"Pardon?" she asked confusedly.
Ryan sat up abruptly, then got to her feet and started pacing. "That's it!" she said excitedly. "I get it! I really get it!"
"Get what?" Jamie asked, thoroughly confused. "What do you get?"
"The reason that I never let anyone get close enough to really love me!" she said excitedly. "I was afraid to let another woman make me feel that way!" she nearly shouted. "But I trusted you; I really trusted you! I knew you wouldn't hurt me, and I let myself feel that deep connection again with you. Thank you, Jamie. Thank you!" she said with an overwhelming sense of relief as she grasped her by the shoulders.
Jamie was dumbfounded. She knew how Ryan felt about her, but she had no idea what an important role her love for Ryan was serving. As she thought about it, she realized that it made perfect sense. Ryan could only love someone who she trusted to reach her in that dark, broken space. She wouldn't let most people try, because she was so afraid of being hurt by another loss. Only because she trusted Jamie implicitly, was she willing to risk being this vulnerable, and it was only through sharing her pain that she was able to let in the comfort that she so desperately needed.
Jamie felt so honored to be trusted so thoroughly that she was at a complete loss for words. Ryan had obviously used up all of her cogent thoughts also, because she just wrapped her arms around her and held on tight. They sat on the table top in a solid embrace for a very long while. It was fully dark when Ryan pulled back and gave her several small kisses, finally taking her hand and guiding her back to the tent where they snuggled tightly until morning.
Just like clockwork, Ryan's demanding bladder woke her up at two a.m. She lay there for a moment trying to get her bearings and to remember to put the light stick out. She searched around for a tampon and was just starting to crawl out of the tent when she stopped to look at her lover. Jamie was sound asleep with a look of quiet contentment on her face. Ryan thought of how much she loved the gentle, caring woman, and how she would do nearly anything for her. She smiled sweetly as she thought of how freeing it had been to talk about Michael so openly. I love you more than I can say, she thought with another fond gaze. But I'm not going to let you wake me up two minutes after I get back to sleep! Love has its limits! She gently woke her partner and said, "I'm going to the bathroom. Why don't you go with me?"
Jamie just nodded mutely and crawled out of the tent compliantly. Not bad, Ryan thought with satisfaction. Not bad at all.
Chapter Eighteen
Jamie felt Ryan begin to stir as soon as their neighbors made a sound. Soft hands soothingly patted her back until she turned and grasped her partner tightly. "You have the sweetest ways of waking me up," she murmured into Ryan's ear as she snuggled up close.
"And you cuddle up to me so nicely," Ryan said as she rubbed her body all over, "that it makes me want to stay in bed all day."
"Have you always liked to cuddle?" Jamie asked softly, as she turned to gaze into Ryan's bright eyes.
"Yeah, I've been addicted to touch my whole life," she admitted. "How about you?"
"Well, I wasn't cuddled much as a child, and I had to be careful with Jack, so I suppose I'm just now developing my cuddling abilities."
"What do you mean when you say you had to be careful with Jack?" Ryan asked, unfamiliar with the rudiments of loving a man.
"Um…sure you want to talk about this?" Jamie asked, assuming that hearing about intimate matters with Jack might be hard for her partner.
"That depends," Ryan said, sitting up a little and bracing her head on her hand.
"On what?" Jamie asked, as she turned onto her side to mirror her lover's posture.
"On whether it bothers you to talk about it, of course," she replied with a sweet smile, as she trailed her fingers down Jamie's cheek.
"Oh…so only my opinion matters, huh? I don't think so, Sweet Cheeks," she insisted as she pinched one of the sweet pink cheeks at her disposal.
"Okay…" Ryan said as she flopped onto her back. "Here's the deal. I want to know everything about you. I want to know about every factor that has influenced, molded, pleased, dismayed, saddened or impressed you since the moment you slid from your mother's womb. Whether the topic is painful, or funny, it's important to me to know you intimately."
Jamie had moved over and was now leaning over Ryan's face. Placing a whisper soft kiss on her forehead, she said, "I feel the same way. If it happened to you—I'm fascinated."
Ryan sat up and gave her a kiss as they both assumed their earlier positions. Propping her head up again Ryan asked, "So…you were saying?"
"Right…well…okay, I remember where we were," Jamie recalled. "It's like this. If I rubbed up against Jack very much in the morning, he'd want to have sex. Well, actually," she blushed, "he wanted to have sex even if I didn't rub up against him much, so I learned to get out of bed quickly if I wasn't in the mood. Not like it is with you," Jamie whispered as she leaned in close. "Now I want to stay in bed all day, and this is probably the most uncomfortable bed we'll ever share!"
"Far be it from me to turn down sex in the morning, but it's not my peak time," Ryan informed her thoughtfully. "And even if it was my favorite time, I wouldn't want you to have sex just to please me. So you can rub up against me all you want."
"I don't think I'd mind having sex with you in the morning," Jamie whispered seductively into her ear as her hand began to stroke Ryan's back.
"Mmm," she sighed in response. "Maybe I am a morning person." She slid her hand under Jamie's t-shirt and began to rub her back in slow, delicate circles.
Jamie sat up abruptly, her eyes wide with alarm. "You'd better stop that right now, Ryan," she warned. "My back is a total erogenous zone."
Ryan gave her a delicate little kiss as she withdrew her hand. "That's good to know, but don't tell me any more of your erogenous zones. I want to find them all by myself…manually," she said with an evil grin. "So, what is your favorite time to get busy?" she asked, grabbing her gear.
"I'm not sure what my preference is," Jamie replied. "I've never really been the one controlling sex; I was usually the one responding. " She looked at Ryan quizzically, "What is your favorite time?"
"Every day at three o'clock in the afternoon, I'm ready to rock," she said decisively. "But I'm totally flexible. I'm sure I wouldn't have any trouble accommodating you at any time of the day or night," she added, as she kissed Jamie again and began to slide out of the tent. She indicated her shower supplies and asked, "Same deal as yesterday?" Jamie nodded her assent and began to organize their supplies while Ryan made for the showers.
The day was starting out cool, but they expected very warm weather later in the morning. After their usual breakfast, they headed out. They passed through King City, a neatly manicured little town in the middle of lush farmland. As they pedaled along, Ryan told Jamie about her third ride when the temperature had reached 117 going through this valley. "It was really brutal. A lot of people had to get picked up by a support vehicle and taken to the next campground. It was a very tough day for everyone. I don't think I've ever consumed so much fluid--I was drinking 20 ounces every fifteen minutes--and even with that, I passed two pit stops without having to pee."
"What are they predicting for temperatures today?"
"It'll still be hot, but it's not supposed to be much over 90," she replied with an encouraging smile.
"Goody," Jamie replied facetiously.
Ryan had warned her that they would face a major hill early in the day, and after about fifteen miles they encountered the beginning of the upward slope. They slowly began to climb a five-mile grade of between two and four per cent. They pumped along steadily, making good progress, but then the real hill began. It was two miles long and ranged from a six to an eight percent grade--a real thigh buster. Ryan stayed really close and encouraged Jamie all the way up. "You're doing good; not much farther; keep pumping; pull on your upstroke, that's it; you can do this, Jamie, come on!" she exhorted.
They made it to th
e top together, where the cheering crew greeted them. Music played loudly on boom boxes, and they noticed that a number of riders had joined the crew to encourage other riders up the hill. After the girls got their breath, they stayed for a while to cheer on those behind them. Jamie got her camera out and took a few pictures of the triumphant riders cresting the hill. When they got ready to leave, Ryan just wiggled one eyebrow as Jamie laughed and patted her on the back. "Go on, Speed Racer. I'll see you at the second pit stop."
Ryan took off, pedaling furiously, and was a blur in seconds. Jamie just shook her head as she watched her fly, and then prudently began her own descent, finding herself cruising down the five-mile drop at a fast 30 miles-per-hour.
The next pit stop was at an Army base, and the crew was dressed for the occasion in fatigues and other military paraphernalia. Jamie found Ryan lounging on the ground, eating a banana and drinking a large bottle of Gatorade. She was chatting with a woman who looked to be around thirty, a little stocky, but obviously very full of life. Ryan greeted her partner with a big smile as she patted the ground next to her. "Jamie, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine. This is Karen Joncas." She draped her arm around Jamie as she said, "I did pretty well for myself, wouldn't you say?" She smiled smugly at her friend.
Karen regarded Jamie with a long look as she pointed at Ryan and said, "I never thought I'd meet the woman who could snag this one." She smiled broadly as she continued, "I'd say you both did pretty well for yourselves."
They chatted for a few minutes until Karen was ready to leave. "You two take care, now. You'd better double up on your vitamins, Jamie," she said with a laugh as she pedaled away.
Jamie raised one eyebrow and threw Ryan a mock glare. "And that was?"
"Um...my tentmate from the first ride?" Ryan replied sheepishly.
"Ryan, did you sleep with every person you shared a tent with?" she asked incredulously.
"Gee, Jamie, it gets cold out at night. You wouldn't want me to freeze would you?" she asked as she batted her blue eyes ingenuously.
"So does Karen think I'm just the girlfriend du AIDS Ride 6?" she asked with a sharper tone than she intended.
"No. She thinks you're the woman I love," Ryan replied, sliding closer. "She thinks you're the woman I'm going to be with for the rest of my life." Her arms wrapped around Jamie's torso as she nibbled on her neck. "She thinks you're the last woman I'll ever do this with," she said reverently, kissing her deeply.
"Oh...well...that's better," Jamie murmured, now completely placated.
Ryan nuzzled her ear for a few seconds as she whispered, "Did you see me fly down that hill?" Jamie's response was limited to a nod as Ryan took her breath away with a dizzying series of kisses. "I was going 42 miles an hour," she breathed right into her ear. "Doesn't speed make you hot?"
Jamie pulled back a bit as she tried to focus her blurred vision. "You make me hot at any speed," she replied with a sultry little grin. "But unless you want to give these guys a real show, you'd better calm down, Tiger."
Ryan agreed to cool off as they sat back to watch the crew do a competent rendition of "In the Army," a takeoff on The Village People. As they prepared to leave, Jamie indicated that she was feeling a little tender on the insides of her thighs and Ryan generously offered to get some butt balm for her from the medical trailer. She accepted the offer and waited in line for an available privacy tent to apply the ointment. Ryan gallantly offered to help with the application, but Jamie just laughed at her and gave her a little kiss.
When they were back on the relatively flat road, they had the opportunity to ride side by side for a while. "Karen didn't look like your usual type, Ryan," Jamie said reflectively.
"Oh? And what, may I ask, is my usual type?" Ryan asked with a chuckle.
"Well, most of the women I've seen you with are young, and hot, and really cute," she said thoughtfully.
Ryan gave her a beaming smile. "My, aren't we stuck on ourselves?" she laughed.
"I don't mean me, I mean the other women I've seen you with," she protested defensively, a bit embarrassed.
"In your case, I'd say young, hot and gorgeous is more apt," Ryan said with a twinkle in her eye. "But I honestly don't really have a preference for a particular physical type. I'm much more attracted to energy than looks. And Karen has great energy. She and I actually became pretty good friends, but she moved to Sacramento, so I don't get to see her often."
"But why is every woman I've seen you with young, hot and cute?" Jamie persisted.
"Well, given my dating history, first impressions were fairly important," Ryan admitted. "I'm a sucker for a pretty face, too, but I've been with many women who would not be called attractive in the traditional sense. The best-looking woman in the world wouldn't attract me if she was listless or lethargic."
"So, do you like me because I'm peppy?" Jamie inquired.
"You are the total package, Jamie. Brains, energy, looks, sense of humor, and most of all," she said over her shoulder as she picked up speed, "lots of dough!"
Jamie really had to pound it to catch her mischievous partner, but she finally tracked her down about four miles outside of the lunch stop. The blacktop of Highway 101 was beginning to heat up, and the temperature was rising quickly. Ryan had shed her jacket and Jamie had to consciously slow her heart down when she saw her in her new sleeveless jersey. It was a bright orange with vivid yellow designs that looked like little whirlpools. It flared just a bit where it skimmed the waistband of her shorts, accentuating her thin waist. Jamie intentionally lagged a bit to watch her muscles move as she pedaled up a slight incline. In addition to her recent discovery that she was most definitely a breast woman, Jamie had been surprised to discover that she was a back woman as well, and, luckily for her, Ryan had the nicest back she had ever seen. Every one of the muscles was fully developed and they popped out when they were under stress. But even with the impressive musculature, the back was not at all bulky looking; it was sleek, and firm, and taut when stressed, but when relaxed it felt smooth and soft. Jamie thought that it was Ryan's best feature, but she decided that she should reserve judgment until she had seen all of the assets properly displayed. She started to let her mind wander to their upcoming honeymoon, but her reverie was interrupted by the lunch pit stop.
They were pleased beyond words to have the crew misting them with cool water as they pulled in for their meal. Ryan spotted a man she knew, and took Jamie over to say hi. She greeted him warmly and introduced Jamie. "Jason, I want you to meet my partner, Jamie." She went on to explain that she had met Jason and his lover, Eric, when they were part of her training group for AIDS Ride 4. She looked around as she asked, "Where is Eric?"
"He's riding solo this morning. He should be along soon, though. Have a seat and join us for lunch," he offered.
Ryan looked a little confused, but she sat down and waited for further explanation. Just then a woman approached, holding her lunch bag in one hand. Her other hand was encased in a substantial cast. "Ryan, Jamie, this is Ellen. She's riding with me this morning, and Eric is on her bike."
Ryan looked at her wrist with a questioning glance and Ellen explained, "I took a tumble yesterday and landed right on my wrist. I fractured it, but the medical team got it casted for me. It didn't feel too bad today, so the crew helped me find all the tandem riders, and they all agreed to let me take a shift on the back where I don't have to use my wrist. Jason took the first shift; I think it went pretty well. What did you think Jason?"
"I think I'm going to trade you for Eric permanently," he laughed. "You pedal just as hard, but you're a lot lighter."
They enjoyed their lunch together, exchanging stories of the ride and little things they had seen. Jamie snapped a few pictures as they prepared to leave, then they rode through the cool mist one last time.
It was quite warm now, and as they went up a small hill, Ryan unzipped her jersey. The deep zipper stopped just above her navel and it clearly exposed her yellow sports bra to Jamie's very intere
sted eyes. The vision of the dark woman straining as she pedaled up the hill, sweat flying from her body, and all of that luscious, exposed, tanned skin was almost too much for Jamie's heart to take. She forced herself to take the lead for the first time all day, just to regain her focus.
As they pulled into pit stop four Jamie noticed a man pulling a little child carrier, just like Caitlin's. "Ryan, can you bring a child on this ride?" she asked, rather dumbfounded.
"No, he's not carrying a child, Jamie. He pulls that empty carrier as a memorial to all of the children who've died of AIDS. See the little 'Positive Pedaler' flag on the back of the carrier?" she asked, indicating the flag that some people with AIDS displayed.
"Oh, Ryan, that's so sad," Jamie said, her eyes welling up with tears.
Ryan just slipped her arms around her and held her for a few minutes. "So much loss," she said quietly as she shook her head.
After their stop they rode in reflective silence until they reached the last stop of the day, Mission San Miguel Archangel. Located just twelve miles out of camp, this beautiful 200-year-old church had been beautifully restored and lovingly maintained by the Franciscan Friars. The friars had generously offered their grounds for the pit stop and had even set out hoses for riders who wanted to cool down. After they sat in the shade for a while, forcing fluids, Ryan said that she needed some time to go into the church. She didn't ask Jamie to accompany her, so the blonde remained outside to stretch her back on the shady ground. After a good fifteen minutes had passed, Jamie went in to the gift shop to buy some postcards. She peeked into the church and saw Ryan, deep in thought, sitting on a chair in front of an imposing statue. It dawned on Jamie that it must be a statue of St. Michael, and that Ryan's late cousin must have been named after him. She paid for her cards and went back outside, leaving Ryan to her prayers. After another 15 minutes, she went inside to check on her partner.
Beginnings - SF2 Page 36
