-fucking-believable! I’m convinced the world is out to make me her bitch today. Cree and Greyson went over to the counter to talk with Willow. I was silently praising myself for putting the coffee shop on the opposite side of the shop.
“You make those shorts look smoking hot!”
No response. I continued making his coffee. Cody started talking louder, on purpose I’m sure.
“You’re pretty quiet this morning, but that tight little top is making up for it.”
No response. I handed him his coffee and took his cash.
“Something bothering you? Like possibly the fact that Kyla is trying to weasel herself back into Cree’s life and take Annie?”
I whirled around and shot him a death glare.
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Figured you would since Cree went to the cops, and you sleep with him every night. Or are you looking for a new bed to take up and keep warm? Cree’s hired man Shawn tells me you know your way around a tractor.”
My patience had long run out and the professional business owner in me was long fucking gone by this point. The old adage the customer is always right flew right out the fucking window on the highway to hell. It was personal now, very personal, and this dickweed was about to get a taste of my kind of pissed off.
“Fuck off, you worthless piece of shit. I hear you can’t even get it up if you tried. I also heard you only have room in your bed for Shawn to suck your cock.”
Yep, I could be a bitch!
I s
pat the words out as I threw his change in his face. The last thing I remember is a quarter bouncing off his forehead, before everything morphed into one big clusterfuck. Cree had Cody backed up to the wall, holding him by the throat.
“I think you need to watch your fucking mouth and stay out of other people’s business.”
Cree dropped Cody and landed a punch to his face. Blood sprayed across The Shop as Cody’s head wheeled from the force of Cree’s punch. Cree then throttled Cody one more time on the other side of his face, creating another arc of blood to shower all over the coffee counter.
“I suggest you stay away from Milly. Don’t step foot in this place again. Do you hear me?”
Cree lunged back, drawing up his force to land another punch on Cody, when Greyson grabbed Cree.
“You made your point. Let’s go,” Greyson said.
I stood behind the counter in total and complete shock, covered in Cody’s blood. What had just happened? Cree was still seething with anger and hatred as Cody made his way outside. What a mess! Blood, sweat, anger, fear and raw emotions were strewn all over the place, and nobody knew who the next victim might be. Cree reached across the counter and grabbed my arm and I flinched hard, jumping back and gasping. I knew he wasn’t going to hit me, I just wasn’t expecting his touch.
“Jesus, Milly, I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I know,” I whispered with my head down.
“Look at me! Willow and Lacey told me to give you your space and I have. But I feel like I’m losing you. I’m done giving you your space. I was trying to protect you from Kyla and when you kept prying, I lost it and said things I can never take back. You have no idea how much I regret yelling at you. I have gone to the cops and I have visited my lawyer. You were right—I need to protect myself and Annie. I need you back. All of you, not just the shell of you.”
