He stood and found the bed empty. The bathroom door was open with the light off and she was nowhere in sight. He figured since she’d slept through dinner, she might have gone for something to eat. Leaving his brothers to sleep, he headed for the kitchen. After spending most of the day and night in the hospital, he needed a shower. Paperwork was piling up, and payroll needed to be done before he went to bed. But since he’d taken an impromptu nap, he’d probably be up until dawn anyway.
“Hi, handsome.”
Startled out of his mental planning, he found Poppy curled up on the living room sofa with a book. The lights were dim and a small pen light illuminated the baby textbook Duane sent home with them after her first appointment at the clinic.
“Paul lit the fire for me and showed me how to bank it before I go to bed.”
“I’ll bank it later, darlin’.” A bag of chocolate chip cookies lay open on the coffee table, so he sat and helped himself. His growling stomach reminded him he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. “Is this dinner? I can make up some soup or hell, what did Duane say you should eat? Rice or something?”
“I ate with your parents an hour ago.” Her feet were bare beneath the fuzzy blanket she cuddled in. Without the makeup she sometimes wore and her hair limp around her face, she looked as delicate as he thought she was. Trevor said she wouldn’t break and she agreed, yet with her freckled cheeks a little pale and her eyes soft she looked fragile.
“Good. I’m sure they gave you the right stuff if Duane was there. How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine, Cody.”
“I know, but Duane said—”
“Duane said I’m fine.”
He bit back his reply. She was obviously still angry. It made sense. They’d all screwed up, and she’d been hurt. He and Michael both knew Trevor was an ass, but they’d let it go. He shouldn’t have stopped with the black eye for his brother. The bastard deserved a full butt kicking. There was no reason for Poppy to consider staying with them if they didn’t hold up their part of the deal. It was their job to protect her, even from themselves.
“I’m sorry I let you down, baby.” She reached for her coco and guilt ate him when he saw the bruises left by the IVs. “I love you so much, I can’t—”
“Baby Boy, do you remember what you said to me in the plane thirteen days ago?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You said you didn’t love me yet. I think you’d better go back to thinking that way.”
Aggravation and desperation mixed to make anger bubble at her words. “Don’t tell me what I feel, Poppy. I’m a big boy, I know what you mean to me.”
“It might be love. I won’t say it’s not because I don’t really know what it’s supposed to feel like, but I need you to hold off saying it for at least a while longer.” She pulled out another cookie when his stomach growled loudly and offered it to him.
He took it hesitantly. “What do you mean, a while longer?”
“I mean it’s been thirteen days. We had an amazing week months ago but that’s not enough time. We’ve got a long way to go before the love stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I adore you and your brothers. Trevor made me feel bad yesterday but that wasn’t all him. I’m still learning to handle myself and the hormones—”
“You’re fine, darlin’. Put the blame where it’s supposed to be.”
“I don’t want to blame anyone.” She was getting louder as her aggravation grew.
“So, you don’t want any emotions?” He stopped himself. Anger wasn’t what he wanted and not what she needed. “Look. I don’t want to fight. You shouldn’t get worked up about anything right now. We can talk again tomorrow.”
She grabbed his arm when he tried to stand. He wished she wouldn’t. He needed to walk away before he said something stupid. Trevor had done enough, and Michael would kick both of their asses when he had to talk Poppy into staying. Again.
“Cody. I need to slow down. I don’t want to go backward or stop, but I’m not ready for you to love me.” The tears in her eyes made him sit back down. “What if you do love me? What if I love you? Do I quit my job and move away from the only home I know? Do you really think I can do that after thirteen days? Even if I wanted to, it would be crazy.”
“Love makes people do crazy things.” He watched as she shook her head and wished he could change her mind, though he was beginning to understand they were expecting too much too fast.
“What you are offering is like…like eating too much chocolate. I love chocolate, but if I ate ten pounds I would probably vomit. I don’t want that to happen with us.”
“Love makes you vomit?”
“Love makes me nervous.”
He relaxed at her admission. He could understand needing some time and having nerves.
“I’ve never had it, Cody. My family requires something for the love and affection they pass my way. What have I done to deserve this wonderful gift you’re giving me? I’m still working on this crappy need I have to deserve your love. I’m trying and it’s getting better, but please, be patient.”
Her time with them had helped her gain weight, but he had no problem lifting her across the cushions to his lap. Relief flooded him. She didn’t want to leave. They kept screwing up, but she continued to forgive. She was better than she thought at the love thing, but time was something they had.
“Well, I don’t want you to throw up my good love.”
She snorted against his neck and looped her arms around his shoulders in a loose hug. “I would hate to do that to your good love. Seems wasteful.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, and kissed her gently, tasting cookies on her lips. “We’ve got time. Let me know when you want my words, darlin’.”
“We’ve got babies coming. Two little girls who deserve a mommy and as many daddies as possible.” She looked away. “Especially ones who love them. I want this to work so badly for them, and I want it for me too.”
He nudged her jaw with his finger so she looked at him again. “As long as it takes, Poppy. We’ll have hard times, they’re unavoidable. You learn and grow, and we’re going to do the same. When you’re ready, we’ll be able to love you and the girls so much you’ll never want to leave.”
“I’m close. I can almost…but—”
“Don’t rush yourself, woman.” His barking command made her jump and eased the tension. “I don’t want any love upchuck after we’ve had this heart-to-heart.”
She laughed, grabbed him another cookie, and snuggled into his chest. The fire glowed, the cookies were a perfect combination of chewy and crunchy, and the love of his life was resting in his arms. Cody was willing to put time in other hands, as long as he spent the rest of his nights feeling so right.
Chapter 13
Poppy gnawed her thumbnail as Mary navigated the heavy-duty SUV down “Paraby Mountain.” Thanksgiving was around the corner, so she was helping Mary with the grocery shopping. She wasn’t just the mother-in-law figure, she was another woman. For the first time in either of their lives they experienced the support of someone who understood their situation. It was a feeling Poppy adored, and she loved being the one Mary felt comfortable enough with to gripe about her men.
With Michael, Cody, and Trevor spoiling her unmercifully, she was feeling lazy. They seemed happy with whatever she did, but she wanted to do more. When she’d voiced her concern to Mary, the older woman enlisted her in Thanksgiving preparations. They’d all been waiting for her to get comfortable, Mary joked, before setting her to work.
She wanted to be useful; it made her feel less of a guest and more like family. It was great assisting Cody and Michael when they needed an extra hand, but she knew they could do their jobs without her. Mary handled the house, and from her years keeping tabs on her father’s home, Poppy didn’t doubt the other woman could use help.
The family ate even bigger at the holidays so Mary’s litany of recipes and meal plans warded off silence the whole drive to town. Pies for this man, cakes for this one, Paul
didn’t care for turkey, but Trevor and Duane fought for it every year so she ended up making both a turkey and ham. It amazed her how Mary kept it all straight.
No extended family joined them, because Duane’s father was in prison and Mary’s family refused to have contact after her defection. For years, her aunt Marcy had visited, but she died just after Cody’s graduation from high school. Limited family was something they shared. Poppy didn’t have much extended family, her parents were both only children so other than a few stray second and third cousins, there weren’t many hanging in the wings.
Her attention waned as her nerves increased with each passing mile. Mary’s stories of early days in Morris along with what she knew about the town played in her mind. The small, mountain community managed to be very self-reliant. They had a good hospital, the grocery was well stocked, and the town had its own creamery. She counted six churches when she flipped through the thin phone book, three bars, two restaurants, a pizza place and a gift store that sold everything from batteries to diamonds.
The town was also full of people. The same people who had once been cruel to Mary and still whispered about her relationship. Poppy wasn’t sure her skin was thick enough to handle comments. Her emotions were close to the surface, and she didn’t want to cry.
She so didn’t want to cry.
Trevor, Michael, and Cody knew about the shopping trip, one Mary insisted would be fine. Poppy knew they didn’t like her going without them, even if she was with their mother, but they didn’t try to stop her. Michael gave her the sweetest kiss on her way out of the house and promised another when she got home. She wanted to go home now.
“What does your family do for the holidays, Poppy?”
She jerked out of her thoughts and almost wished them back when the question processed. The only reaction worse than strangers would be her family’s when they found out what she was doing.
“Um, my sisters do Thanksgiving with all their in-laws, then we spend Christmas day with our dad.”
“Sisters?”
“Four of them. Rose, Lavender, Lilly and Crissy. And a load of nieces and nephews.”
“Flower names! Adorable. What about Crissy?”
“It’s short for Chrysanthemum,” Poppy explained. “They were born one right after the other, and my mother loved to garden.”
“That’s so nice. It’s wonderful when siblings are so close in age. There’s always a built in playmate right in the next room.”
“My sisters are a lot older than me. Crissy was eleven when I was born. Rose almost twenty. I think the age difference made it hard for us to be close.”
“That’s so sad, and Trevor mentioned your mother died when you were small. I’m sorry.”
“Breast cancer. She found it while she was pregnant but chose to continue the pregnancy instead of getting treatment. By the time I was born, the double mastectomy and chemo weren’t enough.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Poppy. That must have been so hard for you and your sisters. And your poor father…a new baby and no mama.”
“I was a change-of-life accident. My sister Rose took care of me most of the time.”
“No baby is an accident. Even when they aren’t planned, they are absolutely perfect blessings,” Mary said. “Well, you’re lucky you had sisters to love you. I’m sure they’re missing you for the holidays. You’ll have to invite them out to the ranch sometime.”
“No, they really don’t.” The words tripped out before she realized they were there. “They loved Mom, and I killed her. If not for me, she would have been fine. She found the cancer early.”
“I can’t believe they felt that way. Maybe at first. Children see things so black and white, but as time went on, how could they not love a little sister like you?”
“I don’t know.”
The silence returned. Mary wasn’t right, and Poppy wished she’d been being dramatic. She couldn’t lie though, not even for Mary. Her sisters didn’t care much about her, and she couldn’t miss what she’d never had. At least she hadn’t until her men brought Mary into her life. She was learning what it felt like to have a mother. If her own mom had been like Mary, maybe she could understand her sisters’ bitterness more.
The mountains beside the road drew her in again. They were beautiful and always different, even if she’d seen it a dozen times before. Between thoughts of her mom and of the apprehension still thrumming for the coming trip, the trees held the most simple solace. The cardinals, so bright and beautiful against the backdrop of snow and evergreens, stood out proudly. It was comforting to think the birds didn’t care about things like family strife. Though for all she knew, the striking creatures had loads of emotional baggage and a soap opera long list of issues.
“It’ll be fine, honey,” Mary assured her briskly.
Somewhere during the cardinal daydreams they’d driven out of the woods and into the small town of Morris. Already parked in the grocery store parking lot, she looked around.
“It’ll be nice to have a second person pushing another cart. Usually I have to start with one, then hand it off to the cashier and get a new one. It’s a pain in the butt. Come on, Poppy. It’s not like we’re going in there to have an orgy in the produce section, so pack up that look of impending doom.”
Poppy laughed at Mary’s outrageous comment. The woman knew when to be crazy and blunt, but having raised three boys she couldn’t imagine life not needing a little outrageousness more often than not.
Cozy against the cold in the down jacket Trevor ordered her first day on the ranch, she put away the doom and gloom and followed Mary into the store. The parking lot was cleared of snow and the sun was blinding, reflecting off piles of white and the customers’ cars. It was a few degrees above freezing, colder earlier than usual Paul assured her. Normally it didn’t get so snowy or cold until after Thanksgiving, but Poppy didn’t think she would like Paul’s “normal” weather either.
Inside was plenty warm and nearly as bright as outside under florescent rods. Tidy rows greeted them with little islands of sale offerings at the ends. Mary removed her red parka and hung it on a hook at the front of the store beside half a dozen others. Poppy couldn’t imagine doing the same in San Antonio but she followed suit, hanging her matching pink scarf, hat, and mittens over the black leather of her coat.
Both tiny checkouts were occupied by workers in neat maroon smocks. They looked to be a married couple about the same age, which led credence to the “mom and pop” sign in front of the store. “Mom” didn’t seem to be a happy woman, and from the scowl that appeared on her face when she saw Mary, Poppy figured she was one of the more judgmental people in town.
“Hello, Gerty,” Mary greeted, pulling out a metal cart and handing it to Poppy. “Hello, Sam. This is Poppy Maguire, she’s staying with us through the holidays.”
“Oh, yeah?” Sam, tall and thin like Duane, asked politely. “Friend or family?”
“Both,” Mary said breezily. “How are your turkeys this year? We’ll need two twenty pounders, maybe three.”
Poppy tried for a friendly smile when he turned to her. She looked pregnant in the sweater and jeans she wore and knew he was noticing and speculating.
“You breeding another generations of freaks, girl?” The harsh demand made Poppy falter. “Godless sinners, the whole bunch.”
Mary spun, the look in her eyes one Poppy hoped was never directed at her. “Put a muzzle on her, Sam, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.”
“Gerty, damn it, shut up,” Sam snapped, and turned back to them. “My sister isn’t right in the head, ma’am. She doesn’t think before she speaks. I’m very sorry if she offends you. You go on and get your shopping done. I’ll check the turkeys. I know I saw a couple twenty-five pounders in the freezer.”
She could all but feel the venom in the stare between Mary and Gerty. Neither woman backed down, but Poppy wasn’t surprised when it was Gerty who finally looked away. She wondered if there were other people in the store listening,
but if so, at least for the moment they were staying absent.
She followed Mary and began shopping, the other woman adding things to her cart and giving orders like the little general she was. After the insults, she thought their outing might be ruined but Mary wouldn’t let it. By the time they passed the bananas they were laughing and chatting like a crazy woman hadn’t accused them of being godless sinners.
A dropped pacifier in the produce section led to a lengthy discussion about tomatoes with a little girl’s mother. Mary played envoy like a professional, easing Poppy into the conversation with the local woman. Before they moved on to the cereal aisle, she learned about the great children’s programs offered by the library. Tara, the woman with the tomatoes, was the children’s librarian and told Poppy about the story series and education opportunities they offered. She was a local, born and raised in Morris, and had graduated with Michael. When her daughter fussed, she gave Poppy a business card with her number and email.
“See, honey, I told you. Not everyone is horrible. Tara Binks—oh, she’d be Mueller now—is a sweetie, and she knows exactly what’s going on at our house. Michael used to do school reports on polyandry and stare down the other kids, daring them to say anything. He’s always been one to educate and facilitate understanding before kicking butt,” she said, pride obvious as she spoke of her eldest. “You’ll have to call her after the babies are born. There aren’t a whole lot of people your age around having babies, so I’m sure she’ll appreciate a play date. If you liked her, that is. Ignore me if I’m butting in.”
“No, it’s fine.” Mary’s meddling was something she’d been warned about, but in this instance she appreciated her guidance. “Tara did seem nice. I’ll call her.”
“Good. I don’t want to be one of those pushy mothers-in-law who don’t know when to shut up. Mine used to criticize my taste in dish towels. Can you imagine that?”
Poppy's Passions Page 10
