“You fucking cunt,” the man whispered and I grinned and nodded.
“Why yes, I am, and I have a name tag with that name on it if you think I am joking,” I said with a hard tone and then stared at him without flinching. “Although it pains me to say, I will and can make sure you are safe if you would like to provide me the information I need.”
“You already signed my death warrant, bitch,” the man yelled and I grinned and tilted my head.
“Really, how stupid do you think I am? Well, apparently very, but whatever. Okay, cards on the table, right now Mr. Thompson is currently in the Warden’s office waiting for a meeting that may or may not take place, depending on your answer. If you cooperate, then the Warden will take Mr. Thompson into custody, if you don’t feel like it, then the Warden will tell the guard that he was mistakenly called into his office and will allow him to go back to work where he will make that call,” I said grimly.
“You can’t fuckin’ do that, it is illegal!” Dekcaris yelled.
“Really? You are sure about this, what I am saying is illegal, because as far as anyone knows, I am in here with you at your request. I mean, it is shocking really that you would accuse me of something illegal while you are the one sitting in jail. I would also like to point out, that I have done nothing that will cause me to lose sleep at night, trust me, help me or not, it makes no matter to me. It may take me a little longer to find out the truth, but I will find it. And mark my words, I have nothing to lose here while you have everything; now, what is it gonna be?”
Chapter Three
Ranger
I hadn’t been to my wife’s grave in weeks, actually since I had finally completed the grief counseling the department made mandatory for officers who lose loved ones to violence. When I had completed the last phase of therapy, which was acceptance, I came to Noel’s grave and said goodbye with Rucker. Of course my son hadn’t understood that was what I had been doing, still that was what had happened.
I could still remember the cold November day we came out. I had talked to Rucker endlessly about what I was feeling, doing, keeping a pulse on him, to make sure he was doing okay. But how else was a child supposed to react to having a parent taken from them, Rucker was confused, sad, angry. He went through all of the emotions, and I had let him do it all, all I did was hold him every night, and talk to him. But that day, it had been the worst.
Together we had come out here and stood before Noel’s grave and talked to her. Rucker had been quiet at first, until he wasn’t, then he was crying and yelling. I let him do it all, he had to get it out so it didn’t fester. That was what the therapist said. Rucker and I had a right to be angry, Noel was taken from us far too young. The times before when we came, it was mostly the same thing: we would come out, put flowers on her grave, kiss the headstone, and leave. That was it, nothing more, no lingering. So when we came with the purpose of finally saying goodbye it had been cold, it had been wet, and it had been cloudy.
We parked and walked down the row, Noel was buried right under an oak tree, the spot overlooked the Bronx. Rucker had grabbed my hand, and when we arrived, he had stepped back to lean against the tree, giving me space, telling me to go first, which I did. I told Noel goodbye, told her I loved her, told her I was angry, sad, and felt helpless, which was when Rucker broke loose. He yelled at me, hit me, taking his emotions out on me, and I let him. Fuck, that day had sucked, and this one sucked even more, why, because I was going to tell her someone she knew killed her.
I missed her, I thought as I parked my car and walked down the long path to where she had been laid to rest. Noel had been like a breath of fresh air to me. When we met it was easy, sweet, and very fast. We had been married soon after meeting, and she was pregnant within the first year. Rucker came and our family was started. Noel had been beside herself with happiness, and I had wanted to give her the world. We were happy, life was good, and then she had been taken from us. She was everything good and happy about my life, she had accepted me for what I was, and had embraced smoothing out my rough edges. It had worked, I had been happy, and then she was gone.
The first month after her death, I had drunk myself to sleep almost every night after Rucker went to bed. I hadn’t been able to even walk into our bedroom sober because I had been able to see Noel, everywhere. The second month, I had been close to doing the same, but Mrs. Honeychil had snapped me out of it. By that I mean, she literally slapped me out of it when she had walked into my living room one night when I was drunk off my ass. Told me to pull my head outta my ass, because I was failing at being a father, and Noel would be so pissed. She had been right, Noel loved her son and she loved me, and she would have been pissed if she had seen me like that.
It had been a wakeup call, and I had listened. I went to counseling the next day, completed it in eight months, and that was the last time I had been here. Which may not seem right to some, but to me, it had been. Noel wasn’t in this cold, wet place, she was everywhere but here, she was with Rucker, with Mrs. Honeychil, with me all day every day. I believed that.
As I neared her grave, I paused and looked around. I needed to make sure the flowers Rucker and I planted near the headstone were being taken care of more. They had a few weeds in them. I read the headstone. ‘Wife, Mother, Friend,’, which is exactly what she was. The tree shadowed her headstone from direct sunlight, but sometimes it would filter through, I never understood why the stones seemed to sparkle, I knew it was in the stone, but I didn’t understand why they used that stone until I had been here a few times, then it hit. Because the sparkle always came when Noel wanted to tell me something, always, I always listened, usually didn’t understand but later I would get it. She still tried to teach me shit, even from the grave.
“Dammit,” I yelled and looked up in the sky. “Why? Why now? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? What do you want me to do?” I fell on my knees and for the first time since my wife had been put into the ground, I cried. The weight of the world seemed to be resting on my shoulders, and it all released. I don’t know how long I was sitting there, I really didn’t, but I did know it began to drizzle. I felt the cold seep into my jeans and I stopped and looked up.
“Honey, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to fix this. Things are gonna get bad, I can feel it. I guess maybe I have known for a while, everything just seemed to go too smoothly for them. A cop has to be involved, and fuck, how do I tell Rucker someone who is supposed to protect him is bad? How?”
Of course there was no answer, if there had been one I would have freaked out. No, instead I felt the soft breeze flow over me. I felt myself calm down, and I looked back down. It felt like she was embracing me as I tried to figure this out, get my head on straight.
It took a while, but I knew what she would say if she were alive, since she had said it to me a million times. “Shit happens, and it is no one’s fault but the people who did it. You are not responsible for what others do, not even me. Be the best man you can be, and in the end, the truth will come out.” She was right of course since she usually told me that every time someone got away with some crime, that pissed me off. So even though I brought this world into her life, she would not blame me, she would tell me to figure out a way to fix the problem.
“I will find who did this to you, honey. I promise, I will find out who did this, and if it is someone in the department, they will go down hard. It sucks that all this shit is swirling around, and through it all, you seem to have been the one lost. That is my fault, I just couldn’t look at those files all the time. I should have seen it, something. Damn, but I will find it now. You need your justice, I know it. Hell, Rucker and I need the justice as well, not revenge, just justice,” I whispered and then stuck my hands in my pocket, I didn’t need to say goodbye, I had already done that, but she deserved to have closure, to rest in peace, and I was going to make sure she got that.
“Rucker is growing up so fast, and Mrs. Honeychil is helping out a lot. Seems Rucker and I have bee
n taken into a family. The Roarks, you remember them?” I said and looked at the grave. “They love Rucker. They treat him as if he were their grandchild, they have a daughter you remember, she works in the DA Office. Her name is Maria. I gotta tell you, honey, I like her. I know this is weird, I mean, I am telling you about a woman I am interested in, but I want you to know before Rucker tells you. I mean, I know he talks to you so, yeah.”
A breeze blew and I lifted my head up and just let it flow over me. I heard someone behind me and I turned and saw Ms. Maddie in a hooded raincoat walking slowly toward me. I frowned and stood, “Ms. Maddie, what are you doing out here?”
The older woman smiled at me softly, and when she reached me she put a hand on my cheek and said, “Everyone is out looking for you. Zoey was at the hospital when your captain called. We all spilt up, I figured this is where you would go, it is where I go when I have something heavy on my mind.”
I closed my eyes and groaned. “Fuck, is she okay? Shit, Falon? Did something…”
“Falon is fine, he is in recovery, and Zoey is fine, worried about you, but fine. Now, I want to know about you?” Ms. Maddie said firmly. “Before you say anything, we know what happened. You know better than to take on something someone else did. You are not responsible, the only one who should feel guilt is the person who did it.”
I nodded and sighed. “Just hearing it could be a cop shook my foundation. I have always been a cop, always wanted to be a cop, so to hear one of them may have been involved. Well, it just threw me for a loop.”
Ms. Maddie nodded and then put her arm through the crook of mine and pulled me so we were walking back to the car. “You know, Rucker told us about his mom.” I stopped and looked at her in surprise and she smiled. “Don’t know why you are so surprised, but anyway, he told us all about her. And you know, I have to tell you, she reminded me a lot of my husband. She was your balance; she was Rucker’s as well.”
I nodded and said, “She was.”
“Which is why you came here, you needed to get that feeling back, there is nothing wrong with it. But, honey, there is no getting around this, and I know it sucks, but I am still gonna say it, she would want you to find that balance with someone real. Someone who she knows can handle it. If you let this suck you in it will destroy you, and you are too important to Rucker and the rest of us to let you do that,” Ms. Maddie said and I looked at her closely.
“Did you ever think about marrying again?”
Ms. Maddie smiled and looked at me. “Ranger, humans have an infinite ability to love, that is what God gave us all. I believe if there is someone out there, that I can find my balance with, I will. Until then, I am leaning on my friends to help me out.”
I smiled and then looked forward. I saw another car pull up and Olivia O’Malley and Sonia Roark got out the front, and Mrs. Honeychil got out of the back and I shook my head. “You called them too?”
Ms. Maddie chuckled. “No, honey, I didn’t call them, but they know better than most when things go down and we need someone to talk to we all go to someplace safe. For you and me, it is here. But I think that is gonna change soon, you know? I mean, I find myself calling my friends more and more when I have a bad day, I figure, with all of us, you will do the same once you understand how much we all care about you. Having this big, loud, boisterous group of people in our lives means no matter what, we are never alone. We don’t have to face any of this by ourselves.”
I nodded then leaned over and kissed the older woman on the cheek before I said, “Thank you.”
She grinned up at me and shook her head. “No thanks necessary, the only thing you need to do is remember, if you are having a bad day, any one of us will be there to talk to you.”
I nodded and we walked the rest of the way to the cars that were already parked. Mine blocked in by the women, but they didn’t say a word, only hugged and patted my face. On the ride home, I called Zoey and told her I was fine, filled her in a little where my head was at and told her I was good. At least one thing was easy.
“Okay, buddy,” I said to Rucker who was already in bed and waiting for me to tuck him in. It had been a long day, tomorrow I would get back at it, but today, I had gone with the ladies back to the hospital, made sure Falon was still improving, then grabbed my boy and brought him home. Falon being shot had brought up a lot of memories for both of us. And I needed to make sure my boy was dealing with it all. He had been, which made me relieved, but as we sat and talked quietly on the couch in our home, I realized he wasn’t okay because of something I had done, he was okay because of the group of people who had adopted us. It felt good.
“Tomorrow, it’s back to Maria’s, I am gonna need to focus on what I have to do, and I don’t want you and Mrs. Honeychil here by yourselves. You gonna be okay with that?” I asked. Rucker nodded and said, “You gonna come and stay with us too. Maria will share her bed with you I think. She says it is too big for just her anyway, which is why she let me sleep with her sometimes.” When the Roarks went to Cali to visit their younger daughters, Maria decided to move back to her house and she took Rucker and Mrs. Honeychil with her.
I opened my mouth and shut it. Maria and Rucker had developed a bond; it would be stupid for me to ignore it. “I will stop by every night like I have been and make sure everything is good. I am gonna need to put in some extra hours, buddy.”
He nodded and whispered, “To catch the bad man who took Mom away?”
I closed my eyes then nodded and opened them again. A kid should never have to say that, ever. “Yeah, Rucker, you want me to read you a story?”
He nodded and pointed to his nightstand to the book we had been slowly working through for the last few months. It was a favorite of mine, Tom Sawyer, and I hoped when Rucker grew up, it would be a favorite of his. So far so good, it was.
Chapter Four
Maria
I stopped inside the doorway to my house and listened. No one was here, for the first time in a long time my house was quiet. It was strange, and I wasn’t sure I liked it all that much. Having Mrs. Honeychil and Rucker here every day had been nice. I only had to get through tonight and they would be back at the house tomorrow. I understood Ranger needing the time with his son.
I hung up my coat on the rack my father installed last year, which I loved, and walked into my large living room. I wasn’t ashamed to say my house was large, really too big for a single person, but then I didn’t care, I loved it. The house had belonged to an older couple who decided to retire to Florida and leave the cold behind, so I got it for a song. It had four bedrooms, two baths, and was all brick on the outside with blue shutters. I had fallen in love with it when I saw it. The hardwood floors throughout were gorgeous. I walked into my living room and sighed, then took off my shoes and wiggled my toes a little. I was exhausted, and I really needed a shower.
When I had been called in, I hadn’t had a chance to even clean up, I had only thrown on some clothes and left, now I felt filthy. It could be because of being at Rikers, which sometimes gave me that feeling, or it could be because of being tired, but I knew I wasn’t going to crawl into my bed until I showered.
I turned back to the door and punched in the security code to lock all the doors and activate the alarms, then I made my way upstairs, pulling off my shirt as I walked. It was gonna have to be a fast shower, I was about ready to fall asleep right now.
Today had been a roller coaster of emotions. Panic over Falon, then relief, then disgust when I was called in, fear, anger, then worry over Ranger and Rucker, sadness when I found out where he had been. Tomorrow was going to be another long day, I thought at as turned on the water to the shower to hot. It had been too late to get the search warrant signed when I got back from Rikers, even though I had called my boss and told him what was going on, and what I needed. Tomorrow they would announce a turf war on the gang known as 8-3-0. Tonight, I needed to chill out.
I showered quickly and then pulled on my sleep shorts and sleep shirt, then walked down
the stairs into my kitchen and pulled out Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, grabbed a spoon and walked back upstairs. I missed Rucker, I thought as I settled into my large, overly fluffy bed and turned on the television. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s, perfect.” I laid back and stuffed a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth and sighed.
I jumped and flung my arms out when I was woken up suddenly. Shit, I looked around the room and saw the empty container of ice cream, and the flicker from the television flip onto the floor and I paused. What the hell had woken me up? Then I heard it, glass shattering. What on earth? I grabbed my robe and ran to the top of the stairs in just enough time to see my living room below burst into flames. Shit, I thought as another clear bottle sailed through the window and hit the bottom of the stairs blocking my way.
Cuffed and Briefed Page 3
